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Month: April 2023

How to Lovingly Support an Older Veteran

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As veterans age, it’s vital that they have a loving and supportive environment.

Veterans may experience lasting effects and traumas that make ageing even more difficult.

We offer some information about potential issues facing elderly veterans, and how you can lovingly support them throughout their old age.

 

1.      Be informed about needs specific to ageing veterans.

27% of Australian veterans are reported to have mental or behavioural conditions. They face increased risk for mental health disorders, especially Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), dementia, depression, and anxiety.

These mental health conditions may come across as anger, irritability, pain, sleep difficulty, mobility issues, memory problems, substance abuse, and more. Veterans may also face service-related physical disabilities that can make ageing more difficult.

Understanding how such disorders impact your loved one’s mental and physical health can help you to develop a sense of compassion and empathy towards their unique needs as an elderly veteran.

 

2.      Utilise resources available specifically for ageing veterans.

Australia offers a host of resources for ageing veterans. Encourage and assist your loved one to access:

  1. Mental health resources through the Department of Veterans’ Affairs (DFA)
  2. Support through the Returned Services League (RSL)
  3. Veteran’s Supplement for aged care

 

3.      Encourage activities that engage the mind and body.

Exercising the body and the brain can reduce  the symptoms of ageing and can help us live longer, healthier lives.

If you feel it is okay to do so, ask your older veteran family member or friend about their experience serving in the military. Asking them to share stories may be a helpful outlet for them – this shows them your support, creates a safe environment for sharing, and can break down stigmas and stereotypes.

You can also help your loved one to access a supportive community or social group to engage with, such as:

 

4.      Look after your own wellbeing, too.

Being a family member, spouse, or widow of a veteran can contribute to mental health conditions such as PTSD and intergenerational trauma. For example, Australians whose parents have been deployed are at higher risk for PTSD than those whose parents have not been deployed.

“Families are fundamental in the support system for serving and ex-serving military personnel who have a mental health disorder. Similarly, families living with a veteran with mental health issues need support and understanding.”
–Australian Family Physician

The DVA offers a range of support services for families, spouses, and widows of veterans in Australia.

 

Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Returning to Work after Maternity Leave

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Going back to work after maternity or parental leave can be hard.

A lot of parents – especially mothers – would like to stay at home with bub for longer but have to return to work out of necessity.

This can create feelings of sadness and guilt around leaving their child in someone else’s care, and anxiety around whether their child is being well looked after in their absence.

Other challenges can include being worried about coping with the workload and juggling family life with a career.

With so much to think about during such a significant period of change, it’s no wonder most new mums and parents feel overwhelmed going back to work after baby.

We hope these tips help make your transition back to work after maternity leave as smooth as possible.

 

Consider Your Schedule

We understand not everyone has the option to ease back into work part-time, but if you do have the choice, it’s worth considering what’s best for you.

You might not feel ready to return to work full-time and instead choose to return gradually by working a couple of days a week. Or you might prefer to slide right back into your role and hours full-time.

Consider your situation and weigh up your options.

 

Practise Your new Routine

Dropping bub off at childcare or leaving them in someone else’s care for the first time can be an emotional experience for everyone involved. It can help to tick this milestone off the list before your first day back at work to avoid starting the day with elevated emotions.

If you can, consider starting your child at care a week or two before your first day so they can get familiar with the new routine and comfortable with their caregiver. This can help ease some of your anxiety around how they’re coping without you while you’re at work.

You might also like to try doing some dry runs of your workday routine before the big day. Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, drop bub off at care, and arrive at your workplace. This can help you adjust timing as needed and feel confident in your new routine ahead of time.

 

Set Expectations with Your Boss

Be honest with your boss or manager about how your first few weeks back might look.

It’s not uncommon to be a bit wobbly as you transition back to work after maternity leave while navigating a whirlwind of emotions.

Where possible and needed, discuss flexible working arrangements, and be sure to confirm these in writing. For example, there might be some work-related travel you’re no longer willing to do. Or perhaps you need to shuffle your hours to suit care drop-off and pick-up.

It’s important that you show your commitment to your job, but also be realistic about expectations as you find your footing again. These conversations are crucial to ensuring you and your employer are on the same page and you feel supported in this new chapter.

 

Prioritise Your Mental Health

Being a parent is hard. Working is hard. Doing both at the same time can be exhausting.

