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Month: June 2021

What are Panic Attacks?

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Panic attacks are more common than you might think. In fact, up to 5 in every 100 Australians will experience a panic attack at some stage in their life.

A panic attack is a sudden brief episode of intense anxiety that can bring on the physical symptoms of fear and make you feel out of control. Symptoms might include a racing heart, shortness of breath, shaking, sweating, and tightness in the chest.

The panic generally peaks after about 10 minutes, and it can take around half an hour to subside.

This blog post will explore some of the causes of panic attacks and offer some strategies for when you’re experiencing a panic attack or can feel one coming on.

It’s important to remember that having a panic attack doesn’t necessarily mean you have a panic or anxiety disorder, and some people living with an anxiety disorder won’t experience panic attacks.

 

What causes panic attacks?

Panic attacks can come on suddenly and without any warning at first. But over time, they’re normally triggered by certain situations.

It’s not known exactly what causes panic attacks, but risk factors may include:

  • Family history of panic attacks or panic disorder
  • Chronic, persistent stress
  • Changes in the way your brain functions
  • Major life stress such as death or serious illness of a loved one
  • Major life change such as divorce or new baby
  • Traumatic event such as sexual assault or a serious accident
  • A personality that’s sensitive to stress or negative emotions.

 

What to do when having a panic attack

Panic attacks can be scary – especially if they come out of nowhere. These strategies might help stop a panic attack if you’re having one or feel one coming on:

  • Reassure yourself that your symptoms are uncomfortable but not life-threatening.
  • Remember past panic attacks you’ve gotten through. This is temporary and it will pass.
  • Try deep-breathing exercises. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, paying attention to how your stomach rises and falls.
  • Focus your attention on something outside of your body and symptoms. For example, recite the words to your favourite song, or concentrate on the sights and sounds around you.

Check out our printable infographic for more ways to self-soothe using your senses.

 

If you struggle with panic attacks, talking to a counsellor may help. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video.

Read about the most common types of anxiety in this blog post.

How to Tell a Child about the Death of a Grandparent

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Death is a part of life we all learn about at some point. The passing of a loved one can be a scary and uncertain time for everyone – especially children.

Whether it’s sudden or expected, it’s never easy to talk about death, and it can be hard to know where to start when breaking the news to kids.

We hope this advice helps you have this tough conversation with your child.

 

Use simple language

Use age-appropriate and clear language when talking about death. Using complicated metaphors or vague phrases like “no longer with us” and “in a better place” can be confusing for kids.

Keep it simple and clear, and don’t dance around the word “death” or “died”. Telling the truth as early as possible is best to help your child make sense of what’s happened.

 

Talk about your feelings

Being open and honest about how you feel can help your child accept their own emotions as ‘normal’. Don’t be afraid to let your child see you cry and tell them you feel sad, angry or confused. You might even like to print out a feelings chart to help them name and understand their emotions.

Letting your child see how you cope with big feelings can help them deal with their own.

 

Listen and offer comfort

Encourage your child to ask any questions, and check in regularly to see how they’re going. Accept and normalise your child’s emotional responses, and let them know you’re always there if they need to talk.

It can also help to let other adults in their life know what’s happened, such as their teacher or friends’ parents. This way, they can keep an eye out for any behaviour that may be concerning.

We list some common signs of anxiety in children in this blog post.

 

Tell them what to expect

Unpredictability can be a serious stressor for children. It can help to give them a heads up of what’s to come following the death of a loved one.

For example, you might explain what happens at a funeral and mention general grieving processes such as people saying sorry and hugging a lot. Tell them that it’s normal to miss that person and for sad feelings to come and go for a long time.

If you or your child need some extra support coping after the death of a loved one, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video.

What is Hangxiety?

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Enjoying a few drinks with friends can be fun – but the hangover anxiety that can follow is anything but.

‘Hangxiety’ has become a popular term to describe the feeling of anxiety after drinking. You may be familiar with the physical symptoms of a hangover, like a headache and nausea. But the morning after a big night can also bring psychological symptoms, like fear and shame around something you may have said or done.

