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Month: December 2020

How to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff

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Do you lose your cool over what other people might consider to be minor hassles? Do you let being stuck in traffic, spilling your coffee, or a rude cashier ruin your day?

Constantly getting upset over little things can take a toll on our mental and physical health. A recent study found that older men who obsess over little, everyday annoyances tend to live shorter lives than those who let things go.

You’ve probably heard the saying “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”. But even if we know we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, it can be a hard habit to kick.

Learn how to stop worrying about the little things with these three steps.

 

Put things into perspective

Most things that happen to us have the potential to be as small or as big as we choose to make them.

If your knee-jerk reaction is to blow up over trivial things without thinking, it might help to take a step back and consider a new perspective.

Ask yourself:

  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it really?
  • Will I still be upset in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years?
  • Is this something within my control that requires a solution, or does it require moving on?
  • Is it possible I’m blowing this out of proportion?

These questions can help you take back control and decide whether it’s worth your time and energy worrying.

You might also like to make a list of all the small things that regularly get under your skin. This could be anything from not finding a parking spot straight away to getting stuck behind people who walk slowly. Writing these down can help you explore why they bother you and how significant they really are in the grand scheme of life.

 

Acknowledge the good

We’re hard-wired to focus on the negatives, so we often miss all the good stuff going on around us. We’ll notice the one time things go wrong and take for granted all the times things went right.

Make a habit of looking for the good and celebrating little wins each day. Hit all the green lights on your way to work? Awesome! No line to get your morning coffee? Great! Having a good hair day? Good for you!

Consciously choosing to focus on things you’re grateful for can help stop negativity and rumination in its tracks. With all the good you’ve got going on, you might find it harder to care about small inconveniences.

You can learn more about the scientifically proven benefits of gratitude here.

 

Find coping strategies that work for you

Changing our behaviour patterns can take a lot of time and dedication. If you’re struggling to stop sweating the small stuff, it can be helpful to expand your stress-management toolkit with strategies that support your desired changes.

Some common strategies for coping with stress include:

  • Breathing exercises – Pausing to take a few deep breaths can help slow your heart rate and reduce stress. Belly breathing in particular is thought to reduce tension and help you relax. You might like to try this type of breathing in bed before you go to sleep.
  • Meditation – Meditating can help increase your self-awareness and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Guided meditations are a good place to start.
  • Journalling – Keeping a journal is a great way to explore your thoughts and feelings. It allows you to vent about your frustrations and release tension in a healthy way.
  • Physical exercise – This is another healthy way to release tension and get some of those overwhelming emotions out. Exercise is known to reduce anxiety and depression and improve your mood and self-esteem. We should all be aiming for at least 30 minutes a day.
  • Counselling – If you need help finding coping strategies or just want to talk, counselling could be a good option. Here, you can explore your emotions without judgement and find solutions in a supportive environment.

RAQ provides counselling for a range of issues including stress and anxiety. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

If you found this helpful, you might like our blog post How to Stop Waiting to be Happy.

How to Manage Work Stress

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We all get stressed at work sometimes. From long hours and looming deadlines to high-stakes pitches and difficult customers, most jobs involve some degree of stress.

Research shows around 20% of Aussies take time off work each year because they feel mentally unwell. While some work-related stress is common and reasonable, it can be a major risk factor for anxiety and depression if it’s excessive and ongoing.

We hope these strategies help you manage and reduce your workplace stress and achieve a healthier work-life balance.

 

Allocate time to worry

It’s unrealistic to tell yourself to simply stop stressing about work. Trying to avoid these thoughts altogether will likely have them popping up here, there and everywhere.

Some experts recommend scheduling ‘worry time’ into your day to address all of those niggling thoughts that distract you mid-conversation and keep you up at night.

Dedicate 15-20 minutes to worrying about work after you’ve clocked off for the day. During this time of reflection, write down all the worries you can think of and any potential solutions that come to you. You don’t have to solve them then and there – simply writing them down can be therapeutic and provide some clarity.

 

Use ‘do not disturb’ on your devices

Who has the self-control to see a notification pop up and not check it? Just seeing you have an email from your manager outside of work hours is enough to get you worrying what it could be about.

Don’t let work thoughts and hypotheticals creep in after hours. Protect your personal time by activating ‘do not disturb’ or ‘out of office’ on your work phone and emails, and get in the habit of leaving your work devices off or in a drawer until you’re on the clock.

