1300 364 277
Quick Exit
This button appears across the site. Press this button to exit the site immediately to nondescript link
Click to close or press

Month: July 2023

Older People and Gambling

Posted on by admin

Gambling is engrained in Australian culture.

However, when gambling becomes harmful instead of positive, it can have severe consequences. Older Australians have the highest rates of many types of gambling and are particularly at risk of gambling harm.

We’ll go through the signs of gambling harm in older people and how you can help an older loved one you may be worried about.

 

Signs of gambling harm in seniors

Gambling becomes harmful when it starts to have negative consequences on the person’s life and wellbeing.

Signs that gambling is becoming harmful may include:

  • Sudden decrease in wealth
  • Lying about their gambling
  • Stress, anxiety, panic attacks
  • No other hobbies besides gambling
  • Using pension funds or savings to gamble
  • Increasing the amounts they are gambling
  • Gambling in the hopes of winning back losses
  • Not being able to set limits on gambling activities
  • Bragging about gambling wins or minimising losses
  • Irritability when asked about gambling or when not gambling.

 

Worrying numbers

Research shows that older Australians are more at risk of gambling harm than other age group.

Over 23% of older Australians play the pokies, compared to only 16% of the general adult population.

Over 63% of older Australians play the lottery.

 

Why older people gamble

Studies show that older Australians gamble due to loneliness, the need for social interaction, and ease of access.

Social isolation

Social isolation is a major cause of loneliness amongst the elderly. A study by Relationships Australia reveals that over 27% of retired Australians feel lonely.

Older people are at risk of social isolation due to factors such as mobility issues, friends or spouses passing away, and retirement.

Ease of access

Gaming venues in Australia tend to offer promotions targeting older people. Incentives may include cheap meals for seniors, free entertainment geared toward an older audience, and free shuttle buses to and from venues.

These promotions make gambling easy for older people to access, but they can also exploit older people’s vulnerabilities.

 

Advice for loved ones

Learning about safer gambling can protect your older loved one’s financial wellbeing.

We offer a guide to talking to an older person you’re worried about here.

Below are some ways you can help protect your older loved one from the risks of gambling harm:

Suggest less risky hobbies

Suggest alternate hobbies that are accessible and safe for someone of their age group and ability level. Ideas may include joining a local social club, gardening, or puzzles.

Help them to access other activities

While gambling venues are often accessible for the older population, other activities may be harder to attend due to transportation or mobility issues.

You can help by offering to drive them to safer activities, such as free senior social groups.

Here is a list of ten fun, safe activities for seniors.

Be honest about the odds of winning

Studies show that older Australians have limited understanding of Electronic Gaming Machines (EGMs), as well as misperceptions about potential EGM harm.

Gently communicate with your loved one about gambling’s risk of losing versus the odds of winning.

 

RAQ offers a Senior Financial Protection Service (SFPS), a free community education program to help older people make informed decisions and to stay safe from financial elder abuse.

You can learn more about the SFPS here, or by calling 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

5 Green Flags in a New Relationship

Posted on by admin

We’ve all heard of red flags. These refer to the early warning signs of what may be an unhealthy relationship or toxic partner.

Common red flags in dating might include only talking about themselves, being rude to waitstaff, or being overly jealous.

But what about the green flags in a relationship?

While it’s important to know the signs of an unhealthy relationship, we should also pay attention to the positive behaviours and qualities that can indicate a healthy and mature partner.

Here are our top 5 green flags to look for in a new or existing relationship.

 

1. You have open and respectful communication

It might seem simple, but effective communication is a rare gift in relationships.

Growing research shows problems with communication is the most common reason for divorce or separation.

If your partner isn’t a good listener, dismisses your point of view, or shuts down at the first sign of conflict, your communication may need some work.

Some characteristics of a good communicator include:

  • Active listening – They give you their undivided attention and really listen to what you’re saying, asking relevant questions and making an effort to understand you.
  • Asking questions – One-sided conversations can be draining. If your partner asks thoughtful questions and shows a genuine interest in learning more about you, you’re on the right track.
  • Seeking clarification – Good communicators don’t assume they know what you’re thinking or what your motives are. They respectfully ask for clarification to ensure you’re on the same page and both your perspectives are considered.
  • Welcoming your thoughts – They make space for your thoughts and ideas, respecting your right to your own opinions, even when you don’t agree. They also respect your boundaries and validate your feelings, making you feel safe to share your needs.
  • Being clear and concise – Unclear communication, such as dropping hints or being passive aggressive, rarely gets you the result you want – and often leads to resentment. Effective communication involves being clear on your expectations and preferences.
  • Respectfully addressing issues – Disagreements aren’t always a sign of a fight or relationship flaw – they can be a great opportunity to understand each other and grow closer. In a healthy relationship, both people feel safe and willing to communicate respectfully through issues and disagreements, speaking up when they’re upset and hearing each other’s side of the story.

