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Month: August 2023

Making the Most of Intergenerational Living

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With the cost of living on the rise, more families are moving in together. While intergenerational living can have its benefits, having multiple family members under one roof can make it difficult to set boundaries and agree on day-to-day decisions.

Statistics show that thirteen percent of Australians have had to move back into their family home or have had an adult child move back in within the past twelve months.

We offer some tips on having a happy, healthy cohabiting situation with your older parents or with your adult child.

 

Set healthy boundaries

Boundaries help protect you within relationships and allow you to establish how you’d like to be treated.

It can be difficult to set boundaries with adult children or with parents, but it’s a healthy thing to do.

To set boundaries in a relationship, you should first identify your values, identity, and feelings. Then, communicate your needs and remain consistent about them.

We offer a guide to setting healthy boundaries here.

 

Respect other’s boundaries

Someone else’s boundaries are nothing personal and should always be respected. By adhering to someone else’s boundaries, you can keep your relationship healthy.

You can respect each other’s boundaries by:

  • Clearly discussing your boundaries
  • Respecting each other’s time and space
  • Remembering that no means no and stop means stop
  • Not snooping, sneaking, or going behind each other’s back
  • Not pushing or prying if someone does not want to talk about something
  • Taking note of what makes them uncomfortable and not doing that again.

 

Have all agreements in writing

When moving in together, it’s important to get all agreements in writing – no matter how much you trust each other.

Together, write out important information such as how much rent is to be paid and how any bills will be handled. Written agreements may protect you from future arguments, financial abuse, or relationship breakdown.

We suggest using a general tenancy agreement.

 

Let go of aged-based prejudice

Different generations often have perceived notions of how the other generations may be.

Prejudice against someone because of their age is called ageism. Ageism puts older people at risk of abuse, social isolation, and neglect. Ageism against younger people may cause relationship hardships.

You can let go of aged-based prejudice by:

  • Sharing your interests with each other
  • Recognising each other’s abilities and strengths
  • Doing activities together, such as games, cooking, or sharing a skill
  • Spending time with your family members who are a different age than you
  • Asking questions about each other, such as about hobbies, opinions, and experiences
  • Setting aside any stereotypes that you may have about older people or younger people.

 

Cherish this time spent together

It’s all too common for us to not realise the value of the time we get to spend with our families.

Reframing your perspective can help you to cherish this time spent living with your family. Use this opportunity to make memories together and learn from each other.

Making the most of the situation can strengthen your relationship.

 

Seek professional advice or mediation

Before making any major decisions, it’s wise to seek professional or legal advice.

Seeking advice can provide a neutral, third-party insight to your situation. They can also provide helpful solutions and make sure that the rights of everyone involved are protected.

Family mediation can help you to resolve conflict and to find a healthy way forward.

The Senior Relationships Mediation Service (SRMS) provides free family mediation which prioritises the wellbeing of the older person.

 

If you or an older person you know need assistance in repairing a relationship, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Relationship Mediation Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship

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Have you noticed repeating patterns in your relationships?

Maybe you feel insecure and seek a lot of validation from your partner? Or maybe you bolt at the first sign of emotional intimacy?

These behaviours can be signs of your attachment style.

Our attachment style starts taking shape from infancy based on how our primary caregivers (usually parents) meet our needs. This forms the foundations for how we perceive and act in relationships into adulthood.

Identifying your attachment style can help you understand your behaviour in relationships and how you relate to your partner. It can also help you recognise your vulnerabilities to form healthier, more secure bonds.

We explore the attachment styles, how they’re formed, and how they can show up in relationships.

 

Attachment Theory

Pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s, your attachment style describes the emotional connection you formed as an infant with your primary caregiver.

According to attachment theory, the quality of the bonding you experienced during this first relationship often determines how well you relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout the rest of your life.

Your attachment style can show up in distinct behaviours in your relationship with your romantic partner – and even in how you parent your own children.

The four types of attachment styles are:

  • Secure
  • Avoidant (also known as dismissive, or anxious-avoidant in children)
  • Anxious (also known as preoccupied, or anxious-ambivalent in children)
  • Disorganised (also known as fearful-avoidant in children).

Avoidant, anxious, and disorganised are considered insecure attachment styles.

Children with an insecure attachment style can have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults. This may be because their experiences have taught them to believe that other people are unreliable or untrustworthy.

