Month: February 2011

Before heading off on a long road trip, taking some time to plan out the best route often results in a smoother, safer ride to your destination. Long term committed relationships, whether that is moving in together or getting married, can also benefit from some pre-planning. Even if you have driven along the same route before, it can be worthwhile reflecting on your past experiences to make your new journey even better. Here are a few tips to help you on your way….

Identifying Potential Hazards

Just as you would identify potential hazards on the road, it is important to spend some time looking at potential problems in your relationship. This doesn’t mean that things won’t work out – it just means that you may need to take extra care at times. For example, one of you may have children and the other doesn’t. So when you are entering a long term commitment you may need to take extra care and special attention to building a relationship with the children as well as your partner. Or perhaps when there is a disagreement, the way that you interact with your partner doesn’t seem to resolve the matter. You may need to look at some strategies to ensure that you resolve conflict in a constructive manner. If you take some time to identify the areas in your relationship that could cause a bumpy ride and spend some time working together on resolving them, your journey should be smoother and more enjoyable.

Planning Refueling Pit Stops

All relationships need some pit stops. This is true whether you are entering a relationship, or whether you have been together for 20 years. Pit stops aren’t breaks from the relationship – they are times that you set aside just for the two of you to spend time together,. It’s about refueling the relationship with the things that a relationships needs – communication, trust, intimacy, honesty, respect, and fun. Life can be very demanding and we can sometimes take our partners for granted, especially if we have a job that takes us away from them for long periods of time. If you just keep driving and don’t plan some pit stops you could suffer relationship fatigue. Some ideas are: plan a short break like a weekend away; head out for dinner; find a babysitter if there are children involved and head to the movies. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money but it does need to be quality time with just the two of you. How many ideas can you come up with?

Traveling At a Safe Speed

On our roads there is a speed limit which is essential for safe travel. When we are in a relationship, sometimes one partner might want to move a little faster than the other. For example, one partner might want to move in together after a few months of dating whereas the other might think that it is too soon. It is important to recognise the speed at which you want to travel and that this might not be the same as your partner. It is important to communicate around this and perhaps work towards a compromise which respects both partners’ wishes. After all, it is important that the journey is enjoyable and everyone arrives at the same destination happy!

At Relationships Australia, we offer relationship counselling and support to assist you and your partner to enjoy a smoother journey. Call 1300 364 277 to find your nearest Relationships Australia branch.

Just as individuals go through life transitions, so do relationships and families.  One of the most difficult transitions a family will face is separation.  Whilst not all families separate, the reality is that many children will experience at least one, if not more, family separations during their childhood. 

 

Research shows that most parents are able to work out arrangements in an amicable manner when they separate.  However, a percentage of parents find it more difficult to reach agreement.  This maybe due to the sometimes overwhelming emotions that are experienced during and after separation.  It is normal to feel grief, sadness, anger, bitterness, fear and other strong emotions.  Difficulties may also be due to feeling intimidated by the other parent and pressured to make certain decisions.

 

It can be useful during this time to see a counsellor.  A counsellor will be non-judgemental and can provide assistance with moving through the separation as smoothly as possible.  Terry says “Child and family counselling helped me through this difficult stage”

 

You may also require some practical assistance after separation.  If you need help making arrangements for the children, a mediator, or Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, can help you.  Mediators are qualified professionals who assist families to come to an agreement about how to move forward.  Terry says “it was during my separation and disputes about our children when I most needed outside help. Family Dispute Resolution meant nothing to me until a mediator helped my ex-wife and I agree on parenting solutions that suited both of us.”  The mediator will ensure the both of you maintain a focus on the best interests of the children and what they need at this critical time. 

 

There are services available for children as well as parents and it maybe helpful for your child to participate in a group with other children from separated families so they do not feel so different and alone.  Counselling can also be useful for children to help them make sense of their situation and to provide them with coping strategies.  However, the thing that you can do which will help your children most of all is not to expose them to any conflict between the two of you and to maintain as much stability as possible.  Children who are exposed to parental conflict fare much worse, with potentially long-term consequences, than children who are not exposed.  Separation itself does not lead to difficulties for children, it’s the way you manage the separation that is important.

 

Families who experience difficulties with their child contact or changeover arrangements are able to use a Children’s Contact Service or CCS.  CCSs provide a safe and neutral environment where fully trained staff provide supervised contact or changeover, without parents having to actually meet.  CCSs encourage parents to eventually manage their own arrangements but provide an interim solution for the benefit of the children. 

 

It is normal for all or some members of the family to experience difficulties navigating separation.  Rather then struggle alone, it can be helpful to access services specifically designed to assist all family members.

Valentine’s Day is much-celebrated in Australia and its popularity is increasing by the year. Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to strengthen bonds of love with partners, family, friends or those we secretly admire.

This Valentine’s Day, as well as offering flowers and chocolates, we can bring other gifts to our relationship that continue to be appreciated throughout the year.

Dr Gary Chapman writes about the five love languages as a way for us to connect with our partners and create long-lasting, happy, stable relationships.

The love languages are:

Gifts – loving through giving and receiving

Acts of Service – loving through doing things for your partner.

Words of Affirmation – loving your partner by speaking positively.

Quality time – loving through valuing them and listening attentively.

Physical touch – loving through closeness and affection.

This might sound easy, but how do you identify your love language? Are you and your loved one speaking the same love language? More often than not, we prefer to express our affection in different ways, which can lead to misunderstanding and quarrels when what we get differs from what we want. We fail to recognise that our loved one is in fact expressing love in their language.

By learning to speak and understand each other’s love language, we enrich our relationship, communicate our love and feel loved in return.

Relationships Australia offers couples the opportunity to learn each other’s love languages and communicate in ways that enhance their relationship, through counselling and education.

Call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 or visit www.raq.org.au