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Month: November 2020

Study Results: Mental Health and Relationships

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It’s no secret that 2020 has been a difficult year for many of us. The COVID-19 outbreak and related stressors (e.g. social isolation and financial instability) have exacerbated pre-existing anxiety disorders and other mental health disorders.

Our mental health influences how we think, feel, and act every day. It can have a big impact on how we interact with the people in our lives – especially those closest to us.

New research from Relationships Australia reveals the importance of relationships in supporting and maintaining our mental health, and how mental ill-health can impact our intimate relationships.

This survey was conducted during COVID-19 and offers some interesting insights into the challenges during this tough time.

 

Sensing a Struggle

Promisingly, most people feel they can recognise a change in their mental health and that of their close companions.

A whopping 96% of people reported that they can either always (46%) or sometimes (50%) tell if their own mental health is suffering.

95% of people said they know when a close companion’s mental health is suffering. Although, only 29% claimed they could always notice this change, while the majority (66%) could sometimes notice it.

 

Discussing Mental Health

Interestingly, people reported feeling more comfortable discussing their mental health with their friends (72%) than their family (53%).

70% of people reported feeling very (30%) or somewhat (40%) comfortable talking about their mental health with their partner.

33% of respondents reported feeling comfortable talking about their mental health with their colleagues. This could indicate that the topic of mental health is becoming less taboo in workplaces.

People felt least comfortable discussing their mental health with their neighbours.

The results show we’re more comfortable discussing the mental health of those around us than of ourselves. While only 2% of people felt very comfortable discussing their own mental health with their neighbours, 21% felt very comfortable discussing their neighbours’ mental health.

6% of people reported feeling very comfortable discussing their own mental health with their colleagues, compared to 28% who felt very comfortable discussing their colleagues’ mental health with them. 13% of people reported feeling very comfortable talking about their own mental health with their family, while a whopping 49% felt very comfortable discussing their family’s mental health with them.

Overall, 99% of people reported feeling comfortable discussing other people’s mental health, showing that we are willing to offer an ear when needed, even if we may not be comfortable seeking support ourselves.

 

Impact of Mental Health on Relationships

Unsurprisingly, a huge 88% of participants agree that their mental health affects the health of their relationship, and 84% agree that their partner’s mental health affects the health of their relationship.

Despite this result, 50% of people reported they would not let the fact that another person was suffering mental ill-health discourage them from beginning or continuing a relationship with that person.

 

Seeking Help

The study revealed that we prefer to seek help in person. Most respondents (66%) reported they prefer to seek professional help in person, while only 19% stated they would seek professional help online.

11% of respondents said they would not seek help at all, and 9% said they would not know where to go for help.

A massive 64% of participants indicated they would seek help from the people closest to them. However, 45% said they felt uncomfortable or very uncomfortable talking to their close contacts about their mental health.

If you’re having a tough time, talking to a counsellor might help. Our counsellors can help you explore the issues that are causing concern and support you to find solutions. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call us on 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

You can read the full survey results here.

How to Make Joint Child Custody Work

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Co-parenting can be challenging – especially if things with your former spouse didn’t end well.

You might be stressed about money, worried about your ex’s parenting abilities, or simply tired of conflict. While it may be tricky for you to navigate this new arrangement, it’s important to remember that it’s not easy on your child, either. And it’s your job to do everything you can to help them adjust and thrive in their new ‘normal’.

Learn how to share custody of a child and make the transition as smooth as possible with these tips.

 

Always put the child first

Your relationship may be over, but your family isn’t.

No matter how stressful or frustrating it can be, it’s important to put your own emotions aside for the sake of your child. Conflict between parents can be hurtful for a child to witness – particularly if they feel like it’s their fault their parents are fighting.

Maintaining a civil co-parenting relationship is key. This means being flexible and cooperative when making shared decisions around your child’s care. Avoid making demands out of spite, and always keep your child’s best interests at heart to ensure arrangements are made with their wellbeing and stability in mind. Keep conversations focused on your child’s needs, not yours or your ex’s.

 

Co-parent as a team

It’s essential that you work together as a team when it comes to your child. Maintaining consistency with rules and discipline between both homes helps your child avoid confusion and know what’s expected of them.

If your child has lost privileges in one household, the other should follow through with this discipline. It’s important to present as a united front so your child knows you and your co-parent are on the same page.

If you’re struggling to agree on arrangements, you might like to try mediation. Mediation can help you communicate respectfully, navigate conflict, and come to a mutually acceptable solution.

 

Maintain routine where you can

Routine makes children feel safe. While their new ‘normal’ might come with some changes, it’s important to try and maintain a routine where you can.

Stay consistent with set days spent with each parent. Keep days structured with regular mealtimes and bedtimes across each household. Agree on meeting at the same place for every drop-off and pickup.