 

2. You support each other to maintain your independence

While it’s normal to get swept up in the love bubble of a new relationship, it’s not healthy to expect your partner to make you the centre of their world.

A healthy relationship is one where you encourage each other to maintain your independent lives outside of the relationship.

Your partner should support you to keep up the hobbies that fill your cup, even if that means spending time apart. They should encourage you to spend time with your friends and family, and be trusting and secure when you socialise without them.

Likewise, it’s a good sign if your partner has fulfilling relationships, hobbies, and goals outside of your relationship themselves.

 

3. You put in equal amounts of effort

A relationship requires an investment in time, effort, and energy from both people.

If you’re always the one to initiate communication or organise dates early on, there’s a chance your partner may never match your effort.

Find a partner who gives you the same level of time, energy, and enthusiasm you give them. This might include:

  • A balance of who texts/calls first
  • Sharing who initiates and organises dates
  • Alternating who travels to who (especially if long-distance)
  • Each making time in your schedules to see each other, compromising when necessary.

In a longer term relationship, this could look more like sharing the housework and being equally as committed to having quality time together.

 

4. You feel safe and comfortable to be yourself

Many of us feel pressure to make a good impression and be the ‘best version’ of ourselves on those first dates. But you should feel more relaxed and comfortable being yourself as you get to know each other better.

In a healthy relationship, both people should be comfortable being themselves knowing their partner accepts and supports them for who they are – quirks and all.

If you feel like you need to hide things about yourself, act a certain way, or walk on eggshells around your partner, they’re likely not the one for you.

 

5. You consider each other’s needs and preferences

We’re not all going to like the same food, movies, or activities, and that’s OK. But spending time with people you care about is a lot more fun when both people are enjoying themselves.

Your partner shouldn’t have to entirely sacrifice their own needs and preferences to suit you, but it is important that they consider yours when making plans, and compromise when necessary.

It’s all about finding your shared likes and interests – which is part of the fun of meeting someone new!

This includes respecting your individual needs and boundaries in a relationship too. It’s a big green flag when someone takes the time to understand what it is you need and expect in a relationship and makes an effort to accommodate you.

 

If you could use some help navigating the dating world or just want to learn more about what you need from a relationship, speaking to a professional counsellor can be a great solution.

Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling.

We look at how long the honeymoon phase normally lasts and how to maintain the magic long-term in this blog post.

How to Talk to Loved Ones who Don’t Share Your Views Around The Voice

Posted on by admin

With strong opinions on both sides of The Voice debate, you may find yourself disagreeing with some of the people you care about. 

We don’t always share the same beliefs as our friends and family members, and that’s OK. But when it comes to the topics we feel passionately about, it can be upsetting and uncomfortable when we don’t see eye to eye with the people we love. 

We hope this advice helps you communicate effectively and maintain respectful relationships if you disagree with loved ones over The Voice. 

 

Have patience and understanding 

While The Voice referendum debate is an important one, this topic and related conversations may be distressing for First Nations Peoples and their non-Indigenous family members, friends, and allies. 

This is a triggering topic for many people, and we’re all being exposed to differing public opinions throughout the media and in our social circles. 

Let’s remember this topic is an emotionally charged one, so we all need to have some extra patience, understanding, and empathy for each other – as long as we’re staying respectful, of course. 

We offer some practical ways to consider the safety and respect of First Nations Peoples leading up to the referendum here. 

 

Speak with kindness and respect 

While you don’t have to agree, you do have to remain respectful and kind – even if you’re feeling frustrated. 

Speak with kindness and respect by: 

  • Maintaining a calm tone and volume 
  • Relaxing your posture and body language 
  • Avoiding disrespectful words like swearing or name-calling 
  • Taking a deep breath and having a second to think before responding 
  • Respecting your loved one’s right to have their own opinion and feelings. 

Validating their feelings is a great way to keep the conversation productive. You might say “I can see this is really important to you.” Even if you don’t agree with them, acknowledging their feelings can make them feel heard, respected, and more open to listening. 

 

Put the topic on pause if you can’t discuss it respectfully 

There are some topics we know to avoid around certain people if we want to keep the peace. 

If The Voice referendum falls into that camp, there’s nothing wrong with creating a boundary and putting it on pause or taking it off the table entirely. 

You might let your loved one know before the interaction that you don’t want to talk about it, or agree to disagree and change the subject to something lighter in the moment. 