Those who have a secure attachment style tend to find relationships easier to navigate, as they learnt early on that it’s safe to rely on other people.

 

Secure Attachment

A secure attachment style generally develops in children whose needs are met by responsive and loving caregivers. They’ve learnt it’s safe to trust others and to accept and give love.

People with a secure attachment style feel safe, secure, and stable in their close relationships. Here are some ways it might show up:

  • You don’t rely on your partner alone for happiness
  • You’re comfortable expressing your feelings and needs
  • You have good self-esteem and are confident being yourself
  • You’re resilient when faced with disappointment in relationships
  • You don’t feel overly anxious when you’re apart from your partner
  • You’re able to be self-reliant as well as offer support when your partner needs it
  • You’re able to regulate your emotions and seek healthy ways to manage conflict.

 

Avoidant Attachment

An avoidant attachment style forms when an infant or child’s caregiver doesn’t show care or responsiveness. This can cause the child to become emotionally distant from their caregiver and learn that they can’t rely on others, often ‘parenting’ themselves.

Some ways an avoidant attachment style can show up in a relationship include:

  • You’re self-sufficient and independent
  • You prefer casual, short-term relationships
  • You fear intimacy and feel ‘suffocated’ in relationships
  • You suppress your feelings to avoid emotional closeness
  • Your partner may accuse you of being distant and closed off
  • The ‘needier’ your partner becomes, the more you withdraw
  • You get uncomfortable when your partner expresses their emotions.

 

Anxious Attachment

An anxious attachment style generally develops when a child depends on an unreliable and inconsistent caregiver. They learn that their caregiver may or may not come through when needed, leading to trust issues and fear of abandonment.

Here are some ways it can manifest in relationships:

  • You have a negative self-image
  • You have a fear of abandonment
  • You often feel anxious and insecure
  • You find it hard to trust your partner
  • You crave approval, attention, and validation
  • You can find it difficult to regulate your emotions
  • Your partner may accuse you of being too clingy or needy
  • You often feel jealous and anxious when you’re apart from your partner
  • Your self-worth relies on how you feel you’re being treated by your partner.

 

Disorganised Attachment

A disorganised attachment style is formed when a caregiver consistently fails to meet their child’s needs, creating a state of fear and stress in the child through anger and/or neglect. The child may replicate these abusive patterns in their adult relationships.

Some ways a disorganised attachment style can show up in a relationship include:

  • You’re afraid of getting hurt
  • You don’t feel worthy of love
  • You may be selfish and controlling in relationships
  • You have trouble trusting and relying on your partner
  • You want to be in the relationship, but you are fearful about it
  • Your partner may accuse you of not taking responsibility for your actions
  • You find it hard to regulate your emotions, which can lead to explosive and abusive behaviours
  • You find intimate relationships confusing, alternating between feelings of love and hate for your partner.

 

Seeking Support

Everyone deserves a healthy, respectful relationship where they feel safe and loved.

If you’re interested in learning more about your attachment style and how to address behaviours to maintain healthier, more secure relationships, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and find healthy ways to cope and communicate with your partner.

Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling.

In a relationship, you have the power to influence your partner in a positive or negative way. Explore our tips to bring out the best in your partner.

Looking After Yourself and Mob During The Voice Referendum

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We’ve been seeing a lot of opinions on The Voice to Parliament in the media lately. 

The Voice conversation is an important one, but it’s also a challenging and distressing time for some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples and communities. 

Being the focus of such strong political opinions, misinformation, and racism may have a significant impact on some First Nations Peoples’ mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing. 

We’d like to offer some ways to look after yourself and your loved ones in the lead up to the referendum. 

RAQ recognises from the Uluru Statement from the Heart that sovereignty was never ceded and acknowledges that while First Nations individuals will each have different views on The Voice, the right to self-determination is shared by all.  

RAQ’s First Nations Workforce has generously shared their unique perspectives to lead us to an organisational position in favour of The Voice. We invite you to read the Statement from RAQ’s First Nations Employees on The Voice Referendum. 

 

Stay Connected

Racial stress can cause feelings of loneliness and isolation. It’s more important than ever to stay connected with your family, community, and culture when you’re struggling. 

Studies show strong and healthy connections to community can help build a sense of cultural identity, increase social and emotional wellbeing, strengthen resilience, and help to protect against suicide. 

