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How to Help an Older Person You’re Worried About

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Noticing a senior express signs of depression, anxiety, or possible abuse is never easy.

10 – 15% of older Australians experience depression or anxiety, while one in six older Australians report experiencing elder abuse.

If you’re wondering how to help an older person who seems to be struggling emotionally, it is possible to show that you’re there for them while encouraging them to access professional support.

We offer some advice on helping an elderly person you’re worried about.

 

Let them know you’re concerned

Gently share your concerns and let them know that you’re here for them.

Speak to them in a safe environment where there is enough time for them to talk. Listen actively without criticising.

Here is a guide on talking to an older person you’re worried about.

 

Reassure them

Older people can often feel shame and sadness when experiencing a situation like elder abuse.

Reassure them that their feelings are nothing to be ashamed of. Whether they are experiencing anxiety, depression, or abuse, it is not their fault.

 

Be compassionate

Put yourself in the shoes of your older loved one. If you were in this situation, what would you do? How might you feel? What kind of support would you want from your loved ones?

Responding with empathy and compassion will help build trust and a sense of safety. Having a loved one listen and validate their feelings might be just what your older loved one needs to move forward.

 

Encourage professional support

Research shows that over half of older adults do not seek psychological help because they believe their symptoms are normal.

Let them know that professional support is out there and off help to access support services online and via phone.

 

Offer practical support

When someone is going through a hard time, even practical support can make a huge difference.

Here are some practical ways you can help an older person you’re worried about:

  • Check in regularly
  • Invite them to activities
  • Drive them to appointments
  • Help get them out of the house
  • Offer to do their grocery shopping.

 

Spend time with them

Social isolation is a major cause of poor physical and mental health in seniors.

Spending time with an older person you’re worried about can be extremely beneficial for them.

You can spend time with an older person by:

  • Going for a walk
  • Regular phone calls
  • Watching the sunset
  • Sharing music together
  • Making or having dinner together
  • Playing board games, card games, or doing puzzles.

 

Connect them with the community

Research supports that seniors who stay connected within their community are at lower risk for anxiety and depression. They are also less vulnerable to experiencing elder abuse.

An older person can connect with the community through:

 

 

If you or an older person you know may be a victim of elder abuse, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

 

You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

The Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Bisexual

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Navigating any new romantic relationship can be an exciting yet delicate dance.

But dating someone who is attracted to multiple genders can raise some unique questions or insecurities – particularly for people who aren’t part of the LGBTQIA+ communities themselves.

This Bisexual Awareness Week (16-23 September), we’d like to offer some advice for dating someone who identifies as bisexual to help you nurture a healthy and respectful relationship.

Here are some important dos and don’ts of dating a bisexual or pansexual.

 

Do: Take time to learn about the community

Make an effort to learn about the bisexual community as well as all the LGBTQIA+ communities.

Educate yourself on important things like respectful terminology, culture, and issues faced today and historically.

Learn about biphobia and bi-erasure, and support your partner to share their experience and express their identity.

Remember: Just as not all straight people are the same, neither are all bisexuals. The best way to learn about your partner is to ask questions – just be mindful of being respectful and avoiding biphobic stereotypes (more on that below).

Organisations like Minus18 and LGBTIQA+ Health Australia have some great resources to help you learn more about bisexuality and the LGBTQIA+ communities.

 

Don’t: Ask biphobic or invalidating questions

While it’s fine (and encouraged) to be curious and ask questions, there are some questions and assumptions that can be biphobic and offensive.

For example, don’t ask your partner “Which gender do you prefer?” or “Is it just a phase?”. These can reinforce unhelpful stereotypes and make your partner feel invalidated and misunderstood.

Some individuals who identify as bisexual can feel like they don’t quite belong in the queer community, especially if they’re in a traditional heterosexual relationship.

Be mindful to avoid harmful stereotypes and understand and affirm your partner’s sexuality.

We offer tips to be a good listener in this blog post.

 

Do: Be a genuine ally

While someone’s sexual identity shouldn’t define them, it can still be a large part of who they are and have a significant impact on how they experience the world around them. Your active support and allyship can be incredibly affirming and important for your partner.

Along with learning more about the bisexual community, make an effort to be vocal and visible in your support for LGBTQIA+ folks and their rights.

Pay attention to what’s happening in the news and offer to join your partner at LGBTQIA+ events and rallies. FYI: The bisexual flag is pink, purple, and blue!

 

Don’t: Assume your relationship defines their sexuality

No, bisexual people don’t magically become straight when they’re in a relationship with a heterosexual partner.

