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What is ageism?

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Have you ever made a judgement about someone because of their age? Or perhaps you’ve felt misunderstood or left out because of your age?

Ageism is defined as negative stereotypes, prejudices, and discrimination against someone based on their age.

While ageism is one of the most common types of discrimination in Australia, the good news is it’s also one of the easiest to shift.

It contributes to older people’s vulnerability to elder abuse, with ageism being present in nearly half of reported elder abuse cases. Ageism can also impact older folks’ human rights and mental and physical wellbeing.

We review some examples of ageism, how it affects older adults, and how we can combat ageism to protect the seniors in our families and communities.

 

Examples of ageism

The World Health Organisation reports one in two people hold ageist views against older people.

So, what does ageism look like in our everyday lives?

Some examples of ageism are:

  • Not including someone because of their age
  • Treating someone differently because of their age
  • Assuming how much support an older person needs
  • Denying someone an opportunity because of their age
  • Deciding on behalf of an older person without consulting them
  • Controlling an older person’s finances because they are “too old.”

Even well-intended words or gestures, such as speaking loudly or assisting someone without asking first, can come across as condescending or patronising.

A study by Human Rights Australia found through ageism-awareness training in workplaces, 90% of participants reconsidered the way they communicate with older people and 82% reconsidered their attitude towards ageing.

“Ageism is one of the most pervasive and tolerated forms of prejudice in Australia, but our research confirms my long-held belief that it’s also one of the easiest to shift.”
-The Hon Dr Kay Patterson AO, Former Age Discrimination Commissioner of Australia

It’s critical to reflect on and reconsider our own views of older people and ageing.

 

How ageism affects older adults

As with any form of discrimination, ageism can have devastating effects on older adults. Ageism is associated with:

  • Declining mental health, especially depression
  • Exclusion, leading to social isolation and loneliness
  • Divide between generations, even within our own families
  • Barriers and obstacles, making resources and opportunities harder to access.

Ageism can create barriers to opportunities for employment, volunteering, medical and legal services, housing, digital inclusion, and community participation.

Learning about ageism is a great first step towards positive change. You can learn more about ageism in Australia on the Every Age Counts website.

 

How we can combat ageism against older people

Together, we can combat ageism against older people so they can live longer, happier lives. You can:

  1. Have respectful conversations
  2. Ask questions instead of assuming
  3. Get to know the older people in your life
  4. Discard ageist prejudices and stereotypes
  5. Be inclusive of the older folks in your communities
  6. Provide ageism awareness training in the workplace
  7. Keep in mind every older person was once your age.

 

If you or an older person you know is experiencing any form of abuse, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service here or by calling 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

What is emotional intelligence and how can you improve it?

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Emotional intelligence (also known as emotional quotient or EQ) is an important skill for navigating personal and professional relationships.

It refers to the ability to read the emotions of others and understand and manage your own emotions in a healthy way.

Just like general intelligence, EQ varies from person to person.

Developing emotional intelligence can help you build stronger relationships with others. It can also increase your resilience and ability to handle stress and other difficult feelings.

We explore the signs of high and low emotional intelligence and offer some tips to build your EQ here.

 

Signs of Emotional Intelligence

People with emotional intelligence can recognise emotions in themselves and others and use self-control to respond appropriately.

They’re aware of – and care about – how their emotions and moods impact others, and they take steps to avoid causing hurt and to maintain harmonious relationships.

Emotional intelligence is strongly linked to empathy. Emotionally intelligent people can read others, observing social and emotional cues to understand what someone might be feeling underneath.

Some key signs of high emotional intelligence might include:

  • Self-awareness – Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers
  • Self-control – Ability to regulate emotions and control impulsive behaviours
  • Empathy – Recognising how other people feel and responding appropriately
  • Healthy boundaries – Awareness of your limits, and ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries
  • Respectful communication – Ability to express emotions and needs in a respectful way, as well as listen and consider other perspectives and solutions.

 

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

People with low emotional intelligence generally lack self-awareness and self-control. They may appear selfish as they don’t consider how their moods and behaviours impact those around them.

They often miss social and emotional cues and say things that are insensitive and/or inappropriate.