It may even be helpful to have some space from that person if you’re feeling yourself getting consistently upset or frustrated with them. 

We offer advice to address discrimination in this blog post. 

 

Seek help for effective communication 

It’s not easy to talk about these big topics, especially when we find ourselves arguing with the people we really care about. 

Counselling can be a great option for people who struggle to communicate or need support repairing a relationship. You may never come to agree on The Voice, but counselling can help you explore your feelings and find a solution to move on and maintain a healthy relationship. 

You can learn more about our relationship counselling_here, or call_1300 364 277_to make an appointment. 

We offer advice on how to have a difficult conversation here. 

 

Support Services 

We understand this topic may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

60s and Older Social Groups in Southeast Queensland

Posted on by admin

Staying socially active and keeping up with friends later in life is vital. Social connections have positive impacts on both your physical and mental health.

Being older comes with obstacles that may make it difficult to make and maintain social connections.

Here are some free social opportunities in Southeast Queensland for seniors in their 60s and older:

 

Seniors Morning Tea

Social relationships are critical for our mental and physical health. Research shows that seniors who stay social are at decreased risk for illness, heart disease, and high blood pressure.

Connecting with similar-aged people can help you to socialise and make friends.

The Senior Social Connection Program (SSCP) hosts a free weekly Seniors Morning Tea at the Gympie Health Hub. Please call 1300 063 232 to confirm dates and times.

 

Seniors Cuppa and Conversations

Joining a social group for those in their 60s and older can help you to get back out there and make new friends.

In older age, socialising significantly decreases the risk for depression, anxiety, and dementia.

Friday Cuppa and Conversations is a free fortnightly event for seniors.

The group meets on Thursdays at the Nambour Community Centre  and on Fridays at the Millwell Road Community Centre.

Please call the SSCP at 1300 063 232 to confirm dates and times.

 

Community Centres

Community centres offer a wide range of free groups for seniors. Some community centres offer specific groups for seniors who are culturally diverse, veterans, or who have disabilities, for example.

You can find free seniors groups hosted by community centres on:

You can also ask your local community centre about senior social groups. If they don’t have one, they may know of another organisation who hosts a senior social group near you.

 

Aged Care Visitor Scheme

The Aged Care Volunteer Visitors Scheme (ACVVS) is a federally funded program that provides friendship to older people through volunteer visitors.

The ACVVS particularly caters to seniors who are socially isolated. Reasons for social isolation may include coming from a culturally diverse background, living in a remote location, or having a disability.

You can learn more about the ACVVS on the Australian Government website here.

You can sign up to request a volunteer visitor through the ACVVS here.

 

Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Our Journey to ‘Yes’ on The Voice

Posted on by admin

RAQ recently announced that we stand in favour of enshrining a First Nations Voice to Parliament. 

We’re deeply grateful for the generosity of our First Nations staff who shared their diverse voices, experiences, and perspectives throughout our journey to Yes. 

Today, we want to share the First Nations-led process we undertook to develop an organisational position on The Voice to Parliament referendum. 

Take a journey with Aunty Debra Bennet, Lead Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Engagement & Cultural Advisor, as she describes the steps that led us to Yes. 

 

1. An Invitation 

Our first step was to create space for our First Nations staff to share their diverse opinions on The Voice. 

Relationships Australia National (RAN) CEO Nick Tebbey invited the Relationships Australia Indigenous Network (RAIN) executive team to develop a response to The Voice Referendum to Parliament. 

This would be an opportunity to platform Truth-telling and encourage deep listening among our non-First Nations staff. 

 

2. Building Blocks 

The RAIN executive team came together in May to discuss whether they were willing and able to develop a response considering the heightened media coverage and recognition of the mounting pressure on our respective local First Nations Community members and leaders. 

They discussed the level of misinformation and a need for greater access to resources to inform respective communities about the background to the Voice Referendum. 

Building capacity for individuals, families, and communities to feel safe, supported, and informed throughout this political process was of utmost importance considering the impacts on First Nations community members, including members of our respective workforces. 

 

3. Coming Together 

RAIN executive members consulted_respective First Nations Workforce members and held a face-to-face meeting in Adelaide with our national representatives to discuss a response to the national conversation to the Voice Referendum. 

Here, our First Nations staff from around the country were able to connect and share their voices. 

The RAIN executives presented a RAIN Statement on The Voice to the RAN CEOs for the first time. 

 

4. Listening and Learning 

The RAIN Statement provided an opportunity to connect and learn with open hearts and minds. 

RAN CEOs sat with all RAIN executive and representative staff, listening deeply to them as they shared their perspectives. RAN CEOs responded individually, and jointly accepted the statement.  

