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Month: November 2021

How to be There for Someone Struggling During COVID

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Written by Shirley Hussie – Relationship and Family Counsellor

The flow-on effects of COVID are still impacting us in one way or another.

Lockdowns and social distancing forced couples and families to spend more time together, putting extra pressure on relationships. For some couples, COVID has been a catalyst for breakdown in the relationship, leading to high levels of conflict and separation.

Some of us are experiencing the financial stress from loss of income, or the stress of working from home and having to home-school children.

Some young people are struggling to feel excited about their future, and there’s a general feeling of uncertainty about the state of the world.

It’s easy to feel helpless when someone you care about is having a hard time coping. We hope this advice helps you support them and maintain your own mental health during this time.

 

Signs Someone Might be Struggling

The best way to determine whether someone is struggling is to ask them, but these signs may indicate someone is having a tough time with their mental health:

  • Irritability or edginess
  • Withdrawing from friends and family
  • Being less responsive to texts and calls
  • Reports of changes in sleeping/eating
  • Increased use of alcohol and/or drugs
  • General changes in behaviour
  • Using social media to voice their concerns or ceasing to be active on social media.

 

How to Check in with Someone

These conversations aren’t always easy, but taking the time to check in lets your loved one know someone cares and they’re not alone.

The best way to support someone struggling is to create space for them to be heard. Ask if they’re OK, and truly listen and validate their feelings and concerns. Empathising with their situation can make the world of difference.

If you’ve picked up on some concerning behaviours, you can use those examples to start the conversation. For example, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been coming to as many social events. I’m just wondering how you’re doing at the moment?” 

 

Maintaining Your Mental Health During COVID

If you or someone you know is struggling, seeking support is a positive and powerful first step. You can seek support from a trusted friend or family member or get in touch with an organisation or private mental health provider.

A problem shared is a problem halved, and knowing that we’re not alone at this time is extremely important and helpful.

We could all benefit from some extra self-care right now. All this stress can have significant impacts on our life. It impacts us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Simple techniques to calm the nervous system and de-stress include:

  • Spending time in nature
  • Focusing on your breath
  • Going for a walk or run
  • Simply resting and being still
  • Listening to calming music
  • Meditating
  • Spending time with loved ones.

RAQ provides confidential counselling in person, over the phone, and over video chat. You can learn more here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

 

 Shirley Hussie is a Relationship Counsellor with over 20 years’ counselling experience.  Shirley has been with Relationships Australia QLD since March 2009 and has had extensive experience working with couples in conflict and couples at risk of separation as well as families at risk of breakdown.

Outside of RAQ, Shirley works in private practice as a Coach and Counsellor working with individuals and couples who struggle with unhealthy lifestyle habits including drug and alcohol addiction.  She helps them make positive change and regain control of their lives so they can thrive rather than survive.

Shirley’s passion for Counselling and Coaching is matched by her passion for transforming lives. This passion for transformation is at the heart of Shirley’s work for RAQ.

How to Tell if Your Mate is Struggling

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Does your mate seem a bit off lately?

No one likes to see someone they care about struggle, but it can be hard to know how to help. Learning how to recognise the signs a friend might be depressed is a great place to start.

Research shows one in six Australians is currently experiencing depression or anxiety – or both.

Asking your mates about their mental health can help remove the stigma and support them through a tough time. Because let’s face it – with the busyness of everyday life and the craziness of COVID, a lot of us are feeling out of sorts.

We hope you find this advice helpful when your loved one is struggling.

 

Signs your friend might be depressed

Everyone experiences depression differently. While these behaviours aren’t always an indication of depression or any other mental health condition, they are some signs to look out for if you’re worried about your mate.

  • They’re irritable or moody
  • They appear teary and/or tired
  • They report changes in sleep and/or eating patterns
  • They don’t have as much energy as they normally do
  • They’re engaging in risky behaviour such as substance abuse
  • They report physical issues like headaches or stomach problems
  • They’ve lost interest in the activities or hobbies they normally enjoy
  • They have a negative or hopeless outlook (e.g., “What’s the point?”)
  • They’ve withdrawn and don’t respond to messages or attend social events as often.

These are just some signs your friend may be experiencing depression. Any changes in behaviour and/or mood might indicate they’re facing some challenges, so the best you can do is ask how they’re going.

 

How to help a friend with depression

A strong support network can make all the difference for someone struggling with their mental health. Here are some ways you can help your mate on the road to recovery.