For example, someone with low emotional intelligence might make a joke when a friend is grieving the loss of a loved one. They may also lash out in emotional outbursts when things don’t go their way.

Some key signs of low emotional intelligence might include:

  • Lack of empathy – Inability to understand other people’s feelings or consider their point of view
  • Lack of self-control – Emotional outbursts or mood changes, particularly during conflict or tense situations
  • Fixation on mistakes – Tendency to fixate on mistakes or constructive feedback instead of learning from them and moving on
  • Obliviousness to social cues – Missing social and emotional cues from those around them and potentially responding inappropriately
  • Complaining and negativity – Tendency to complain about an issue without considering solutions, and often finding someone else to blame.

 

Why is emotional intelligence important?

Emotional intelligence helps us understand ourselves and the people around us.

It helps us build relationships, communicate effectively, and navigate conflict respectfully. It can make us great friends, partners, and colleagues as we’re aware of our actions and care about the feelings of those around us.

EQ is a highly sought-after trait in professionals – particularly leaders. Some hiring managers specifically seek emotional intelligence in candidates.

Research shows emotional intelligence can enhance our general quality of life, making us feel more satisfied and rewarded in our personal and professional lives.

 

How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Improving your emotional intelligence can help increase your success at work and in your relationships.

Here are some tips to build your EQ by improving your:

  • Self-awareness
  • Self-control
  • Empathy.

Get to know yourself better

Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence. Reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and values, and pay attention to your knee-jerk emotional reactions.

Are there particular topics or situations that trigger tough emotions for you? How do your emotions factor into your decisions?

You can learn more about yourself by keeping a journal, monitoring your self-talk or inner monologue, and even asking trusted people for feedback.

Respond intentionally

Our emotions can tell us a lot about ourselves. When we take time to identify them, pause, and respond thoughtfully, we can have healthier interactions and avoid impulsive outbursts.

The more self-aware we are, the more we can recognise when we’re feeling elevated and practise self-control.

You can use self-regulating tactics such as:

  • Considering the ultimate outcome you want and what kind of response would achieve it.
  • Naming the emotion and paying attention to the kinds of thoughts and physical feelings it’s causing in your body.
  • Pausing before responding, whether this involves taking a deep breath or even saying “I just need a moment to get my thoughts together”.

Tune in to the emotions of others

Paying attention to the emotions and needs of the people around us can help us build closer connections. It can strengthen our empathy and make our friends, partners, and colleagues feel seen, understood, and cared about.

When we really listen to the people around us and consider how things might feel in their situation, we can consider an appropriate way to respond.

For example, if you recognise your partner is tired or irritable, you can predict your joke isn’t going to land well. If you notice your friend is less chatty than usual, you might assume they have something on their mind and ask if they want to talk about it.

Improving your emotional intelligence takes time and effort, but your relationships will thank you for it. If you’re finding it tough to get started on your own, talking to a counsellor can help.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

Want to improve your communication skills? You might find our blog post How to Be a Good Listener helpful.

How to Apologise to Someone You Hurt Unintentionally

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No one likes seeing a loved one upset, especially if we’re the cause.

It can be tough to know how to say we’re sorry when our intentions were good. But if you’ve accidentally offended a friend, relative, or partner, it’s important to acknowledge the mistake and let them know they can feel safe around you.

A genuine apology can save a relationship – and an insincere one can make things worse.

We share some advice to apologise sincerely and rebuild trust so your relationship can move forward.

 

Have empathy

Take time to reflect on the situation and consider how it might feel from their perspective.

Understand that your intent does not equal impact, and your loved one is entitled to their feelings – even if they interpreted your words or actions differently than you’d meant them.

Chances are you can remember a time when someone hurt you without meaning to. How did it feel? Did they try to understand your point of view and apologise? Or did they get defensive and make you feel like you were being too sensitive?

 

Take accountability

Accountability is key for a sincere apology.

No genuine apology starts with “I’m sorry you’re upset” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”.

This doesn’t express regret for your actions or admit you did anything wrong. Instead, it puts the blame on your loved one and invalidates their feelings.

Make sure you use the words “I’m sorry I did/said X” to take accountability for your actions and show you respect their feelings.

 

Be specific

It’s easy enough to say sorry for your actions, but this doesn’t always show that you understand why they were hurtful.