During this time of give, give, giving to your family and your workplace, it’s important to pay attention to how you’re feeling day to day so you can be proactive about your mental health and wellbeing.

Prioritise the things you need to feel relaxed, recharged, and human. This might be a 10-minute morning meditation, a daily solo walk in the fresh air and quiet, or a weekly catchup with your best friend.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, and maintaining your mental health and happiness will benefit you, your family, and your work. So check in with yourself regularly, make self-care a daily habit, and lean on your support network when you’re struggling.

Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.

If you need some extra help coping with life right now, talking to a counsellor might help.  Learn about our counselling service and how to book an appointment here, or call 1300 364 277.

 

Feeling guilty about returning to work after maternity? We explore mum guilt and how to cope in this blog post.

Caring for Ageing Parents from Afar

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Living far away from an ageing parent with declining health can be stressful for everyone involved.

It’s important to find a balance that prioritises your elderly parent’s wellbeing while being mindful of your own wellbeing, too.

We’ll share a few steps you can take to be there for your elderly parent when you can’t physically be there.

 

1.      Listen to their wants and needs.

Ageism, which is discrimination against a person based on their age, appears in familial relationships when a person’s own wishes are ignored.

Sometimes, family members assume the role of decision-making based on their loved one’s age, but transfer of control and decision-making is often unwanted by the older person.

Before making any decisions or assumptions, it’s best to discuss your ageing parent’s wishes, concerns, and needs.

 

2.      Explore different care and living arrangement options.

Since you’re living far away, you may have to consider other options to make sure your parent gets the care they need. Discuss with your parent, with your family, and with health experts to make the right decision together.

Here are some leading questions to navigate these discussions:

  1. Will my parent have a community or a support system wherever they live?
  2. What care can other family members realistically provide?
  3. How much extra help does my parent need?
  4. What concerns does my parent have?
  5. Where does my parent want to live?
  6. What are my parent’s boundaries?
  7. What about my parent’s pets?
  8. What concerns do I have?
  9. What can we afford?

Care options may include an aged care facility, an in-home caretaker or nurse, or a division of responsibilities amongst family and friends.

Remember that your ageing parent’s needs can drastically change over time, so this discussion should be revisited regularly.

 

3.      Have an emergency plan.

Emergencies concerning elderly parents are especially stressful when you’re long-distance. Having a plan in case of emergencies can mitigate that stress and help you and your parent be prepared.

An emergency plan may include:

  1. Exchanging contact information with your parent’s GP, nurses, caretakers, and neighbours.
  2. Having someone ready to look after your children or pets if you need to leave.
  3. Arranging an emergency folder with all of your parent’s essential documents.
  4. Backup plans for care and living arrangements in case of changing needs.
  5. Print an emergency care directive and hang it on your parent’s fridge.
  6. Assigning roles amongst siblings and other family members.
  7. Getting your parent a personal emergency alarm.
  8. Pre-packing a travel bag.

 

4.      Stay in touch with them and with someone close to them.

These days, staying in touch while long-distance is easier than ever.

Staying connected with your parent will help you keep up with their wellbeing. Plus, empathetic phone calls have been shown to reduce depression and anxiety in older adults.

Here are some tips to teach technology to your elderly parent to help them stay in touch.

You can also schedule regular calls with your parent’s caretaker, nurse, or neighbour. Keeping regular contact with these key people can keep you in the loop and may also help you look out for potential signs of elder abuse.

 

5.      Be considerate of your own mental health, too.

Being far away from your ageing parent is a unique type of grief. It’s natural to feel sad, stressed, worried, or pressured.

Remember to look after your own mental health. You may find a support system with friends or colleagues who are going through a similar situation. Indulge in self-care, meditate, seek counselling, discuss with friends, and engage in hobbies.

Being long-distance with an ageing parent is tough, but with strategic planning and open communication, your parent’s wellbeing can be managed.

 

If you or an older family member you know need some help resolving an issue, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Understanding an Ageing Loved One’s Mental Health

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When a loved one ages, you may find that their behaviour or the way that they treat you changes.

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the needs and demands of your elderly loved one. Understanding your ageing loved one’s mental health can help you have a change of perspective and better connect with them.

In this blog post, we outline how these mental health issues may come across in your interactions and what you can do to help.

