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Author: admin

Resolving Conflict With Your Adult Child

Posted on by admin

When your children grow up, it’s natural for your relationship with them to change.

However, if you’re arguing or experiencing conflict with your grown children, it can feel upsetting. You may feel disrespected or that your wants and needs aren’t being honoured.

In this blog post, we offer some tips on resolving conflict between you and your adult child, as well as how to identify elder abuse.

 

Find a safe time and place to chat

Time and place are critical when having a difficult conversation.

It’s ideal to start the conversation when both of you have enough time so that nobody feels rushed.

Sensitive conversations should be had somewhere private and comfortable for both parties. You may prefer to speak somewhere neutral, like a café or on a park bench, instead of one of your homes.

 

Communicate your feelings

Here are a few tips for healthy, effective communication:

  • Calmly explain how you feel about the situation
  • Aim to resolve the issue, not to be right or to win
  • Actively listen to what the other person has to say
  • Be aware of your nonverbal cues, such as gestures and facial expressions
  • Write down everything you want to say ahead of time to help your chat be more effective
  • Use “I” statements to avoid accusation – “I feel upset…” rather than “You make me upset…”

Here is a resource about positive communication with family members.

 

Exchange perspectives on the situation

Take the time to calmly explain how the conflict is affecting you. Listen and pay attention to your adult child’s point of view, too.

By having an open, honest conversation, you may learn something new about each other and can make headways in resolving your disagreement.

 

Set healthy boundaries

Boundaries establish how you’d like to be treated by others and how much you’re comfortable contributing to a relationship. They protect us emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Boundaries can be based off other people’s behaviours which make you uncomfortable. These behaviours may include unexpected visits to your home, phone calls at inappropriate times, or being asked to borrow money.

Examples of boundaries with adult children may include:

  • Asking them to let you know at least a day before visiting
  • Outlining a schedule of when you’re able to take phone calls
  • Setting a limit on how much you will financially support them.

Compass offers a guide on setting boundaries with adult children and grandchildren.

 

Know your worth

Self-compassion can protect your mental health when you’re in the middle of a conflict with your adult child.

Your value doesn’t change because of your age or because your children are adults now. In fact, age brings many strengths, like wisdom and experience.

Your age is no excuse for someone to treat you differently – the mistreatment of older folks because of their age is called .

 

Attend family mediation

Mediation is a professionally guided meeting which helps families when they are arguing or having problems.

Family mediation provides an opportunity for open, honest conversations in a safe environment under the guidance of a mediator. Families can learn healthy ways to manage disagreements and develop plans to move forward from problems they may be having.

You can learn more about family mediation for older people and their families in our blog post, What is family mediation?.

 

Recognise the signs of elder abuse

If you feel unsafe doing any of the recommended conflict resolution tactics above, it’s important to learn the difference between a typical disagreement and elder abuse.

Adult children of the elderly victim are the most common perpetrators of elder abuse.

You may be experiencing elder abuse if:

  • You are afraid or anxious around your adult child
  • You need to ask permission from your adult child
  • Your adult child is using threats or physical violence against you
  • Your adult child is coercing you into responsibilities like babysitting
  • Your adult child controls your finances or your access to medical care
  • Your adult child is manipulating your relationship with your grandchildren.

You can learn more about abuse against older folks on our Understanding Elder Abuse page. The Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) is here to support seniors in Queensland.

 

If you or an older person you know are in a conflict with an adult child, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe, supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Relationship Mediation Service here, or by calling 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Why it’s Important to Have Friendships Outside Your Relationship

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Friends aren’t just a nice bonus in life – they’re a key ingredient to our happiness and wellbeing.

While it’s not uncommon for some couples to spend all their time together in the early stages, neglecting friendships outside your romantic relationship can be unhealthy – and even dangerous.

If your partner doesn’t like you spending time with other people, this can be a sign of control and abuse.