This article will dive into the science and psychology behind hangxiety and how to cope with an alcohol-induced anxiety spike.

 

Why do we get anxiety after drinking?

There’s a reason we might reach for a drink to wind down after a long day.

Many people use alcohol to relax and loosen up – especially in social situations – because drinking alcohol has a calming effect on the body. It blocks glutamate, a chemical responsible for anxiety.

It can give us that familiar “buzz” – feeling relaxed, less anxious, and maybe a bit more easy-going and quicker to laugh.

But when the effects of alcohol wear off, our brain tries to rebalance things by producing more glutamate to make up for what it sees as a ‘deficit’. But what we’re left with is a bit of a glutamate ‘overload’ and added anxiety and stress.

People with high levels of shyness may be more prone to hangxiety than others. A 2019 study measured levels of anxiety in people of varying levels of shyness before, during, and after drinking and sober periods. It found those who drank alcohol saw some decrease in anxiety symptoms when drinking, and those who were highly shy tended to have higher levels of anxiety the next day.

Some common symptoms of hangxiety include:

  • Restlessness
  • Irritability/moodiness
  • Inability to focus on normal tasks
  • Racing heart
  • Excessive sweating
  • Racing or unwanted thoughts
  • Feeling overwhelming shame, worry or embarrassment from previous night.

People with an existing anxiety disorder can be more likely to experience hangxiety, but experiencing hangxiety doesn’t necessarily mean you have an anxiety disorder.

 

How to handle hangover anxiety

If you’ve woken up from a big night with more than a sore head, these strategies may help ease your hangxiety.

Look after your body

First things first: Do what you can to keep your body functioning and feeling as good as possible. Avoiding caffeine, staying hydrated with plenty of water and eating small, light meals can help reduce your physical and psychological symptoms.

Get enough rest

Alcohol and disrupted sleep often go hand in hand, and poor sleep can worsen hangxiety symptoms. If you’ve skimped on your eight hours and have the chance to catch up on some sleep, get horizontal and close those eyes.

Try relaxation exercises

There are endless anxiety exercises that can help calm your brain and promote relaxation, such as:

  • Inhaling through your nose for four seconds, holding for seven, and exhaling through your mouth for eight.
  • Doing a mindfulness body scan and checking in with the sensations from your head to your toes.
  • Interrupting anxious thoughts by listening to upbeat music or thinking of happy memories with someone you love.

If you need some extra support coping with feelings of anxiety, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video.

Learn about some of the different types of anxiety in this blog post.

How to Make Friends as an Adult

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It’s easy to make friends as a child. Going to school puts you in the same place as likeminded peers five days of the week.

Meeting people and forging friendships later in life doesn’t always come so easily. But the friendships made during adulthood can be some of the most meaningful connections you have, and provide significant happiness and fulfilment.

In a recent survey on the state of happiness in Australia, around 46% of respondents stated their friends gave them some happiness, and around 40% stated their friends were there greatest source of happiness.

We hope this advice helps if you’re looking to make friends as an adult but don’t know where to start.

 

Deepen your casual connections

The co-worker you eat lunch with? The barista you talk to about your favourite podcast every morning? The friend of a friend you seem to have a lot in common with? All potential friends!

If you’re looking to make friends in your 20s, 30s and beyond, look no further than your current acquaintances. If there are people already in your life that you’d like to make friends with, invest in those relationships and make an effort to deepen those connections.

 

Sign up for a social sport, hobby club, or class

Put yourself out there and join clubs or groups where you’re likely to meet people with shared interests.

This could be anything from social tennis at your local courts to a book club at your local library. The best part is, you already know you have something in common to talk about, so striking up a conversation shouldn’t be too hard.

 

Join Facebook groups based on your interests

Facebook groups and online forums are other great ways to connect with likeminded people.

Here, you can get involved in discussions on just about any niche you can think of. It can also provide the opportunity to meet other group members in person – just remember to be safe when meeting up with people you’ve met online.

