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Month: May 2020

Self-Isolation and Depression

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Social interaction is a fundamental human need – so it’s no wonder the global ‘social distancing’ movement is causing some of us to feel disconnected and lonely.

But while self-isolation is impacting everyone, people with existing mental health issues like anxiety and depression may feel particularly vulnerable while physically distancing themselves.

Relationship and Family Counsellor Val Holden sheds some light on how this tough time might be impacting our mental health and shares some tips for people who are feeling down in self-isolation.

 

How Social Distancing Impacts Mental Health

If you’re feeling a little out of sorts or downright miserable due to the coronavirus restrictions, you’re not alone. As we keep hearing, these are ‘unprecedented times’ that we’ve never experienced before, and it’s hard to know how to handle such upheaval.

Val explains that it’s normal for people to feel down when our usual routine has been tipped on its head.

“When people can’t get out and do what they normally do and they’re stuck at home, sometimes on their own, life can become very lonely and small,” she says.

“Just to be able to get out to walk on the beach, have a walk around the shops, or go and do the normal things you do in a day is very rewarding and takes you out of yourself. To be stuck at home inside the same four walls all day can become very much like a prison – whether you are mentally well or not.”

“If you couple this with anxiety around your own health and safety, it can compound and become a much bigger issue than just staying at home,” Val explains.

For some, the coronavirus (and a rough start to 2020 in general) has exacerbated symptoms of existing mental health issues. For others, it’s triggered symptoms of depression and/or anxiety that may not have been previously present. And while depression, anxiety, and other mental conditions aren’t something we can simply switch off, Val advises that there are ways we can attempt to improve our mood at this time.

“Depressive feelings and anxiety are not something we can always control,” she says. “People talk of them coming over them in waves, and the feeling of being out of control. But we can control some things in our lives – so start trying to control the little things. Get out of bed, make a nice meal, ring or contact a friend; push yourself to take control of yourself again.”

 

Warning Signs of Depression

Everyone feels down from time to time. It’s a normal part of life, and if you ask us, a global pandemic is a pretty understandable trigger for feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Some of the signs and symptoms of depression might include:

  • Feeling overwhelmed, irritable, disappointed, and sad
  • Withdrawing from friends and family
  • Not doing usual enjoyable activities
  • Not finding joy in things you normally would
  • Finding it hard to concentrate
  • Relying on alcohol and other substances
  • Feeling tired or run down all the time
  • Loss or change in appetite
  • Changes in sleep patterns.

“Withdrawing into yourself, not answering text messages, phone calls, or being on social media could all be warning signs,” Val adds.

 

Practical Tips to Cope

Of course, everyone’s experience with depression and other mental illness is unique, and it’s often best to seek professional advice specific to your individual circumstances. But there are a few things you can do at home if you’re feeling down in self-isolation.

Val recommends keeping yourself busy and taking advantage of some extra free time to do things you enjoy or have been putting off.

“Find a hobby, or do something you have always wanted to do but have never had the time,” she says. “Pull out that jigsaw puzzle you never started, read a book that’s been on your bookshelf for ages, find a funny movie to watch, go for a walk, or plan a trip for when things are better. Push yourself to make contact with family and friends via phone, Zoom, or social media.”

During this time of disruption, it’s important to try and maintain as much ‘normal’ as you can.

“Try and make an effort to have a routine in your life,” Val suggests. “Even if you don’t have to leave the house, keep to a routine. Get up and shower, have something to eat, find a nice sunny spot to have your morning coffee.”

Val also recommends limiting exposure to news and newsfeeds around the coronavirus, and reminds us that ‘this too shall pass’.

“Life may change, but it does go on,” she says. “Family and friends care and just want to know you are OK.”

If you’re struggling to cope on your own, you can access our counselling over the phone or via Zoom video chat. Call 1300 364 277 Mon-Fri 8am-8pm or Sat 10am-4pm to make an appointment.

Worried your partner might be having a tough time? Check out our tips for how to support a partner with depression.

What’s an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

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Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner? Do they make you feel like you never measure up? Do you feel confused, controlled, or even scared in your relationship? You could be experiencing emotional abuse.

While physical abuse is generally easy to identify, it can be harder to recognise when you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. But does that mean emotional abuse isn’t as serious or dangerous as physical abuse? No.

“That’s a little bit like asking ‘Is it more harmful to put your hand in the fire or in a saucepan of cold water and bring it to the boil slowly’?” Relationship Counsellor Shirley Hussie explains.