Specify what you’re sorry for and validate your loved one’s reaction.

For example:

“I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to the dinner. I can see how it made you feel excluded. I should’ve been more considerate.”

 

Don’t make excuses

While it may be tempting to explain what you meant or how they may have misunderstood your intentions, this will likely cause more harm than good.

Avoid slipping any excuses into your apology. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and focus on moving forward.

 

Assure it won’t happen again

It’s important to remember that there may be long-term impacts of your actions, even if your loved one forgives you.

Providing a resolution in your apology can be a huge step to healing the relationship and moving forward faster.

Explain the steps you’ll take to ensure the mistake won’t happen again, and ask your loved one if there’s anything they need from you to help make amends.

 

Saying sorry can be difficult for some people. It might raise feelings of shame, or we might not be comfortable being vulnerable.

If you need support working on these internal obstacles, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

If you found this advice helpful, you might like our blog post How to Have a Difficult Conversation

Signs of Unhealthy Communication in a Relationship

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Lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce in Australia.

Effective communication is key to a strong and healthy relationship. It allows us to understand ourselves and our partner, build emotional intimacy, and better navigate disagreements.

When communication breaks down, it can result in conflict, misunderstandings, and emotional distance.

We explore some common examples of poor communication and offer advice to improve the communication in your relationship here.

 

Refusing to communicate

A partner might avoid talking about certain topics or talking altogether due to feeling emotionally overwhelmed. They might withdraw and shut down, or even lash out at their partner when they try to discuss an issue, saying things such as:

  • “I’m not talking about this.”
  • “I don’t have to listen to this.”
  • “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

Avoiding communication can create a lack of intimacy and emotional distance in the relationship. It can also leave issues unresolved and lead to resentment.

 

Silent treatment

The silent treatment, cold shoulder, or stonewalling is a refusal to communicate with someone verbally or electronically, often to hint you’re unhappy or as a form of punishment.

For example, say your partner comes home late after a night out. You’re upset they didn’t respond to your texts and were out later than they’d planned. Instead of voicing these concerns, you ignore your partner and walk away when they offer a hug.

The silent treatment is a common tactic among people who aren’t comfortable communicating their needs or who avoid conflict in their relationships.

Not only can the silent treatment damage the connection and trust within your relationship, but it can also be a form of emotional abuse.

 

Passive-aggressive behaviour

Instead of directly addressing an issue, you might use passive-aggressive behaviour to indicate you’re unhappy. This might include sarcasm, name-calling, mockery, or ridicule. It can include nonverbal cues such as heavy sighing, groaning, eye-rolling, stomping, or slamming doors.

For example, in a scenario where your partner forgot to take the bin out (again), with healthy communication, you would approach them and say something like:

“I understand you’ve been busy with work, but could you please remember to take the bin out? I’d really appreciate it.”

In a passive-aggressive interaction, you would avoid directly raising your concerns and instead say something like:

“I guess I’ll just take the bin out myself since everyone else is too lazy!”

This behaviour tells your partner you’re upset without seeking an opportunity to connect and find a solution.

 

Interrupting and talking over each other

It’s hard to understand each other’s perspective if you’re constantly interrupting and/or talking over each other.

Conversations – and even disagreements – are an opportunity to learn more about your partner and their inner world. If you’re not listening to your partner with the intent to understand them, but simply with the intent to reply, you’re not going to have a productive conversation.

You’re also likely to feel unheard, misunderstood, and frustrated.

 

Blaming and criticisms

Approaching disagreements with language that blames, shames, or belittles your partner doesn’t create a safe space for a respectful conversation. In fact, it can leave your partner feeling attacked and defensive.

If you’re looking to resolve concerns, it’s always best to approach the situation in a calm manner and take responsibility for your feelings rather than point the finger.

For example, instead of:

“You’re always on your phone. You never pay attention to me.”

You might try:

“I feel like we’re missing out on quality time when you’re on your phone. I’d really like to spend more time talking after work.”

This takes away the blame and focuses on the issue and a solution instead.

 

How to communicate better

The good news is healthy communication skills can be learnt.