We explore how maintaining friendships outside of your relationship can benefit both you and your relationship.

 

Improved Sense of Self

Your relationship should be just one part of a full and happy life – not your whole world.

Losing your friends can lead to losing yourself. Spending all your time with your partner can leave you socially isolated and codependent.

You might feel yourself getting ‘lost’ in the relationship, not knowing where you end and your partner begins. This can damage your sense of self and your self-worth.

Friendships can help you maintain your individual sense of identity and improve your self-esteem and self-compassion. They can also provide a fun and relaxing outlet unique to the dynamic in your relationship.

 

Better Mental and Physical Health

Years of mounting research shows our friendships help us live happier, healthier, and even longer lives.

Meanwhile, the health risks of loneliness are as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than the those associated with obesity.

Strong social connections have been found to:

  • Create a sense of belonging and purpose
  • Increase feelings of happiness and life satisfaction
  • Reduce our risk of heart disease, dementia, and other chronic diseases
  • Reduce our risk of mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

 

Trustworthy Relationship Advice

All relationships need support from time to time, and it’s important you have someone to confide in who can provide an outside perspective.

Friends can offer a listening ear when we need advice about our relationship – or simply a safe outlet to vent.

Your friends have your best interests at heart and can often provide a different point of view on your relationship issues. This can be especially helpful if your feelings tend to cloud your judgement when it comes to your partner.

Insights from your friends can even help make you a better partner in your relationship as they can help increase your self-awareness and empathy.

 

Healthier Relationship

You can’t get everything you need from one person.

It’s unrealistic – and unfair – to expect your partner to be your entire emotional support system.

And it’s unhealthy for your partner to expect you to neglect your friendships for them. In fact, isolating you from your loved ones is a form of coercive control, a type of domestic abuse.

In a healthy and secure relationship, both partners will encourage each other to maintain their hobbies, social connections, and independence. The relationship benefits when both partners can thrive as individuals and respect each other’s right to do the same.

If you need some support to get to this point in your relationship, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. We can help you address underlying issues as a couple or on your own.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

Knowing your attachment style can help you better understand your behaviours in relationships. We explore in our blog post How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship.

Am I codependent?

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Some dependence is healthy in a relationship, where both people can rely on each other when they need support. 

But what happens when you rely on each other too much? This can lead to codependence. 

A codependent relationship is an unhealthy dynamic where one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, needs to be needed. 

Both people can get “lost” in the relationship, abandoning their individual sense of identity and neglecting other relationships and goals. 

We explore what codependency can look like in relationships and how to change unhealthy patterns for a happier partnership. 

 

Signs of Codependency in Relationships

Some people mistake being ‘clingy’ for being codependent. While clinginess can be a sign of codependence, there’s much more to codependent relationships than this. 

A codependent person gets all their self-worth from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who enables this behaviour because it benefits them. Many codependent relationships involve emotional abuse. 

It’s important to remember that codependent relationships aren’t always romantic – they can also exist between friends or family members. 

Some signs of codependency in relationships include: 

  • Fear of rejection or abandonment 
  • Trouble making decisions for yourself 
  • Planning your life around your partner 
  • Needing constant reassurance from your partner 
  • Doing more than your fair share to keep the peace 
  • Discomfort or anxiety being away from your partner 
  • Consistently putting your partner’s needs above your own
  • Neglecting other relationships and areas of life for your partner
  • Having poor or no boundaries, e.g. saying “yes” when you want to say “no”
  • Your self-worth and mood relying on the behaviour and approval of your partner
  • Making excuses for your partner’s behaviour, even at the expense of your wellbeing
  • Feeling responsible for your partner’s feelings and wellbeing and wanting to fix their problems
  • Feeling like you can’t speak up about your own needs, or feeling guilty for having them in the first place. 

    People who are codependent in adult relationships often learned these behaviours from the adults around them growing up. 

