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What is compassion fatigue?

Posted on by admin

Compassion and empathy are important for connecting and building relationships. 

While these are admirable qualities, expressing them too often or too much can take a toll on your own wellbeing. 

Compassion fatigue – also known as empathy burnout – describes the negative physical, emotional, and psychological impact that can come from continually helping others in need. 

This type of emotional exhaustion is common in roles that involve frequently being exposed to stress and/or trauma, such as victim and mental health services, law enforcement, and emergency services.  

Compassion fatigue can also show up in empathetic people with a caring and generous nature, such as those with a strong sense of social justice, or those whose family and friends consistently rely on them for support and advice. 

Whether you experience vicarious trauma through your job or you often play the role of ‘therapist’ for your loved ones, empathy burnout can have serious impacts on your mental health and your relationships. 

We explore the signs of compassion fatigue and offer some advice to manage and prevent it. 

 

Compassion Fatigue Symptoms 

Compassion fatigue or empathy burnout can look different for everyone. These are just some of the common signs and impacts: 

  • Apathy – A decline in feelings of sympathy, empathy, care, and compassion 
  • Detachment – Becoming emotionally detached and/or feeling a sense of numbness 
  • Social withdrawal – Withdrawal and isolation from social connections and interactions 
  • Mood swings – Sudden drastic shifts in emotions, including becoming irritable and quick to anger 
  • Cynicism and despair – Frequently witnessing other people’s suffering can create negative attitudes and scepticism toward people, society, and the state of the world 
  • Hopelessness and helplessness – Feeling like your actions have no impact on others and things will never get better 
  • Diminished sense of fulfilment in helping others – Someone who normally enjoys helping other people may no longer get this sense of fulfilment and may even grow resentful 
  • Mental health conditions – Compassion fatigue can lead to or exacerbate stress-related conditions such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 
  • Self-medicating – Compassion fatigue can make you vulnerable to addictive behaviours and substance abuse used to relieve personal pain 
  • Physical symptoms – This might include physical exhaustion and fatigue, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, digestive issues, and headaches. 

 

How to Deal with Compassion Fatigue 

Much like any form of stress or burnout, compassion fatigue is best managed with early intervention. 

This can be particularly true for compassion fatigue caused by secondary trauma and distressing events through work. If left ignored, this can lead to more serious mental health issues like PTSD. 

These strategies and self-care measures may help you manage symptoms and prevent further burnout. 

Set boundaries 

You can still be a generous and caring person and have limits on how much you’re able to support others. 

If you’re feeling drained from the emotional energy you give to your clients/patients, loved ones, or the causes you care about, it might be time to clarify your personal boundaries. 

If your occupation is causing your compassion fatigue, boundaries might include: 

  • Taking a break from work, ideally for a relaxing holiday 
  • Setting a time limit on how long you discuss work issues with your partner or loved ones 
  • Separating your work and personal lives by turning off your emails and work phone out of hours 
  • Talking to your manager about changing your assignment or client/patient where appropriate (even if temporarily) 
  • Talking to your manager about accessing and/or increasing employee support options such as supervision and debriefing. 

If emotionally supporting your loved ones is causing your compassion fatigue, boundaries might include: 

  • Communicating your emotional capacity before catching up, e.g. “I’ve got a bit on my plate at the moment, so I’d love if we can keep this catchup light and fun.” 
  • Setting clear time limits on how long you can discuss their issues, e.g. “I’ve had a big workday, but I’ll have half an hour to chat about your breakup if you’d like to talk at 7pm?” 
  • Expressing that you’re limited in your abilities to support them and encouraging them to seek support from other resources, such as a professional counsellor, e.g. “I’m always here for you, but I don’t have the skills or ability to support you through this. Have you considered seeing a counsellor?” 

And if advocating for social change is causing your compassion fatigue, boundaries might include: 

  • Limiting your exposure to distressing news and content 
  • Avoiding distressing or upsetting content before bedtime 
  • Spending more time with friends outside your advocacy networks 
  • Taking a break from activism, including posting online or attending rallies/events in person. 