“Both physical and emotional abuse have the potential to be harmful to one’s physical, psychological, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. The problem with emotional abuse is that because there are no physical signs or obvious marks caused by the abuse, the person being abused often minimises the behaviour because they believe it’s their fault,” she states.

“Emotional abuse often occurs for many years before the person being abused recognises it for what it is and that what is happening is not OK.”

We asked Shirley to share some warning signs you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship, and her advice for someone in this situation.

 

Types of Emotional Abuse

Someone might use emotionally abusive behaviours in an attempt to intimidate, manipulate, and control their partner, and make them question their self-worth.

“The person doing the abusing has developed subtle and insidious ways to ensure they have control,” says Shirley.

“When you are feeling worthless and confused, the abuser feels powerful and in control.  They will do their best to convince you that no one else will love you the way they do, for you are fundamentally flawed.”

Emotional abuse comes in many forms, including:

  • Trivialising things that are important to you, like your interests, passions, or concerns. They may act like nothing that is important to you is as important as what’s important to them.
  • Being treated like a child and not taken seriously.
  • Verbal abuse, e.g. belittling your accomplishments, making sarcastic jokes about your looks or behaviour, name calling, put-downs and insults.
  • Being ‘shut down’ when trying to communicate. This can include physical gestures such as hand raising, or simply walking away and ignoring you.
  • Dehumanising behaviours such as not looking at you when you’re having a conversation.
  • Lecturing you and not listening to what you have to say when you make a bid for connection and attempt to make conversation.
  • Judging and criticising your life, your work, your family and friends, the way you do things, your appearance, and so on.
  • Changing behaviours when in public. They might portray themselves as charming, kind and caring when in public, yet disrespectful, uncaring, and unkind when behind closed doors.
  • Jealous behaviour, e.g. not wanting you to spent time with friends or family or not wanting you to spend time doing the things you enjoy. This behaviour can appear as romantic in the beginning with your partner saying that they would rather the two of you just be together. But this is a common manipulation technique used to eventually isolate you from as many people as possible.
  • Feeling pressured into having sex or feeling manipulated into performing sexual acts you are not comfortable with.
  • Feeling pressured into using drugs or alcohol when you have said you do not wish to partake.
  • Monitoring your whereabouts and constantly checking in/keeping tabs with messages and phone calls when you’re apart.
  • Checking your phone and deleting messages or contacts, e.g. deleting Facebook friends.
  • Being blamed for your partner’s problems and being told that everything that is wrong with the relationship or in their life is your fault.

These are just some of the types of emotional abuse, and they can happen to people of all ages and genders.

“I have worked with many people from all different walks of life who have shared their story of being emotionally abused. It can happen to anyone,” says Shirley.

 

Signs of Emotional Abuse

As an experienced relationship counsellor, Shirley has worked with many people living with emotional abuse. She states that often, clients on the receiving end of emotional abuse aren’t aware that this is what they’re experiencing.

“They often identify as feeling ‘emotionally beaten’, but think it is normal behaviour,” she explains.

Some of the common signs that you might be experiencing emotional abuse include:

  • Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner. You might feel like you have to be on high alert and think about your every step. You might feel stressed, unable to relax, and unable to be yourself.
  • Feeling like you’ve ‘lost yourself’ in the relationship.
  • Feeling like nothing you do is good enough for your partner.
  • Feeling unworthy and bad about yourself, lacking confidence, feeling guilty, and feeling inferior compared to your partner.
  • Constantly questioning your own behaviour and second-guessing yourself. The technical term for this is gas lighting. For example, your partner might deny things they have said or done or deny that an argument even took place. Over time, this can leave you questioning your own sanity.
  • Making attempts to speak with your partner about your hurt feelings and being accused of overreacting and being dramatic.
  • Confusion is a big one. You are loved by this person, and you love them, yet you are being abused by them.

“The person doing the abusing does not want you to think clearly,” Shirley explains. “They want you to stay confused, they want you to second-guess yourself. That way, they continue to have control, and the relationship works for them.”

 

Advice for Anyone Experiencing Emotional Abuse

So what can you do if you’re living with an emotionally abusive partner?

Shirley recommends getting some space from your partner if you can.

“Find a way to take a break from the toxic environment so you can begin to think clearly,” she advises. “When you are around the toxicity and in the muddy waters, you cannot make clear decisions.”

Shirley suggests accepting that you can’t make your partner change their behaviours, but you can take responsibility for how you respond.

“Decide to take responsibility for your own life and stop waiting for the abuser to change. The likelihood they will is very slim or more often than not, non-existent,” she says.