    Perhaps they had a parent with boundary issues who self-sacrificed for others. Or maybe they didn’t have their needs met by their parents, learning from a young age to ignore their own needs and instead focus on what they can do for others to keep the peace. 

    Learning your attachment style can help you understand your patterns in relationships. We explore further in our blog post How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship.

     

    How to Overcome Codependency in Relationships 

    Codependency can be a deeply rooted part of who we are and how we relate to the people around us. 

    It may not be an easy fix, but there are some strategies you can take to start to heal and move away from unhealthy behaviours. 

    Work on your self-esteem 

    People who are codependent often struggle with low self-esteem, feeling unworthy of having their own needs and preferences considered. 

    You can start to work on your self-esteem by challenging negative self-talk and focusing on your strengths and all the positives you have to offer in your relationships. 

    Establish healthy boundaries 

    Boundaries are key for protecting our wellbeing and maintaining healthy, lasting relationships. Once you start setting boundaries with your partner, you may find it gets easier and easier to advocate for yourself and your needs. 

    We offer some advice to identify and communicate your boundaries here. 

    Maintain social connections 

    You can’t get everything you need from one person – even the love of your life. 

    Maintaining relationships with friends and family can help improve your self-esteem and prevent loneliness. It’s also important to have a support network separate from your partner for those days when you need advice or an outside perspective on your relationship. 

    Enjoy life outside of your relationship 

    While it’s normal to love spending time with your partner, it’s not healthy for your world to revolve around them. Your romantic relationship should be just one part of a happy and fulfilling life. 

    Make an effort to maintain your personal identity and independence with your own hobbies, goals, and social connections. 

    Consider counselling as a couple and/or individual 

    Communication is key when it comes to nurturing a healthy and equal relationship. But it can be difficult to talk about complicated issues – especially if you’re prone to bottling up your feelings. 

    If you need some support to overcome codependent behaviours or address underlying issues as a couple or on your own, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. 

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here. 

    10 Easy Mindfulness Activities for Stress and Anxiety

    Posted on by admin

    Stress and anxiety can build up over time or hit us suddenly like a tonne of bricks.

    It can help to have some coping strategies on hand for when those feelings start to rise.

    Practising mindfulness has been shown to prevent and reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety, helping to ground you and calm your nervous system.

    Keep these 10 mindfulness activities handy for next time you start to feel overwhelmed.

     

    1. Sit quietly and do a body scan

    Check in with yourself from head to toe. Try wiggling or tensing and relaxing your muscles/body parts as you go. Take notice of how the stress is showing up in your body and where you’re holding any tension. If you have time, try following a guided meditation to help you really focus on how you’re feeling.

     

    2. Get outside and pay attention to the sounds around you

    A change of scenery and some fresh air can be just what you need to interrupt negative thoughts. Go outside and take a quiet moment to listen to what’s going on around you. This might be nearby traffic, leaves rustling in the wind, or neighbours chatting.

     

    3. Count items around you

    This is another great way to redirect your thoughts and bring you back to the present moment. Scan the space around you and count what you see, whether it’s flowers, clouds, cars, books, or tiles on the ground.

     

    4. Breathe

    Never underestimate the power of breathing exercises. Breathwork has been respected by experts for years as a go-to for reducing stress. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly out your mouth. Try this five times and feel your body relax.

     

    5. Stretch

    Do some simple, gentle stretches in a quiet place to bring you back into your body. Child’s pose specifically is known to promote relaxation and healthy sleep.

     

    6. Dance

    Put on an upbeat or relaxing song and move your body. Imagine you’re releasing anxious or negative energy as you move. If you have a friend or partner nearby, invite them to join so you can get the added benefits of connecting with a loved one.

     

    7. Try positive affirmations

    Repeating a reassuring phrase over in your mind can help you get through tough situations. For example, if you’re stuck in traffic, late on the way to a social event, you might tell yourself: “I have all the time I need. Traffic is out of my control. Focusing on the present moment is all I need to do.”