Prioritise self-care 

People who suffer from compassion fatigue or empathy burnout often put others before themselves. But just as we’re taught to fit our own oxygen mask first on a plane, we can’t support the people around us if our needs aren’t met first. 

Self-care looks different for everyone, but some simple habits to introduce might include: 

  • Getting enough sleep 
  • Eating balanced meals 
  • Avoiding alcohol and substances 
  • Talking to people you trust about how you’re feeling 
  • Dedicating time to relaxation (e.g. reading, meditating, going for a walk, listening to music, or simply sitting in silence with a tea or coffee) 
  • Engaging in a hobby or group that evokes feelings of positivity and gratitude (e.g. gardening, book club, painting class, or learning an instrument). 

Seek professional support 

If you’re experiencing symptoms of compassion fatigue or simply don’t feel like yourself lately, we recommend reaching out to your GP and/or mental health professional as soon as possible. 

Speaking to a professional counsellor can be a great way to unpack your thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment. Our counsellors can help you explore your concerns and find healthy coping strategies to protect your mental health and wellbeing. 

You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277_to make an appointment. 

 

Some of our RAQ practitioners offer advice to look after yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed or burnt out in this blog post.

Separation, Conflict and Our Mental Health

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Family separation can be a very stressful time for everyone involved, whether that’s the parents, family, or children.  And it’s made harder when there’s ongoing negative conflict, feelings of anger, or ongoing bitterness. Ongoing conflict may lead to partners, parents, and children experiencing poor mental health and the impact can last generations.

We can tend to think of ‘conflict’ as the rarer, difficult separations, rather than the norm. Maybe those that only impact 1% of separating families and couples. But this is far from the case. Research by Relationships Australia found that up to 1 in 5 family separations experience significant conflict.

As we recognise World Mental Health Day, let’s have a real conversation about the life events that can affect all of us. Children and adults can thrive after families separate, but they can also struggle.  When life is hard, it’s important to know how serious the implications can be on our mental health, but also, there is always hope for a more positive outcome.

 

The Stats Around Separation

Between 10 and 20% of separating and separated parents experience significant conflict regarding their children, finances, or property. Where there is conflict (and especially if the conflict remains unresolved or is hostile), there is more likely to be elevated mental health issues.

We don’t think about relationship counselling or post-separation services as “mental health support”.  But across 3 studies by Relationships Australia (spanning 2500 parents), up to 28% reported “very high mental health distress”.

The research shows a clear and direct correlation between sustained negative conflict and increased feelings of mental health distress. And with this affecting such a significant portion of those separating, we need to be more proactive in protecting the mental health of everyone involved, whether that’s the grown-ups or children.

 

The Causes of Conflict

While we can agree there’s a pattern, it’s not fair to say that separation causes conflict. In fact, separation can be an important step towards alleviating conflict.

Across several studies into separations, we have learned that conflict between separating and separated partners can stem from:

  • Disagreements around children, finances, or property
  • Difficulty managing feelings of loss
  • Changes in social networks
  • Changes in financial and parental responsibility.

We’ve also learned that children’s adjustments and mental health can be directly predicted by their parents’ adjustments to the separation, and their parents’ mental health.

In the short term, children exposed to hostile and unresolved parental conflict report higher rates of academic and learning issues, anxiety, stress, depression, and social/communication issues.

Over the long term, those same children are more likely to experience mental health illness, relationship difficulties, attachment issues, employment concerns, or health issues.

