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Month: March 2023

Resolving Family Disputes Concerning Ageing Parents

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As your parent reaches old age, siblings may disagree on what’s best for the parent regarding important decisions and caretaking responsibilities.

Siblings may have different opinions on matters such as the level of care and support needed for your parent, where the parent should live, and everyone’s roles and level of involvement.

In this blog post, we offer some tips to resolve the family dispute concerning your ageing parent.

 

Prioritise your elderly parent’s wellbeing

When a discussion turns into an argument, it’s easy to lose focus of the priority: your ageing parent. Though it feels difficult, you may have to set aside any differences to reach an agreement that is best for your parent.

Don’t forget to consider the input of your parent. Your parent is getting older, but they still have goals. Have an open discussion with them about these goals, which may include:

  • Downsizing to a smaller home.
  • Relocating to be closer to family.
  • Prioritising their health and fitness.
  • Being independent for as long as possible.
  • Socialising or getting involved in the community.

Consider both the wants and needs of your parent in your discussions with your siblings.

 

Try to understand each other’s perspectives

Sometimes, sibling roles and responsibilities involving your parent may not feel balanced. Putting yourself in the shoes of your sibling may help you to understand their perspective.

Different circumstances may contribute to your differentiating opinions in the matter, including:

  • Their own mental health.
  • How near or far they live.
  • Their career and career goals.
  • Their relationship with the parent.
  • Their own children and family priorities.
  • time that can be devoted to looking after your parent.

If you or your sibling are not able to devote time and resources into looking after your elderly parent, for example, then you may have to consider other options.

 

Review all of your options and get an expert assessment

Your siblings should narrow the discussion down to what your options realistically are. Agree on attainable options after reviewing the following areas:

  • finances.
  • personal preferences.
  • level of care and support needed.

Whether you are arguing about finances, making important decisions, or caretaking responsibilities, we recommend consulting professionals. Depending on what the dispute concerns, a general practitioner or a financial counsellor would be most fit to guide your decision.

 

Look out for signs of elder abuse

In the instance of family disputes concerning an ageing parent, your parent may become more vulnerable to elder abuse – whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Adult children are the most common perpetrators of elder abuse. While there’s no excuse for abuse, the perpetrator may not intend to cause harm or even realise they are doing so.

As you and your siblings argue over what is best for your elderly parent, look out for signs of elder abuse including:

  • lack of health essentials such as medication or hearing aids.
  • apprehension or anxiety about a specific person.
  • lack of control over their own finances.
  • withdrawal and changes in confidence.
  • symptoms of depression or anxiety.
  • missing money, assets, or mail.

Read more about elder abuse, its signs, and what you can do to get help here.

 

Consider a mediator

Family disputes can become emotional and may involve complicated relationships, generational trauma, and other complex intricacies. Such arguments can damage relationships and may harm the older person concerned rather than help them.

Getting a mediator involved can help your family explore your options in a safe way. Discussions will be professionally guided. Mediation can help resolve conflict and make a roadmap for moving forward.

Learn more about how to access senior relationships mediation in Queensland and what to expect here.

 

If you need help resolving a conflict concerning an older person, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment that priotises the older person’s wellbeing.

You can learn more about our Senior Relationship Mediation Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Healing from Emotional Abuse

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Emotional abuse can have serious ongoing impacts on survivors. It can cause low self-esteem, isolation, and even mental health conditions such as anxiety or PTSD.

But with time and the right support and resources, it is possible to process and heal from emotional abuse and regain your confidence and sense of self.

RAQ Relationship Educator Gamze shares her insights and advice around emotional abuse here, including:

  • What is emotional abuse?
  • Why might someone emotionally abuse their partner?
  • Impacts on survivors
  • Leaving an abusive relationship
  • Coping strategies to heal from emotional abuse
  • Where to get help.

 

What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that has been overlooked in the past, but we’re exploring what it is and its effects more recently.

Domestic violence, including mental and emotional abuse, is a crime in Australia and many other countries.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse often goes unnoticed and can be difficult to identify. It can involve the use of words, actions, and/or behaviours.

It can come in many forms such as:

  • Constant criticism, belittling or humiliation including yelling and name-calling
  • Emotional neglect through withholding affection, attention, and/or support
  • Gaslighting, which involves denying or trivialising the person’s feelings or experiences, lying or distorting the truth, projecting their own faults onto the other person, and isolating the other person from family and friends who might support them
  • Controlling the person’s behaviour, such as what they wear, where they go, or who they see or spend time with
  • Threatening to harm the other person or someone they care about (including pets) as a way to control and manipulate them.

You can learn more in our blog post What’s an emotionally abusive relationship?

 

Why might someone emotionally abuse their partner?

Emotional abuse is a complex issue, so the motivation of the person who is emotionally abusing their partner can vary.

It’s important to highlight that regardless of the reason, emotional abuse is never OK and cannot be justified. Sometimes, understanding why something is happening can help people to process their emotions and thoughts better and can increase their motivation to make changes.

These are some of the reasons why someone might emotionally abuse their partner.