 

Get confident starting conversations with new people

Talking to someone new can be daunting for anyone. One minute you’re discussing the weather, and the next, you’re looking at your feet or scanning the room for someone you know.

If small talk with strangers isn’t your strong suit, try these tips:

  • Open with a compliment – Complimenting someone on their clothing or accessories can be a great way to break the ice and start a conversation. There might be an interesting story behind their funky scarf or shoes.
  • Keep notes of conversation starters – Does your mind go blank when you’re in social situations? It can help to keep some conversation topics handy in your bag or phone in case you get stuck. This might include relevant news stories or the TV series you’re currently bingeing.
  • Circle back to something they said earlier – When all else fails, try circling back to something they’ve already spoken about. Ask questions to explore the topic deeper. Chances are if they originally brought it up, they’ll be interested in discussing it further.

 

Use friendship apps

Apps aren’t just for dating, you know! You could meet your new BFF on your phone with apps like Bumble BFF, Friender, Meetup, Nextdoor, and Hey! Vina, to name a few.

Struggle with social anxiety? We offer some helpful advice in this blog post.

Signs of Loneliness in the Elderly

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Are you worried an older loved one might be lonely?

Loneliness can have serious impacts on our mental and physical health. In fact, studies show feeling lonely increases our likelihood of earlier death by 26% – greater than the risk for obesity. Unfortunately, social isolation is common in the elderly.

Research shows that at least 13% of older adults over 65 experience loneliness, and those over 75 are more likely to be lonely than any other age group.

Some common causes of loneliness in older adults include:

  • Disability
  • Death of spouse
  • Death of friend or family member
  • Not living near family
  • Transportation challenges
  • Moving into aged-care facility
  • Poor health and wellbeing.

The following signs may indicate your older loved one is lacking human connection.

 

Restless sleep

If your loved one complains about being tired or struggling to fall or stay asleep, ask them how they’ve been spending their days. Loneliness can lead to restless and fragmented sleep.

 

Changes in frequency of phone calls

Pay attention to your loved one’s phone patterns. Both the increase and decrease in communication may indicate they feel lonely. If you’ve noticed a change in the frequency of their texts or calls, it might be worth checking in on them.

 

Loss of mobility or ability to drive themselves

Mobility issues and losing the ability to drive themselves can impact social connections. Help them maintain their social life and important appointments by offering to drive them or helping them find alternate arrangements for transport.

 

Increased spending habits

Has your loved one been buying more material items than they normally would? People who are lonely may increase their purchasing habits as a way to compensate for a lack of social connections, or simply as a way to fill their time.

 

Frequent hot showers and baths

Research has found a link between physical warmth and social ties. It’s been found that people who are lonely may use physical warmth, such as hot showers, as a substitute for human connection.

 

Increased time spent at home

If your loved one is spending more and more time at home without the company of family or friends, this could be a warning sign that they’re socially isolated.

 

RAQ offers support to older people in Queensland through a range of free services aimed at providing education, advice, and referrals.

This includes our free Senior Social Connection Program, helping older people in the Northern Sunshine Coast and Gympie region connect with local services, meet likeminded peers, and improve their community connections. 

You can learn more about our range of Senior Relationship Services here, or call 1300 364 277 for help finding the right support.

Discover 10 easy ways you can help lonely seniors in this blog post.

Dating Someone from a Different Culture

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Differences are normal in every relationship, and our differences should be celebrated. But dating someone from a different cultural background can have its own unique challenges and learning opportunities.

Growing up in different environments with various beliefs, values, practices, and behaviours can make it tricky to understand each other at times. Things can get confusing and even frustrating, but the important thing is to respond to cultural clashes with respect, kindness, and understanding.

Here are some tips to keep in mind when dating someone from another culture.

 

Reflect on your own experiences

Our experiences shape our beliefs, and our beliefs significantly impact our relationships and our lives in general.

When it comes to dating someone from a different culture, knowing yourself and what has influenced your own worldviews is a great place to start. Spend some time reflecting on your personal experiences, upbringing, and culture. How have these things made you who you are today?