They each agreed to support the respective RAN First Nations Workforces to meet and discuss the RAIN Statement, and to consider their own position on this significant moment in Australian History.  

The RAN CEOs also agreed to respond effectively and sensitively to the RAIN Statement, reaffirming their commitment to prioritise cultural fitness throughout this journey and beyond. 

 

5. Truth-Telling 

Relationships Australia Queensland (RAQ) Board and CEO, Natasha Rae, supported RAQ’s First Nations employees to attend a First Nations Workforce Gathering in Brisbane in June 2023.  

RAQ First Nations staff, alongside Community Leaders and QLD Voice Coordinator Campaign 2023, discussed their shared historical, individual, and diverse perspectives, national milestones, and precedents leading to the current national conversation. 

They drew upon parallels between their collective voice within RAQ and RAIN as a collective voice within RAN and developed an RAQ First Nations Workforce Voice to Parliament Referendum Statement. 

 

6. Walking Forward Together 

On day two of the Gathering, the members of the RAQ First Nations Workforce sat with RAQ CEO Natasha Rae, and Chair of RAQ Board Bill Owens, and reflected upon the journey they as First Nations community members have been on with mainstream Australia and as members of Relationships Australia Workforce. 

They delivered the RAQ First Nations Workforce statement on the Voice to Parliament Referendum to Natasha and Bill. 

Together, Natasha and Bill unreservedly supported the advice and guidance provided by RAIN and the RAQ First Nations Workforce, developing their own CEO and Chair Joint Statement on The Voice in response. 

They developed a public campaign to: 

  • Further commit to safe and respectful workplaces and conversations for all First nations Workforce members and our colleagues 
  • Provide all relevant resources for safe and respectful conversations with the entire RAQ workforce 
  • Share the respective Statements on the Voice to Parliament_Referendum, including relevant resources for safe and respectful communities, through our digital platforms and allied networks. 

Natasha expressed her gratitude for our First Nations Workforce throughout this journey in the CEO and Chair Joint Statement: 

“We respect the toll it takes on First Nations Peoples to educate, advocate, and repeatedly share their wisdom. We express our deepest gratitude for the generosity of our First Nations staff members and communities throughout our collaborative journey to Yes. 

By elevating the voices of our First Nations Workforce, we can more accurately assess the history of this country and walk together on a journey to a more just and healing future.” 

You can read the Relationships Australia Qld organisational statement of support for enshrining a First Nations Voice to Parliament here. 

How to be Sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice Referendum Debate

Posted on by admin

The Voice debate is an important and historic one. But the referendum process and related conversations will likely be challenging – and potentially distressing – for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples. 

However you intend to vote, the safety, wellbeing, and respect of our First Nations Peoples should be everyone’s priority during what may be an emotional and traumatic time. 

We’d like to offer some practical ways to be sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice referendum debate, and to be conscious of your own self-care as an ally. 

 

Educate Yourself 

While we should be seeking to listen to First Nations voices, it takes a toll on First Nations Peoples to continuously share their stories, educate, and advocate. 

Whatever your stance on The Voice, it’s your responsibility to be informed and educate yourself on First Nations Peoples’ perspectives of Australian history and the ongoing impact of colonisation, including the upcoming referendum. 

Familiarising yourself with The Uluru Statement from The Heart and understanding the background of the call to enshrine a voice to parliament is a great place to start. 

 

Acknowledge the Impact 

Opinions and feelings surrounding the referendum are strong on both sides. 

Sadly, First Nations Peoples will likely experience increased instances of racism and cultural bias as people publicly share their thoughts online and in person. 

It’s important that we’re aware of the impact The Voice debate and related conversations may have on First Nations Peoples and their immediate non-First Nations family members, close friends and allies. 

Being the focus of such strong political opinions and misinformation can severely impact their mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing.  

Some impacts might include: 

  • Increased anxiety and depression 
  • Changes in sleep and appetite 
  • Feeling fearful and unsafe 
  • Feelings of shame 
  • Trauma and PTSD 
  • Chronic stress 
  • Suicidal thoughts. 

    Being mindful of these impacts can help us be more understanding and empathetic and remind us to look out for each other during this time. 

     

    Create Safe Spaces for First Nations Peoples 

    Now more than ever, we each have a responsibility to consciously create culturally safe and inclusive workplaces and communities.  

    A culturally safe space means everyone feels comfortable, supported, and respected. 

    You can do this by: 

    • Recognising and avoiding stereotypes 
    • Confronting your own racism and biases 
    • Never assuming someone’s cultural identity 
    • Being aware of cultural differences in communication by seeking to understand how First Nations community members in your local area use body language that is respectful and welcoming. 