 

Common mental health obstacles amongst seniors

You may feel that your older loved one’s needs drastically change with time, which may be indicative of underlying mental health issues.

Changes in one’s mental health impacts physical health, and vice versa. As we age, our mental and physical health may become impaired. These impairments can affect our behaviour and interactions with others.

The most common mental health issue affecting older people is depression. In old age, depression may come across as neglecting responsibilities, behaving out-of-character, slowing down, or acting “negatively” or “pessimistically.”

In old age, a variety of factors can contribute to depression, including:

  • a change in socioeconomic status following retirement
  • grieving friends who they can’t see anymore
  • a change in living arrangements
  • bereavement of lost loved ones
  • experiencing elder abuse
  • loss of independence
  • financial stress
  • loneliness

 

How you can help

Now that you know more about how mental health impacts an elderly person’s behaviours, here are some ways to help. Assisting your ageing parent can make your life easier, too.

  1. Arrange professional help if necessary
  2. Communicate gently, yet clearly
  3. Consider expert assessment
  4. Prioritise their wellbeing
  5. Attend mediation
  6. Set boundaries
  7. Be patient

If you suspect your older loved one is lonely, you can help them by finding social groups to join, and by scheduling regular phone calls and visits.

Here is a blog post with 10 ways you can help lonely seniors.

Suffering from abuse can also contribute to poor mental health in older people. One in six older Australians report having experienced elder abuse within the past year. If you suspect an older person is at risk of elder abuse, please visit our page “Understanding Elder Abuse” to learn more.

If your older loved one is acting differently, consider any factors that may be contributing to mental health issues such as depression. This change in perspective can help you to better understand your loved one and to improve your relationship.

 

If you or an older person you know is having a difficult time lately, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

5 Long-Distance Tips for Military Couples

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Every relationship takes work. But military or defence force relationships can face some unique challenges.

Life in the defence force can require time away from home due to deployment, training, and other commitments. These periods of separation can be difficult and emotional for both partners, no matter how many times they’ve been through it.

But being apart geographically doesn’t mean you can’t feel close emotionally. In fact, working through distance can lay the groundwork for a lasting relationship, strengthening your communication and emotional intimacy.

We hope these steps help you positively navigate periods of separation in your military relationship.

 

1. Discuss expectations

Discussing the details of the deployment and setting expectations ahead of time can take away some of the uncertainty and anxiety while you’re apart.

Determine how and how often you’ll be able to communicate, and be clear about what you need from each other to feel loved and supported.

It’s normal for people in long-distance relationships or experiencing separation to need some extra reassurance from their partner.

Ensure you’re on the same page to avoid disappointment or surprises, and keep these conversations going as your relationship grows and changes.

 

2. Get creative with how you stay in touch

There are plenty of creative ways you can express your love and make your partner feel special from a distance.

The classic daily “good morning” and “goodnight” texts are a must, but also make an effort to send photos, videos, and audio clips when possible.

Clashing schedules or security rules around communication may make it hard to FaceTime or speak on the phone regularly, so videos and audio recordings are a great alternative to provide the same comfort of hearing your voice.

Some other great ways to stay in touch and make your partner feel loved from afar include:

  • Watch a movie together. Netflix Party synchronises video playback and adds group chat, so you can react and respond in real time while watching your favourite shows and movies.
  • Play online games together, such as Draw Something, a drawing and guessing game similar to Pictionary, or Words with Friends, a word game like scrabble.
  • Go old-school and send a letter or email. Include some favourite memories of your relationship to make them smile.
  • Send a care package with a few of their favourite things. This might include a favourite snack, a personalised mixed CD, and a shirt that smells like you.

 

3. Lean on your support network

Periods of long distance can be lonely for both partners, but you don’t have to do it alone.

For the partner at home, be sure to reach out to your friends and family in advance to let them know you’ll be on your own. This will give them a chance to check in and be there for you, and provide a heads up in case you need more emotional and/or practical support than usual.

Fill your social calendar and surround yourself with loved ones to help avoid isolation and loneliness.

 

4. Focus on self-care

This is another important tip for the partner at home.

It’s normal to miss your partner while they’re away, but it’s not healthy to rely on them alone for your happiness.

Maintaining hobbies and interests as an individual will help bring you joy, purpose, and fulfilment outside of your relationship.