 

The Potential Positives

Our approach to separation influences our mental health. And thankfully, there are a few steps that research shows can help separating people cope better with this stressful life event:

  • Healthy relationships – Research suggests that maintaining healthy relationships with friends and family, and developing new social connections, is associated with more positive adjustments through separation.
  • Adjusting to new roles and identities – Mental health is improved when parents can find positive, clear and purposeful new identities and roles as separated co-parents.
  • Maintaining physical health – Eating well, exercising, and getting quality sleep can have a large influence on mental wellbeing.
  • Proactively alleviating financial stress – Seeking financial guidance, or developing a new budget, can help reduce stress and conflict around money.
  • Meeting the children’s needs – As children adjust to separation, they will often need a lot of time and space to share their feelings, and plenty of reassurance the separation wasn’t their fault. Children tend to thrive when their parents offer warmth, support, developmentally appropriate supervision and structure, and responsive care.
  • Open, respectful communication – Whether it’s how partners communicate to each other, or about each other to their children and other people, or how parents speak with their children, the power of respectful communication cannot be underestimated. Modelling respectful communication and constructive ways to manage disagreements between adults, can significantly improve outcomes for children.

 

The Hope for Mental Health Outcomes

While every family separation will differ, there are multiple solutions that can help increase the likelihood of positive outcomes for everyone’s mental health. Particularly if there are feelings of anger or hostility lingering between ex-partners, or there is unresolved conflict between parties.

 

Family and relationship counselling

Couple-based interventions, such as counselling, can have a profoundly positive effect on either (or both) partner/s mental health, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, or even addiction.

 

Post-separation services (such as Family Dispute Resolution)

Where conflict might arise and parents are unable to amicably co-parent or agree on parenting plans, Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) can offer a cooperative, respectful solution, to help families minimise conflict.

As a form of mediation, FDR provides a space where the parents can lead the discussion and negotiations, with the guidance of a mediator. When compared to litigation, this approach increases rates of mutually acceptable parenting and property agreements. And with that, the rates of conflict and mental health distress tend to be minimised.

 

Let’s Normalise Separation Support for World Mental Health Day

It’s important to remember that family separation is a complex, stressful process for anyone. But the more significant correlation we see with negative mental health outcomes is when separations carry unresolved, hostile conflict.

Thankfully, even in the most complex and difficult of circumstances, there’s hope. Through systems like FDR and counselling, there’s always a way to offer children and adults a brighter outcome for their mental health.

The right support provided at the right time can set families up for generations of love, support, and positive mental health outcomes.

 

 

 

 

 

Signs of Emotional Abuse in Elderly People

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Everyone, regardless of age, deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationships.

Emotional abuse against elderly people is a type of elder abuse.

Emotional abuse, also called psychological abuse, can happen in any relationship where there is an expectation of trust. In the case of older people, the abuser may be a spouse, adult child, grandchild, carer, family friend, or neighbour.

In this article, we’ll discuss some signs of elderly emotional abuse to look out for in your older loved ones and free support options.

 

1.      Social withdrawal or isolation

When someone is experiencing emotional abuse, they may become socially withdrawn from their family, friends, and community.

Often, an abuser will aim to socially isolate their victim to remove outside influences and make them more dependent on the abuser. Older people who rely on someone else for care and support are especially vulnerable.

The older person may also withdraw from their family and friends due to the shame, fear, or low self-esteem that the abuse is causing them.

Social isolation is dangerous for older people. It’s linked with increased risks of serious conditions such as dementia, premature death, and depression. If you notice an older loved one being more withdrawn than usual, reach out and check in on them. Here are some tips to talk to an older person you’re worried about.

 

2.      Depression, anxiety, or fear

Emotional abuse can take a huge toll on someone’s mental health. Abuse in older people is highly associated with depression.

Signs of depression caused by emotional abuse may include:

  • Not leaving the house
  • Not eating or decreased appetite
  • Not engaging in hobbies or activities
  • Seeming uninterested or unbothered
  • Drinking increased amounts of alcohol
  • Not sleeping or sleeping more than usual.

Signs of anxiety caused by emotional abuse may include:

  • Unusual lack of excitement or enthusiasm
  • Checking in for permission from someone else
  • Constantly cancelling or not showing up to plans
  • Walking on eggshells, especially around a certain person
  • Nervous behaviours like nail-biting, skin-picking, or fidgeting.

 

3.      Unusual anger or irritability

Outbursts of anger can be a sign of being abused.

A person experiencing abuse may bottle up their emotions due to fear of expressing or communicating them. Bottling up can make a person easily irritated. Seemingly “normal” or “small” things may elicit an unbalanced response of anger.