     

    8. Make a gratitude list

    When you feel stress and other negative emotions, it can help to remind yourself of the things you’re currently grateful for in life. Take a quiet moment to mentally list a few of the things you most appreciate right now, whether it’s your best friend, your pet, or a trip you’re looking forward to.

     

    9. Eat or drink mindfully

    Take your time savouring your favourite beverage or snack. Really focus on the textures, aromas, and flavours. This can help quiet your mind and ground you in the present moment.

    We list some more great ways to self-soothe using your senses here.

     

    10. Go for a walk without earphones

    A quick walk can do wonders for a busy mind and nervous energy, especially if it’s out in nature. Try a mindful walk by ditching the earphones. Pay attention to how your body feels, how you’re breathing, and the sights and sounds around you.

     

    If you’re finding it hard to ease your stress and calm your nerves, it could help to talk to someone you trust or seek support from a professional.

    Talking to a counsellor can help you work through unhelpful thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

    Stress and anxiety share many symptoms, and this can make it hard to tell whether you’re simply stressed out or suffering from an anxiety disorder. We explore the difference between stress and anxiety in this blog post.

    Work-Life Balance Strategies to Support Your Wellbeing

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    Is work getting in the way of what’s really important?

    Research shows Australia’s work-life balance is pretty bleak compared to some, with 13% of us working excessive hours.

    A healthy work-life balance involves a harmonious relationship between your work and personal life. It allows you to manage your time and energy to meet both your professional and personal commitments while supporting your overall wellbeing.

    An unhealthy work-life balance can lead to:

    • Lack of self-care
    • Stress and burnout
    • Strained and neglected relationships.

    We hope these work-life balance strategies help if you’re struggling to make room for what matters most.

     

    Reflect on your values

    Consider what’s most important to you in life. What are your priorities and values? These might include your relationship, family, health, self-development, or travel.

    Now ask yourself: Does my current lifestyle reflect this?

    “Show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities” is a saying (and a reality check) some of us need to hear.

    Once we’ve determined the specific areas we want to focus more time and energy into, we can consider how we can juggle our commitments to support them.

     

    Maximise your free time

    We don’t have to be productive every minute of every day – rest and relaxation are an important part of a healthy work-life balance. But you may be able to find clever ways to make the most of your time.

    For example, if you’re not spending as much time on your physical health as you’d like to, you could consider walking or riding a bike for all or some of your work commute.

    You may also be able to identify timewasters in your life, such as mindlessly watching TV or excessively scrolling on social media before bed. You might try limiting these activities to make time for quality conversations with your partner, or to allow yourself to wake up earlier and enjoy a healthy breakfast.

    Be honest with yourself around how you’re spending your downtime, and change habits that don’t align with your values and priorities.

     

    Use time-management tools

    Time-management tools can help you prioritise your tasks, use your time effectively, and avoid procrastination.

    Some handy ones to implement yourself might include:

    • Timers/alarms
    • To-do lists or apps
    • Calendar or planner.

    For example, you might find it helpful to set yourself a one-hour timer to focus on a task before you can check your phone or grab a snack.

    If your workplace doesn’t have official project-management systems in place (such as Asana or Monday), it might be worth suggesting. This can be a great way to keep track of your workflow and encourage accountability.

     

    Set stronger boundaries if needed

    In some situations, our work schedules simply don’t support the freedom and flexibility we’d like.

    But we can all take ownership of the things we can control to better protect our personal time, such as:

    • Add your work hours to your email signature
    • Set realistic expectations around deadlines and availability
    • Turn off your work phone or email notifications outside of work hours
    • Pre-plan personal activities/appointments in your work calendar so colleagues know not to book meetings or calls during this time.

     

    Dedicate time for relaxation

    People who are busy with work during the week may feel obligated to fill their weekends with social plans to make up for it. This can quickly lead to burnout and make time with friends and family feel like a chore.