“Find the courage to take the steps to take control of your life and say enough is enough.  Know and trust that you are worthy and you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect. Learn to set firm boundaries and know what is and is not acceptable, and make it clear to anyone who crosses those boundary that you will no longer tolerate that behaviour.”

“Learn to love, accept, and respect yourself, and to have compassion for yourself so that you will no longer allow others to disrespect you and treat you in a way that is not aligned with your own values.    You are lovable and you are enough. Put yourself to the top of the priority list – you are worth it.”

Counselling can also be an effective option. Shirley recommends seeking the support of a therapist or counsellor who has experience working in this area.

 

If you’re having a hard time in your relationship and need someone to talk to, you can call us on 1300 364 277 to book individual and/or couples counselling.

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Read about the signs of a controlling relationship and get more professional advice in this article. Or discover our relationship services, courses, FAQs, and advice here.

Keeping Yourself Safe Online

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Are you at risk of being targeted for online abuse? Let’s take a moment to think about safety when using devices that are connected to the internet.

Social media, video-conferencing apps, voice calls and text chats have been helping to bridge the physical divide brought about by COVID-19. So we have been working, learning and socialising online more than ever before.

For many Australians, this has been a positive experience. For others, though, they are more at risk than ever when it comes to experiencing online abuse such as stalking, sharing of intimate images, or harassment. While these abusive tactics are not new, the eSafety Commissioner of Australia has seen almost double the usual number of reports in the past month.

 

Am I at risk?

You may be at risk if you are:

  • A survivor of domestic and family violence
  • A survivor of stalking.

You may be at higher risk than normal if you know that your abuser has had physical access to an unlocked digital device that you possess. This is heightened even more if that person also has a medium-to-high level of technical skill.

 

What actions can I take?

If you are the target of online abuse, please remember that it is not your fault. You are not on your own, and there are practical steps you can take to protect yourself and to deal with the abuse. We’ve compiled some tips from reputable sources such as the eSafety Commissioner and WESNET to help you stay emotionally and physically safe from online abuse.

 

Stay safe on your devices:

  • Avoid downloading apps that track your location or contacts unless you are confident your phone has not been compromised by spyware.
  • Report image-based abuse to eSafety, who can help to remove intimate images and videos that have been shared without consent and provide access to counselling and support.
  • Avoid revealing personal details such as your address, email address, phone number and birthdate on any apps or other online platforms.
  • Disable location services on your devices and avoid ‘checking in’ to places and venues.
  • Enable Bluetooth only when needed and ‘remove’ paired devices when you are not using them.
  • On Apple devices, turn off Airdrop to avoid being sent content by people you don’t know.
  • If you’re meeting with people and you don’t want it known, leave your phone at a safe distance from people you are meeting with, or consider leaving it behind if it is safe to do so.
  • Trust your instincts.
  • Take legal action if it is appropriate and if you feel up to it. If technology is being used to abuse, stalk, threaten or defame you, there are Commonwealth, state and territory laws that may apply.

 

Stay safe on your social media accounts:

  • Check the settings of your social media accounts to keep your personal information private.
  • Update your settings so that others cannot tag or post videos or photos of you.
  • Avoid hashtagging anything you don’t want to become public.
  • Avoid posting content online that may put you or your family at risk, such as revealing where you go and what you do together.
  • Report any abuse to the social media service’s safety centre. Depending on the platform, you can generally also report, block, ignore or mute the abuse.

 

If you are in danger right now, contact police on Triple Zero (000).

For non-emergencies, you can call the Police Assistance Line on 131 444 or contact your local police station.

If you are unsure on how to change settings to help protect yourself please seek assistance. These resources from eSafety Commissioner and WESNET are a good place to start.

Face-to-Face Support Returning as COVID-19 Restrictions are Lifted

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Soon, some of our services will be available to access in person again.

As the Queensland Government eases COVID-19 restrictions, RAQ is transitioning some of our programs back to face-to-face delivery throughout Queensland.

The safety of our clients and staff remains our number one priority as we make this transition, and our actions are based on the latest advice from the World Health Organisation, Australian Federal Government, Queensland State Government, and the Chief Medical Officer.

To meet social distancing requirements, there will be a reduced number of services offered in person. In the meantime, we will continue to offer all other services via phone and online delivery to provide support to everyone who needs it.

For information about what services you can access in person, please contact us on 1300 364 277.

For more information on Novel Coronavirus, call the National Coronavirus Health Information Line 24 hours a day, seven days a week, on 1800 020 080.