We have a selection of helpful articles with advice to improve communication and increase connection in your relationship:

 

If you need some extra help working through issues in your relationship, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. We offer counselling for individuals and couples.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

How to Make Online Dating Work for You

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Online dating has become a part of many Australians’ lives over recent years.

Data shows 3.2 million Aussies used dating apps in 2022, with most users (26.1%) aged 25 to 34 years.

But as normalised as dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble have become, navigating the online dating world can still feel foreign and awkward for some of us.

We offer some online dating advice with these tips to make the most of dating apps.

 

Find the right app

Sure, it may seem appealing to cast a wide net and spread your eggs across several baskets. But if you’re looking for ‘the one’ on an app that has a reputation for being solely for quick hookups, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Take the time to do some research and ask friends for their thoughts on different dating apps so you can make an informed decision based on what aligns with your preferences.

 

Be honest upfront

Your profile should be an accurate representation of your interests and values – and your appearance.

Being honest and clear about who you are and what you’re looking for will increase the chances of matching and meeting with people you’re actually compatible with.

For example, while it may be tempting to add the obligatory hiking photo, if you don’t genuinely enjoy getting out and hitting the mountains, don’t include one in your profile. Stick with what best represents you and the kind of lifestyle you’d like to share with a significant other.

If you have any non-negotiables or dealbreakers, mentioning these early on can save a lot of time and energy (and potentially an awkward conversation or two).

And while it’s important to include photos that put your best foot forward, make sure they accurately depict how you currently look. If you’re misleading about your appearance, a potential partner may wonder what else you’re not being transparent about.

 

Keep an open mind

Have a strict ‘type’ you tend to go for? It might be time to let it go.

Maybe you exclusively date people with a certain aesthetic or you only go for people who share your love of a particular hobby. Or maybe you intentionally avoid ‘gamers’ or people who have been divorced.

While it’s not uncommon for people to have a type when it comes to dating, this doesn’t mean we always choose the right partner with this lens.

Having a strict type can cause us to unnecessarily limit ourselves and miss our chance with people outside this pool who could have long-term future potential.

Try to be flexible and open to new experiences – you may surprise yourself with the diverse range of interesting people you end up connecting with.

 

Skip the small talk

Small talk has its place, but it can feel generic in the online dating world.

There’s no one-size-fits-all formula to starting the perfect online dating conversation, but asking considered questions based on specific information in their profile is a great place to start.

For example, if they’ve shared a photo of a trip to Italy, ask them what their favourite meal was. If you notice a dog in a photo, ask what its name is.

Not only will this help you stand out from the barrage of “Hey” messages from other admirers, but it will also speed up the process of getting to know each other and finding interesting topics to discuss.

 

Have fun

Dating should be fun, not a chore. If you find yourself getting frustrated or if it feels draining, know when to take a break from the apps.

Don’t force it if you’re not in the right headspace or if your heart isn’t in it.

Remember to check in with yourself and lean on your support network when you need to. Sharing your experiences (good and bad) with people you trust can help you see different perspectives and build resilience.

 

If you need some extra help defining what you want from a partner or working through any relationship insecurities, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment, or learn more about our counselling services here.

For more dating advice, explore our top 5 green flags to look for in a new relationship.

How to Stop Being Controlling in a Relationship

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Do you use control over your partner to get what you want? 

Controlling partners use power and control through manipulative behaviours such as blame, guilt, and criticism. Controlling behaviour becomes abusive when it’s coercive or threatening. 

Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse that can cause serious ongoing harm. It can exist on its own without physical abuse, and might include behaviours such as guilting your partner for spending time away from you or wanting to know where they are and who they’re with at all times. 

A lot of the time, the use of control in a romantic relationship stems from insecurities and fear of abandonment. 

“Control is really an illusion and will not create a loving, safe relationship where two people can be totally themselves and grow together,” explains Relationship Counsellor and Regional Manager, Val Holden. 

“In fact, it can create the opposite, where two people are living in a stressful, unhealthy relationship where no one gets their needs met.” 

If you notice controlling behaviours in yourself, it’s important to address these unhealthy patterns early to create a healthier dynamic and prevent further harm. 

Val explores the use of control in relationships and offers some advice for how to stop trying to control your partner. 

 

Why might someone use control in their relationship?