Power and control

One of the primary reasons why someone may emotionally abuse their partner is to gain power and control over them, their thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. This usually happens due to their sense of feeling inadequate as a person or partner, or out of fear of losing their partner.

Childhood experiences

Emotional abuse can be a learned behaviour through being exposed to or experiencing abuse in their childhood. Someone who has grown up with parents or carers who use emotional abuse – and other forms of abuse – may not see how this behaviour is harmful and go on to follow the same patterns in their adult relationships.

Mental health issues

People with certain mental health conditions or personality disorders may be more prone to emotionally abusing their partner. Where abuse is present, there may be an underlying mental health issue.

 

Impacts on Survivors

Survivors of emotional abuse often experience long-lasting negative impacts on their overall wellbeing, including their physical wellbeing.

These are just some of the potential impacts of emotional abuse on a survivor.

Low self-worth

Emotional abuse can make a person feel worthless and unimportant. They may begin to think they’re not deserving of love, respect, or happiness. In some cases, survivors might blame themselves for the abuse, which can lead to feelings of shame and further isolation.

Increased self-doubt and trust issues

Survivors might doubt their ability to make the ‘right decisions’ when it comes to relationships, and struggle to trust others and their motivations. This may get in the way of forming healthy close relationships.

Difficulty regulating own emotions

Survivors of emotional abuse may struggle to regulate strong emotions and feel easily overwhelmed. This can make it hard to maintain relationships.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Emotional abuse can be traumatic, and in some cases, can lead to PTSD. Victims may experience flashbacks, nightmares, and other symptoms commonly associated with trauma.

Anxiety and depression

Ongoing isolation and criticism may cause long-lasting anxiety and depression. Survivors may feel hopeless and on edge more often than someone who hasn’t experienced emotional abuse.

Physical issues

In some cases, emotional abuse can cause chronic headaches, digestive issues, chronic pain, and other physical health problems.

We list more common effects of domestic abuse here.

 

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

If you’re considering leaving an abusive relationship, please keep in mind that it can be a dangerous process. The period that follows leaving an abusive partner can be the most dangerous time for a survivor.

It’s a good idea to seek professional help to find ways to stay safe. A domestic violence service or counsellor can help you come up with a safety plan to prioritise keeping yourself (and your children, if any) safe while you’re leaving the relationship. You can call us on 1300 364 277 to make an appointment to speak to a counsellor.

It’s also important to know that paid family and domestic violence leave is now available for some Australian employees.

Full-time, part-time, and casual employees of medium and large businesses can now access 10 days of paid family and domestic violence leave in a 12-month period. Employees of small businesses can access the leave from 1 August 2023.

This leave is intended to allow survivors to make arrangements and attend appointments required to deal with the impact of abuse without losing wages.

We offer practical steps to increase your safety after leaving an abusive relationship here.

 

Coping strategies to heal from emotional abuse

  • Acknowledge the abuse: When we can address what has happened, it becomes easier to understand and process the impact of the abuse. This is the first step to start working on healing and having a healthier life.
  • Take time to grieve: It’s important to grieve for what you hoped for yourself and your relationship as well as your ‘old self’ before the abuse. You may experience different emotions such as sadness, anger, loneliness, and confusion. Allow yourself to experience these emotions and express them in a healthy way.
  • Seek help: As we’ve explored here, emotional abuse can create several long-lasting impacts on the survivor. You don’t have to deal with them alone. A domestic and family violence trained counsellor can help you understand what you’ve been through, including the impact of the abuse, and help you look for ways to heal in your own time. It can also be helpful to join support groups or reach out to trusted friends or family members to manage the feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  • Do things that bring joy and increase your self-worth: Spend time nurturing parts of you that have been impacted by the abuse by doing things that bring you joy. Some people find exercising, resting, eating a balanced diet, journalling, meditation, or spending time with close friends bring them joy and fulfilment.
  • Forgive yourself: Feelings of self-blame and shame are common for survivors of emotional abuse. Find ways to forgive yourself and see if you can sit with the thought that the abuse was not your fault, and you did not deserve to be treated that way. Seek self-compassion for the actions you might have taken to protect yourself and your loved ones during the abuse.
  • Set boundaries: If the person who has abused you is still in your life, set clear and healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further impacts of the abuse. This can help you feel in control of your life and contribute to your sense of self. It can be tricky to set boundaries to start with. Seek help if you are struggling with boundaries and be patient with yourself as you learn to navigate life after the abuse.

 

Where to get help

You deserve a life free from abuse. You deserve to be loved in a respectful way, and you don’t have to heal alone. Reach out for help and prioritise your safety and wellbeing.

Our counsellors can help you process your experience in a safe environment free from judgement.

They can work with you to explore your options and refer you to the appropriate support, including legal action where necessary.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

What to Consider Before Moving In With Adult Children

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You’ve accomplished so much in your life already! It’s perfectly okay that you find yourself thinking about moving in with your children.

Seniors choose to move in with their child for many reasons such as the rising cost of living, changing health and care needs, or to be closer together.

Moving into your child’s home may strengthen your relationship and can be mutually beneficial. It’s important to prepare for potential problems and to maintain a healthy, happy dynamic between you and your child when making the decision about moving in with them.