Keep up with your social activities and talk to mob about how you’re feeling. It can help to talk things through with people who understand your experience. Remember to check in on how they’re feeling too, and lean on each other. 

 

Look after your Mind and Body

It’s normal to let your healthy habits slip when you’re not feeling your best, but try to take small steps to look after your body where you can. 

Mental health and physical health are closely connected. Try to focus on things you can control – even little things like preparing healthy food, going for a walk, and getting enough sleep can help you set the tone for how you feel and go about your day.

Prioritise the things that make you feel happy and calm, whether it’s seeing friends, reading, playing sport, creating art, or doing self-care exercises like deep breathing and meditation. 

 

Set Safe Boundaries

Give yourself permission to protect yourself emotionally and spiritually, and remove yourself from people and situations that are triggering or unproductive. 

Speak your truth and let your friends know if you’re not in the mood for the conversation, or suggest changing the subject if it’s impacting you. 

If your friends don’t respect your boundary or they’re not willing to do the work to understand your culture and your experience, it’s OK to walk away from that relationship and seek out others who are willing to respect you and your culture.

It’s also important to remember that you’re not obligated to educate others. 

Sometimes people look to those with lived experiences as ambassadors of their communities, expecting them to be an activist or educator for others. 

This is common for First Nations Peoples as well as for members of the LGBTQIA+ communities, refugees and asylum seekers, and those who belong to multicultural and faith communities. 

While you might have lived experience and strong opinions, it should not be an expectation or obligation for you to share them. 

It might not be culturally appropriate or a safe environment, or you may simply not have the energy for the heavy lifting and mental load of educating others. 

Remember to balance your values with your physical and emotional wellbeing. 

Aunty Debra Bennet, Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement and Cultural Advisor, shares some advice in this blog post: When Your White Friends Won’t Talk About Race.

 

Limit Exposure to News and Media 

It’s never been easier for people to publicly share their thoughts and opinions online. The constant exposure to content related to The Voice and other issues can lead to burnout and distress.

If scrolling through the news and social media is upsetting you, it might be time to take a break. Remember you can mute, unfollow, or hide social media posts, accounts, or topics. 

It can be especially helpful to avoid upsetting topics right before bedtime, as this “doomscrolling” can  impact your sense of balance and inner peace, cause feelings of anxiety, and interrupt your sleep.

 

Know the Signs and Seek Help 

Feelings are strong on both sides of The Voice debate. No matter how you intend to vote, it’s normal to feel a range of emotions in the leadup to the referendum. 

Some First Nations Peoples might feel anxious, frustrated, upset, scared, or misunderstood. 

It’s important that we’re aware of the impact The Voice debate may have, and the signs we might need to reach out for help from community or a professional. 

Some impacts might include:  

  • Increased anxiety and depression  
  • Changes in sleep and appetite  
  • Feeling fearful and unsafe  
  • Feelings of shame  
  • Trauma and PTSD  
  • Chronic stress  
  • Suicidal thoughts.  

    If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you know, free and confidential help is available 24/7. 

    For 24/7 crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter, call 13YARN on 13 92 76. 

    RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

     

    No matter where you stand on The Voice debate, the safety, wellbeing, and respect of our First Nations Peoples should be everyone’s priority. 

    We invite you to share our blog post with your communities: How to be Sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice Referendum Debate. 

    The Voice: Misinformation, Truth-Telling, and Healing Together

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    By CEO Natasha Rae

    A First Nations Voice to Parliament will not divide us. But the misinformation and fearmongering in the leadup to the referendum are. 

    The proposed Voice to Parliament has sparked passionate discussions from both sides of the debate as Yes and No campaigners make their cases across the country. 

    While it’s important to hear from a wide range of diverse voices and perspectives, the spreading of false information and half-truths can be harmful. This can be especially true when dealing with topics related to oppressed and vulnerable communities. 

    It’s not uncommon for campaigners to spread misinformation to further their argument and agenda, but it’s particularly disappointing in the context of The Voice. 

    A First Nations Voice to Parliament was born from The Uluru Statement from the Heart, which has three key objectives: 

    • Voice to Parliament 
    • Treaty 
    • Truth-telling. 

      Truth-telling. 

      Truth-telling is one of the most important tools to educate non-First Nations Australians about First Nations issues. 

      It requires us to shed our personal biases, open our hearts and minds, and engage in deep listening with First Nations Peoples about their experiences and historical Truths. 

