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Month: January 2024

Why it’s Important to Have Friendships Outside Your Relationship

Posted on by admin

Friends aren’t just a nice bonus in life – they’re a key ingredient to our happiness and wellbeing.

While it’s not uncommon for some couples to spend all their time together in the early stages, neglecting friendships outside your romantic relationship can be unhealthy – and even dangerous.

If your partner doesn’t like you spending time with other people, this can be a sign of control and abuse.

We explore how maintaining friendships outside of your relationship can benefit both you and your relationship.

 

Improved Sense of Self

Your relationship should be just one part of a full and happy life – not your whole world.

Losing your friends can lead to losing yourself. Spending all your time with your partner can leave you socially isolated and codependent.

You might feel yourself getting ‘lost’ in the relationship, not knowing where you end and your partner begins. This can damage your sense of self and your self-worth.

Friendships can help you maintain your individual sense of identity and improve your self-esteem and self-compassion. They can also provide a fun and relaxing outlet unique to the dynamic in your relationship.

 

Better Mental and Physical Health

Years of mounting research shows our friendships help us live happier, healthier, and even longer lives.

Meanwhile, the health risks of loneliness are as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than the those associated with obesity.

Strong social connections have been found to:

  • Create a sense of belonging and purpose
  • Increase feelings of happiness and life satisfaction
  • Reduce our risk of heart disease, dementia, and other chronic diseases
  • Reduce our risk of mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

 

Trustworthy Relationship Advice

All relationships need support from time to time, and it’s important you have someone to confide in who can provide an outside perspective.

Friends can offer a listening ear when we need advice about our relationship – or simply a safe outlet to vent.

Your friends have your best interests at heart and can often provide a different point of view on your relationship issues. This can be especially helpful if your feelings tend to cloud your judgement when it comes to your partner.

Insights from your friends can even help make you a better partner in your relationship as they can help increase your self-awareness and empathy.

 

Healthier Relationship

You can’t get everything you need from one person.

It’s unrealistic – and unfair – to expect your partner to be your entire emotional support system.

And it’s unhealthy for your partner to expect you to neglect your friendships for them. In fact, isolating you from your loved ones is a form of coercive control, a type of domestic abuse.

In a healthy and secure relationship, both partners will encourage each other to maintain their hobbies, social connections, and independence. The relationship benefits when both partners can thrive as individuals and respect each other’s right to do the same.

If you need some support to get to this point in your relationship, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. We can help you address underlying issues as a couple or on your own.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

Knowing your attachment style can help you better understand your behaviours in relationships. We explore in our blog post How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship.

Am I codependent?

Posted on by admin

Some dependence is healthy in a relationship, where both people can rely on each other when they need support. 

But what happens when you rely on each other too much? This can lead to codependence. 

A codependent relationship is an unhealthy dynamic where one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, needs to be needed. 

Both people can get “lost” in the relationship, abandoning their individual sense of identity and neglecting other relationships and goals. 

We explore what codependency can look like in relationships and how to change unhealthy patterns for a happier partnership. 

 

Signs of Codependency in Relationships

Some people mistake being ‘clingy’ for being codependent. While clinginess can be a sign of codependence, there’s much more to codependent relationships than this. 

A codependent person gets all their self-worth from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who enables this behaviour because it benefits them. Many codependent relationships involve emotional abuse. 

It’s important to remember that codependent relationships aren’t always romantic – they can also exist between friends or family members. 

Some signs of codependency in relationships include: 

  • Fear of rejection or abandonment 
  • Trouble making decisions for yourself 
  • Planning your life around your partner 
  • Needing constant reassurance from your partner 
  • Doing more than your fair share to keep the peace 
  • Discomfort or anxiety being away from your partner 
  • Consistently putting your partner’s needs above your own
  • Neglecting other relationships and areas of life for your partner
  • Having poor or no boundaries, e.g. saying “yes” when you want to say “no”
  • Your self-worth and mood relying on the behaviour and approval of your partner
  • Making excuses for your partner’s behaviour, even at the expense of your wellbeing
  • Feeling responsible for your partner’s feelings and wellbeing and wanting to fix their problems
  • Feeling like you can’t speak up about your own needs, or feeling guilty for having them in the first place. 