 

Find a fulfilling hobby unrelated to your profession

There’s nothing wrong with being passionate about your job, but it’s not always healthy to tie your entire identity to what you do for a living. Having hobbies and goals unrelated to your job can bring a more well-rounded sense of purpose to your life and encourage a healthy work-life balance.

Sit down and think about the things that bring you joy. Ideally, these should be unrelated to your professional skills to help your brain separate work from leisure. For example, if you’re a mechanic, you should try to find enjoyable activities that don’t involve tinkering with tools and engines. This could be anything from exercising and going to the movies to baking and playing an instrument.

 

Try relaxation techniques before bedtime

Does your brain do cartwheels when you lie down at night? Can’t get your mind off your to-dos for the week? If job stress sneaks in when you slip under the sheets, you might like to try some relaxation techniques before you hit the hay.

Some common calming strategies include:

  • Avoid screens before bedtime. Blue light from electronic devices can throw your body clock out and make it tough for your mind to switch off. Skip the late-night Netflix and scrolling for at least two hours before you go to bed.
  • Have a hot bath or shower. Research shows bathing one to two hours before bed in water at 40-43°C can help you fall asleep 10 minutes faster. This helps us regulate our body temperature and produce the ‘sleepy’ hormone, melatonin.
  • Try guided meditations or sleep stories. If your mind goes straight to stressful thoughts when left to its own devices, a relaxing guided meditation or bedtime story could be a welcome distraction. This soothing background noise is designed specifically to help you fall asleep.

 

Take sick days when you need them

You’d likely be sent home from work if you were coughing and sneezing, so why should it be different when you’re having mental health issues? Sick days are there for when you’re feeling physically or mentally unwell.

The great news is mental health is becoming a less taboo topic in the workplace, especially following COVID-19. So if you’re not feeling mentally well enough to work, speak to your manager about taking some time to regroup. And don’t forget to speak up or ask for help if your workload or expectations are getting unmanageable.

If you’re having a tough time coping with work stress, talking to one of our counsellors might help. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via video chat.

Discover surprising stats on how COVID-19 workplace changes have impacted our mental health in this article.

Support for Domestic and Family Violence

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Support is available for those affected by domestic and family violence.

Domestic and family violence is a complex and pervasive issue. It is never acceptable. Everyone deserves to feel safe in public and at home.

It is important to understand that the signs are not always obvious. Domestic and family violence is not always physical and can take many forms, including emotional, sexual, financial, social, spiritual, verbal, psychological or technology-based abuse.

You can find more information about domestic and family violence and different forms of abuse online at www.qld.gov.au/dfvsupport.

It is everyone’s responsibility to address this form of violence in our communities and work together to keep Queenslanders safe. If something doesn’t seem right, your support and action can make a difference. If you think you or someone you know may be experiencing domestic and family violence, reach out for support.

In an emergency, call Triple Zero (000) and ask for Police.

Call DVConnect for free, confidential crisis support.

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811 (24/7)

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636 (7 days, 9am to midnight)

10 Ways You Can Help Lonely Seniors

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Seniors are no strangers to loneliness.

A recent Australian research paper reported that between 12%-30% of older people around the world experience loneliness. And our lonely seniors aren’t just bored and isolated – their mental and physical health is taking a hit, too.

The study found that lonely and socially isolated older people are more likely to experience depression, dementia, chronic pain, and physical frailty.

“Loneliness and social isolation in later life result in social exclusion, reduced wellbeing, and significant health problems,” it reported.

So how can we do our part to combat loneliness in the elderly? Well, we can start by supporting the lonely seniors in our own families and communities.

Here are ten ways you can help reduce loneliness in your older loved ones and promote their social connectedness.

 

1. Offer practical help

Turn mundane errands into social outings by assisting them with day-to-day tasks like grocery shopping, posting letters, and picking up medications.

Encourage them to keep important appointments by driving them to the doctor, physiotherapist, hairdresser, bank, or wherever else they need to go. Transport is a huge need among many older people, so they’ll likely appreciate the company and the door-to-door service.

 

2. Encourage hobbies

Hobbies aren’t just a great way to fill the time; they can also provide a sense of purpose. Ask your older loved one what activities they enjoy and how you can support them to engage in these activities regularly.