     

    Don’t Speak for First Nations Peoples 

    People will have different opinions and perspectives when it comes to The Voice – including First Nations individuals. 

    Allow First Nations Peoples to speak for themselves, and don’t assume where they stand on the topic. 

    Truth-telling and storytelling are two of the most important tools to educate non-First Nations Australians about these issues and to learn what issues are priorities to First Nations Peoples. 

    Truth-telling requires us to suspend our own experience and personal biases and engage in deep listening with First Nations Peoples about historical Truths. These Truths can sometimes be uncomfortable, but Truth-telling is crucial to build respect and understanding and begin the healing journey to reconciliation. 

    This might involve listening to practical examples of current incidents and historical precedents witnessed and/or documented by: 

    Storytelling refers to First Nations clans or individuals sharing their wisdom, knowledge, and lived experience. Storytelling might take the form of sharing a personal history, such as Stolen Generation survivor, Barkindji woman Aunty Julie Black, sharing her experience as part of The Healing Foundation’s ‘Telling our Stories – Our Stolen Generations’ series. 

    Listen to the Truths shared in Truth-telling and storytelling, and centre First Nations Peoples in conversations on The Voice – and all issues impacting them – to ensure their voices are heard. 

     

    Be Respectful and Open to Learning 

    Respectful communication is important no matter the context. 

    When First Nations Peoples share their feelings, lived experience, and wisdom, remain respectful and openminded. Don’t interrupt, raise your voice, or use disrespectful language or body language. 

    You don’t have to agree, but you do have to be respectful. 

    We offer tips to be a good listener in this blog post. 

     

    Stand up Against Racism 

    When safe to do so, standing visibly against racism and discrimination can be one of the most impactful ways to show support. 

    This includes calling out microaggressions within your own family or social circle. It may be uncomfortable, but having these conversations is a crucial part of being a true advocate. Silence condones racism. 

    You don’t have to engage in political discussions or advocate for your position on The Voice, but you do have a responsibility to advocate for the respect and dignity of our First Nations Peoples. 

    If we seek to be a more caring and respectful society that values all members and their safety, we’ll find better ways to work and live together. 

    We offer advice to address discrimination in this blog post. 

     

    Support Services 

    We understand this topic may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

    RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

    For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

    My Partner’s Anxiety is Affecting Me

    Posted on by admin

    Every relationship has its ups and downs, but mental health conditions can bring unique challenges for both partners.

    Research shows almost a third of people in Australia will experience an anxiety disorder in their lifetime, so many people will find themselves supporting a partner with anxiety at some point.

    Being with someone with a mental health condition means loving them in full and understanding that you may need to provide extra emotional support throughout the relationship.

    It can feel helpless, overwhelming, and even frustrating at times. This is normal and doesn’t make you a bad person or mean you love them any less – but it could be a sign you need to pay more attention to your own mental health.

    We explore how anxiety can affect relationships and how to look after yourself while supporting a partner with anxiety.

     

    How does anxiety affect relationships?

    Anxiety manifests differently in different people, and no two relationships are the same.

    The impacts of anxiety on a relationship will look different for everyone, but these are just some examples of how anxiety might affect a relationship.

    Codependency

    Some people with anxiety can be codependent or ‘clingy’ with their partner. This is generally due to a fear of rejection or abandonment.

    Codependency can also show up for people with anxiety who struggle with tasks like making phone calls, doing the groceries, or driving in busy traffic. They might rely on their partner to do these anxiety-inducing tasks for them, reducing their independence and confidence.

    Insecurity

    Anxiety and insecurity go hand in hand for many people, and this can require a lot of positive reassurance from a partner. The partner might feel like a broken record as they constantly remind their partner with anxiety that they love them and they’re not going to leave them.

    The person with anxiety might struggle with self-esteem issues, jealousy, and suspicion their partner is interested in someone else.

    At times, this can make it difficult for the partner to maintain friendships with people of the opposite sex (or same sex, if relevant).

    Social isolation

    People who struggle with anxiety may isolate themselves and avoid social situations. This can impact their partner’s social life too, as they may feel guilty attending events without them.

    Chronic tension

    Emotional instability is a common symptom of anxiety, and this can cause tension in relationships. The partner may not know how to respond in certain situations or may feel like they’re walking on eggshells.

    Communication breakdown

    Anxiety can cause serious problems with communication and connection in intimate relationships.

    It’s common for people with anxiety to feel guilty or like a burden due to stigma around mental illness. Some people with anxiety may even fear they’ll appear self-absorbed or dramatic if they talk about their anxiety too much.