There are many reasons why someone might use control in their relationship, such as: 

  • Anxiety 
  • Jealousy 
  • Low self-esteem and insecurities 
  • Growing up around unhealthy relationships 
  • Past experiences of abandonment from partner/s or loved ones 
  • Wanting to assert gender stereotypes (e.g. belief that men should be dominant over women). 

    “Fear of losing someone you love is often the driving force behind control in a relationship,” Val explains. 

    “This can make you act in a very jealous way and want to control and know exactly what your partner is doing and where they are at all times.” 

    Whether the person using control is aware of these tactics or not, they often don’t realise that they can ultimately drive their loved one away, not keep them close. 

    Controlling behaviours can even feel like a knee-jerk response out of fear or desperation when anxiety and jealousy in a relationship are triggered. 

     

    Why is control in relationships damaging?

    Control in any relationship can cause serious damage – whether it’s within a romantic relationship, between family members, or in the workplace. 

    “Wanting to control another person’s actions, behaviours, and beliefs is not a healthy way to behave in a relationship,” says Val. 

    “The other person can feel threatened, afraid, stifled, and not able to be themselves.” 

    While control is often used to keep your partner close, it often results in the opposite, Val explains. 

    “Trying to control your partner may result in them not sharing with you,” she says. 

    “This can then feed into your own fears and insecurities, which will trigger your need to find out what is happening. You may get upset and angry, start asking lots of questions, make accusations, and end up arguing and fighting.” 

    This can start the vicious cycle of mistrust and lying. One party is increasingly frightened to be open so begins to hide where they’re going and what they’re doing. 

    The controlling partner begins to feel left out, rejected, and paranoid, which may exacerbate their insecurities and need to assert control over their partner. 

     

    How to Stop Trying to Control Your Partner

    The good news is you can address these behaviours and make healthy changes for yourself and your partner. 

    Val suggests the following approaches to try to address the issue and find healthier ways to cope: 

    • Seek personal counselling – This can help you work on understanding yourself, how you tick, and what makes you fearful, insecure, angry, sad, or hurt.   
    • Learn your attachment style – This is something your counsellor can also help you with. It can help you understand how you relate to your intimate partners and how much of your self-worth and happiness is dependent on them. 
    • Practise open communication – Some people use control because they don’t know how to communicate their feelings. Try being honest with your partner and let them know how you’re feeling. For example, you might explain: “When you leave and don’t tell me where you’re going, I feel scared that you won’t come home, and I worry about our future.” 
    • Recognise the feeling and take a step back – If you feel yourself starting to react, remove yourself from the situation until you can respond calmly. Find some time to reflect, breathe, and do some positive self-talk. Only communicate with your partner once you’ve regulated your emotions and can have a respectful conversation. 

       

      Seeking Help for Controlling Behaviours

      Learning about yourself and the reasons why you’re using control over your partner can be an important first step to making healthy changes for your relationship. Both you and your partner deserve to feel safe and secure in your relationship. 

      Our counsellors can help you identify and address any underlying issues within yourself that may contribute to harmful relationship patterns. 

      You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here. 

      We explore more examples of coercive control in_this article. 

      How to Self-Soothe Using Your Senses

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      Stress is a normal part of life for all of us. Whether it’s at work, in our relationships, or worrying about the future, we all feel moments of anxiety building in our bodies.

      Mindfully connecting with your senses can help you self-soothe when you’re feeling triggered or overwhelmed.

      We list some easy ways to create calm using your five senses, and we encourage you to find your favourites for when you’re feeling stressed.

       

      Sight

      • Get outside and look at nature
      • Light a candle and watch it flicker
      • Watch a movie that makes you happy
      • Turn off the lights and create a cosy, dark space
      • Look at photos of good memories with loved ones
      • Go cloud watching and see how many shapes you can make
      • Make a collage using magazine cutouts or printouts from Pinterest
      • Count the objects around you, whether flowers, freckles on your body, or tiles on the floor.

       

      Smell

      • Smell flowers
      • Boil cinnamon
      • Bake some cookies or bread
      • Light a scented candle or incense
      • Apply your favourite perfume or lotion
      • Smell an item of clothing from a loved one.