These emotional outbursts should be responded to with gentle understanding. It may be a helpful approach to ask if there’s anything else going on that they want to speak about.

 

4.      Lower level of self-esteem

Emotional abuse can cause someone’s self-esteem to plummet, especially in the case of older people who often depend on their abuser or who may not have many other people in their life.

Signs of low self-esteem can include self-deprecating talk, poor self-care, and not accepting or asking for help.

 

5.      Passivity or seeming not to care

Sometimes emotional abuse can wear someone down to seem like a “shell” of their normal self. They may seem uninvolved, uninterested, and unfazed.

Emotional abuse is damaging for anyone’s mental health, no matter how old they are. It’s important to be supportive and to continue reaching out to someone who you’re worried about.

 

6.      Stress, worry, or fear surrounding visits with a specific person

If the older person seems to get worried or anxious before, during, or after being around a certain person, it may indicate that they feel unsafe around them. They may behave like they’re walking on eggshells.

If you’re worried that someone is perpetrating elder abuse, here are some actions you can take if it’s safe to do so:

  1. Help your older loved one develop a safety plan
  2. Call 000 if there is an immediate threat to anyone’s safety
  3. Contact the Queensland Elder Abuse Helpline at 1300 651 192
  4. Help your older loved one access resources that can help, like the Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service.
  5. Offer to drive them to appointments.

 

Support is available

The Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) helps older Queenslanders who are experiencing elder abuse. EAPSS provides free counselling, legal aid, referrals, and intervention services.

If you’re worried about yourself or an elderly loved one, you can call 1300 062 232 to learn more.

Here are some ways to help an older person you’re worried about.

What is grandparent alienation?

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Grandparent alienation is when grandparents are unreasonably denied the opportunity to see and communicate with their grandchildren.

The relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild is irreplaceable – understandably, it hurts when you’re prevented from seeing or talking to them. A rocky relationship with your adult child or whoever is causing the alienation can add to the distress.

In this article, we share advice on what you can do if you’re experiencing grandparent alienation and briefly discuss grandparent rights in Queensland.

 

Behaviours of grandparent alienation

Sustained grandparent alienation is a form of elder abuse. Adult children are usually the perpetrators of grandparent alienation.

Behaviours of grandparent alienation include:

  • Banning communication
  • Preventing spending time together
  • Leaving grandparents out of family events
  • Threatening to cut contact with grandchildren
  • Controlling or limiting contact with grandchildren
  • Restricting important information regarding grandchildren
  • Talking poorly about the grandparents in front of grandchildren
  • Intentionally making it difficult for grandparents to see grandchildren
  • Only allowing spending time together under the guise of childminding
  • Withholding access to grandchildren unless financial support is provided
  • Using contact with the grandchildren as a bargaining tool for financial support
  • Withholding contact and visits unless the grandparents provide support (this is called coercive control).

It’s important to consider that not all situations point to grandparent alienation. For example, parents seeking a period of alone time with a newborn baby is a special circumstance – it doesn’t necessarily indicate that they’re intentionally separating you from your grandchild.

 

What to do when you’re experiencing grandparent alienation

This form of elder abuse can be distressing, and you might feel like you don’t know what to do.

Every situation is different. But moving forward is possible, even when it may not seem like it.

Your conflict resolution plan may include:

Making amends on your own

Usually, people prefer to come to an agreement themselves before seeking professional or legal intervention.

An open, honest conversation can have a huge impact. Establish a safe time and place to have this talk. Honesty, empathy, active listening, taking accountability, and a willingness to compromise are building blocks of effective communication.

We share more advice on resolving conflict with your adult child here.

Leaving the grandchildren out of it

Though grandparent alienation directly concerns your grandchildren, it’s best not to get them caught up in this disagreement.

We recommend avoiding criticising or talking badly about the parents to your grandchildren.

Attending family mediation

Mediation is a professionally guided meeting that allows families to resolve conflict and agree upon a solution to move forward together. Mediation is a safe space that encourages healthy communication.