 

The level of care that you need

You’ve likely spent a lot of your time looking after yourself and for those around you. As you age, your health and abilities naturally change. There is no shame in seeking help where you need it and letting someone help care for you.

If you are considering moving in with your child because you need some extra help in looking after yourself, first make sure that your child will be willing and able to assist.

Sometimes we may downplay our needs because we feel we need to be convenient, but it’s better to be honest and direct when communicating to your needs to your child.

If you are not confident you will receive the care that you need, other options such as an in-home support worker may be better for your health and for your relationship with your child.

 

The impact on your mental and physical health

Your mental health is greatly persuaded by your surrounding environment. Living in close quarters with your child can challenge your relationship, especially if grandchildren are living in the home, too.

Steps to mitigate your mental health when moving in with your adult child can include:

  • disclosing expectations of caretaking roles, both for yourself and for any childcare.
  • discussing expectations regarding visitors, noise, cleaning, privacy, and downtime.
  • informing them about any triggers.
  • attending counselling
  • setting boundaries.

Consider what potential health and safety hazards may be around your child’s home, such as:

  • if the home is disability friendly or not.
  • the local weather and climate.
  • if there is enough space.
  • young children.
  • pets.

You and your child can plan out ways that you can make the home a place where everyone can feel safe and comfortable.

 

Peers and community

Socialising with peers your own age can significantly help the adjustment of moving in with your child.

You can find local socialisation opportunities through:

  • local groups and events for seniors,
  • a local religious affiliation,
  • and more.

The Senior Social Connection Program helps older people in the Sunshine Coast connect with others through free events, courses, and catchups. The Australian Government offers a huge list of social opportunities for older people across Queensland.

If you will be leaving behind nearby friends and neighbours, plan to keep in touch. Chances are that your child will be able to help you learn to use your smartphone to stay connected.

 

Pets

Pets are our best friends; they’re a source of love and comfort.

Only 18% of aged care facilities in Australia allow pets, while just 9% of in-home care providers claim to offer a pet-friendly service. Moving into your child’s home may be the better option to keep your four-legged friend with you.

Ensure that your child’s home will be a suitable environment for your pet. If you are not entirely able to look after the pet yourself, discuss any care-taking responsibilities with your child.

 

Money and assets

Finances are a leading reason why older adults downsize or move out of their homes, especially with the recent cost of living increase. Though finances may be a touchy subject, an amicable conversation in the beginning can prevent a relationship breakdown in the end. We offer some tips for having difficult conversations here.

To guide this conversation, consider:

  • Will you pay rent, and if so, how much?
  • How will utility and grocery bills be split?

Financial agreements should always be made in writing; we advise using a general tenancy agreement.

Make sure you’re taking advantage of senior benefits, such as age pension.

Living together may make you more vulnerable to financial abuse. Learn more about financial elder abuse and how you can protect yourself here.

 

Safety

Your home should always be a safe place for you.

While many older Australians consider their child to be their most important person, older Australians are most likely to feel unsafe disagreeing with said person. Older people are vulnerable to elder abuse; adult children are the most common perpetrators.

There is no excuse for abuse, but before moving in with your child, consider factors that may make your child an unintentional perpetrator, such as:

  • any negative history in your relationship.
  • the financial situation.
  • their mental health.

It’s okay to ask for help. Learn more about elder abuse and how to reach out for help here.

 

If you are an older person who is having trouble navigating a relationship with a family member, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

If your parent is moving in with you, our blog post 10 Tips for Moving Your Elderly Parents In offers more advice.

You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

Am I controlling?

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Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse, and it can have dangerous impacts on survivors.

But what exactly counts as coercive control, and how do we know if we’re being controlling?

A controlling relationship is one where one person uses manipulation and intimidation to control their partner’s behaviour and make them feel scared, isolated, and dependent on the controlling partner.

This can range from telling them what to wear or who they can and can’t spend time with, to more subtle controlling behaviours, such as using the ‘silent treatment’ when you don’t get your way.

The use of control in relationships can stem from anxiety, insecurities, jealousy, growing up around unhealthy relationships, and other issues.

If you recognise controlling behaviours in yourself, it’s important to address these unhealthy patterns early. This is the first step to having healthier interactions with your partner and avoiding further harm.

Speaking to a counsellor can help you make changes and explore any underlying issues that might be contributing to these behaviours.

RAQ Clinical Supervisor (Domestic and Family Violence) Kelli offers her insights on control in relationships, and advice for anyone using control.

 

Common Controlling Behaviours in Relationships

Control in relationships can be hard to identify. Someone being controlled may not even realise it, and even the person using control might think they’re doing these things because they care.

For example, you might demand to know where your partner is and who they’re with at all times and say it’s just because you care about them. But this behaviour is controlling and abusive.

Learning more about controlling behaviours can help us recognise them in our own relationships and make healthy changes.