A Client’s Experience with Online Counselling During COVID-19

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With everything that’s going on at the moment, we want you to know help is still available when you need it.

Online counselling is a great way to get professional support from the comfort of your home. It could be the perfect option if:

  • You’re following social distancing guidelines
  • You live in a remote area
  • You live with mobility restrictions
  • You don’t have time to get to an in-person appointment
  • You don’t like to leave your home.

We understand you might be hesitant to access online counselling if you’ve never tried it before. So we wanted to share one of the many positive experiences with this service to encourage others to take care of their mental wellbeing, even when they can’t access face-to-face support.

Natasha was kind enough to share her story with us here.

 

Natasha’s Story

Natasha sought support from RAQ when she was having difficulties with her marriage.

“My marriage was irreparable, so I needed support and guidance for my 12-year-old daughter and myself,” she states.

She accessed the online counselling service on both her laptop and her phone. RAQ delivers online counselling via Zoom, a video communication tool that can be used on your computer, laptop, tablet, and smartphone.

Natasha’s favourite thing about online counselling?

“Not having to work through the anxiety of having to get myself physically to the appointment,” she says. “The convenience of being able to have the counselling from my home or work office.”

Reflecting on how online counselling has helped her during this time, Natasha explained, “I have been able to work through the behaviours that kept me repressed and depressed. I’ve been able to better manage my emotions as they arise with the breakdown of the family unit, and help manage my daughter through as well. I have been supported, which means I’ve been able to support my daughter.”

To those thinking about using online counselling, Natasha says, “It’s a great way to access support if you’re time poor or have any anxiety about actually getting to an appointment.”

“The people that I have encountered have been professional, respectful, and resourceful. Their adaptation to information given is a testament to the level of their training and as great human beings.”

We’re delighted by Natasha’s feedback and thank her for sharing her experience.

 

How to Access Online Counselling with RAQ

  • You can access our online counselling services in these easy steps:
  • Phone the Client Contact Centre (Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 10am-4pm): 1300 364 277
  • You’ll be booked in with a practitioner for an appointment over the phone or over video
  • If you’re booked in over video, you’ll be emailed an invitation link to the Zoom session
  • When you click the Zoom link at the approved appointment time, you’ll be admitted into your private Zoom room with your practitioner.

 

Make the most of your online counselling session with these 10 tips to create a suitable environment.

Separation Checklist Australia

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Separation can be a difficult time for everyone involved.

There’s a lot to think about and a lot to do. You’ll likely have some important decisions to make and loose ends to tie, and it can be overwhelming trying to remember all the necessary steps.

Having some guidelines might reduce some stress and make your de facto or marriage separation process a little easier. While this separation checklist is not exhaustive, we hope it helps you make a start on the practical tasks to address during separation.

If you’re concerned about your safety or that of your children, it’s important to talk with someone as soon as possible.
1800RESPECT 24/7 helpline: 1800 737 732
DVConnect 24/7 helpline: 1800 811 811
If you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

 

Get Legal Advice

Separation in Australia doesn’t have to involve legal processes, but it’s never a bad idea to get legal advice.

It can be especially helpful to have guidance from a solicitor or mediation service when negotiating parenting arrangements, or if you’re simply feeling overwhelmed.

 

Make Arrangements for Children

Recent statistics show that in Australia, the vast majority of parents are able to agree on parenting arrangements without resorting to court. It can take some time though, especially while everyone processes what’s going on. It’s valuable to have a temporary arrangement in place while you’re making those decisions for the long-term.

Every decision you make as parents needs to be made based on what’s best for your children. For example, if one parent has been the primary carer for the children, it might be sensible for the children to live with that parent while they adjust to the new routine.

Things to consider when separating with children might include:

  • Where the children will live and who will take care of them
  • How much time children will spend with each parent
  • Visitation arrangements including grandparents and other extended family
  • Where children will go to school
  • School fees and other further education expenses for the children
  • Who will hold onto the children’s important documents, e.g. birth certificates and passports.

Learn more about collaborative parenting plans in our Share the Care PDF.

 

Consider Assets and Finances

Depending on your circumstances, you might like to make a list of your shared assets, including finances, furniture and other belongings to help you negotiate who gets what.

  • If you don’t have one already, open a bank account in your name only
  • Talk with your bank about  joint bank accounts or credit cards
  • If you’re renting, talk with your property manager about your lease contract
  • Talk with your insurer about jointly held policies and consider taking out new ones in your name only.