Attending mediation allows grandparents to be able to apply for parenting orders.

The Senior Relationship Mediation Service (SRMS) is a free service for seniors and their families in Queensland. The SRMS can intervene and provide support and referrals in cases of elder abuse. To learn more, contact the SRMS at 1300 062 232.

 

Grandparent rights and family law in Queensland

Healthy, respectful grandparent-grandchild relationships can benefit the whole family. Australian family law recognises the importance of children’s relationship with their grandparents. 

Grandparents can apply for a parenting order through a family law court. This means that a family law court can order for a child to live, spend time with, and/or communicate with a grandparent, provided it’s in the child’s best interest.

Grandparents cannot apply for parenting orders through the family law court unless they have tried mediation.

You can learn more about grandparent rights and options on the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia website.

 

Coping with grandparent alienation and elder abuse

If you don’t feel safe in having a conversation or making amends on your own, you may be experiencing elder abuse.

It’s critical to lean on your support networks and to look after yourself.

Be gentle with yourself and have self-compassion. Remind yourself that being abused is unacceptable – no one deserves it. The way others treat you is not a reflection of your worth.

Know the signs of elder abuse and stay connected with other family members and friends.

We provide more advice on how to cope with abusive adult children here.

 

Support is available

If you’re experiencing grandparent alienation and are concerned about elder abuse, support is available.

The Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) assists older Queenslanders and prioritises their rights, safety, and wellbeing. EAPSS provides counselling, legal aid, referrals, and intervention services. Call 1300 062 232 to learn more.

How to Repair Your Relationship with Your Adult Child

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Conflict with our children can happen at all ages and stages of life.

When your children were kids, it was easier to resolve arguments – it’s likely that you lived under the same roof and your child relied on you. But now that your children are grown, it might be harder to navigate disagreements.

An argument, disagreement, or even a cut of contact with your adult child can be especially painful.

We offer some advice on how to repair your relationship with your adult child and move forward with a healthy parent-child relationship.

 

Listen with the goal of understanding

A heart-to-heart could be exactly what you both need. Demonstrating understanding and empathy is the first step to resolving a disagreement.

Ask about their side of the situation. Listen with the goal of understanding instead of “listening to respond.” Consider your child’s experiences, current situation, and why they might feel the way they do.

By asking questions and actively listening, you might learn something new about your child that can help you understand them even better.

 

Acknowledge

Acknowledge and take accountability for what’s happened. Talking about the situation is also a good opportunity to share your own perspective and feelings.

By taking responsibility, you demonstrate maturity, self-awareness, and a willingness to move forward.

If you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong, take this opportunity to acknowledge how your actions affected them.

 

Apologise

When someone is upset with you, sometimes all it takes is saying sorry. A genuine apology can go a long way.

Maybe you’ve accidentally hurt your child’s feelings. Even if what you did was unintentional, apologising can help mend the wound.

Here’s some more advice on how to apologise to someone you’ve hurt unintentionally.

 

Put in the effort

An apology is always more meaningful when you also show an effort to make changes moving forward.

Reassure your child that you’re making changes so this won’t happen again.

 

Rebuild trust

Rebuilding trust takes time and practice – don’t expect it to happen overnight. Remain patient, gentle, and empathetic.

Take opportunities to earn back your trust with them – follow through on your promises, back up your word with corresponding action, and show genuine effort.

 

Establish boundaries

Boundaries are like guidelines which keep our relationships happy and healthy. They provide balance and make sure others aren’t overstepping or making us feel uncomfortable.

Establishing boundaries is a positive step to building healthy, mutually respectful relationships.

We provide a guide to setting boundaries with your adult child here.

 

Respect their boundaries

Just as you have boundaries, it’s important to let your child set boundaries, too.

When your child was young, their boundaries are likely to have been different than they are now. For example, they may wish for more independence, space, or privacy. It’s important understand shifting boundaries as your child gets older and goes through different stages of life.

Asking someone about their boundaries is an indicator of respect. Once they’ve communicated their boundaries to you, it’s critical to accept and respect those boundaries.