If they like gardening, help them find the tools and accessories they need to enjoy it. For example, a garden ‘kneeler’ or knee pads can help keep them comfortable on hard surfaces. If they like puzzles, gift them a new puzzle for every birthday or Christmas. If they like painting, show them how to find painting tutorials on YouTube.

 

3. Encourage social interaction

The only thing better than enjoying their favourite hobbies is enjoying them with others. Encourage your older loved one to partake in activities with other people, like an aerobics class or book club. This can help them make new friends and create a sense of community.

Many cities and towns have social activities and clubs specifically for seniors. You can search for activities nearby on websites like this, or ask the staff at their local RSL club.

 

4. Get them out of the house

Older adults can get into the all-too-comfortable habit of staying inside and sitting for long periods of time – often in their one favourite spot. But sitting at home all day can have negative impacts on their physical and mental health.

Getting outdoors can provide a much-needed change of scenery – but there’s a lot more to it than that. Research shows nature can have a kind of ‘healing’ power for seniors, with potential to provide the following benefits:

  • Reduced stress, anxiety and depression
  • Improved memory and concentration
  • Reduced chronic illness and pain
  • Increased energy levels
  • Increased longevity.

Take them out for a walk, visit a park for a picnic, or encourage them to have their morning cuppa in their backyard.

 

5. Keep them physically active

Some aches and pains can be inevitable in later life. But regular physical activity can be the silver bullet to managing pain and maintaining muscle strength and joint movement. It can also reduce symptoms of some mental conditions such as depression.

Your older loved one should be aiming for at least 30 minutes of moderate activity every day. Normal daily activities like shopping and cooking don’t count; they have to be working hard enough to increase their heartrate and break a sweat.

You might like to join them on a brisk walk or encourage them to sign up for a class where they can meet new people, like water aerobics or ballroom dancing.

 

6. Keep them mentally active

Mental fitness is just as important as physical fitness in older adults.

Crossword puzzles and other brain games can help seniors boost their memory and stay sharp. Maintaining an active social life and engaging in stimulating conversations are also great ways to improve mental fitness.

 

7. Maintain regular communication

Schedule in a weekly phone call to check how they’re going and what they’re up to. You could even organise a roster with other family members or friends to ensure someone is contacting your older loved one each day. Daily contact can be especially important for seniors who are fragile or unwell.

If you don’t have time for a phone call, simply sending a ‘good morning’ text or a photo update lets them know you’re thinking of them.

 

8. Make them feel needed

Some seniors might feel like they don’t have a whole lot to offer in their old age. Their families may have grown up and no longer rely on them for anything.

If they’re willing and able, make them feel needed and remind them of all they can contribute by asking them to pick up the kids from school, sew the button back on your shirt, or show you how to make their famous lasagne.

 

9. Ask them how they’re feeling

No matter our age, we all have stuff going on. Some older adults might not want to open up about how they’re feeling. Perhaps they don’t want to ‘burden’ their busy family and friends who seem to have a lot going on in their own lives, or maybe they simply prefer to ‘get on with it’. But it’s important to touch base in case something is troubling them.

If they mention an issue such as loneliness, ask them ways you can help, and offer ideas yourself. Always listen with empathy and let them know you’re there for them when they need you.

 

10. Show them they’re loved and valued

Along with explicitly telling them you love them and you enjoy seeing them, don’t forget to show them through your actions.

If they call, answer the phone – or remember to call back as soon as you can. If you have plans with them, be reliable and don’t cancel. Missing a visit or call may not seem like a big deal to you, but it could be really disappointing and upsetting for someone who doesn’t have much social contact with others.

And if they don’t call or visit you in return, respect that you may need to put in more effort than they can manage. Don’t give up on them.

 

If you or an older loved one need someone to talk to, our counsellors are here. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

For specialised senior relationship services, discover our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service, Senior Financial Protection Service, Elder Mediation Support Service, and Senior Social Connection Program.

Do I Have a Gambling Problem?

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Aussies love to gamble. From having a slap on the pokies to picking the first try-scorer in the footy, gambling is a popular – and widely accepted – form of entertainment in our culture.

But when does gambling go from harmless fun to a dangerous compulsion? How do you know if you have a gambling problem?