    People who are codependent in adult relationships often learned these behaviours from the adults around them growing up. 

    Perhaps they had a parent with boundary issues who self-sacrificed for others. Or maybe they didn’t have their needs met by their parents, learning from a young age to ignore their own needs and instead focus on what they can do for others to keep the peace. 

    Learning your attachment style can help you understand your patterns in relationships. We explore further in our blog post How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship.

     

    How to Overcome Codependency in Relationships 

    Codependency can be a deeply rooted part of who we are and how we relate to the people around us. 

    It may not be an easy fix, but there are some strategies you can take to start to heal and move away from unhealthy behaviours. 

    Work on your self-esteem 

    People who are codependent often struggle with low self-esteem, feeling unworthy of having their own needs and preferences considered. 

    You can start to work on your self-esteem by challenging negative self-talk and focusing on your strengths and all the positives you have to offer in your relationships. 

    Establish healthy boundaries 

    Boundaries are key for protecting our wellbeing and maintaining healthy, lasting relationships. Once you start setting boundaries with your partner, you may find it gets easier and easier to advocate for yourself and your needs. 

    We offer some advice to identify and communicate your boundaries here. 

    Maintain social connections 

    You can’t get everything you need from one person – even the love of your life. 

    Maintaining relationships with friends and family can help improve your self-esteem and prevent loneliness. It’s also important to have a support network separate from your partner for those days when you need advice or an outside perspective on your relationship. 

    Enjoy life outside of your relationship 

    While it’s normal to love spending time with your partner, it’s not healthy for your world to revolve around them. Your romantic relationship should be just one part of a happy and fulfilling life. 

    Make an effort to maintain your personal identity and independence with your own hobbies, goals, and social connections. 

    Consider counselling as a couple and/or individual 

    Communication is key when it comes to nurturing a healthy and equal relationship. But it can be difficult to talk about complicated issues – especially if you’re prone to bottling up your feelings. 

    If you need some support to overcome codependent behaviours or address underlying issues as a couple or on your own, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. 

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here. 

    10 Easy Mindfulness Activities for Stress and Anxiety

    Posted on by admin

    Stress and anxiety can build up over time or hit us suddenly like a tonne of bricks.

    It can help to have some coping strategies on hand for when those feelings start to rise.

    Practising mindfulness has been shown to prevent and reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety, helping to ground you and calm your nervous system.

    Keep these 10 mindfulness activities handy for next time you start to feel overwhelmed.

     

    1. Sit quietly and do a body scan

    Check in with yourself from head to toe. Try wiggling or tensing and relaxing your muscles/body parts as you go. Take notice of how the stress is showing up in your body and where you’re holding any tension. If you have time, try following a guided meditation to help you really focus on how you’re feeling.

     

    2. Get outside and pay attention to the sounds around you

    A change of scenery and some fresh air can be just what you need to interrupt negative thoughts. Go outside and take a quiet moment to listen to what’s going on around you. This might be nearby traffic, leaves rustling in the wind, or neighbours chatting.

     

    3. Count items around you

    This is another great way to redirect your thoughts and bring you back to the present moment. Scan the space around you and count what you see, whether it’s flowers, clouds, cars, books, or tiles on the ground.

     

    4. Breathe

    Never underestimate the power of breathing exercises. Breathwork has been respected by experts for years as a go-to for reducing stress. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly out your mouth. Try this five times and feel your body relax.

     

    5. Stretch

    Do some simple, gentle stretches in a quiet place to bring you back into your body. Child’s pose specifically is known to promote relaxation and healthy sleep.

     

    6. Dance

    Put on an upbeat or relaxing song and move your body. Imagine you’re releasing anxious or negative energy as you move. If you have a friend or partner nearby, invite them to join so you can get the added benefits of connecting with a loved one.