While you may need to be flexible at times, try to keep your joint child custody arrangements as predictable as possible, and remember to keep your child in the loop with as much notice as possible when things change.

 

Don’t put your child in the middle

No matter what your personal relationship is like, it’s essential to keep any issues with your co-parent away from your child. The last thing a child wants is to feel like they have to pick a side with their parents.

Avoid speaking negatively about your ex around your child. Your child deserves a relationship with their other parent, and complaining about them could unfairly influence their feelings. If you need to vent your frustrations or talk through your concerns, speak to a trusted friend or professional.

You should also avoid using your child as a messenger to get information to your ex. Always call, text, or email them directly. Seeing your relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “business” is your child’s welfare can help you communicate in a civil and respectful manner.

 

Having a hard time agreeing on joint child custody arrangements? RAQ offers support for families who are considering separation, currently going through separation, or who have already separated. To find out what services might suit you, please call us on 1300 364 277 between 8am-8pm Monday-Friday or 10am-4pm Saturday.

How to Stop Waiting to be Happy

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I’ll make time to relax when things settle down at work. I’ll wear that outfit when I’ve lost some weight. I’ll invite my friends over when I buy a bigger house. I’ll be happy when it’s Friday, or when I fall in love, or when I get my dream job.

Sound familiar? Of course it does! We’re all guilty of falling victim to “I’ll be happy when” syndrome. But why do we delay happiness until the ‘big thing’ we’re waiting for happens? Even when we achieve the ‘big thing’, we always find something else to chase, and the goalposts for happiness keep moving.

If we’re not careful, our whole life could be “I’ll be happy when”. So how can we stop tying our happiness to a target and enjoy the life we’re living now?

We hope these tips help if you’re stuck in the trap of putting your happiness on hold.

 

Rethink your definition of happiness

What does happiness look like to you? Is it something you seek, or something you are? Is it conditional or unconditional?

Conditional happiness is when you need to meet a condition in order to be happy. This is where the dreaded “I’ll be happy when” and “I’d be happy if” come in. It’s normal for material comforts and significant achievements to cause a spike in our happiness. But the problem is, this type of happiness is fleeting.

The temporary increase in happiness we feel when we get the pay rise, buy the car, or go on the trip eventually fades away and we’re back to where we were, wishing for the next big thing to make us happy.

It’s not to say you shouldn’t have goals. You’re allowed to want more. You can still be driven and have goals for self-improvement, but it’s important that you don’t get stuck in the mindset of thinking you’re not happy until you’ve reached those goals. It’s cliché, but happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a journey – and you can be happy with what you have while you work toward what you want.

Unconditional happiness means you’re happy regardless of external factors or what’s happening in your life. This doesn’t mean always being happy and never being upset. It’s normal to be disappointed or frustrated when things don’t go our way. But this enduring happiness allows us to be content and at peace through life’s ups and downs, and isn’t tied to achieving a certain outcome.

So again: What does real happiness look like to you? It might be having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life, a feeling of belonging with the people you love, or helping those who can’t help themselves.

Think about the times you’ve felt happy, what you were doing, where you were, who you were with, and recreate those feelings as much as possible.

 

Count your blessings

Remember when you wanted the things you have now?

No matter where you are in life, there are bound to be small things you can be grateful for. Try to check in daily and remind yourself of the good you’ve already got. We all have bad days, but there is some good in every day. Gratitude isn’t just great for our mood – it has plenty of other significant scientifically proven benefits, such as reducing depression and improving our physical health. If you can’t find things to be grateful for, create them. Business Insider Australia interviewed 21 billionaires to determine what happiness looks like to them.

They found that billionaires “regularly practise habits that breed happiness”. It turns out billionaires still appreciate and get happiness from the simple things in life, such as practising optimism, taking care of their health, giving back, and growing their own vegetables.

Be like the billionaires. Find small things you can do to actively nurture your happiness every day.

 

Avoid “all or nothing” thinking

Give yourself permission to make the most of your current circumstances while you work toward bigger things, because an all-or-nothing mindset can delay our quality of life.

For example, some people love being the host. Nothing makes them happier than being surrounded by loved ones, offering homemade snacks and a carefully selected playlist. If you live in a small rental, you may not be able to throw the grand events you dream of having when you have a larger home. But you can still host smaller gatherings and enjoy the happiness that comes with them.

The same goes for many things. You might be waiting for a pay rise to finally invest in a whole new wardrobe. Instead of denying yourself new clothes and feeling resentful, why not treat yourself to a couple of new pieces in the meantime? If you’re delaying making self-care a priority until work settles down, try dedicating just 20 minutes a day to meditating, calling a friend, reading, or watching funny dog videos (or whatever you’re into).

Stop sabotaging yourself and start doing what you can to make yourself happy now.

 

If you’re having a tough time finding happiness, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book a session over the phone, over Zoom video chat, or in person.