If you’re worried about your gambling habits, knowing the signs of a gambling problem can help you decide what action to take.

 

Signs of a Gambling Problem

These are just some of the common signs of a gambling problem.

Financial Signs

  • Borrowing or stealing money from friends and family to gamble
  • Selling belongings for money to gamble
  • Spending all disposable income on gambling
  • Spending more money than planned on gambling
  • Trying to chase losses with more gambling
  • Lying or being secretive about how much is spent on gambling
  • Constantly planning how to get more money to gamble
  • Needing to gamble with increasing amounts of money to get the same thrill
  • Avoiding social activities that cost money so you have that money to gamble
  • Considering getting money to gamble through illegal means

Behavioural Signs

  • Lying to people to hide the extent of the gambling
  • Less involvement in hobbies and leisure activities
  • Skipping work/school/important commitments to gamble
  • Spending more time gambling than planned
  • Using drugs and alcohol more often/excessively
  • Changes in sleeping, eating, or sexual relationship patterns
  • Constantly checking the odds
  • Trying to cut back on gambling, without success

Emotional Signs

  • Arguing with friends and family after or about gambling
  • Feeling guilty about gambling
  • Gambling to escape problems or feelings
  • Not feeling interested in friends, family, or normal activities
  • Feeling preoccupied with thoughts of gambling
  • Feeling worried, agitated or upset for no apparent reason
  • Feeling hopeless, depressed or suicidal

 

Support for Gambling

Gambling Help Queensland offers free and confidential support to anyone impacted by gambling. If gambling has become a problem for you or someone you know, you can call the 24/7 helpline on 1800 858 858 to talk or book an appointment with a counsellor.

The Problem with Power in Relationships

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Do you feel like you’re stepping on eggshells with your partner? Do they ‘keep score’ and hold things against you to get their way?

Power exists in every relationship, whether it’s with your partner, a family member, friend, or even a colleague. A healthy relationship is based on equality and respect. It’s not uncommon for one person to take the lead while the other is more flexible, but this can become a problem when abused.

When one person has control in the relationship, or the ‘upper hand’, this can lead to unhealthy and toxic behaviours. It can make one partner feel scared of the other and damage their self-esteem. It can be a form of domestic abuse.

We look at the signs of an unhealthy power dynamic to help you spot when things are one-sided.

 

Types of Power in a Relationship

Two common relationship dynamics that play with power are the demand/withdraw and distancer/pursuer dynamics.

The demand/withdraw dynamic involves one partner (the demander) wanting to talk about problems and find a solution, while the other partner (the withdrawer) withdraws, shuts down, and avoids the problems.

The distancer/pursuer dynamic involves one partner (the pursuer) seeking to increase intimacy and closeness, while the other partner (the distancer) pulls away and becomes cold.

Research from The Gottman Institute shows that partners who get stuck in the distancer/pursuer pattern in the first few years of marriage have more than an 80% chance of divorcing in the first four or five years. 

These are just two examples of power imbalance in a relationship. Power and control can be used in relationships in many other ways – big and small, subconsciously and intentionally.

 

Signs of Power Imbalance in a Relationship

These are just some of the common signs of inequality in a relationship.

  • One partner never compromises – No two people are always going to agree on everything. Compromise or ‘meeting in the middle’ is key to ensure both people’s needs are met. If one partner is all take and no give, they’re holding all the power.
  • One partner doesn’t listen to the other – Communication is important in every relationship – whether romantic or not. If one partner refuses to listen to the other and take their ideas and feelings on board, it can be a sign of disrespect and selfishness.
  • One partner always takes the lead – Many relationships have an ‘alpha’ or the person who ‘wears the pants’. While this can be healthy and work well for some, it can be damaging for others if the dominant partner is abusing this role to fulfil their own selfish needs.
  • One partner’s love is conditional – Love shouldn’t be a reward for doing what your partner wants you to. It can be a clear sign of power imbalance when a partner withholds their love and affection until they get their way.
  • One partner holds grudges or keeps score – Some people can’t let things go. Even if they’re over it, they might take joy in constantly bringing up their partner’s past mistakes as a way to punish them and make themselves feel superior. This is an easy way for them to exert power and control.

Do any of these signs sound familiar to you or someone you know? Counselling can be helpful for individuals and couples trying to navigate power struggles. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book.