Your relationship status does not change your sexuality. Assuming your relationship defines your partner’s sexuality rejects a huge part of their identity and their past, and falls into that bucket of biphobia/bi-erasure.

Respect your partner’s bisexuality as part of their identity regardless of your relationship.

 

Do: Trust them as you would any other partner

A common harmful myth about people who are attracted to more than one gender is that they are more likely to cheat because their dating pool is larger.

Bisexual or pansexual people are no more likely to cheat on you than anyone else.

Just because your partner is attracted to multiple genders doesn’t mean they’re attracted to everyone, or that they’re going to be unfaithful or wish for a polyamorous relationship.

If you’ve agreed to a monogamous relationship, trust your partner as you would any other partner.

Remember to communicate any insecurities or concerns with your partner respectfully, and don’t make assumptions about how they feel based on their sexuality.

Keep in mind that excessive jealousy and constant accusations of cheating in a relationship can be forms of coercive control.

At the end of the day, dating someone who is bisexual or pansexual should involve the same level of respect, trust, love, and support as dating anyone else.

Approach the relationship with an open mind and an open heart, and remember that your partner chose to be with you over anyone else – so you must be pretty special!

If you’re having a tough time in your relationship, talking to a counsellor can help you explore your feelings and potential coping strategies. Learn more about our counselling services or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

If you found this blog post helpful, you might enjoy our tips to bring out the best in your partner.

How to Throw a Block Party

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Do you know your neighbours?

Having a positive relationship with your neighbours can increase security and provide access to resources and support when needed.

You don’t have to be best friends with your neighbours, but making an effort to meet them and develop mutual respect can make for a more peaceful and positive living environment.

Neighbourhood block parties or street parties are a great way to get to know your neighbours better and build a sense of community.

Here are some key steps to hosting a successful block party in your neighbourhood.

 

Choose a date with plenty of notice

It can be tough to find a date that works for everyone, but choosing a date well in advance can give people enough notice to organise their schedules and increase attendance.

It can also give you plenty of time to organise the event – especially if you require public liability, insurance, and a road closure.

Be mindful of holidays and days of observation when choosing the date for your block party to ensure as many people as possible can attend. For example, your neighbours may already have plans around holidays like ANZAC Day, Easter, and Christmas.

 

Apply for insurance and a road closure

While you can host a neighbourhood party on your front lawn or spread across a few front lawns, closing off your street can make for a fun and novel (and safe) event – especially for kids on bikes and scooters!

It’s also not uncommon to host a neighbourhood party at your house. However, hosting it on your street can feel like a more casual, neutral setting for an event with new people.

Depending on your local area, the process for this will look a little something like this:

1. Apply for public liability and insurance

Public liability and insurance protect you and anyone else if they suffer an injury or damage occurs.

You might like to ask attending neighbours to contribute to the fees involved. Some local councils will even reimburse you after your party.

You can go to Local Community Insurance Services to learn more and apply for your public liability and insurance.

2. Apply for a road closure

You can generally apply for a temporary road closure online with your local council. Most councils don’t charge to close the road, but they do require proof of public liability and insurance, so don’t skip the first step.

You may be required to pay a small hire fee for road closure signs, or you may be able to purchase them yourself for a lower price.

 

Ask each household to bring a dish

Chances are your neighbours will offer to help with the organising, and asking for a hand with the food is a great way to lighten your load.

Having each household bring a dish to share can serve as a conversation-starter, especially if your neighbours identify with different cultures.

This can also be a great way to ensure everyone’s dietary requirements are met. You may even like to ask attendees to label their food and specify whether they contain any common allergens or meet certain dietary requirements.

 

Make a family-friendly playlist

Music is a must when it comes to creating a party atmosphere (and to fill any potential awkward silences).

Aim to create a playlist of crowd-pleasers that most people can enjoy, and avoid anything with swearing or adult themes. You can make your own or browse existing playlists on Spotify or YouTube.

Remember to keep the volume low enough that people can talk without raising their voices.

 

Consider activities to break the ice

Meeting new people can be overwhelming for some people.

Having some casual activities like classic lawn games can give attendees something to focus on and help create a point of conversation. This can take the pressure off when small talk runs dry, and it’s also a great way to keep kids entertained.

 

If you struggle in social settings, talking to a counsellor can help you explore your feelings and potential strategies. Learn more about our counselling services or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

We offer more ways to create a sense of community in your neighbourhood in this blog post.

The Voice to Parliament is a Matter of Human Rights

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By CEO Natasha Rae

The Voice to Parliament has been approached with the standard debates and misinformation of most political issues. But in this case, a Voice is not a political issue – it’s a human rights issue.