Make your mental health and wellbeing a priority during periods of separation by focusing on self-care. This will look different for everyone, but might include daily exercise, dedicating some time to a hobby like playing an instrument or reading, and trying to get outside in nature each day.

Keeping busy and being happy with who you are can help prevent feelings of co-dependency, so get out there and live your life remembering your relationship is just one part of it.

 

5. Reach out for help

Professional help such as counselling can be a great option for anyone who needs some extra support.

Our counsellors can help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment free from judgement. Sessions are available in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.

Protective Factors for Mental Health

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Everyone has mental health. And just like our physical health, the habits we form and lifestyles we live can have a significant impact on it.

There are things we can do in our daily lives to support our mental health and reduce our risk of developing mental health conditions. These are called protective factors, and we’re going to explore some of them in this blog post.

These protective factors for depression and other mental health conditions may not be relevant to every individual. However, they are known to lower the risk of suicide and support mental health and wellbeing for most people.

It’s important to remember that factors such as unemployment, homelessness, racial discrimination, domestic and family violence, and genetic predisposition and are all major risk factors for mental health conditions and suicide.

While this blog post focuses on the protective factors and actions we may have control over, we acknowledge there are many individuals and communities who experience mental ill health due to disadvantage and circumstances out of their control.

Discover some of the factors, influences, and strengths that can support your mental health below.

 

Physical Health and Healthy Behaviours

Physical health and mental health go hand in hand.

When you’re looking after your body, you’re likely to experience positive benefits mentally and emotionally too.

Some healthy behaviours that can promote good mental health and wellbeing include:

  • Eating a balanced diet
  • Drinking enough water
  • Getting enough sleep
  • Exercising regularly
  • Avoiding cigarettes, alcohol, and other drugs.

You don’t have to follow a restrictive diet or train like an athlete to take care of your body. You might like to start small by reducing your intake of processed foods and drinks and adding a daily walk to your routine.

Remember to consult with your doctor before changing your diet and/or exercise routine to ensure you’re doing what’s best for your body.

 

Connection to Community

Humans are innately social beings. Love and belonging are core human needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In fact, they’re considered more important to us than self-esteem, status, freedom, and more.

When we don’t meet these needs, we risk feeling socially isolated, which can lead to serious physical and mental health issues.

If you don’t feel a sense of connection and belonging in your community, you might like to think about some ways you can start to build it. This could include joining or starting a local group or club, whether it be a local sports team, book club, or other group relevant to your interests or hobbies.

Or you could consider volunteering at your neighbourhood library, animal shelter, or aged care facility. This can be a great way to meet likeminded people and create a sense of purpose and connection.

We suggest more ways to build community in your neighbourhood here.

 

Social and Emotional Support

A strong support network can bring a sense of fulfilment like nothing else.

Many studies have shown the benefits of strong social relationships, including improved physical and mental health, increased ability to cope, and even increased life expectancy.

You don’t need a large social circle to enjoy these benefits. The emotional support from just a few close friends or family members can make all the difference for your mental health and happiness – especially during tough times.

You can make your friendships a priority by scheduling in regular catchups with your loved ones. This might involve hosting a monthly dinner or game night, or booking in a set time to call your friend each week.

We offer tips to make friends as an adult here.

 

Exposure to Nature

How often do you get outdoors?

In our busy world, it’s easy to spend most of our time inside and in front of a screen (or two!).

Studies have proven the benefits of spending time in nature for our physical and mental health, including improved mood and reduced stress.

Some people find being outside provides a great opportunity to practise mindfulness, as it removes them from life’s distractions and encourages them to focus on the here and now.

A few ways to spend more time in nature might include:

  • Get an outdoor hobby like gardening, cycling, kayaking, swimming, or birdwatching
  • Make use of your local walking trails, parks, and beaches
  • Centre social plans around outdoor activities (e.g. a picnic or hike)
  • Set up a comfy outdoor seating area at home to enjoy your morning coffee.

 

Help-Seeking Behaviour

The stigma around mental health and seeking help during difficult times has reduced in recent years, but some people still don’t feel comfortable reaching out when they need to.

Bottling things up when you’re having a hard time coping can make things worse.

We encourage anyone struggling to seek help before reaching crisis point. Early intervention can reduce the risk of mental health deteriorating further and help you find solutions sooner.

Professional help such as counselling can be a great option for anyone who needs some extra support.

Our counsellors can help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment free from judgement. Sessions are available in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.