These are just some examples of control in intimate relationships:

  • Being the one to make all the decisions (e.g. what to spend money on, how to parent children, what activities to engage with, who to socialise with).
  • Stopping someone from accessing or interacting with friends, family, or their spiritual beliefs.
  • Excessively checking up on someone (e.g. needing to know where they’re going, monitoring their phone/social media activity, making them “report in” on their whereabouts at all times).
  • Gaslighting, including telling them an incident/conflict situation didn’t happen the way they remember it, telling them they’re imagining things, minimising their concerns, making fun of them when they’re distressed.
  • Making direct or passive aggressive insults or comments on someone’s appearance (e.g. “Are you wearing that?” or “I don’t think you need another slice of pizza.”).
  • Making someone feel imcompetent, criticising how they do things, and/or saying they’d be lost without you.

 

Why do people use control in their relationships?

It’s important to remember that there is never an excuse for asserting power and control over your partner.

These are just some of the underlying issues that may contribute to someone using control in their relationship:

  • Fear of losing the relationship
  • Inability to communicate feelings in a healthy way
  • Jealousy and trust issues, possibly as a result of being hurt in the past
  • To break down their partner’s self-esteem so they never leave them
  • These behaviours were modelled to them in their own families
  • They see their partner as their “property”.

Cultural beliefs around traditional gender roles can also play a part in the use of control in heterosexual relationships.

“They may have beliefs about relationships that make them feel entitled to behave this way,” Kelli explains. “For example: I am the man of the house, therefore I get to set the rules.”

 

Advice for Controlling Partners

“Control in relationships can have a negative cumulative effect that can have significant impacts such as low self-esteem, sense of powerlessness, and a lack of trust and respect,” Kelli explains.

“Consider the long-term impacts of your behaviour on your relationship.”

The good news is that you can take steps to change these behaviours.

Our counsellors can help you identify and address any underlying issues within yourself that may contribute to these relationship patterns.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment, or learn more about our counselling service here.

 

We explore more examples of coercive control in this article.

Benefits of Befriending Your Neighbour in Your Older Age

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As you age, there are so many benefits to having friends you can socialise with.

Have you ever thought that there can be a potential friend right next door? 28% of seniors say that community groups, such as those within their neighbourhood, play an important role in their life.

In this blog post, we’ll explore some great benefits of befriending your neighbour.

 

1.      Socialisation

In older age, socialisation contributes greatly to both physical and mental health.

Being social benefits the likes of your self-esteem, your sleep, and your memory. You’ll also be at decreased risk for illness, heart problems, high blood pressure, dementia, depression, and anxiety.

Intergenerational friendships can be mutually beneficial. Socialising with your neighbour will stimulate your brain and give you someone to pass down life lessons, wisdom, and stories to.

Meanwhile, your friendship can help your younger neighbour learn to embrace ageing and to break down their stereotypes about older people.

 

2.      Learning from the younger generation

While wisdom comes with age, the younger generation still has a lot to teach us.

For example, your younger neighbour may give you some insight into smartphones and technology, which enables you to stay connected with your own family and friends.

 

3.      Help with small jobs

As we age, our abilities naturally change. It’s handy to have someone next door who would be happy to do small jobs, such as changing out a lightbulb or putting away groceries.

Though your friendly neighbour will probably not expect anything of you in return for these tasks, good deeds like this are often in exchange for your friendship and kindness.

 

4.      Carpooling and shopping

While of course your neighbour is not your chauffeur or your personal shopper, your neighbour may be happy to pick up something for you on their trip to the grocery shop.

You could also carpool with them to events like weekly religious services or a local community meeting. Carpooling together is an opportunity to have conversations or to introduce each other to your favourite music.

Your younger neighbour is likely to feel good about helping, while for you, learning to ask for help is an important skill.

 

5.      In case of emergencies

In case of a fall or any other emergency, it would be extremely handy to have someone just next door to help.

Offer your name and number in exchange for your neighbour’s, so that both of you can contact the other in the event of an emergency.

 

6.      Exchanging meals and recipes

Whether it’s a cultural dish or a secret family recipe, cooking for someone else is sure to warm the heart. Bringing over a meal is a lovely way to introduce yourself to your neighbour and spark up a friendship.

Exchanging meals and recipes with a neighbour is a perfect bonding activity that will teach you new dishes and give you a chance to chat over mealtime.

 

7.      Gets you outside more

Even if it’s just sitting on your front porch, being outside creates opportunities for social interaction – especially with your neighbours.

Being friends with those living around you can get you outdoors more for your daily chats or to attend events that your neighbours may start inviting you to.

Spending time outdoors has been shown to increase confidence in seniors, and one of the reasons is the greater exposure to social interactions.

Australia’s annual Neighbour Day occurs at the end of every March. It’s the perfect excuse to introduce yourself to your neighbours and to form new friendships.

 

We offer some ideas on ways to meet your neighbours in our blog post, 5 Ways to Build Community in Your Neighbourhood.

Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.

5 Ways to Build Community in Your Neighbourhood

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Having a sense of belonging where we live can make us happier and less lonely.

Social isolation is a major cause of loneliness. Building a sense of community in your neighbourhood can help reduce social isolation for yourself and for your neighbours.

Here are 5 fun ways that you can create connection and community in your neighbourhood.

 

1. Become a regular at a local business

Frequenting local businesses, such as your favourite café, can help establish some familiar friendly faces. You can also attend your nearest weekly market, where local vendors sell their products and services.