Learn more about negotiating a property settlement in our A Fair Share PDF.

 

Organise Important Documents

Collect or make copies of all of your personal and financial documents such as:

  • Marriage certificate (if applicable)
  • Birth certificate
  • Passport
  • Bank and super statements
  • Insurance policies
  • Payslips
  • Tax records
  • Car registration
  • Bank account, credit card, or store card statements
  • Loan statements
  • Utility bills
  • Property documents
  • Superannuation account statements
  • Government benefit documents.

 

Notify Relevant Organisations

Remove your ex-partner as your emergency contact at your work, doctor, etc.

  • Notify Medicare, Centrelink, and the Australian Tax Office
  • If you’re moving, update your mailing address
  • Change details on your driver’s licence and passport
  • Update details for your superannuation
  • Update your will and powers of attorney
  • Inform your children’s school
  • Inform your doctor
  • Inform your accountant
  • Inform providers of utilities, e.g. gas, electricity, water, phone, and internet.

 

Change Your Passwords

Protect your privacy and security by updating the passwords on all your online accounts. This might include:

  • Banking
  • Wi-Fi
  • PayPal
  • eBay
  • Netflix
  • Email
  • Social media accounts, e.g. Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Twitter.

 

Relationships Australia QLD offers support for individuals and families experiencing separation. Discover our services here or call us on 1300 364 277 to get help finding the right service for you.

For further guidance, these in-depth PDF guides provide helpful information and advice for men and women experiencing separation:

 

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

10 Tips for Your Online Counselling Session

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Online therapy is a great way to get the support you need in the comfort of your own home.

From Skype to Zoom, there are plenty of video conferencing platforms that make online counselling easy and convenient for anyone with an internet connection. But there are a few extra things to think about when preparing for your online counselling session.

Create a suitable environment and make the most of your online counselling sessions with these ten tips.

 

1. Give yourself time to set up

Allow at least 5-10 minutes to get set up before your session to avoid rushing to get ready at the last minute. This will allow you to test out your video and microphone and troubleshoot any technical difficulties without eating into your appointment time.

 

2. Ensure your internet is stable

A reliable internet connection is a must. If your Wi-Fi is patchy in certain parts of your house, try setting up next to the router to ensure a strong and fast connection.

 

3. Find a private room or space

Having someone else in the room might make it hard to concentrate or make you feel uncomfortable sharing certain things with your counsellor. Privacy is important, so find a quiet, private room or space for your online counselling session – and keep energetic cats and dogs out.

 

4. Get the lighting right

Your counsellor wants to see your face! Make sure there’s enough light to show your face on camera, and sit in the centre of the screen with your head and shoulders in the picture (like a passport photo). Natural lighting is best, but use lights and lamps to make yourself visible if need be.

 

5. Turn off ceiling fans

Ceiling fans can create a flickering effect on camera. It’s best to turn them off during your online therapy session.

 

6. Use earphones

Whether you have noisy neighbours, live near a busy road, or your partner likes to play the TV loud, background noises can be an unwanted distraction. Protect your concentration and use earphones or headphones to block background noise out.

 

7. Close other tabs

Having other internet programs open can chew up some of your internet and cause your system to slow down. Not to mention, notifications and alerts from Facebook and other sites can interrupt the flow of your conversation. Close other tabs or mute notifications before your session.

 

8. Make a list

If there are a few things you’d like to talk about in your online counselling session, it can help to write a list. You can refer to your list if you lose your train of thought or get interrupted by your child, partner, or pet.

 

9. Put your phone away

Phones are distracting even when they’re on silent. Remove the temptation to check your phone or watch notifications lighting up the screen by putting it in a cupboard or drawer until your session is over.

 

10. Have a backup plan

Technology doesn’t always work the way we want it to. It’s a good idea to have a plan B lined up just in case your online counselling session gets interrupted by a dodgy internet connection. You might like to take your session over the phone if this happens.

 

Bonus Tip: Take some time after your session

After face-to-face counselling, you’d normally have time on the trip home to think about the session. But with online counselling, it can be easy to immediately go back to your daily tasks. If you can, take some quiet time to reflect on the things you discussed and how you’re feeling.

You can learn about Relationships Australia QLD’s counselling service here, or call us on 1300 364 277 to talk to a professional counsellor over the phone or book your video counselling session. This number is available Monday-Friday 8am-8pm and Saturday 10am-4pm.

Coronavirus Disruption: A Counsellor’s Experience with Going Online

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A lot has changed over the past few months. The coronavirus outbreak has impacted how we work, play, learn, and interact with one another.