       

      Sound

      • Listen to a guided meditation
      • Listen to upbeat or relaxing music
      • Call a loved one to hear a comforting voice
      • Listen to white noise, rain, or nature sounds
      • Sit outside and pay attention to what you hear.

       

      Touch

      • Hug someone
      • Get a massage
      • Cuddle your pet
      • Give yourself a hug
      • Have a bubble bath
      • Squeeze a stress ball
      • Cuddle a soft blanket
      • Stand in the grass barefoot
      • Put a hot or cold compress on your forehead
      • Gently tap yourself on your forehead and cheeks.

       

      Taste

      • Chew gum or a mint
      • Eat your favourite meal
      • Make a soothing drink such as herbal tea
      • Eat a hard lolly slowly, savouring the flavour
      • Try a food or flavour you’ve never had before
      • Eat something that reminds you of good times.

       

      If you need some extra help finding strategies to regulate your emotions, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. Our counsellors provide a safe and supportive environment to explore your feelings and find healthy ways to cope.

      You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

      Kids Helpline provides 24/7 support for kids, teens, and young adults: 1800 55 1800.

      If you found this advice helpful, you might enjoy our blog post on how to stop sweating the small stuff.

      Protecting Mental Health in Older People

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      Along with our physical wellbeing, our mental health is essential to our enjoyment of life, especially as we age.

      Mental ill health, like depression and anxiety, is underdiagnosed in seniors, and symptoms can be overlooked because they occur alongside other challenges faced by older people.

      But mental health can be improved and protected through active, healthy ageing practices.

      Here are some tips on protecting your mental health in older age.

       

      Self-advocacy

      Self-advocacy is defined as “the ability to communicate your needs.” Those who self-advocate are shown to be more likely to thrive.

      Being aware and informed about seniors’ rights, options, and vulnerabilities can help you become a better advocate for yourself. The Older Persons Advocacy Network helps older Australians to be educated self-advocates.

       

      Having a hobby

      Hobbies can help improve your mood, your memory, and can help you manage stress.

      Ask yourself what interests you. Nature? Creative expression? Engaging your brain? Maybe you can pick up an old hobby again. Some hobbies, like golf or boardgames, can help you to expand your social circle.

      You can search on Facebook or Meetup to find social clubs related to your hobby.

       

      Cultural involvement

      Studies show that involvement in cultural activities reduces the risk of depression in older people.

      Participating in cultural activities can help you get in touch with your heritage, connect you with others from your culture, and can help you to feel like “yourself” again.

      Cultural activities might include joining a local group, attending a cultural celebration, or reconnecting with cultural art and media.

       

      Help-seeking behaviours

      Research shows that older adults are much more likely to seek help for physical pain rather than for mental health.

      Remember, your brain is a critical organ in your body and your mental health can directly impact your physical health.

      Mental ill health is nothing to be ashamed of, and prioritising your mental wellbeing is a brave first step to healing.

      Here is a list of important phone numbers for seniors.

       

      Community participation

      Studies show that participation in community activities is beneficial to mental health in seniors.

      You can get involved in the community by:

      • Volunteering
      • Attending free local events
      • Becoming a regular at a local café
      • Joining local groups based on your hobbies
      • Connecting with your local community centre.

       

      Maintaining physical health

      Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. You can improve your mental health by making sure you are eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising regularly.

      Some gentle activities that promote physical health include healthy eating, taking a daily walk, and practising yoga and stretching.

       

      Peer support and social connection

      Making friends at any age can feel scary – but you’re never too old to make new friends!

      Research shows that social support is directly correlated with resilience amongst older adults.

      Some ideas for staying social later in life include:

      • Rekindling old friendships
      • Joining local groups for seniors
      • Ringing a friend or family member
      • Sparking up a conversation with a neighbour.

      Here are some social groups for senior adults in Southeast Queensland. You can learn more about staying socially connected in older age here.

       

      Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

      If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. Our experienced counsellors and community educators can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

      You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.

      Have we lost our sense of community?

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      When you reminisce on your childhood, you may recall regularly being surrounded by your cousins and extended family, or playing with the neighbouring kids while the adults chatted on front lawns.

      These days, some of us are lucky to see our extended family members once a year, and we may never even meet our neighbours.