Some questions for self-reflection might include:

  • How would you describe your cultural identity?
  • What family traditions did you have growing up?
  • What does it mean to be polite in your culture?
  • What is considered rude in your culture?
  • What do you like most about your culture?
  • What do you like least about your culture?
  • What does success look like in your culture?
  • What is a unique belief that people from your community have?
  • What are the three most important things that people should know about your culture?
  • When people from other countries think about your culture, what do they usually think of?

 

Learn about their culture

Knowing more about your partner’s culture can help you understand why they have certain beliefs, behaviours, and traditions, instead of relying on assumptions or stereotypes.

You can learn about their culture by doing your own research, asking them questions, or a combination of both. If your partner speaks another language, you might even take the time to learn a few phrases.

Expressing an interest in their culture shows you accept and embrace them. It could be a great opportunity to learn more about each other and increase the intimacy in your relationship.

 

Discuss your expectations

A difference in expectations is only going to lead to problems – especially if those expectations are unknown or unclear.

Communication is key in every relationship, particularly when your differing cultural backgrounds often have you on different pages as a default.

Discuss your expectations and listen to your partner’s point of view. You’ll likely find that with open communication and an open mind, you can find some common ground and compromise to keep both parties happy.

 

See differences as learning opportunities

Dating someone from another culture requires ongoing patience and understanding.

Embrace disagreements as opportunities to expand your mind and empathy. And most importantly, remember that at the end of the day, you’re both human beings with more similarities than differences.

Celebrate your differences as well as your shared interests, dreams, plans for the future, and love for each other.

 

If you’re having a tough time navigating your relationship, a counsellor can help you explore your concerns and potential solutions. We also offer multicultural programs that are sensitive to the needs of culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) clients.

You can call us on 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more.

Keen for more relationship tips? You might like our blog post How to be a Good Listener.

Signs of an Eating Disorder

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Are you worried you or someone you know might have an unhealthy relationship with food?

According to the Butterfly Foundation, ‘disordered eating’ refers to eating patterns that can include restrictive dieting, compulsive eating, or skipping meals.

The number of people in Australia with an eating disorder at any given time is estimated to be around 1 million – approximately 4% of the population.

Lifetime prevalence for eating disorders is approximately 9% of the Australian population.

Some of the most common eating disorders include binge-eating disorder, anorexia, and bulimia.

While everyone’s experience is different, these are some behavioural and physical signs that could indicate an eating disorder.

It’s important to remember that someone with an eating disorder may encounter some or none of these symptoms, and experiencing one or more of these symptoms doesn’t necessarily mean you have an eating disorder.

 

Behavioural signs of an eating disorder

  • Extreme fear of gaining weight
  • Negative or distorted body image
  • Preoccupation with weight, food, calories, carbohydrates, fat grams, and dieting
  • Refusal to eat certain foods or restricting against whole food groups (e.g. no sugar or no carbohydrates)
  • Uncomfortable eating in public or around others
  • Making excuses for not eating
  • Food rituals (e.g. eats only a particular food or food group, doesn’t allow foods to touch on plate)
  • Skipping meals or only eating small portions of food at regular mealtimes
  • New habits with food or fad diets (e.g. vegetarianism/veganism, no dairy)
  • Withdrawal from friends, family, and usual interests
  • Frequent dieting
  • Excessive exercising
  • Excessive concern with body size and shape
  • Frequent checking in the mirror
  • Irritability or extreme mood swings.

 

Physical signs of an eating disorder

  • Fluctuations in weight, both up and down
  • Stomach cramps and other complaints (e.g. constipation, acid reflux)
  • Menstrual irregularities
  • Difficulty focusing
  • Anaemia, low thyroid function, low hormone levels, low potassium, low white and red blood cell counts
  • Dizziness and fainting
  • Feeling cold all the time
  • Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep
  • Dental problems (e.g. cavities, discolouration of teeth, tooth sensitivity)
  • Dry skin and hair, brittle nails
  • Fine hair on body (lanugo)
  • Muscle weakness
  • Impaired immune function.