    Block out some time in your weekend – whether it’s a couple of hours or your entire Sunday – to relax and recharge.

    Schedule time to do the things that fill your cup and make you feel fresh for the week ahead. This could be anything from reading with your favourite snack to finding a new hiking spot with great views.

     

    If you need some support defining your values and dealing with work stress, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

    We offer more great tips in our blog post How to Manage Work Stress.

    Signs of Neglect in Older People

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    Every person, no matter how old they are, deserves to feel safe and cared about by their family, partner, friends, and carers.

    Neglect is the failure to provide someone with necessities such as food, shelter, or medical care – or preventing someone from accessing these necessities.

    The neglect of older people is a form of elder abuse.

    In this blog post, we’ll discuss signs of elderly neglect, why seniors are vulnerable to neglect, and what resources are available for someone experiencing neglect.

     

    1.      Inadequate clothing

    Inadequate clothing may be clothes which are unclean, damaged, or inappropriate for the weather.

     

    2.      Lack of medical or dental care

    An older person lacking medical or dental care may indicate neglect.

    Preventing someone from receiving care from anyone else, including healthcare providers, is an abusive behaviour.

    Examples of lack of medical or dental care include:

    • Tooth decay or cavities
    • Missing or chipped teeth
    • Consistent complaints of being in pain
    • Sick, but has not gone to the doctor or received care
    • An ongoing medical problem that is not being addressed.

     

    3.      Absence of required medical aids or devices

    Is the older person missing their required medical aids such as hearing aids, walker, dentures, or medication? These may be signs of neglect which need to be addressed immediately for the health and safety of the older person.

     

    4.      Poor personal hygiene, unkempt appearance

    Untended hygiene or appearance may include unbrushed hair, unbrushed teeth, dirty skin or nails, or body odour.

     

    5.      Injuries that have not been properly cared for

    Bleeding wounds, infections, or untreated broken bones can be a sign of neglect. In any case, the person is not receiving proper care and will require immediate support.

     

    6.      Complaints of it being too hot or too cold in their home

    If the older person is complaining about the temperature in their home, it may indicate there isn’t proper heating or air con, or that they are restricted from using these utilities.

    Especially in Queensland, not using the air con can be extremely dangerous for older people. Usage of air con and fans should not be restricted.

     

    7.      Living in unsafe, unhealthy, dangerous, or unsanitary living conditions

    Improper living conditions may include:

    • Mould
    • Unsecure entryways
    • Broken or faulty alarms
    • Damage to the home that has not been addressed
    • A disabled person living in a home that isn’t disability-friendly.

     

    8.      Unexplained weight loss, dehydration, poor skin integrity, or malnutrition

    These signs may indicate neglect in the form of improper nutrition. A carer should provide, or ensure access to, enough healthy food and clean drinking water.

     

    What makes older people vulnerable to neglect?

    Sometimes older people become less able or unable to look after themselves. It’s normal for an older person to depend on someone else for care, such as a family member, aged care staff, or a hired caretaker.

    When one person is dependent on another, there is unfortunately potential for abuse and neglect.

    The person experiencing abuse may be afraid to reach out for help, or may not even realise they’re being abused. That’s why we should all look out for these signs of neglect in our older loved ones.

     

    Support is available

    Did you know that one in six older Australians have experienced abuse in the past year? However, only one in three seek help.

    There is no shame in reaching out for support.

    The Senior Relationship Services (SRS) offer free support and referrals to older Queenslanders. Our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) helps older folks who are experiencing elder abuse, including neglect.

     

    If you or an older person you know may be a victim of elder abuse, our experienced staff are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

    Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

     
     

    Seeking Survey Participants: Relationship and Separation Service Needs

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    Seeking feedback from people who have accessed, or may access, family relationship services and family law system services that support relationship and/or separation issues.