    This can cause them to shut down or try to hide the extent of their struggles as to not risk being “less lovable” or “too much work” to their partner, creating distance.

     

    How to look after yourself while supporting a partner with anxiety

    The reality is people with an anxiety disorder may need more emotional support in a relationship. This doesn’t make them selfish, but it doesn’t mean your needs should take a backseat either.

    Everyone has mental health, and it’s important to look after yours even if you don’t have a mental health condition.

    Here are a few ways to protect your mental wellbeing while supporting a partner with anxiety.

    Learn more about anxiety

    Educating yourself on anxiety and its symptoms may help you be more understanding and empathetic of what your partner is going through.

    Learning helpful techniques (e.g. listening and validating their feelings, offering plenty of empathy and reassurance) can help you feel more equipped to support your partner and less helpless and overwhelmed.

    We explore some of the different types of anxiety disorders here.

    Communicate your feelings and boundaries

    We understand it can be tricky to raise your own feelings or stresses with an anxious partner. You may worry you’re just adding to their pile of anxieties, or that they’ll feel shame or guilt as a result.

    It’s important to remember that you deserve support too, and honest and respectful communication is the best way to make sure your needs are being met – and to avoid resentment down the track.

    Be clear on your feelings and proposed solutions before you approach your partner. Focus on “I” statements so they don’t feel judged or blamed, and try to find specific examples if you can.

    For example:

    • “I’m here for you, but I don’t feel like I can provide the level of support you need. Could therapy be a helpful option for you?”
    • “I’m feeling overwhelmed by my own stuff this week (e.g. work, family). I want to be here for you, but I don’t have the capacity to really engage and listen the way I’d like to. Can we wait until the weekend?”
    • “I understand it’s really hard for you at the moment, but I feel like it’s impacting my friendships. I’d like to put more energy into socialising. How can we make sure you’re comfortable with that?”

    Remember, an anxiety-prone partner may perceive this conversation as a threat to the relationship.

    Provide plenty of reassurance that you love them and you care about them, and you’re there to help find a solution.

    Prepare yourself with our practical tips to have a difficult conversation.

    Lean on your support network

    Social support is one of the most important human needs. Having a strong support network can reduce stress and increase our resilience and overall quality of life.

    Make an effort to maintain your relationships with friends and family, and don’t be afraid to reach out and open up when you’re having a tough time.

    You might be surprised by how relieved you feel just by talking about your problems with someone you trust. Venting is healthy – it can help relieve pent-up feelings about a problem, and talking to someone outside of the situation can help you see different perspectives and solutions.

    Just be sure to respect your partner’s privacy and don’t disclose specific information about their mental illness without their consent.

    Seek help for yourself

    Seeing someone you love suffer with mental illness can be painful.

    Remember that it’s not your job to fix them, it’s your job to accept, support, and love them – but not to the detriment of your own mental health and happiness. You deserve support for your challenges too.

    Speaking to a trusted loved one or a professional counsellor can be a great solution.

    Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and find healthy ways to cope and communicate with your partner.

    Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling.

    In a relationship, you have the power to influence your partner in a positive or negative way. Your words and behaviours can lift them up or bring them down. We offer tips to bring out the best in your partner.

    Protective Factors for Elder Abuse

    Posted on by admin

    One in six older Australians report experiencing elder abuse in the past year.

    Certain factors can affect one’s vulnerability to abuse.

    Here are some lifestyle habits that can help protect yourself or an older loved one from experiencing elder abuse.

     

    Having peer support

    Connecting with similar-aged people under professional guidance can be beneficial for preventing and overcoming elder abuse.

    Benefits of being in a peer support group include:

    • Referrals to helpful resources
    • Having a safe space to talk openly
    • Becoming educated and informed about ageing
    • Getting advice from both peers and professionals
    • Connecting with others who are in a similar stage of life.

    The Senior Social Connection Program (SSCP) provides peer support to older people in Southeast Queensland.

    The Queensland Government website lists senior peer groups offered across the state.

     

    Seeing a financial counsellor

    In Queensland, financial abuse is the most common type of elder abuse.

    A financial counsellor can help you to protect your money and assets.

    The Senior Financial Protection Service (SFPS) is a free program for older Queenslanders. The SFPS provides community education on protecting your finances in older age.

     

    Practising healthy relationships

    Healthy, respectful relationships with loved ones is a key protective factor for older people at risk of abuse.

    If you want to improve a relationship with a loved one, you may consider mediation. Mediation provides a safe space for constructive conversations under professional guidance.

    Elder abuse is most often inflicted by an adult child. If you feel anxious or unsafe around one of your children, we offer some advice here.