Social distancing measures have forced some companies to close their doors, while others have had the chance to adjust their service delivery.

The coronavirus presented Relationships Australia QLD (RAQ) with the opportunity to fast-track the advancement of our online capabilities and continue to provide clients with the support they need.

Relationship Counsellor Shirley Hussie has been offering counselling sessions for individuals and couples over telephone and video chat. We asked her to share her experience with adapting to the disruption of COVID-19, and her advice for anyone considering online counselling.

 

Getting Up and Running

Shirley has been working from her home since Easter. Like many RAQ practitioners, she’s been providing counselling sessions via telephone and Zoom.

No one could have predicted the extent of the coronavirus crisis and how it would impact businesses so greatly, and Shirley praises RAQ for their rapid response.

“What they were able to accomplish in that first week was phenomenal with getting everyone set up to work remotely. Hats off to IT – they did an incredible job and were so helpful,” she says.

“The support that has been offered by Management has been extraordinary – that includes my Team Leader, Supervisor, and everyone up the line. I have felt so supported through the whole process, which has made the day-to-day challenges and changes easy and effortless.”

Shirley explains there were a few challenges at first, including feeling isolated and lonely without the face-to-face contact with other staff members. She also notes logistical bumps along the road.

“The initial challenge was gaining access to a computer and feeling comfortable and secure with using the technology – primarily Zoom. I used an older computer from the venue for the first week, after which time I was provided a brand new computer, which is fabulous,” she explains.

“RAQ offered loads of support around using Zoom and allowed plenty of time to become confident and competent with using it before going live with clients. I’m proficient with Zoom and love it now!”

Shirley commends her colleagues for being resilient, resourceful, and innovative, and continuing to provide quality services for clients during this time.

She thinks it’s important to embrace the changes caused by COVID-19, stating, “I believe the services provided to the clients via Zoom and telephone have been just as – if not more – powerful and transformative, as clients have the luxury of staying in the safety of their own home and don’t have to deal with the stress of childcare, traffic, or taking time off work. I would love to continue offering Zoom sessions once we return to the mothership.”

Relationships Australia QLD counsellor working from home in bright home office

 

Online Counselling Tips for Couples

Our telephone and video counselling is a service provided to individuals and couples who need support or just want to talk. If you’re considering online couples counselling, you might find Shirley’s advice helpful.

“In regards to couples work, I encourage clients to take the same amount of time that they would travelling to the venue to connect with each other prior to the session. I suggest they also spend some time together and have a cup of tea or go for a walk and talk after each session,” she says.

“Couples have reported really enjoying this time, and it shows them they can have ‘date nights’ or ‘date breakfasts’ in the comfort of their own home, and that ‘date nights’ don’t have to be an extravaganza or expensive.”

Shirley explains that having couples counselling from home can encourage ongoing conversation in that space.

“Having the session in the comfort of their lounge chair gives them a template/association to having deep and meaningful conversation from their lounge chair,” she explains.

“Just as they associate the counselling room with time spent talking about their relationship, they now have this association with their lounge chair. I think this is a very positive thing and will have ongoing profound beneficial impacts on the relationship by creating the memory of being able to have difficult or challenging conversations in the comfort and safety of their own home.”

 

Our Remote Counselling Services

You can access our remote counselling services in these easy steps:

  1. Phone the Client Contact Centre (Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 10am-4pm): 1300 364 277
  2. You’ll be booked in with a practitioner for an appointment over the phone or over video
  3. If you’re booked in over video, you’ll be emailed an invitation link to the Zoom session
  4. When you click the Zoom link at the approved appointment time, you’ll be admitted into your private Zoom room with your practitioner.

 

Been online more than ever during the coronavirus? Stay safe with our article How to Protect Yourself Online During the Coronavirus.

How to Support a Partner with Depression

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Depression is a common and serious mental illness that impacts many Australians. Research shows one in seven Australians will experience depression in their lifetime.

Many people find themselves supporting a partner with depression at some point, and the condition can take a heavy toll on relationships. Relationships can be a lot of work even when both people are in a good mental space. Couples dealing with depression face their own daily challenges.

No one wants to see their partner suffer, and living with a partner with depression can cause loved ones to feel overwhelmed, helpless, and even afraid.

Support from friends and family plays an important role in treating or managing symptoms. If your partner suffers with depression, there are ways to help them on the road to recovery and nurture a healthy relationship.

If you are in an emergency or there is an immediate risk of harm to yourself or others, please call 000.