Learn about depression

Learning the signs and symptoms of depression can help increase your understanding and empathy. It can also help you be patient when they may seem withdrawn or ‘in a bad mood’. Knowing more about the condition is a great first step.

Check in casually

The stigma around mental health and depression is decreasing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not uncomfortable to talk about sometimes. It doesn’t have to be a big deal; you can casually raise the topic during friendly conversation.

Some ways to bring it up might include:

  • How have you been going?
  • You’ve seemed a bit off lately. How are you?
  • Sounds like work/school/home life has been causing you stress. Want to talk about it?

Let them know you care

Offering a non-judgemental ear can help more than you know. Let your mate know you care about them and you’re there if they need to talk.

If you’re not sure what to say during these heavier conversations, a simple “That sounds really hard” or “I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with that” can help validate their feelings.

Don’t forget to follow up and check in with them to see how they’re going.

Encourage them to get help

If you think your mate could use some extra support, you might like to gently encourage them to seek professional help.

Counselling can be a good option for anyone going through a rough patch. RAQ offers confidential counselling in a supportive and respectful environment. Call 1300 364 277 to learn more or make an appointment.

Caring about someone with mental health struggles can be hard, so don’t forget to take care of yourself too.

If you are in an emergency or there is an immediate risk of harm to yourself or others, please call 000.

We offer more advice to talk to a mate about mental health in this blog post.

How to Talk to Loved Ones Who Don’t Share Your Views Around COVID

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Written by Val Holden – Relationship and Family Counsellor

We don’t always share the same beliefs as our family members. In fact, we may have very different opinions about all sorts of things, and that’s OK – most of the time.

There are some subjects we know to avoid at the dinner table if we want to keep the peace. For some families, that might include issues related to COVID-19, like mask mandates and vaccinations.

Over the last two years, we’ve been inundated with information about COVID-19, and we’ve all formed opinions and beliefs as a result.

We hope this advice helps you communicate effectively and maintain healthy relationships if you’re butting heads with loved ones over COVID-19.

 

Have patience and understanding

People across the world have had their lives turned upside-down by COVID-19 in many ways, including financially, emotionally, and psychologically.

COVID has created an element of fear and brought about some unusual behaviours for some of us. Remember how quickly toilet paper flew off our shelves at the first sign of lockdown?!

It’s helpful to remember that circumstances are unusual right now and we all need to have some extra patience and understanding for each other’s behaviour. Chances are there’s some fear and uncertainty driving it.

 

Be respectful

Respect is key in any relationship. This includes respecting another’s right to their point of view, beliefs, and feelings.

Let them know you love them whether you agree with them or not, and make sure they understand it’s important to you that the relationship continues (if this is what you want).

As frustrating as it can be to bite your tongue, it’s not up to you to make everyone agree with your beliefs.

 

Speak with kindness

Similarly, it’s important to be kind – even when you’re feeling frustrated. The last thing you want is to speak down to your family members or come across as condescending or arrogant. Don’t put them down or make them feel inferior for their beliefs.

If you feel the conversation is escalating from a discussion to an argument, you can try to keep things calm by:

  • Maintaining a calm tone
  • Relaxing your posture and body language
  • Taking a deep breath
  • Stating you don’t want to argue and asking to change the subject.

It can also help to validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. For example, you might say: “I can see this is really important to you.” This can help them feel heard and respected.

 

Put the topic on pause

It’s OK to assert boundaries and put a topic on pause if it’s only causing friction.

Ask your family member if you can talk about it another time. Or agree to disagree, keep the topic off the table entirely and focus on all the positive things in your relationship instead.

It can even help to have some space from the relationship if you need to. This can give both of you some time to calm down and separate your loved one from their opinion before you see each other again.

 

Seek help for effective communication

Counselling can be a great option for people who struggle to communicate or need support repairing a relationship. It provides a neutral, non-threatening space to explore your feelings and work together on a solution.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong; it’s about communicating effectively and maintaining a healthy, respectful relationship.

A lot of the time, relationships can be stronger after a rift – especially when both people are open and want to rebuild the relationship.

You can learn more about our relationship counselling here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

Another RAQ mental health professional shares their advice for managing your mental health during COVID-19 in this article.

 

Val Holden is an experienced family and couples therapist. She has a Masters Counselling, Bachelor Counselling, and a Grad Certificate of Business Management.

Val has more than 20 years’ experience in management of counselling services and delivery of direct client practice in the not-for-profit industry.