     

    7. Try positive affirmations

    Repeating a reassuring phrase over in your mind can help you get through tough situations. For example, if you’re stuck in traffic, late on the way to a social event, you might tell yourself: “I have all the time I need. Traffic is out of my control. Focusing on the present moment is all I need to do.”

     

    8. Make a gratitude list

    When you feel stress and other negative emotions, it can help to remind yourself of the things you’re currently grateful for in life. Take a quiet moment to mentally list a few of the things you most appreciate right now, whether it’s your best friend, your pet, or a trip you’re looking forward to.

     

    9. Eat or drink mindfully

    Take your time savouring your favourite beverage or snack. Really focus on the textures, aromas, and flavours. This can help quiet your mind and ground you in the present moment.

    We list some more great ways to self-soothe using your senses here.

     

    10. Go for a walk without earphones

    A quick walk can do wonders for a busy mind and nervous energy, especially if it’s out in nature. Try a mindful walk by ditching the earphones. Pay attention to how your body feels, how you’re breathing, and the sights and sounds around you.

     

    If you’re finding it hard to ease your stress and calm your nerves, it could help to talk to someone you trust or seek support from a professional.

    Talking to a counsellor can help you work through unhelpful thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

    Stress and anxiety share many symptoms, and this can make it hard to tell whether you’re simply stressed out or suffering from an anxiety disorder. We explore the difference between stress and anxiety in this blog post.

    Work-Life Balance Strategies to Support Your Wellbeing

    Posted on by admin

    Is work getting in the way of what’s really important?

    Research shows Australia’s work-life balance is pretty bleak compared to some, with 13% of us working excessive hours.

    A healthy work-life balance involves a harmonious relationship between your work and personal life. It allows you to manage your time and energy to meet both your professional and personal commitments while supporting your overall wellbeing.

    An unhealthy work-life balance can lead to:

    • Lack of self-care
    • Stress and burnout
    • Strained and neglected relationships.

    We hope these work-life balance strategies help if you’re struggling to make room for what matters most.

     

    Reflect on your values

    Consider what’s most important to you in life. What are your priorities and values? These might include your relationship, family, health, self-development, or travel.

    Now ask yourself: Does my current lifestyle reflect this?

    “Show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities” is a saying (and a reality check) some of us need to hear.

    Once we’ve determined the specific areas we want to focus more time and energy into, we can consider how we can juggle our commitments to support them.

     

    Maximise your free time

    We don’t have to be productive every minute of every day – rest and relaxation are an important part of a healthy work-life balance. But you may be able to find clever ways to make the most of your time.

    For example, if you’re not spending as much time on your physical health as you’d like to, you could consider walking or riding a bike for all or some of your work commute.

    You may also be able to identify timewasters in your life, such as mindlessly watching TV or excessively scrolling on social media before bed. You might try limiting these activities to make time for quality conversations with your partner, or to allow yourself to wake up earlier and enjoy a healthy breakfast.

    Be honest with yourself around how you’re spending your downtime, and change habits that don’t align with your values and priorities.

     

    Use time-management tools

    Time-management tools can help you prioritise your tasks, use your time effectively, and avoid procrastination.

    Some handy ones to implement yourself might include:

    • Timers/alarms
    • To-do lists or apps
    • Calendar or planner.

    For example, you might find it helpful to set yourself a one-hour timer to focus on a task before you can check your phone or grab a snack.

    If your workplace doesn’t have official project-management systems in place (such as Asana or Monday), it might be worth suggesting. This can be a great way to keep track of your workflow and encourage accountability.

     

    Set stronger boundaries if needed

    In some situations, our work schedules simply don’t support the freedom and flexibility we’d like.

    But we can all take ownership of the things we can control to better protect our personal time, such as:

    • Add your work hours to your email signature
    • Set realistic expectations around deadlines and availability
    • Turn off your work phone or email notifications outside of work hours
    • Pre-plan personal activities/appointments in your work calendar so colleagues know not to book meetings or calls during this time.