    This anonymous online survey takes approximately 30 minutes. Participants will be invited to enter a random draw for one of five $100 grocery vouchers after the completion of the survey.

    You can learn more about the study and access the survey link here: https://static.aifs.gov.au/files/fl-survey/PIS-FL-client.pdf

     

    Overview of the FRSP Review project

    The Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) has been commissioned by the Australian Government Attorney-General’s Department to assess how well the current Family Relationships Services Program (FRSP) services is meeting the needs of families.

    The FRSP provides a range of support and education services for separated and separating parents with the aim of improving the wellbeing of Australian families. FRSP services are part of a broader range of services available under the family law system. This will help us to understand the needs of separated and separating families, and whether services are meeting these needs.

    Part of this Review includes surveying adults who have separated or are in the process of separating regarding their relationship and separation needs. AIFS is asking people who have accessed or may access family relationship services and family law system services that support relationship and/or separation issues, to consider completing an anonymous, online survey.

    The survey intends to capture the needs of separating and/or separated families. This is your chance to inform us of your experiences of these services and your views regarding whether these services meet families’ needs.

    If you are interested in sharing your thoughts and experiences, below are the details regarding the survey and how to access it.

     

    Online survey

    The online survey is completely anonymous and takes approximately 30 minutes. The survey closes at the end of January 2024.

    Participation is completely voluntary. Declining to participate, or withdrawing your participation, will not affect your entitlement to services or your relationship with AIFS or anyone else.

    Should you wish to participate, you are free to stop the survey at any time, to not answer any questions, and to delete your answers prior to submitting your responses.

    Participants will be invited you to enter a random draw for one of five $100 grocery vouchers after the completion of the survey.

     

    How to participate

    For more information regarding the Review and the survey, please access the participant information sheet linked below. Within this document is the survey link should you wish to participate:

    https://static.aifs.gov.au/files/fl-survey/PIS-FL-client.pdf

    The participant information sheet provides you with information regarding how your data will be used and stored. Please consider the information within this link before accessing the survey. Any information that is obtained in connection with this research project and that can identify you will remain confidential unless otherwise permitted by you, or as required by law.

     

    Contact details

    If you would like to discuss this Review, have any problems accessing the survey, or you wish to withdraw your participation, please email: FRSPreview@aifs.gov.au or call 1800 720 142.

    The participant information sheet also contains support contact information should you become distressed or upset:

    https://static.aifs.gov.au/files/fl-survey/PIS-FL-client.pdf

    How to Reconnect After a Relationship Break

    Posted on by admin

    Not all breaks end in a breakup. In some situations, taking a break can be the healthiest step forward for a relationship.

    Breaks can be an opportunity to reflect on what’s not working and gain clarity on your needs and expectations.

    There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to reconnecting after a relationship break, but we hope this advice helps you move forward with respect and understanding.

     

    Address Past Issues

    It can be tempting to get swept up in the romance of reconnecting, but whatever you do, don’t sweep your issues under the rug.

    There’s a reason you took a break, and these concerns need to be addressed if you want a happier, healthier, lasting relationship.

    Take the time to discuss the issue/s leading to the relationship break, and make space for each other to share your perspectives. Discuss what you learnt during your break and how you’d like things to change moving forward.

    It can take a lot of work to avoid falling back into old patterns, so it’s important you both take accountability and commit to your new goals and expectations.

    While talking about the past can be painful, these conversations can bring you closer and improve your ability to navigate tough topics together – crucial skills for a healthy partnership.

    We offer some great practical tips to have a difficult conversation here.

     

    Forgive Each Other

    Holding on to resentment and anger for past mistakes is not a healthy place to restart your relationship.

    If you can’t forgive your partner or trust they’ll commit to making positive changes, consider whether you really want to continue the relationship or not.

    There’s no time limit on your relationship break. If you’re still feeling hurt and need more time to process the problems and whether you can move past them, let your partner know.

