Month: June 2021

Differences are normal in every relationship, and our differences should be celebrated. But dating someone from a different cultural background can have its own unique challenges and learning opportunities.

Growing up in different environments with various beliefs, values, practices, and behaviours can make it tricky to understand each other at times. Things can get confusing and even frustrating, but the important thing is to respond to cultural clashes with respect, kindness, and understanding.

Here are some tips to keep in mind when dating someone from another culture.

 

Reflect on your own experiences

Our experiences shape our beliefs, and our beliefs significantly impact our relationships and our lives in general.

When it comes to dating someone from a different culture, knowing yourself and what has influenced your own worldviews is a great place to start. Spend some time reflecting on your personal experiences, upbringing, and culture. How have these things made you who you are today?

Some questions for self-reflection might include:

• How would you describe your cultural identity?
• What family traditions did you have growing up?
• What does it mean to be polite in your culture?
• What is considered rude in your culture?
• What do you like most about your culture?
• What do you like least about your culture?
• What does success look like in your culture?
• What is a unique belief that people from your community have?
• What are the three most important things that people should know about your culture?
• When people from other countries think about your culture, what do they usually think of?

 

Learn about their culture

Knowing more about your partner’s culture can help you understand why they have certain beliefs, behaviours, and traditions, instead of relying on assumptions or stereotypes.

You can learn about their culture by doing your own research, asking them questions, or a combination of both. If your partner speaks another language, you might even take the time to learn a few phrases.

Expressing an interest in their culture shows you accept and embrace them. It could be a great opportunity to learn more about each other and increase the intimacy in your relationship.

 

Discuss your expectations

A difference in expectations is only going to lead to problems – especially if those expectations are unknown or unclear.

Communication is key in every relationship, particularly when your differing cultural backgrounds often have you on different pages as a default.

Discuss your expectations and listen to your partner’s point of view. You’ll likely find that with open communication and an open mind, you can find some common ground and compromise to keep both parties happy.

 

See differences as learning opportunities

Dating someone from another culture requires ongoing patience and understanding.

Embrace disagreements as opportunities to expand your mind and empathy. And most importantly, remember that at the end of the day, you’re both human beings with more similarities than differences.

Celebrate your differences as well as your shared interests, dreams, plans for the future, and love for each other.

 

If you’re having a tough time navigating your relationship, a counsellor can help you explore your concerns and potential solutions. We also offer multicultural programs that are sensitive to the needs of culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) clients.

You can call us on 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more.

Keen for more relationship tips? You might like our blog post How to be a Good Listener.

Forcing yourself to forget about painful past experiences is impossible. But holding onto negative feelings from past relationships can hurt your present and your future.

While it’s completely normal (and healthy) to grieve failed relationships for a time, dwelling on anger, resentment, and regret long-term can cause harm and prevent you from healing – or finding happiness with a potential new partner.

Maybe you’ve just had your heart broken. Or perhaps you’re struggling to move on peacefully from a relationship breakdown many months – or even years – on.

Whatever your situation, we hope these tips help you let go of your relationship baggage.

 

Let yourself grieve

There’s no way around it: breakups suck. Let yourself feel the feelings. Be gentle with yourself and don’t rush to ‘get over it’ before you’re ready.

Losing a relationship can cause real pain and grief, and denying yourself that grieving process can lead to more problems down the track.

Give yourself permission to explore your strong emotions in a safe space, like in your journal, with a loved one, or with a counsellor.

Don’t: Express your anger in unhealthy or unsafe ways you might regret later. You might find it helpful to write a letter to your ex and then burn it, or try exercises like running or boxing.

 

Remove painful memories

It might be tempting to scroll back through your texts from happier times, but this can cause more harm than good.

Remove anything that brings up painful feelings or memories. Delete text messages, throw away photos or letters, and return their belongings back to them.

If you like to hold onto items from the past for sentimental value, it might be a good idea to put them in a box in the back of your cupboard until you feel emotionally ready to reminisce again.

Don’t: Hold onto photos or items from past relationships if they prevent you from healing and moving on.

 

Look for the lessons

There are often some valuable lessons we can take from relationships that didn’t work out.

Self-reflect and consider what you can learn from the experience. Take responsibly for your part in the relationship breakdown, and use it as a springboard for self-development. Maybe you have issues with jealousy, or perhaps you’d like to work on asserting boundaries.

Be honest with yourself about where you might have room for improvement and what you might want to work on for your next relationship.

Don’t: Ruminate on what you could’ve or should’ve done. Thinking obsessively about something over and over can prevent you from accepting what’s happened and moving forward.

 

Work on yourself

Breakups can make us feel lonely. We’re no longer factoring that person into our daily lives. But this also offers a great opportunity to be a little selfish.

Maybe you put some dreams on the backburner while you nurtured your relationship. Or maybe you’re not quite sure who you are as an individual. This is the perfect time for self-discovery and self-care.

Get a fulfilling hobby, nurture your other relationships, try something new, and work on your goals. This is your chance to think about what you want in life without having to consider someone else.

Don’t: Post your highlight reel to your socials to rub in your ex’s face. If you find yourself taking photos of your good times and fun activities just to spite them or remind them what they’re missing out on, it might be time to unfriend/unfollow.

 

Consider what’s important to you in a relationship

A breakup provides the time and space to think about what you’re looking for in your next relationship.

List the things that are important to you and the deal-breakers you’re not willing to compromise on. For example, your ex might’ve struggled with communication or didn’t make the effort to get to know your friends. These might be things on your ‘red flags’ list moving forward.

Don’t: Get caught up comparing everyone to your ex or unfairly judging them based on small similarities to your ex (e.g. they both work in the same industry or they’re both an only child). There are bound to be some overlaps here and there. As long as those overlaps don’t include toxic or disrespectful behaviours, try to give people a chance and get to know them before writing them off.

 

Don’t excessively talk about your ex to your new partner

Finally, if you do decide to get back out there and meet someone new, avoid making your ex a regular topic of conversation.

It’s normal to discuss past relationships to some degree, put it can be a red flag for a potential new partner if you’re talking about your ex all the time – especially if you seem to have some unresolved feelings.

If you’re having a hard time healing from a past relationship, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.