      These Truths can be uncomfortable and confronting, but they can also be surprising and affirming. And they’re critical for our understanding around The Voice and all First Nations issues.  

      We as an organisation continue to engage in Truth-telling with our First Nations Workforce on a national and state level. We’ve listened as our First Nations employees have generously shared their perspectives and experiences, leading us to a position in favour of The Voice. 

      “We see this as an opportunity for all Australians to be part of an intentional healing journey for our people and to unify our country.” 

       – Relationships Australia Qld First Nations Workforce 

      We’re committed to embracing these voices and actioning this advice in real and tangible ways during the referendum and beyond. 

      We all have a responsibility to be informed of the real Truth so we can engage in respectful and fact-based conversations around The Voice and related issues. 

      Open and honest communication is the foundation of all healthy, respectful, and genuine relationships.  

      Respect, integrity, and healthy, respectful relationships are key values at RAQ. Through our work, we support individuals, couples, and families to create safe spaces for talking and listening, even when they don’t agree. Especially when they don’t agree. This is core to healthy, respectful relationships and communities. 

      “Healthy relationships have to have healthy communication,” says Relationships and Family Counsellor Valerie Holden. 

      “That doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything – but it does mean we have to communicate with respect and understanding.” 

      When we share misinformation online and in person, we contribute to the fear and anger surrounding the referendum, and we increase division among our communities. 

      In June, the No campaign was accused of engaging in “post-truth politics” to divide Australians. 

      “Its aim is to polarise people. And its weapon of choice is misinformation,” said Indigenous Australians Minister Linda Burney. 

      Some No campaigners, including politicians, have incorrectly claimed that the Uluru Statement from the Heart is a 26-page document to imply Yes campaigners are hiding something. 

      Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander agencies, Voice to Parliament advocates, and prime minister Anthony Albanese have described this conspiracy theory as “a misinformation campaign to avoid debating the facts.” 

      We must be aware of the biases of our information sources and use critical thinking to inform our opinions and conversations leading up to the referendum. 

      Several media outlets including RMIT ABC Fact Check, AAP Fact Check, and AFP Fact Check provide information on how to fact-check claims when engaging with sources. 

      Throughout the referendum debate, we encourage everyone – regardless of their stance on The Voice – to approach this subject with compassion, respect, and a willingness to listen and learn the Truth. 

      To thrive, relationships need deep listening with honest, respectful conversations. 

      It’s time to listen and to put First Nations voices and Truth-telling at the heart of all conversations around The Voice. 

       

      We understand this topic and related conversations may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

      RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

      For 24/7 crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

      5 Things to Avoid When Arguing with Your Partner

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      Conflict isn’t always a sign a relationship is doomed. In fact, arguments can be an opportunity to increase understanding and connection in a relationship – as long as they’re handled respectfully.  

      While it’s okay to disagree sometimes, arguments can be tricky, and it’s important to handle them in a respectful and healthy way.  

      Here are five things to avoid when arguing with your partner, friend, or loved one.

       

      1. Avoid speaking out of anger

      When you’re upset, it’s easy to let your emotions spill over and say or do things you might regret later. But allowing anger to get the better of you can make the situation worse and even hurt your relationship in the long-term.  

      Before you react, take a deep breath, and try to stay calm. Remember, it’s essential to treat your partner with kindness and respect, even when you disagree.  

      If you feel like your emotions are too overwhelming, consider taking a short break and returning to the discussion when you’re both calmer.  

       

      2. Avoid name-calling

      It’s important to be respectful and avoid using hurtful language. Name-calling, swearing, and insults can lead to hurt feelings and cause lasting damage to your relationship. Instead, focus on explaining your feelings and thoughts calmly, without resorting to hurtful words.  

       

      3. Avoid interrupting

      Listening is crucial in any argument. Interrupting your partner while they’re talking can make them feel like you don’t care about their thoughts or feelings.  

      You can show respect by allowing a 50/50 conversation where both people get to express how they feel.  

      Let them finish what they have to say before sharing your perspective and be sure to ask questions to make sure you’ve understood them correctly. This way, you both get the chance to express yourselves fully, and in time, you’ll grow to understand each other better.  

       

      4. Avoid playing the blame game

      Arguments can quickly turn into a game of pointing fingers. Instead of blaming your partner, try to take responsibility for your own actions and feelings. You can do this by using ‘I feel’ statements instead of ‘you are’ statements. 