    Talking to a counsellor can help you explore your feelings and concerns in a safe, non-judgemental space.

    Counselling is a great option if you’re feeling stuck or need an outside perspective. Our counsellors won’t tell you what to do, but they will help you gain clarity on what you feel is best for you.

     

    Rekindle the Love

    Once you’ve resolved your issues and agreed on how you want your relationship to look this time around, you can focus on rekindling the romance.

    Put in some extra effort for:

    • Quality time – Chances are you missed each other during your time apart, so now’s the time to enjoy each other’s company with quality time. Booking in a weekly screen-free date night can be a great way to encourage conversation and connection.
    • Flirting – Just because it’s not a new relationship doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve the same flirtation and fun as the first time around. Make your partner feel special with plenty of compliments, affection, and thoughtful touches like love notes.
    • Check-ins – Make time to check in with how you’re both feeling in your relationship and if there are any areas that need more attention. Having regular open, honest conversations will help build intimacy and avoid issues building up.

     

    We offer counselling for individuals and couples going through changes or tough times.

    Talking to a counsellor can help you work through things in a supportive environment. This can be especially helpful if you and your partner struggle with communication.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

    In a relationship, you have the power to influence your partner in a positive or negative way. We share tips to bring out the best in your partner here.

    What is family mediation?

    Posted on by admin

    Have you found yourself in a family conflict with no idea what to do?

    This conflict might be with anyone in your family, including your adult children or grandchildren. You may feel your wishes aren’t being heard or respected by your family.  

    There’s no shame in seeking professional help. In fact, a mediator can help explore options for you and your family to safely move forward.

    The Senior Relationship Mediation Service (SRMS) provides family mediation for older adults and their families. The SRMS advocates for the rights and wellbeing of older people, supporting respectful communication and fair outcomes.

     

    What is mediation?

    Mediation is a meeting (or series of meetings) guided by a professional mediator who helps the family resolve conflict and reach a mutually agreed solution.

    The mediator acts as a neutral third party to support you to safely discuss difficult issues while building healthy, respectful relationships moving forward.

     

    How can mediation help?

    Mediation can help families to:

    • Resolve conflict
    • Agree on a way forward
    • Share their hopes and concerns
    • Understand each other’s perspectives
    • Learn healthy ways to manage conflict.

     

    What happens in mediation?

    Mediation involves a meeting with family members and a mediator in a safe, supportive environment. It’s voluntary and requires the consent of all participants.

    The mediator guides the process with an agreed-upon agenda. A mediation meeting can take up to three hours, with the opportunity for additional sessions if needed. You may take breaks in between as needed.

    Participants can also meet individually with mediators to privately share their concerns. This can be especially helpful if you don’t feel comfortable or safe raising certain issues with your family members present.

     

    Senior Relationship Mediation Service

    The SRMS is a free service for seniors and their families.

    This service always acknowledges the wellbeing and best interest of the older person.

    Additional safe, confidential support is available if you’re experiencing elder abuse. Whether it’s emotional, financial, physical, or another form of abuse, we can help.

    “Older persons should be able to live in dignity and security and be free of exploitation and abuse.”
    -The United Nations Principles on Human Rights of the Older Person

     

    Marianne’s story

    85-year-old Marianne* was being cared for by her live-in grandson Mitch.

    Mitch was experiencing some personal troubles, and his behaviour was becoming aggressive, especially towards Marianne. Marianne asked Mitch to move out, which he did.

    Marianne’s other grandchild was worried about her grandmother, so she contacted the SRMS.

    Marianne, her children, and both of her grandchildren (including Mitch) agreed to attend mediation together. Marianne brought along a friend as a support person.

    During mediation, Marianne shared that her strongest wish was to remain in her own home for as long as possible.

    The mediation lasted for three hours. The family acknowledged Mitch’s mistreatment of Marianne. Mitch apologised to Marianne and showed evidence of changing his behaviours, so Marianne decided to allow Mitch to live with her as her carer again. The family decided together on Mitch’s caretaking tasks and agreed to review the arrangement in six months.