      It seems we’re losing the sense of community we remember from years past and becoming more siloed and separate from the people around us.

      Research shows the number of close friends that Australians have has approximately halved since the mid-1980s, as has the number of neighbours who we know well enough to drop in on uninvited.

      Relationships Australia’s Relationship Indicators 2022 survey revealed we’re lonelier than ever, showing almost a quarter (23.9%) of Australians are lonely.

      All humans have a basic need for social connection and to feel a sense of belonging in a community. And when this need isn’t met, our mental and physical health can suffer.

      So why are we becoming more disconnected from friends and family? And how can we strengthen our connections and revive our sense of community? We explore here.

       

      Australia’s Individualist Culture

      Research has found that Australia has an increasingly individualist culture.

      Societies that score highly on the individualism scale are considered to place more importance on the “I”. As an individualist culture, Australians tend to focus on themselves and their immediate family, valuing independence, personal goals, self-reliance, and privacy.

      Collectivist cultures, on the other hand, prioritise strong family and friend groups, focusing on what’s best for the community as a whole. In these societies, helping others and asking for help from others is encouraged, and responsibility to others is highly valued.

      It’s likely that living in a highly individualist culture is influencing our perception of community and normalising a lifestyle that’s more siloed and separate to others.

      How to combat it: Prioritise existing connections and find new ways to get involved in your community. For example, you might like to introduce a weekly phone call or catchup with a loved one to ensure you’re getting regular social interactions, and make an effort to meet your neighbours if you haven’t already.

      We offer some easy ways to create a sense of community in your neighbourhood in this blog post.

       

      Cost of Living

      The rising cost of living is impacting more than our wallets – it’s also changing the way we socialise.

      Some of us are seeing our friends less than we’d like to, missing out on social events and becoming more and more selective of the catchups we can fit into our budget.

      Some Aussies have reported they’re choosing to stay in and cook rather than go out with friends, while others are disappointed they’re no longer able to host friends as often due to rising interest rates.

      How to combat it: Find cost-effective alternatives. Chances are most of your friends are feeling the pinch too, so try suggesting cheap or free ways to spend time together, such as meeting for a nature walk or a BYO picnic.

       

      Social Media and Technology

      Social media can be a great way to stay up to date with the lives of your loved ones. But it’s not uncommon for online interactions to substitute important face-to-face catchups.

      When we can see our friends’ updates online, we may be less likely to reach out to them in person to see how they’re doing, and this can lead to social withdrawal.

      Research shows a link between heavy social media use and feelings of social isolation and loneliness.

      The study found those who spend the most time on social media (over two hours a day) had twice the odds of perceived social isolation than those who said they only spent half an hour or less a day on those sites.

      Current technology has also given us more options than ever for entertainment, with streaming services like Netflix available to fill our time 24/7 without leaving the house. While we may have reached out to loved ones to fill our weekends and avoid boredom back in the day, we no longer rely on socialising as much for entertainment.

      How to combat it: Save some of your updates for in person and try ‘screen-free Sundays’. Next time you have some exciting news, prioritise telling your loved ones in person before sharing it to your social media accounts.

      Try giving screens a break once every week or two – you may be surprised at how much free time you suddenly have for socialising!

       

      Glorifying Busyness

      Productivity and success have become important social values for many of us, with a lot of emphasis being placed on ‘hustle culture’ – especially online.

      This focus on staying busy and ticking off goals can push friends and family down on our priority list. It can also make it difficult to find a time that works for everyone to catch up.

      When juggling a busy schedule of work and family responsibilities, maintaining other relationships may feel like an obligation at times.

      How to combat it: Be more intentional with your free time. If you’re finding it tough to fit regular social events in your calendar, consider intentionally dedicating time to loved ones with plenty of notice. For example, you might block out the first weekend of every month specifically for socialising.

       

      Having Kids Later in Life

      Research tells us that compared to previous generations, Australians are choosing to have fewer kids, and they’re having them later in life.

      While some of us might remember growing up surrounded by cousins around our age, it seems it’s less common to see siblings and relatives raising a big group of kids together at the same time.

      There seems to be less importance placed on the ‘village’ of extended family than in previous generations as our family circles are shrinking.