A First Nations Voice wouldn’t stand to create division, empower one side of politics over another, or tilt the balance of democracy. It would stand as a nonpartisan body that represents the interests of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples. 

The United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples – endorsed by Australia in 2009 – recognises that Indigenous Peoples should have the right to participate in decision-making in matters that would affect their rights. Equally, governments should consult with Indigenous Peoples before making laws that affect them. 

Australia has acknowledged the rights of First Nations Peoples in both domestic and international law for decades. These rights include the right to self-determination, representation and self-governance, participation in decisions that directly impact them, and freedom from racial discrimination. 

The Voice is an important tool for upholding these rights and improving outcomes for First Nations Peoples. 

For too long, laws and policies have been created without the consultation and agreement of First Nations Peoples, resulting in systems and structures that are harmful and ineffective. 

First Nations Peoples and their Elders and Leaders maintain resistance to oppression while unwilling to incur greater losses. They strive to maintain cultural integrity and find ways to work together to transform structures and mindsets to experience more than just survival. 

First Nations Peoples have contributed to the building blocks and history of our economic and social system. Yet, this same system has caused the vast majority of First Nations Peoples to remain outside of opportunities afforded to other Australians. 

The most essential role of laws is to serve the rights, safety, opportunities, and interests of those they apply to. Unfortunately, laws created without proper representation can so often do the opposite. 

Throughout Australian history, a lack of representation and input has contributed to many laws that have had devastating impacts on First Nations communities; impacts that have caused ongoing generational trauma and pain felt throughout First Nations communities today. 

A First Nations Voice to Parliament protected by the Constitution is a crucial step toward addressing this harm for a fairer and more healing future. 

International guidance shows establishing representative systems to allow First Nations Peoples to advise on decisions that impact them is consistent with international law and international human rights standards. 

As the Prime Minister highlighted in a recent radio interview, Australia is the only colony or former colony on earth that doesn’t recognise our First Peoples in our founding document. 

A Voice to Parliament is our opportunity to do that after 122 years. 

RAQ stands firmly for the inclusion, equity, social justice, and human rights of all, regardless of age, race, culture, sexual orientation, or gender identity. We have no religious or political allegiances and respect the rights of everyone to live with dignity and safety. 

This is why we stand in favour of enshrining a Voice to Parliament – and why many other organisations who share our values also support The Voice, such as Lifeline and Multicultural Australia. 

The Queensland Human Rights Commission has also released a statement in support of establishing a First Nations Voice to Parliament, saying: 

“A Voice to Parliament is consistent with international human rights standards, and would provide for better human rights protections by promoting equality and self-determination for First Nations people.”

Reconciliation Australia announced a union of 70 for-profit and not-for-profit organisations have shown their unified support for a “yes” vote in the Referendum, including some of the country’s biggest corporations.

The variety of organisations supporting The Voice to Parliament shows this transcends political perspectives. 

It’s a human right for First Nations Peoples to have a say in the matters that impact them. 

It’s crucial that we keep the best interests and rights of First Nations Peoples top of mind when determining our vote in the referendum on 14 October. 

And it’s crucial that we understand how a future without a First Nations Voice will continue to impact this country’s – and the world’s – oldest living culture. 

 

We understand this topic and related conversations may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available._ 

RAQ offers culturally safe_counselling_and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call_1300 364 277_to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you._ 

For 24/7 crisis support, call Lifeline on_13 11 14, or_13YARN_on_13 92 76_to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

You can read the Statement from RAQ’s First Nations Employees on The Voice Referendum here.

How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health

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Parents and carers play an important role in promoting positive mental health and wellbeing in children.

Research shows approximately 1 in 7 children and adolescents aged 4–17 years in Australia experience mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.

With the prevalence of mental illness in our young ones, it’s never too early to start focusing on your child’s mental health.

Some factors that may impact a child or young person’s mental health include:

  • Family dynamics
  • A relationship breakup
  • Bullying and cyberbullying
  • Family history of mental illness
  • Low self-esteem and/or body image issues
  • Pressure around school, exams, and the future
  • Big life changes (e.g. parents separating, moving school or home)
  • Traumatic events (e.g. natural disaster, experiencing or witnessing abuse, losing someone close to them).

Adverse mental health can have a significant impact on a child’s development, learning, social inclusion, family life, and physical health.

We share some ways to help support your child’s mental health and how to spot the signs they may need some extra support.

 

Encourage open communication about feelings

Talking about feelings from a young age can help your child recognise and label their emotions – a powerful tool that can help them better understand and regulate them in healthy ways.