Plus, supporting local businesses will contribute to their success while stimulating your neighbourhood’s economy.

 

2. Chat to other parents (or fur parents) at the local park

Whether you have human children or four-legged children, going to the playground or dog park is an easy way to make friends with other locals.

A survey shows that attending local parks and owning a pet are by far the top ways that Australians meet people in their neighbourhood.

Visiting the park on a regular basis with your children or your dog will incorporate some consistent socialisation into your life. Your child or your dog can form their own friendships at the park, too.

 

3. Welcome the newcomers in your area

Create a shared sense of community by welcoming the newcomers of your neighbourhood or building.

You could recommend your favourite local places and offer them tips and insight on the neighbourhood.

More personable approaches might include gifting them some homegrown produce from your garden or leaving a kind note on their door.

 

4. Join or start a local group or club

Joining a local group or club can create a sense of belonging in your area. You can find local groups and clubs relevant to your interests and hobbies on Facebook or Meetup.

If there isn’t already a group for your specific interest, why not start one? You can gather attendees easily on the previously mentioned social apps or by posting flyers around your building or neighbourhood.

 

5. Throw a party

Your neighbours can’t complain about the noise if they’re at your party!

Jokes aside, hosting a party can be a fun, casual way for neighbours to get to know each other. Easy ideas include a BYO barbecue or a neighbourhood Christmas celebration.

At the end of every March, Australia’s annual Neighbour Day is the perfect excuse to throw a neighbourhood party. Neighbour Day is reported to have lasting outcomes, with 95% of participants reporting that they plan to maintain ongoing contact with the neighbours they met at a Neighbour Day event.

If you’re feeling lonely or having trouble making friends, our counsellors are here to help. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

Just moved? We offer some tips on making friends in our blog post How to Meet People in a New City.

Is Australia meeting our Closing the Gap targets?

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National Close the Gap Day is observed on the third Thursday of March, falling on March 16 this year.

It aims to raise awareness of  a range of  significant social and economic issues and barriers faced by First Nations – Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Australians, and is an opportunity to show support for the National Agreement on Closing the Gap (the Agreement).

Colonisation has caused ongoing trauma across generations of First Nations Australians.

There are First Nations Peoples living today who:

  • Were denied an education
  • Could not receive healthcare
  • Did not have the right to vote
  • Had children stolen from them
  • Were not permitted in public places
  • Are members of the Stolen Generations
  • After the abolition of slavery had their wages stolen
  • Were forced to work for colonial settlers and government agencies for no wages
  • Contributed to the Australian economy and defence forces and were never acknowledged
  • Were forcibly removed from their own Traditional Lands and detained in government Reservations.

The objective of the Closing the Gap framework is to enable Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples and governments to work together to overcome the inequality experienced by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples and achieve life outcomes equal to all Australians.

The Agreement came into effect in July 2020 and sets out a 10-year framework. It identifies 17 socioeconomic outcomes important to the rights, wellbeing, and quality of life of First Nations Australians.

So, how are we doing so far? Is Closing the Gap working? We take a look at our progress here with some help from Aunty Deb, Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement and Cultural Advisor at RAQ.

This article is informed by the Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022.

 

What are our Closing the Gap targets?

Health and wellbeing

  1. Close the gap in life expectancy within a generation by 2031.
  2. Increase the proportion of babies with a healthy birthweight to 91% by 2031.
  3. Increase the proportion of children assessed as developmentally on track in all five domains of the Australian Early Development Census to 55% by 2031.
  4. Reduce the rate of overrepresentation of First Nations children in out-of-home care by 45% by 2031.
  5. Significant and sustained reduction in suicide of First Nations Peoples towards zero.

Beyond Blue’s ‘Invisible Discriminator’ campaign highlights the impact of racism on the social and emotional wellbeing of First Nations Peoples: The Invisible Discriminator – Beyond Blue

Education and Employment

  1. Increase the proportion of children enrolled in Year Before Fulltime Schooling early childhood education to 95% by 2025.
  2. Increase the proportion of people aged 20-24 years attaining year 12 or equivalent qualification to 96% by 2031.
  3. Increase the proportion of people aged 25-34 years who have completed a tertiary qualification (Certificate III and above) to 70% by 2031.
  4. Increase the proportion of youth (aged 15-24 years) who are in employment, education or training to 67% by 2031.
  5. Increase the proportion of people aged 25-64 years who are employed to 62% by 2031.

Justice

  1. Reduce the rate of adults held in incarceration by at least 15% by 2031.
  2. Reduce the rate of young people (aged 10-17 years) in detention by 30% by 2031.

Safety

  1. Reduce the rate of all forms of family violence and abuse against First Nations women and children by at least 50% by 2031, as progress towards zero.

Housing

  1. Increase the proportion of people living in appropriately sized (not overcrowded) housing to 88% by 2031.

Land and waters

  1. First Nations Peoples maintain a distinctive cultural, spiritual, physical, and economic relationship with their land and waters.
  • A 15% increase in Australia’s landmass subject to First Nations Peoples’ legal rights or interests by 2030.
  • A 15% increase in areas covered by First Nations Peoples’ legal rights or interests in the sea by 2030.