      When you share your feelings without blaming, your partner is more likely to understand where you’re coming from and be willing to work together to find a solution.  

       

      5. Avoid yelling or raising your voice

      Raising your voice during an argument can make your partner feel attacked or scared. Yelling only adds more tension and may lead to one or both of you ‘shutting down’ and not being able to continue the conversation.  

      If you find yourself getting louder, take a moment to pause and lower your voice. Speak in a calm and clear manner so that your partner can hear your point of view without feeling overwhelmed. This will allow you to continue to work through the issue respectfully and come to a solution together. 

       

      Remember, arguing is a normal part of any relationship, but it’s important to handle disagreements with care and respect. By avoiding getting too angry, name-calling, interrupting, playing the blame game, and yelling, you can create a safe space for healthy, respectful communication with your partner.  

      Understanding each other’s perspectives and feelings can help strengthen your relationship and bring you closer together. 

      If you could use some help navigating conflict in your closest relationships, speaking to a professional counsellor could help. 

      Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling. 

      We look at how often couples fight in a healthy relationship in this blog post. 

      How to Talk to Kids About The Voice

      Posted on by admin

      The upcoming Voice referendum and related First Nations issues have sparked conversations on TV, social media, and in our everyday lives. 

      Perhaps your child has approached you with curiosity and questions about The Voice or Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples. Or maybe you’re looking to introduce them to these important topics but aren’t sure where to start. 

      It’s never too early to teach children the true history and rich culture of our First Nations Peoples. 

      “It’s important to address these issues as First Nations issues are issues for all Australians to navigate,” says Kate Lloyd, RAQ Senior Clinical Supervisor. 

      But there are a few crucial things to keep in mind to ensure the conversation is age-appropriate and your child can engage in a meaningful way. 

      Kate offers some helpful guidance for parents and carers to talk to their kids about The Voice here. 

       

      Ask them what they know 

      Don’t assume your child’s existing level of knowledge – let them show you, tell you, and teach you their worldview. 

      Finding out what they already know or think about The Voice is a great place to start. 

      You might ask “What have you heard about The Voice to Parliament?” and then listen carefully to what they have to say, keeping an ear out for anything you’d like to explore further with them, and allowing this to guide the rest of your conversation. 

       

      Keep it age-appropriate 

      The best way to approach any serious conversation with a child is to tailor your language and details around their individual development and needs. 

      Use simple, clear language and consider whether certain details are appropriate for their age. For example, a 5-year-old may not understand the concept of racist microaggressions or may be scared by specific details of abuse. 

      Depending on your child’s age, you may even like to keep it light and fun with an activity that encourages your child to connect with First Nations culture. 

      Consider using age-appropriate resources such as the picture book ‘Finding Our Heart – A Story About The Uluru Statement for Young Australians’ read by Tony Armstrong for Play School Story Time in this video. 

      Former AFL star Adam Goodes has a collection of children’s books inviting kids to connect with First Nations culture, including ‘Somebody’s Land: Welcome to Our Country’. 

      You can also find photos and videos of children celebrating NAIDOC Week and National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Children’s Day around the country online. This is a great way to increase your child’s exposure to First Nations Peoples and culture among their peers. 

       

      Maintain an open dialogue 

      This shouldn’t be a one-and-done conversation. Encourage your child to ask questions and share their thoughts with you during the referendum debate and beyond. 

      Create a safe space for your child to feel free to share – even if their views and ideas are different to yours or others’. 

      Remember that it’s OK not to have all the answers. Work together on the unknowns and uncertainties, and seek trustworthy resources to fill the gaps. This is a great opportunity to increase your own knowledge and understanding of First Nations issues.  

      Reconciliation Australia and Multicultural Australia have some great credible resources on The Voice to Parliament. 

       

      Make respect a priority 

      Keep the safety and respect of First Nations Peoples top of mind however you intend to vote. 

      Your child will be far more influenced by a conversation with you than anything they see or hear from the media or a third party. So be sure to model respectful language and kindness, regardless of your beliefs. 

      We offer some practical ways to consider the safety and respect of First Nations Peoples leading up the referendum here. 

       

      Be aware of your own emotions and sensitive to your child’s 

      Opinions and feelings are strong on both sides of The Voice debate. 