 

Where to get help

Our counsellors offer a respectful and confidential space to speak with you about your concerns and provide referrals to appropriate support services.

You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

Eating disorders are complex mental illnesses caused by genetics and environmental factors, and negative body image is just one potential contributor.

With this in mind, we’ve listed 10 ways you can encourage a healthier body image mindset for yourself and/or your children in this blog post.

How to Heal From Past Relationships

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Forcing yourself to forget about painful past experiences is impossible. But holding onto negative feelings from past relationships can hurt your present and your future.

While it’s completely normal (and healthy) to grieve failed relationships for a time, dwelling on anger, resentment, and regret long-term can cause harm and prevent you from healing – or finding happiness with a potential new partner.

Maybe you’ve just had your heart broken. Or perhaps you’re struggling to move on peacefully from a relationship breakdown many months – or even years – on.

Whatever your situation, we hope these tips help you let go of your relationship baggage.

 

Let yourself grieve

There’s no way around it: breakups suck. Let yourself feel the feelings. Be gentle with yourself and don’t rush to ‘get over it’ before you’re ready.

Losing a relationship can cause real pain and grief, and denying yourself that grieving process can lead to more problems down the track.

Give yourself permission to explore your strong emotions in a safe space, like in your journal, with a loved one, or with a counsellor.

Don’t: Express your anger in unhealthy or unsafe ways you might regret later. You might find it helpful to write a letter to your ex and then burn it, or try exercises like running or boxing.

 

Remove painful memories

It might be tempting to scroll back through your texts from happier times, but this can cause more harm than good.

Remove anything that brings up painful feelings or memories. Delete text messages, throw away photos or letters, and return their belongings back to them.

If you like to hold onto items from the past for sentimental value, it might be a good idea to put them in a box in the back of your cupboard until you feel emotionally ready to reminisce again.

Don’t: Hold onto photos or items from past relationships if they prevent you from healing and moving on.

 

Look for the lessons

There are often some valuable lessons we can take from relationships that didn’t work out.

Self-reflect and consider what you can learn from the experience. Take responsibly for your part in the relationship breakdown, and use it as a springboard for self-development. Maybe you have issues with jealousy, or perhaps you’d like to work on asserting boundaries.

Be honest with yourself about where you might have room for improvement and what you might want to work on for your next relationship.

Don’t: Ruminate on what you could’ve or should’ve done. Thinking obsessively about something over and over can prevent you from accepting what’s happened and moving forward.

 

Work on yourself

Breakups can make us feel lonely. We’re no longer factoring that person into our daily lives. But this also offers a great opportunity to be a little selfish.

Maybe you put some dreams on the backburner while you nurtured your relationship. Or maybe you’re not quite sure who you are as an individual. This is the perfect time for self-discovery and self-care.

Get a fulfilling hobby, nurture your other relationships, try something new, and work on your goals. This is your chance to think about what you want in life without having to consider someone else.

Don’t: Post your highlight reel to your socials to rub in your ex’s face. If you find yourself taking photos of your good times and fun activities just to spite them or remind them what they’re missing out on, it might be time to unfriend/unfollow.

 

Consider what’s important to you in a relationship

A breakup provides the time and space to think about what you’re looking for in your next relationship.

List the things that are important to you and the deal-breakers you’re not willing to compromise on. For example, your ex might’ve struggled with communication or didn’t make the effort to get to know your friends. These might be things on your ‘red flags’ list moving forward.

Don’t: Get caught up comparing everyone to your ex or unfairly judging them based on small similarities to your ex (e.g. they both work in the same industry or they’re both an only child). There are bound to be some overlaps here and there. As long as those overlaps don’t include toxic or disrespectful behaviours, try to give people a chance and get to know them before writing them off.

 

Don’t excessively talk about your ex to your new partner

Finally, if you do decide to get back out there and meet someone new, avoid making your ex a regular topic of conversation.

It’s normal to discuss past relationships to some degree, put it can be a red flag for a potential new partner if you’re talking about your ex all the time – especially if you seem to have some unresolved feelings.

If you’re having a hard time healing from a past relationship, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.