Languages

  1. There is a sustained increase in number and strength of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander languages being spoken by 2031.

Digital inclusion

  1. First Nations Peoples to have equal levels of digital inclusion by 2026.

 

What targets are on track?

It’s important to note that the targets provide limited information on progress at this stage. No new data are available since the baseline year for eight of the targets, and for the targets where there are new data available, the most recent data are for 2021.

For the targets that have new data and assessments of progress, the results are mixed and most need to be used with caution.

According to the Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022, four of the Closing the Gap targets are on track. These include:

Healthy birthweight of babies

89.5% of First Nations babies born in 2019 were of a healthy birthweight.

This is an increase from 88.8% in 2017 (the baseline year) and is on track to meet the target of 91% by 2031.

Enrolment of children in the preschool

96.7% of First Nations children in the Year Before Fulltime Schooling age cohort were enrolled in a preschool program in 2021.

This is an increase from 76.7% in 2016 (the baseline year) and is on track to meet the target of 95% by 2031.

Youth detention rates

In 2020-21, the rate of First Nations Young Peoples aged 10–17 years in detention on an average day was 23.2 per 10,000 young people in the population.

This is a decrease from 31.9 per 10,000 young people in 2018-19 (the baseline year) and is on track to meet the target to decrease by at least 30% by 2031.

Land mass subject to rights and interests

4,027,232km2 of the land mass was subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests in 2021.

This is an increase from 3,911,679 km2 of the land mass in 2020 (the baseline year).

The target to see a 15% increase in land mass subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests by 2030 is on track to be met.

What targets aren’t on track?

The report shows five Closing the Gap targets are not on track. These include:

Children commencing school developmentally on track

34.3% of First Nations children commencing school were assessed as being developmentally on track in 2021. This is a decrease from 35.2% in 2018 (the baseline year) and is not on track to meet the target of 55% by 2031.

Out-of-home care

In 2021, the rate of First Nations children aged 0–17 years in out-of-home care was 57.6 per 1000 children in the population. This is an increase from 54.2 per 1000 children in 2019 (the baseline year) and is not on track to meet the target of reducing the rate of out-of-home care by 45% by 2031.

Adult imprisonment

As of 30 June 2021, the age-standardised rate of First Nations prisoners was 2222.7 per 100,000 adult population. This is an increase from 2142.9 per 100,000 adult population in 2019 (the baseline year) and is not on track to meet the target of reducing the incarceration rate by at least 15% by 2031.

Suicide deaths

The suicide rate (for NSW, QLD, WA, SA, NT combined) for First Nations Peoples was 27.9 per 100,000 people in 2020. This is an increase from 25 per 100,000 people in 2018 (the baseline year) and is getting us further away from the target of a ‘significant and sustained reduction in suicide towards zero’.

“Suicide was unknown to Aboriginal people prior to invasion. Appalling living conditions and past traumas have led to a suicide rate that by far exceeds that of non-Aboriginal people.” – Creative Spirits

Sea country subject to rights and interests

90,555km2 of the sea country was subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests in 2021. This is an increase from 90,252 km2 of the sea country in 2020 (the baseline year).

While this was an increase, the target to see a 15% increase in sea country subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests by 2030 is not on track to be met.

 

Closing the Gap targets progress 2023

Image: Online report – Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022 | Closing the Gap Information Repository – Productivity Commission (pc.gov.au)

 

The following eight targets not listed above have no new data available since the baseline year:

  1. Close the gap in life expectancy within a generation
  2. Children enrolled in Year Before Fulltime Schooling early childhood education
  3. Proportion of people aged 20-24 years attaining year 12 or equivalent qualification
  4. Proportion of people aged 25-34 years who have completed a tertiary qualification
  5. Proportion of youth (aged 15-24 years) who are in employment, education or training
  6. Proportion of people aged 25-64 years who are employed
  7. Number and strength of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander languages being spoken
  8. Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples to have equal levels of digital inclusion

You can read the full 2022 report here: Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022

 

What next?

A further update is scheduled for June 2023, which is anticipated to include reporting for the first time on the further eight targets not listed in the above data. The release of the 2023 Annual Data Compilation Report is anticipated by mid-July.

We look forward to having access to this updated snapshot of Australia’s progress in Closing the Gap.

The Minister for Indigenous Australians has released the 2023 Commonwealth Closing the Gap Implementation Plan. This Implementation Plan is the first under the Albanese Government and outlines the Commonwealth’s strategic priorities and efforts to close the gap over the next 12-18 months. You can read the plan here.

RAQ stands with First Nations staff, clients, and communities. We acknowledge the generosity of First Nations Peoples as they continue to build upon their resilience and resourcefulness and endeavour to develop and maintain respectful relationships with all other Australians and international visitors on their Lands.
RAQ offers culturally appropriate support online and in person. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment with one of our counsellors. Or you can connect with 13YARN on 13 92 76 (24/7) to talk with a First Nations Crisis Supporter.