 

Learn About Depression

The first step to help a partner with depression is to increase your understanding of the condition.

Depression affects everyone differently, and symptoms can vary and change over time. Some signs your partner might have depression include:

  • Feelings of sadness, worthlessness, or guilt
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities they normally enjoy
  • Withdrawal from friends and family
  • Anxiety, agitation, or irritability
  • Changes in appetite or weight
  • Changes in sleeping habits
  • Fatigue and loss of energy
  • Difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
  • Thoughts of death or suicide.

There are plenty of reputable resources online that can help you learn about depression and mental health – such as these factsheets from Beyond Blue and SANE Australia – but the best way to understand your partner’s experience is to talk to them about it. Show an interest, listen with empathy, and ask open-ended questions such as:

  • Can you help me understand how you’re feeling?
  • What things do you find enjoyable at the moment?
  • What helped you the last time you felt this way?
  • What changes can help you feel better right now?
  • What do you need from me?

 

Be Patient and Understanding

It’s understandable to get upset from time to time, but it’s important to remember that depression is a mental illness. Your partner isn’t choosing to be ‘negative’ or ‘lazy’, and it’s not just a ‘bad mood’ that they’re experiencing. Getting frustrated with your partner for being sad, detached, or not wanting to get out and do things may exacerbate their symptoms and make them feel worse.

It can be especially hard to understand what your partner is going through if you haven’t experienced depression yourself. Try not to take it personally and remember depression is no one’s fault. A little patience and understanding can go a long way in making your partner feel loved and supported.

 

Don’t be a Cheerleader

It might be tempting to jump in and try to ‘fix the problem’ with positivity, but this can make people suffering with depression feel even more alone.

Trying to cheer your partner up with comments like “look on the bright side”, “it could be worse”, or “you don’t have anything to be depressed about” can invalidate their feelings and trivialise their condition, making them feel worse.

Again, depression is not a choice, and your partner cannot make the decision to ‘snap out of it’. If you don’t know what to say, try simply listening with empathy, holding their hand, and telling them you’re there to support them.

 

Focus on Small Goals

Small activities like getting out of bed or taking a shower can take an immense amount of effort for someone experiencing a severe depressive episode.

It might help to work with your partner to set small, achievable goals on these days (e.g. have a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast) or break down larger tasks (e.g. apply for a job) into several small tasks (e.g. update resume, write cover letter).

Acknowledge these little wins and continue to encourage your partner to take small steps in a healthy direction each day.

 

Create a Supportive Home Environment

While you can’t cure your partner’s depression, you can encourage them to make healthy choices that may have a positive impact on their symptoms.

You can help by:

  • Supporting them to have a healthy amount of sleep
  • Buying and cooking healthy meals together
  • Going for a walk or doing other exercise together every day
  • Continuing to do the activities you enjoy together
  • Providing emotional support and positive reinforcement.

 

Know the Warning Signs of Suicide

Some people with depression may be at risk of suicide. Seek immediate assistance if you recognise these warning signs:

  • Saying they feel worthless or alone
  • Feeling overwhelmed with hopelessness
  • Talking about death or wanting to die
  • Purchasing a gun or stockpiling pills
  • Extreme mood swings
  • Social withdrawal
  • Noticeable changes in normal daily routines
  • Uncharacteristically risky or self-destructive behaviour (e.g. drug or alcohol abuse or reckless driving)
  • Giving away sentimental or expensive possessions
  • Changes in personality and/or appearance
  • Saying goodbye
  • Getting affairs in order
  • Sudden calmness.

These are just some of the signs that someone might be suicidal. Use your gut instincts and take any red flag seriously.

If you think your partner might be suicidal, don’t be afraid to ask them directly. If they say yes, stay with them and listen to how they’re feeling, then get the appropriate help – such as calling the Lifeline crisis line on 13 11 14, or 000 if life is in immediate danger. Or you can see if you can get them an immediate appointment with a GP or psychologist.

 

Gently Encourage Them to Get Support

Depression is a real illness that requires treatment. If your partner’s symptoms are severe enough to impact their daily activities, work, and relationships, you can help them by gently encouraging them to seek professional help.

You might like to talk with them about treatment options (e.g. therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes) and let them know you’re there to help with making and preparing for appointments.

There are plenty of support services available for people experiencing depression. Relationships Australia Queensland provides free over-the-phone counselling for anyone who needs support. You can call us on 1300 364 277 Monday-Friday 8am-8pm and Saturday 10am-4pm.