     

    Dedicate time for relaxation

    People who are busy with work during the week may feel obligated to fill their weekends with social plans to make up for it. This can quickly lead to burnout and make time with friends and family feel like a chore.

    Block out some time in your weekend – whether it’s a couple of hours or your entire Sunday – to relax and recharge.

    Schedule time to do the things that fill your cup and make you feel fresh for the week ahead. This could be anything from reading with your favourite snack to finding a new hiking spot with great views.

     

    If you need some support defining your values and dealing with work stress, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

    We offer more great tips in our blog post How to Manage Work Stress.

    Signs of Neglect in Older People

    Posted on by admin

    Every person, no matter how old they are, deserves to feel safe and cared about by their family, partner, friends, and carers.

    Neglect is the failure to provide someone with necessities such as food, shelter, or medical care – or preventing someone from accessing these necessities.

    The neglect of older people is a form of elder abuse.

    In this blog post, we’ll discuss signs of elderly neglect, why seniors are vulnerable to neglect, and what resources are available for someone experiencing neglect.

     

    1.      Inadequate clothing

    Inadequate clothing may be clothes which are unclean, damaged, or inappropriate for the weather.

     

    2.      Lack of medical or dental care

    An older person lacking medical or dental care may indicate neglect.

    Preventing someone from receiving care from anyone else, including healthcare providers, is an abusive behaviour.

    Examples of lack of medical or dental care include:

    • Tooth decay or cavities
    • Missing or chipped teeth
    • Consistent complaints of being in pain
    • Sick, but has not gone to the doctor or received care
    • An ongoing medical problem that is not being addressed.

     

    3.      Absence of required medical aids or devices

    Is the older person missing their required medical aids such as hearing aids, walker, dentures, or medication? These may be signs of neglect which need to be addressed immediately for the health and safety of the older person.

     

    4.      Poor personal hygiene, unkempt appearance

    Untended hygiene or appearance may include unbrushed hair, unbrushed teeth, dirty skin or nails, or body odour.

     

    5.      Injuries that have not been properly cared for

    Bleeding wounds, infections, or untreated broken bones can be a sign of neglect. In any case, the person is not receiving proper care and will require immediate support.

     

    6.      Complaints of it being too hot or too cold in their home

    If the older person is complaining about the temperature in their home, it may indicate there isn’t proper heating or air con, or that they are restricted from using these utilities.

    Especially in Queensland, not using the air con can be extremely dangerous for older people. Usage of air con and fans should not be restricted.

     

    7.      Living in unsafe, unhealthy, dangerous, or unsanitary living conditions

    Improper living conditions may include:

    • Mould
    • Unsecure entryways
    • Broken or faulty alarms
    • Damage to the home that has not been addressed
    • A disabled person living in a home that isn’t disability-friendly.

     

    8.      Unexplained weight loss, dehydration, poor skin integrity, or malnutrition

    These signs may indicate neglect in the form of improper nutrition. A carer should provide, or ensure access to, enough healthy food and clean drinking water.

     

    What makes older people vulnerable to neglect?

    Sometimes older people become less able or unable to look after themselves. It’s normal for an older person to depend on someone else for care, such as a family member, aged care staff, or a hired caretaker.

    When one person is dependent on another, there is unfortunately potential for abuse and neglect.

    The person experiencing abuse may be afraid to reach out for help, or may not even realise they’re being abused. That’s why we should all look out for these signs of neglect in our older loved ones.

     

    Support is available

    Did you know that one in six older Australians have experienced abuse in the past year? However, only one in three seek help.

    There is no shame in reaching out for support.

    The Senior Relationship Services (SRS) offer free support and referrals to older Queenslanders. Our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) helps older folks who are experiencing elder abuse, including neglect.

     

    If you or an older person you know may be a victim of elder abuse, our experienced staff are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

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