Prioritising Yourself as an Ageing Woman

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As a woman, you may be worried about ageing and the challenges and changes that come with it. However, all the signs show that women get better with age.

To grow old confidently, it’s important to embrace the ageing process, check in with yourself, and to prioritise yourself.

We hope this advice will help if you are a woman worried about growing into your later years.

 

Embracing your age

Society has given us so many reasons to think of getting older as a bad thing; a survey shows that three-quarters of older women feel misrepresented by the media. However, studies reveal that many older Australian women are feeling better with age.

“Women in the over 55 demographic are in the prime of their lives and having the time of their lives – a force to be reckoned with and the glue that holds generations together.”
-Maria Welch, Publisher at Platinum Magazine

There are brilliant benefits that are unique to being an older woman, such as:

  1. You command respect.
  2. With age comes wisdom.
  3. You can put yourself first.
  4. You’re more likely to succeed.
  5. You get to watch your family grow.
  6. You can enjoy the fruits of your labour.
  7. You have time to pursue dreams and hobbies.
  8. Social relationships later in life cultivate more positivity.
  9. Australians at retirement age are reported to have the highest level of happiness.

 

Prioritising yourself

As you age, you may find yourself facing new difficulties. Women, especially grandmothers, are often seen as the glue of the family. Studies show that older women who are acting as a caregiver are six times more likely to experience depression or anxiety, and are at increased odds of retiring earlier than they would like.

It’s important to learn to prioritise yourself as you age, especially when your needs and abilities are changing.

Here are some steps you can take to put yourself first every day:

  1. Tend to your needs before doing things for anyone else.
  2. Engage in 30 minutes of exercise, like a walk, arm raises, or side circles.
  3. Don’t push yourself to do anything you feel unfit to do.
  4. Set boundaries with family, carers, and friends.
  5. Listen to music you love.
  6. Start a gratitude journal.
  7. Spend time on a hobby.
  8. Prioritise “me” time.

 

Checking in with yourself

“How are you?” is a question we ask each other every day. But have you asked yourself lately?

Check in with yourself and make sure you’re doing okay. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut or to get comfortable in your ways.

If you’re feeling down, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I feel confident?
  • Are my needs being met?
  • Am I comfortable where I am living?
  • Is there something I want to change?
  • Am I doing things that make me happy?
  • Do I have access to everything I need for my health?
  • Do I feel safe in my relationships with my family, carers, and friends?
  • Are my family members expecting too much of me?
  • Do I trust those I am close with?
  • Do I have a support network?
  • Do I have friends of my own age who I can talk to?
  • Am I financially secure?
  • Am I in control of my own finances, assets, and property?

If your answers to these questions are not what you’d like them to be, it’s okay to reach out for help.

Here are some ideas for socialising and finding a support network in your older age.

If you are feeling worried about your finances, we can offer a free financial wellness check for you, and provide you with access to resources to help get back on track. We offer helpful ideas to save money as a senior.

 

If you’re feeling like you need some extra support, our free Senior Relationships Services (SRS) can help you explore your concerns and provide possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about the SRS here, or by calling 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

List of Coparenting Boundaries

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Coparenting with an ex-partner can be challenging, especially if the relationship ended on rocky terms.

It can help to determine some coparenting boundaries or rules to ensure your child’s best interests remain at the heart of everything you do.

In a coparenting situation, boundaries can protect parents and children against any bitterness or anger that may exist between you and your ex-partner.

This list of coparenting rules and boundaries can help you have a healthy relationship with your ex-partner that benefits your child and supports you to heal after the separation.

 

1.      Make a plan of parenting responsibilities

Create a clear, detailed plan that defines what you and your ex-partner’s responsibilities will be as you coparent together. Defining expectations you both agree to will give your child more consistency and stability. Having a plan will also help you avoid arguments and confusion.

 

2.      Stick to a coparenting schedule

Create a comprehensive custody schedule with no room for misunderstandings. The plan should detail date and time of exchanges as well as holidays and important events. The schedule should be written with your child’s school and extracurricular priorities as the focus.

Respect the coparenting schedule by arriving on time to exchanges, letting the other parent know about changes, and modifying the schedule if necessary.

 

3.      Keep it professional

It might be awkward at first, but treating your ex-partner like a business partner may minimise drama and arguments. Focus on working together respectfully for your child. 

You should communicate with your ex-partner like you would with a colleague. Remain professional, respectful, and friendly. Keep out intimate details of your personal life, don’t let your emotions take over, and try to handle any disagreements away from your child.

 

4.      Communicate effectively

It’s important to establish expectations of communication. You can use an app like TalkingParents exclusively for communication with your coparent. When using an app like this, you can reserve texts and calls for emergencies only.

You should also detail what you’ll talk about in your communication – and what you won’t talk about. Keep communication child-focused.

To curb conflict with your coparent, practise accountable and solutions-based communication. Some effective methods of healthy communication include using “I” statements instead of accusing, and offering solutions instead of arguing. For example, “I notice you’re usually running behind to Sunday pick-ups, should we change the schedule to meet 15 minutes later?”

 

5.      Keep your personal lives private

Again, stick to keeping it professional and communicating effectively.