      It’s important to know your own vulnerabilities and feelings around the topic so you can address and manage these before you approach a conversation with your child. 

      Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement and Cultural Advisor Aunty Debra Bennet reminds us: “Our children are precious.” 

      Be sensitive to your child’s feelings, and take breaks if you notice they’re experiencing strong emotions. 

       

      Support Services 

      We understand this topic may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

      RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

      For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

      Kids Helpline provides 24/7 support to children and young people with phone counselling and webchat counselling: 1800 55 1800. 

      What is The Voice to Parliament and what will it do?

      Posted on by admin

      The Voice has been a popular topic in the media as we edge closer to the referendum, expected to take place later this year. 

      Opinions and feelings are strong and varied, and we’ve heard from a diverse range of voices on both sides of the debate. 

      But what exactly will a First Nations Voice to Parliament look like if successfully voted into the Australian Constitution? 

      We unpack some key details of The Voice and important things to consider when determining your vote. 

      However you intend to vote, the safety, wellbeing, and respect of our First Nations Peoples should be everyone’s priority during what may be an emotional and traumatic time._ 

      We provide some practical ways to be sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice referendum debate in this blog post. 

       

      Where did this begin? 

      While it may have become a popular point of discussion in recent months, The Voice is part of a reconciliation process that’s been unfolding for decades. 

      First Nations Australians have called for a political voice in one form or another for almost 100 years. 

      A formal call for a Voice to Parliament protected by the Constitution came about_through The Uluru Statement From The Heart in 2017. 

      This historic statement was formed by over 250 Aboriginal_and_Torres_Strait_Islander_Delegates_from across the nation after days of discussions at the First Nations’ National Constitutional Convention in 2017. 

      The Uluru Statement From The Heart is addressed to the people of Australia with three key objectives: 

      • Voice to Parliament 
      • Treaty 
      • Truth-telling. 

      We encourage everyone to read The Uluru Statement From The Heart in full to learn more about the context of The Voice. 

       

      What is the point of a First Nations Voice? 

      If successfully voted into the Constitution with a majority of ‘Yes’ votes, The Voice will provide permanent representation and recognition for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples in the Australian Constitution. 

      It will be_a new body that represents First Nations Peoples throughout the country_to provide their input into federal government decisions, policies, and laws that impact their lives._ 

      The Voice will act as an advisory body, but it won’t have powers to overrule parliament (known_as “veto” powers). 

      Parliament and government would be obliged to consult The Voice on matters that overwhelmingly relate to First Nations Peoples, such as native title, employment, housing, the community development program, the NDIS, or heritage protection. 

      The_First Nations Referendum Working Group_advising the government says the design of The Voice will be guided by_the following principles: 

      • It will provide independent advice to parliament and government 
      • It will be chosen by First Nations Peoples based on the wishes of local communities 
      • It will be representative of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities 
      • It will be empowering, community-led, inclusive, respectful, culturally informed and gender-balanced, and will also include youth 
      • It will be accountable and transparent. 

        You can learn more about the design principles of The Voice here. 

        The Australian Government has created an information booklet outlining more information on The Voice. You can download it here. 

         

        Do all First Nations Peoples support this? 

        Over 97% of the First Nations delegates at the Uluru National Convention supported a call for a constitutional Voice through The Uluru Statement of The Heart. 

        Recent polls show 80% of First Nations Australians are in favour of The Voice. 

        Everyone has their own unique perspective and opinions, including First Nations individuals, and we cannot assume anyone’s stance on The Voice. 

        It’s important to listen to First Nations voices, respect their stories, and allow them to speak for themselves. 

        RAQ has listened to our First Nations Workforce who have generously shared their knowledge and wisdom, leading us to an organisational position in favour of a Voice to Parliament. 

        You can read our First Nations staff-led journey to ‘Yes’ here. 

         

        How will voting work? 

        Voting in the referendum is compulsory for all Australian citizens enrolled to vote. 

        If you’re already enrolled to vote, you don’t need to enrol again to vote in a referendum. 

        We’re still waiting for the referendum date to be announced, but it’s expected to take place between October and December 2023. 

        Voting in the referendum will be similar to voting in a federal election.  

        It’ll be held on a Saturday, and voters will need to attend polling places, where they will be marked off and then given a ballot form. 

        Postal votes will be available in similar circumstances as those in an election, and there will be pre-polling booths for those wanting to vote early. 