      How to combat it: Focus on your ‘chosen family’ and opt for more child-friendly social activities with friends. You can create your own village by involving your kids and your friends’ kids in your catchups more often.

       

      If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness, talking to a counsellor can help you explore your feelings and potential strategies. Learn more about our counselling services or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

      We offer 5 tips to find your tribe of fulfilling friendships in this blog post.

      How should I vote on The Voice? Advice for Allies

      Posted on by admin

      The Voice referendum will take place on 14 October, when Australians will vote yes or no to establishing a First Nations Voice in the Constitution. 

      There are many opinions being shared about The Voice in the media, including misinformation intended to scare and divide us. 

      As an ally to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples, you may be feeling confused about how to vote. 

      This is an important and historic decision, and one that will be made by the non-First Nations majority on behalf of First Nations Peoples – just 3% of the Australian population. 

      Now more than ever, First Nations Peoples need their allies to be educated and informed, putting the best interests of First Nations communities first. But what vote is in the best interests of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples? 

      We offer some advice for allies here. 

       

      Listen to First Nations Voices 

      The media is a minefield of strong opinions and feelings around The Voice, and unfortunately, many conversations aren’t considering the very people this referendum impacts the most. 

      It’s of critical importance to put First Nations voices and perspectives first when it comes to The Voice and all First Nations issues. 

      Consider First Nations experiences by seeking these conversations in your local communities and via credible First Nations resources, such as this Voice video explainer by Aboriginal executives who advise on First Nations issues. 

      It’s also important to take a step back and allow First Nations Peoples to speak for themselves. Being a genuine ally means amplifying First Nations voices, believing their experiences, and not assuming where they stand on The Voice. 

      Everyone has their own opinions, including First Nations individuals, and it’s unrealistic to expect 100% of First Nations Peoples to support The Voice._However, an overwhelming majority do. 

      97%_of the First Nations delegates at the Uluru National Convention supported a call for a constitutional Voice through The Uluru Statement from The Heart. 

      And polls show over 80% of First Nations Australians are in favour of The Voice. 

      We encourage you to prioritise First Nations voices when determining your vote, as we have done as an organisation. 

      RAQ has listened to our First Nations staff members as they’ve generously shared their unique perspectives, leading us to a position in favour of a Voice to Parliament. 

       

      Respect the Impact on First Nations Peoples 

      While it’s important to seek First Nations Peoples’ perspectives, we also need to remember that it can be tiring for First Nations Peoples to constantly advocate for their communities. 

      Being the subject of such strong political opinions may be stressful and traumatic for some First Nations Peoples, and repeating experiences and wisdom can be emotionally draining. 

      It’s not First Nations Peoples’ responsibility to educate us; we need to take responsibility and do our own research into The Voice and this country’s True history. 

      It’s already taken a lot of heavy lifting from First Nations Peoples, Elders, and Leaders to get The Voice conversation to this national level. 

      Acknowledge the impact this journey may have had on some First Nations Peoples. Respect people’s boundaries if they don’t want to talk about The Voice. You might even like to check in with them and ask, “Are you in the headspace to talk about this?” before approaching the topic. 

      And remember, just because someone identifies as Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander, it doesn’t mean they have strong feelings on The Voice. 

      We share more advice to be respectful of First Nations Peoples during The Voice debate in this blog post: Respect During the Referendum | Relationships Australia Qld (raq.org.au) 

       

      Consider the Best Interests of First Nations Peoples 

      As the Queensland Human Rights Commission has stated: 

      “A Voice to Parliament is consistent with international human rights standards and would provide for better human rights protections by promoting equality and self-determination for First Nations Peoples.” 

      RAQ has no political or religious allegiances and stands for the inclusion, equity, social justice, and human rights of all Queenslanders. We and our First Nations Workforce stand strongly in our support for The Voice to Parliament, and we see this not as a political issue, but as a human rights issue. 

      We encourage allies – and all Australians – to consider the best interests and human rights of First Nations Peoples when determining their vote on 14 October. 

       

      Support Services 

      We understand this topic may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

      RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

      For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

      No campaigners are spreading false information and half-truths to create confusion, fear, and division in the lead-up to the referendum. We explore more here: The Voice: Misinformation, Truth-Telling, and Healing Together.