While coparenting is for the benefit of your child, it’s normal to grieve the separation from your ex-partner as you adjust to this new normal. An important step in healing is to move on and protect your new life.

Set strict boundaries of what you will and won’t discuss with your ex-partner. It’s wise to not snoop into your ex-partner’s personal life either, as this may hurt your feelings and hinder the process of moving on.

 

6.      Be supportive of your ex-partner’s role as your coparent

Ultimately, coparenting is for the benefit of your child. Having a healthy coparenting relationship will be better for your child’s mental health, academic performance, and overall upbringing.

Encourage your coparent. Be friendly when you attend your child’s school events together, thank them for being on time to pick-ups and drop-offs, and don’t badmouth them in front of your child.

 

Are you having a difficult time navigating coparenting? We offer more tips in our blog post How to Make Joint Custody Work.

RAQ offers individual and couples counselling as well as mediation services for families experiencing separation.

To find out what services might suit you, please call us on 1300 364 277 between 8am-8pm Monday-Friday or 10am-4pm Saturday.

How to be a Good Father after Divorce

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It’s normal to worry about your relationship with your kids after a divorce or separation – especially if you’ll be spending less time with them.

This can be a very challenging time for children, whatever their age. It can take time to adjust to a new routine of moving back and forth between parents.

While all this change can be hard on everyone, it’s important to focus on your kids’ needs every step of the way.

We hope this advice helps you navigate coparenting and fatherhood after separation.

 

Manage Your Own Feelings

Separation can bring up a lot of difficult feelings, especially when kids are involved. Anger, disappointment, and guilt are all common emotions following a relationship breakdown.

It’s crucial that you manage any negative feelings toward your coparent and the situation to avoid projecting them onto your children.

You want them to grow up in a safe and supportive environment, not around parents who outwardly dislike each other or hold onto resentments.

If you’re feeling hurt, angry, or anxious, lean on your support networks and talk to someone you trust.

It can also be helpful to speak to a professional counsellor. Counselling is a safe and confidential environment for you to get things off your chest and find healthy ways to cope.

Working through your emotions will help you heal and be the happiest and healthiest version of you, and in turn, the best dad you can be for your kids.

 

Don’t Play Favourites

The last thing kids want when their parents break up is to feel like they have to pick a side.

Kids should be supported to maintain a positive relationship with both parents. Turning it into a competition to be the ‘favourite’ is unhealthy and uncomfortable for everyone.

Even if you have some negative feelings toward your ex, it’s important to remain respectful when your child is around and support their relationship with each other.

And remember, it’s normal for kids to miss one parent when they’re with the other. Try not to take this personally – they very likely miss you when you’re apart too! Don’t guilt your child for wanting to spend time with their other parent, and don’t take this out on your coparent.

If you’re having a hard time feeling like your child prefers their other parent, the advice in this blog post might help: When Your Child Favours Their Other Parent after Divorce.

 

Make Your Home Feel Like Their Home

Even if your kids only visit every second weekend, remember that they aren’t visitors – they live with you. Your home is their home, and they should feel safe and comfortable whenever they’re with you.

Create a space that feels warm and inviting, and make sure their rooms have all the necessities as well as personal touches to make them smile.

It can help to involve them in the decorating process so they have a sense of control over their new room and look forward to spending time there. This could be a fun bonding exercise and put a positive and exciting spin on having a second bedroom.

 

Make the Most of Your Time Together

One of the best ways to be a good dad is to really be present and engaged with your kids.

Quality time means giving them your full attention and making an effort to get to know them. Ask them about their interests and ideas without the TV or your phone distracting you.

Kids need plenty of reassurance from their parents following a separation, so be sure to give them plenty of hugs and positive affirmation such as:

  • I love you
  • I will always be here for you
  • I love spending time with you
  • Playing with you is my favourite part of the week
  • I’m always thinking of you, even when we’re apart.

How you interact with your kids now will set the foundation for your relationship into the future. Remember that only you are responsible for your relationship with them, and show them how important they are by really making the most of your time together.

 

Pay Attention to Their Behaviour

Separation and divorce can be a difficult and traumatic time for kids of any age. It’s important that you keep an eye out for any concerning changes in behaviour that might indicate they need further support.

Some signs your kids might be struggling include:

  • More frequent crying
  • Increased fear of things
  • Changes in sleep or appetite
  • Increased fear of abandonment
  • Increased irritability and outbursts
  • Clinging to caregivers more than usual
  • Complaints of headaches or tummy aches
  • Misbehaving or declining grades in school
  • Regressing to younger behaviours (e.g. thumb sucking).

If you think your child is having a hard time coping with your separation or divorce, you should talk to the other adults in their life to let them know. This might include their coparent and grandparents (if safe to do so), teachers, and any other babysitters or carers concerned.

It’s important that everyone around them is looking out for them and doing what they can to support them during this difficult time. If you think they need extra support to work through things, help is available.

RAQ offers counselling for individuals, couples, and families in a safe and non-judgemental environment. We can also refer you to child-specific services like Headspace and Kids Helpline if needed.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

We offer more helpful advice in this blog post: Tips for Separating with Kids