 

Know the signs of elder abuse

Family conflict is normal from time to time. But it’s critical to understand the differences between a normal argument and abuse.

Elder abuse is abuse which occurs against seniors. In Australia, adult children of the victim are the most common perpetrators.

You can learn more about the signs of elder abuse here.

 

Try family mediation

It can be useful to have an outsider’s perspective on a family conflict.

Family mediation is a meeting guided by a professional mediator who helps the family reach a mutually agreed solution and a way to move forward. The mediator provides expertise and insight while supporting you to safely discuss difficult issues.

There’s no shame in attending family mediation – in fact, it’s a positive sign of how much you care about each other.

 

 

Support is available

Are you having a conflict with a family member, and don’t know what to do? Family mediation can help resolve conflict and make plans to move forward in a safe, supportive environment under professional guidance.

You can contact the Senior Relationship Mediation Service and make an appointment at 1300 062 232

We offer more advice on healthy relationships with your adult children here.

5 Tips for FIFO Relationships

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The FIFO lifestyle can be tough on even the strongest relationships.

With long and/or frequent periods of separation, it’s common for partners to feel lonely and disconnected from time to time.

But people in FIFO and long-distance relationships can overcome these obstacles and maintain their closeness with some extra care and effort.

We offer some advice on how to deal with FIFO relationships and the unique challenges they can bring.

 

1. Set Expectations for Communication

Communication is important in every relationship, but it’s especially crucial for couples who don’t see each other every day.

Discuss your expectations around how and how often you’ll communicate to ensure you’re on the same page.

What do you need to feel loved and supported by your partner during your time apart? Maybe it’s a daily phone call, or perhaps you’d like regular texts and photo updates throughout the day.

These needs might look different for everyone, so don’t assume you’ll just work it out as you go. Be honest about what you expect from your partner and how you’re willing and able to be available for them.

With effective communication, FIFO relationships can present an opportunity to grow your emotional intimacy and feel closer to each other despite the physical distance.

Regular check-ins can help increase understanding and build trust in your relationship. We list 10 relationship check-in questions here.

 

2. Show Support However You Can

It can be hard to be your partner’s go-to for support when your opportunities for quality time and communication are limited. But it’s important to stay involved and be there for them through their ups and downs however you can.

Be aware of what’s going on for your partner and share what’s going on for you. When something in your partner’s life requires extra attention from you (e.g. job interview, medical issue, family problems), be sure to check in, show interest, and let them know they can rely on you to provide emotional support from afar.

You might even like to send some of their favourite treats, flowers, or a card with words of encouragement during these tough or significant moments.

 

3. Make the Most of Your Time Together

When quality time together is limited, it should be used intentionally.

You don’t have to spend a small fortune on wining and dining every time you reunite. But a little effort goes a long way to keep the romance alive and make your time together memorable.

For example, you might like to:

  • Return to where you had your first date
  • Plan and book a night away together at an Airbnb or hotel
  • Write a bucket list of experiences and adventures you’d like to have together
  • Choose your favourite photos together to print, frame, and display around the house
  • Cook dinner together while listening to a playlist of songs special to your relationship.

 

4. Nurture Your Independence

This can be particularly important for the partner at home.

It’s not healthy to put your life on hold between visits from your partner. It’s important for your mental health – and the longevity of your relationship – that you build a life and identity separate to your partner.

Maintain your social life by booking in regular catchups with friends and family and leaning on your support network during those lonely days.

Fill your time with activities you love by picking up an old hobby or starting a new one. Create goals for yourself, whether it’s to read a certain number of books or to run a certain length in a certain time.

While it’s normal to miss your partner, you should find happiness and fulfilment from other people and things when you’re apart.

We explore more reasons why it’s important to have friendships outside your relationship here.

 

5. Seek Support for Your Mental Health

People in FIFO relationships can face mental health challenges due to the stress separation and other related issues can bring.

If you need some extra support coping, our counsellors can help you find the tools to navigate your FIFO relationship with confidence.

You can learn more about our counselling for individuals and couples here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.