 

Look After Yourself, Too

Caring for someone with depression can be challenging, so don’t forget to take care of your own mental and emotional health.

Our over-the-phone counsellors are available to talk if you need some emotional support, too: 1300 364 277.

If you are in an emergency or there is an immediate risk of harm to yourself or others, please call 000.

 

How to support a partner with depression tips in infographic

How to Handle Social Distancing When You Live Alone

Posted on by admin

For those who live alone, social distancing guidelines mean being more cut off than ever.

Self-isolation is impacting us all, but people stuck at home without company may be particularly struggling without human contact.

This is new territory for all of us. We’ve never had to physically isolate ourselves from our loved ones for an extended period of time before. And it’s totally normal to feel uncomfortable, anxious, and lonely.

If you live alone, there are a few ways to prioritise your mental health and make social distancing less lonely and more manageable.

 

Maintain Connections

Social distancing has our social calendars looking pretty sad. Enter: technology.

It’s more important than ever to maintain connections with friends and family – especially if you’re not getting your usual social fix in the home.

Replace in-person catch-ups with virtual check-ins via phone and video calls. Plenty of your normal social activities can be continued over video call – from book clubs to happy hour.

Try to schedule regular check-ins with your loved ones to maintain social contact and connect with your support network every week. They don’t have to be lengthy conversations every time – just a quick 10-minute chat can make all the difference.

 

Plan Something Exciting

Sure, we’ve had to cancel exciting social events and put plans on the backburner. But just because we may not be able to tick off our plans doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep daydreaming about them.

According to research, anticipating a positive event can help reduce negative emotions, increase positive emotions, and improve our ability to cope during stressful times. So whether it’s a holiday or a party, planning an event to anticipate may help lift your spirits.

 

Find a Routine You Love

There’s a lot going on right now that’s out of our control. A great way to cope with uncertainty is to take control of what we can – like our daily routine. This is a great time to create new habits and make a routine you want to jump out of bed for.

When creating your routine, consider the activities that make you feel good and support you to accomplish the things you need to each day. For example, you might like to start the day with a walk and a shower to feel energised.

A few building blocks of a routine that supports mental health include:

  • Getting enough sleep
  • Eating healthy foods
  • Staying hydrated
  • Moving your body.
Want to see how famous historical figures like Benjamin Franklin and Pablo Picasso spent their days? Check out this interesting infographic.

 

Challenge Yourself

Keep your mind occupied by engaging in a creative pursuit. This could be learning a foreign language, picking up an instrument, trying a new recipe, or expressing yourself through painting.

Trying something new is a great way to stay busy, build confidence, and take your mind off worries and responsibilities for a while. In fact, research shows creative hobbies can reduce stress just as well as exercise.

 

Get Out of the House

Being cooped up at home without company is a recipe for cabin fever. Not to mention, entering hibernation mode can have negative impacts on your mental health.

Nature is known to help alleviate feelings of anxiety and boost your mood. So whether you’re going for a walk at a national park or simply appreciating your garden, take time to get outside in the fresh air and sunshine every day. If nothing else, it’ll at least give you a change of scenery from your living room.

 

Prioritise Self-Care

In the spirit of looking on the bright side, why not take self-isolation as an opportunity to focus on your self-care? COVID-19 has forced many of us to slow down and take stock of how we normally spend our time. And it turns out a lot of us don’t normally prioritise our self-care.

The current health situation is pretty overwhelming and stressful. So now that we have some spare time up our sleeves, we think it’s important to take extra care of our mental and emotional wellbeing.

Here are some self-care activities you can do during the coronavirus:

  • Take a bubble bath, complete with candles and music
  • Start the day with a guided meditation or some gentle stretching
  • Give yourself a pedicure while wearing a face mask
  • Put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ while reading a good book
  • Order your favourite meal from your favourite restaurant
  • Get a takeaway coffee or hot chocolate and drink it in a park (if social distancing rules allow you to).
Discover more tips to protect your emotional wellbeing during the coronavirus outbreak.

 

Talk to Someone

Finally, if you’re feeling lonely or not coping well during this tough time, reach out to someone you trust. Feelings of anxiety around the coronavirus and social distancing are normal, and talking them through can help you understand and manage these feelings.

If you don’t have someone to talk to, try writing your feelings down in a journal. Or you can call our telephone counsellors on 1300 364 277 between 8am-8pm Monday-Friday and 10am-4pm Saturday.

For more inspiration, check out these 10 ways to make the most of self-isolation.