     

    Seeking help from support services

    If you or an older loved one may be experiencing elder abuse, there’s no shame in asking for help.

    There is help available for anyone at risk of elder abuse, including:

    These free services provide safe support that prioritises the wellbeing of the older person.

     

    Being mentally and physically active

    Those with good physical and mental health are less likely to experience elder abuse. For example, poor physical health may lead to increased dependency, which can raise the risk of elder abuse.

    Activities like yoga, walking, gardening, arts and crafts, and brain games or puzzles can benefit the mind and the body.

    You may want to consider your capacity to own a pet, as pets can increase opportunities for getting outdoors, social interaction, and physical activity.

     

    Being outspoken about your wants and values

    Make sure that those important to you know your wants and your values.

    Some ways to make sure your wishes are known include:

    When you are vocal about what you want, loved ones can more effectively help you when you need it.

     

    Seeking legal advice before any major change

    You should seek professional and legal advice before making any major life changes. These changes may include moving in with family, selling property, or setting up an EPOA.

    You can find free legal advice for seniors from Community Legal Centres Queensland.

    If an agreement is made, make sure it is in writing.

     

    If you or an older person you know may be a victim of elder abuse, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

     

    Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

    Signs of Being Humbugged in First Nations Elders

    Posted on by admin

    Humbugging is when a person makes unreasonable demands from a family member.

    First Nations Elders can become vulnerable to humbugging as a form of financial elder abuse.

    Here are some signs of being humbugged as a form of elder abuse, and some tips to protect yourself as an Elder, or protect your Elders.

     

    Why does humbugging happen?

    First Nations Families may struggle with the financial demands of living in colonised Australia, where employment opportunities and other pressures impact family life.

    Some individuals and families may not have learned the skills of managing on a tight budget. They may turn to risky means, like borrowing or taking from Elders who have a limited income.

     

    When does humbugging become financial elder abuse?

    Humbugging may be difficult to spot when it is done against older people, especially when it is between a parent and child.

    Humbugging can become financial elder abuse when there are threats, theft, or other types of abuse involved.

     

    Humbugging behaviours

    Signs of humbugging as financial elder abuse may include:

    • Demanding money
    • Only visiting around payday
    • Not returning “borrowed” money
    • Paying for things with your money
    • Forcing you to sign up for a credit card
    • Overstaying their welcome in your home
    • Forcing you to claim government benefits
    • Taking control of your money or your property
    • Taking advantage of the relationship by not repaying.

     

    Protecting yourself from humbugging

    An Elder may feel confused about handing over money, because they may have grown up in poverty and they do not want to see their family members experience that, too.

    However, protecting your money will help you to protect yourself.

    You can protect your money from humbugging by:

    • Prioritising yourself when budgeting
    • Checking your bank statements regularly
    • Not sharing your PIN codes to your bank cards
    • Not letting others know your payment schedule
    • Setting up a savings account that cannot easily be accessed when shopping or at the ATM.

     

    How to get help

    There is no shame in asking for help.

    First Nations Peoples are welcome in our service, and we are happy to help. The Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service provides free, confidential, and culturally safe support for older Queenslanders who may be experiencing elder abuse.

     

    If you or an older person you know may be a victim of elder abuse, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

     

    Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

     

    What is gentle parenting?

    Posted on by admin

    There are endless approaches – and opinions – when it comes to parenting. 

    ‘Gentle parenting’ has become a popular topic online in recent years, and we’re still learning more about this parenting style. 

    This method is built on the foundation of four elements: 

    • Empathy – Empathising with your child 
    • Respect – Showing respect to your child 
    • Boundaries – Enforcing consistent boundaries 
    • Understanding – Understanding your child and their needs. 

    British childcare expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith coined the name of this parenting style in 2016 with her book “The Gentle Parenting Book”. 

    Despite the name gentle parenting, this approach is not as relaxed or lenient as some people may think. It involves boundaries and discipline, but in a way that focuses on teaching, not punishing. 

    It requires parents to respect their child’s feelings and developmental stage, establish expectations that are age-appropriate, and model the kind of behaviours they want to see. 

    We explore some of the benefits and examples of gentle parenting here. 

     

    Benefits of Gentle Parenting 

    Gentle parenting requires a lot of patience and self-discipline. You may feel like you’re parenting yourself at times! But this effort is an investment that will pay dividends for your child now and into adulthood. 

    Some of the benefits of gentle parenting include: 

    Healthy Parent-Child Bond 

    Gentle parenting fosters a healthy and positive relationship between parent and child. Research shows positive bonding between a child and their primary caregiver/s leads to children who can become happy, independent, and resilient adults. 