    Marianne felt her wishes were heard and honoured by her family, and there was a greater level of family support and supervision for both Marianne and Mitch.

     

    If you or an older person you know need help to resolve a conflict, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Senior Relationship Mediation Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

    *Please note that names and details in this blog post have been altered to protect our client’s privacy.

     

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    What are Glimmers? How to Find Your Moments of Joy

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    Your favourite song. A hug from a loved one. The first sip of coffee.

    These can all be considered ‘glimmers’ – small moments of joy that boost your mood and make you feel calm.

    The term was coined by Deb Dana, a clinical social worker who specialises in complex trauma, and the concept has taken off around the internet and among mental health professionals.

    The best part is, glimmers can be found in our everyday lives – we just have to look for them.

    “We’re not talking great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection,” explains Dana.

    “These are micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways.”

    We explore the difference between glimmers and triggers, and how to find and embrace your unique glimmers to create calm in your life.

     

    Triggers vs. Glimmers

    The term ‘glimmers’ is often used alongside the term ‘triggers’.

    In mental health terms, a trigger refers to something that causes negative emotions and makes you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or distressed.

    Feeling triggered isn’t just about being annoyed by something. For someone who’s experienced trauma, being around something that triggers them and reminds them of a traumatic event can make them feel like they’re experiencing it all over again. It can be a signal to the brain that they’re in danger.

    While triggers are commonly discussed in the context of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the term can also be used in the context of other mental health conditions, such as anxiety or a substance abuse disorder.

    Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They refer to stimulus that makes us feel safe and grateful.

    Whether we notice them organically or seek them out when we’re experiencing negative emotions, glimmers can help calm our nervous system and return us to a regulated state.

     

    Examples of Glimmers

    Glimmers are different for everyone, because the things that make us feel safe and joyful are subjective and unique to us.

    Here are just some examples of glimmers:

    • Taking a bath
    • Saying a prayer
    • Seeing a rainbow
    • Hearing birds chirping
    • Patting or cuddling a pet
    • Hearing a child’s laughter
    • Doing something creative
    • Eating your favourite treat
    • Finishing an important task
    • The weight of a cosy blanket
    • The smell of freshly cut grass
    • Feeling sand between your toes
    • Talking to a loved one on the phone
    • Looking at photos of good memories
    • Smelling your partner’s perfume/cologne
    • Hitting all the green lights on the way to work.

     

    How to Find Your Glimmers

    Focusing on the good and identifying your glimmers can help improve your mood and make you feel more grateful and fulfilled overall.

    Some ways to find your glimmers include:

    • Keep a journal or list – Journalling is a great way to keep track of the things that make you feel good throughout the day. Pay attention to what you’re doing, where you are, and who you’re with when you feel your best. This way, you can refer back and repeat – or simply get some good vibes going from the memories alone.
    • Stay connected – Create opportunities to connect with your loved ones, even if it’s just a quick call to share a funny story. Our relationships do wonders for our wellbeing, and they’re often a prime source of glimmers and gratitude.
    • Try new things – Not feeling inspired? Mix things up and try a new hobby or activity. Whether on your own or with a friend, trying new things is a great way to get out of your routine, learn more about yourself, and potentially find a new favourite pastime.
    • Practise gratitude – Before you go to sleep each night, think of three things you’re grateful for that day. These don’t need to be big, lifechanging things. As you can see from our examples above, glimmers can be small, everyday activities. Practising gratitude helps you get in the habit of noticing them more often.

    Did you know practising gratitude can reduce stress and improve your immune function? Learn more in our blog post Benefits of Gratitude.

    If you’re finding it hard to see the positives at the moment, it could help to talk to someone you trust or seek support from a professional.

    Talking to a counsellor can help you work through things in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.