        The referendum question contained in the Bill is: 

        A Proposed Law: to alter the Constitution to recognise the First Peoples of Australia by establishing an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Voice. Do you approve this proposed alteration? 

        The wording of the referendum question may go through further changes by parliament before the referendum date. 

        Voters will only need to answer either “Yes” or “No” in response to the proposed question. 

        The ABC offers a great resource on what to expect when voting in The Voice referendum here. 

         

        Support Services 

        We understand this topic and related conversations may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

        RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

        For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

        Why do I feel lonely even though I have friends?

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        Australia is in a loneliness epidemic.

        Relationships Australia’s Relationship Indicators 2022 survey revealed we’re lonelier than ever, showing almost a quarter (23.9%) of Australians are lonely.

        Almost half (45.9%) of young people aged 18-24 reported feeling emotionally lonely.

        Emotional loneliness is different to social loneliness. Social loneliness refers to the lack of a social network, while emotional loneliness is the lack of close emotional connection.

        You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. Anyone can experience loneliness, even if you have regular social interactions.

        Maybe you feel drained after big events, or perhaps you don’t feel like you’ve found people who truly ‘get’ you yet. Either way, you might be wondering why you’re feeling alone in the world when you have people around you.

        We explore some of the reasons why you might feel lonely even when you have friends.

         

        Your connections are shallow

        Spending time with surface-level friends can leave you feeling lonelier than if you’d just stayed at home by yourself.

        Experts have found that too many shallow interactions can cause us to feel lonely and misunderstood.

        Social Scientist Kasley Killam explains:

        “Loneliness can arise from not feeling seen, understood, or validated. It can come from spending time with people who don’t share your values or interests. It can also come from too many superficial interactions and not enough deeper connections.”

        It doesn’t matter how many friends you have – if you don’t connect on a deeper level, they can leave you feeling unsatisfied and emotionally lonely.

        It can take years – even decades – to truly find your people. This doesn’t need to be a group of people. It could be just one close friend who really gets you, shares your values and interests, and makes you feel truly understood and validated.

        We explore ways to make deeper connections based on your values and interests in this blog post.

         

        You’ve outgrown your friends

        Not all friendships are made to last.

        Many of us find those childhood friends or high school social groups might fizzle out as we mature and discover who we really are.

        You might not share much in common anymore, and you may even find disagreements starting to arise as your values and beliefs take shape.

        Outgrowing friendships is a normal part of life. It’s OK to stop reaching out to friends who no longer align with your values and don’t feel like a fulfilling or comfortable fit anymore.

        We explore when to stop reaching out to a friend in this blog post.

         

        You’re socialising wrong

        There’s no right or wrong way to socialise. But if you feel drained and overwhelmed after hanging out in a big group of people, it might be a sign to change the way you spend time with the people you care about.

        Whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between, the way we socialise can have a significant impact on our energy levels and how connected we feel to the people we spend time with.

        You might find it more fulfilling to catch up with friends one at a time in a quiet setting where you can have more intimate conversations and build closeness.

         

        You’re not being yourself

        It’s hard to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance when you don’t know who you are – or you’re changing parts of your personality to appease the people you’re with.

        If you find you have to hide or change things about yourself, or you’re walking on eggshells around people, it might be worth considering how healthy and genuine those friendships really are.

        For example, if you’re a parent but none of your friends have an interest in children, you might not feel comfortable sharing that (massive) part of your life. Avoiding that topic may feel inauthentic and isolating for you.

        Some friendships can do more harm than good for our self-esteem and wellbeing. If you’re not being yourself and staying true to your identity and values, you’ll likely feel a disconnect.

         

        You’re struggling mentally

        If you’re feeling lonely or detached from the people you care about, it could be a sign that something else is going on for you.

        Maybe you’re going through a tough time mentally right now, you’re feeling burnt out from school, work, or parenting, or you’re just generally overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life. And that’s OK.

        We can’t always be our most sociable and energetic selves. But if you’re finding yourself withdrawing from friends and family or struggling with feelings of loneliness, chances are there could be something deeper beneath the surface.

        Speaking to a professional counsellor can help you sort through these feelings in a safe, judgement-free space, and find healthy ways to cope.

        Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services.

        We explore some of the potential causes of disconnection and signs of social withdrawal, and offer advice to nurture fulfilling connections here.