    This bond is also a great way to model what healthy and respectful relationships look like, allowing your child to develop and identify healthy relationships with others as they grow up. 

    Reduced Childhood Anxiety 

    Inconsistency and unpredictability can cause a great deal of stress in children, and it can even lead to anxious attachment styles and mental health issues like anxiety. 

    Enforcing consistent boundaries is one of the four key principles of gentle parenting. Clear and consistent expectations can help reduce the risk of childhood anxiety and attachment issues that can last a lifetime. 

    Positive Social Skills 

    Gentle parenting involves modelling the kind of behaviours you’d like your child to develop, including empathy, understanding, and respect. 

    Research shows imitation is an effective learning tool for children – especially babies and toddlers. Gentle parenting encourages us to teach our kids positive social skills by modelling them ourselves. 

    Ability to Name and Regulate Emotions 

    Children learn basic emotions from a young age, such as happiness, sadness, and anger. Gentle parenting creates a safe space for children to explore and communicate their feelings, increasing their emotional intelligence and vocabulary. 

    Some children grow up with parents who invalidate their feelings – for example, telling their child to stop crying or there will be consequences. This can create shame around emotions and cause the child to feel unsafe expressing themselves even in adulthood. 

    Gentle parenting promotes communication around emotions, helping children name their feelings. It also encourages parents to model healthy ways to regulate negative emotions. 

     

    Examples of Gentle Parenting 

    So, what does gentle parenting actually look like, and how can you adopt this style and its ideologies?  

    Here are a few examples of gentle parenting in action. 

    Comment on the behaviour, not the child 

    Separate your child from the unwanted action. For example, if your child is hitting the dog or pulling its tail, instead of saying “You’re being mean” try “The dog doesn’t like it when you do that. It hurts him. Let’s use gentle hands instead.” 

    Encourage the positive action 

    Instead of focusing on the behaviour you don’t want, focus on the behaviour you do want. For example, instead of “Don’t draw on the table” try “Crayons go on the paper. Can you show me how you can draw on the paper?” 

    Remember to praise the positive action. For example: “I knew you could draw on the paper! You’re doing a great job.” 

    If your child doesn’t listen (assuming they’re developmentally able to) the consequence might be to say “It looks like we’re having a tough time staying on the paper today. Let’s try again tomorrow” and redirect to a different activity. 

    Set clear expectations ahead of time 

    Imagine you’re having a great time at a party and your friend suddenly tells you it’s time to go without any warning. You’d be pretty disappointed, right? The same goes with kids. 

    Discuss expectations ahead of time so your child can prepare themselves.

    For example, before you go to the park, talk about what kinds of things they might do there, and explain that when you say it’s time to go, they’ll have to stop playing and get ready to leave. 

    When you’re at the park, give them a reminder or 5-minute warning before it’s time to go so they’re not caught by surprise. You might even like to set a timer for when it’s time to go. 

    Acknowledge their feelings 

    It’s normal for toddlers to have tantrums, and children (and teenagers) to have big feelings. It’s also normal for them to express their feelings in ways that can be challenging for parents and caretakers. 

    Acknowledging your child’s feelings can be a big step to helping them navigate these negative emotions and teaching them empathy from a young age. 

    For example, if your child cries because they’ve reached their screentime, you might say “I know you’re upset. You wanted to watch more Bluey. That can make you feel sad. But it’s time to turn off the TV, and you can watch more Bluey tomorrow.” 

    If your teenager is angry because they’re not allowed to go to a party, you might say “I understand you’re disappointed. You really want to go to this party, and you feel like you’re missing out. But I’ve explained why it’s not appropriate this time, and you will be able to have fun with your friends another time.” 

    Stay calm 

    No parent gets it right 100% of the time. You’re going to have moments where you lose your patience and raise your voice. You’re only human. But gentle parenting encourages us to stay calm and compassionate whenever we can. 

    It can help to remind yourself that your child isn’t trying to give you a hard time – they’re having a hard time. After all, if we as adults find it challenging to control our negative emotions at times, how can we expect children to? 

    If you find yourself struggling to stay calm, you might use this as an opportunity to model some regulation techniques. For example, you might say “I’m feeling a bit stressed out. I’m going to take some big, slow breaths. Would you like to take some breaths with me?” 

     

    Gentle parenting may not be the right style for everyone, but parents can incorporate its techniques into their approach as they discover what works for their family. 

    Therapy can be helpful when discovering parenting styles that align with your values and needs. 

    Our counsellors can help you explore your options and support you through the challenges throughout your parenting journey. Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services and parenting courses. 

    We offer tips for parenting teens in this blog post.