Encourage your child to share how they’re feeling and provide validation and support. Telling them to stop crying or to get over it can lead to feelings of shame around their emotions and teach them it’s not safe to express themselves around you.

Try to remember that your child isn’t giving you a hard time – they’re having a hard time.

Some validating statements might include:

  • “It’s OK to cry.”
  • “That sounds really stressful.”
  • “How can I help you feel better?”
  • “I understand why you’re upset.”
  • “I can see that made you feel sad.”
  • “What might make you feel better?”

Validating your child’s feelings will make them feel supported and strengthen the trust in your relationship.

It also tells them you’re a safe space and they can come to you when they’re having a hard time or need advice. This sets the foundation for a strong, close relationship as they grow into an adult.

 

Support a healthy lifestyle

Physical health and mental health are closely connected, and a healthy lifestyle and home environment can be a crucial foundation for positive mental health and wellbeing.

Some factors that can help support a healthy lifestyle include:

  • Getting enough sleep
  • Getting daily exercise
  • Eating a balanced diet
  • Spending time outdoors
  • Avoiding caffeine and substances
  • Spending time with friends and family
  • Doing the hobbies and activities they enjoy
  • Having time to rest and relax to balance school and other obligations.

It’s important to remember that different children have different needs. For example, one child may need quiet alone time to feel calm and happy, while another may prefer to spend time socialising.

Make the effort to learn what lifestyle factors and habits best support your child’s wellbeing, and pay attention to their moods and behaviours.

 

Model healthy coping skills

Do you find it hard to regulate your emotions sometimes? Imagine how much harder it can be for children.

One of the best ways to help kids deal with big feelings is to show them how you stay calm in stressful or upsetting situations yourself.

Modelling healthy coping strategies to your child from a young age teaches them that it’s OK to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and disappointed, but it’s important that we try to process and express these feelings in healthy ways.

This might look like:

  • Breathing exercises – “I’m feeling a bit stressed out because of all the traffic. I’m going to take three big, deep breaths to help me feel calm.”
  • Mindful walking – “I’ve had a big day today. I’m going to go for a quiet walk to clear my head.”
  • Journalling – “My mind feels a bit busy. I’m going to write down my worries to get them out of my head and help me make a plan.”
  • Dancing – “Dancing makes me happy, so I’m going to put on my favourite song and move my body to get some positive energy going.”
  • Walking away – “I’m feeling upset right now, so I’m going to walk away until I feel calm enough to talk about it respectfully.”

Your strategies may change based on your child’s age, but these are some examples of coping skills your child may be able to adopt for themselves.

 

Let them know they’re loved and supported

Positive words of affirmation can help increase your child’s confidence, build resilience, and encourage positive self-talk.

Remind them often that you love them, you’re proud of them, and you’re there for them.

Find specific qualities and personality traits to compliment. Whether it’s their big imagination, kindness, or sense of humour, calling out specific things you love about them will make them feel extra special and appreciated.

You can do this by telling them in person or getting creative with a surprise note in their lunchbox or on their pillow.

 

Keep an eye out for changes in behaviour

Paying close attention to your child’s moods and behaviours can help you pick up on cues they may be struggling mentally – whether they verbalise those feelings or not.

It’s important to remember not everyone who has anxiety will experience the same symptoms, but these are just some common symptoms of anxiety in children:

  • Crying often
  • Changes in eating
  • Using the toilet often
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Irritability and outbursts
  • Rapid breathing or heartbeat
  • Being tired for no real reason
  • Restlessness, fidgeting, or shakiness
  • Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
  • Complaining of tummy aches and feeling sick
  • Being clingy or worrying about abandonment
  • Constantly worrying or having negative thoughts
  • Regression (denying ability to do tasks they normally can).

If you notice these signs in your child, it might help to seek professional support through your family doctor and/or a counsellor.

Our counsellors provide a safe and supportive space for children and families to explore their feelings and find healthy ways to cope.

Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services.

Kids Helpline provides 24/7 support for kids, teens, and young adults: 1800 55 1800.

If you found this advice helpful, you might enjoy our blog post on gentle parenting.

Making the Most of Intergenerational Living

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With the cost of living on the rise, more families are moving in together. While intergenerational living can have its benefits, having multiple family members under one roof can make it difficult to set boundaries and agree on day-to-day decisions.

Statistics show that thirteen percent of Australians have had to move back into their family home or have had an adult child move back in within the past twelve months.

We offer some tips on having a happy, healthy cohabiting situation with your older parents or with your adult child.

 

Set healthy boundaries

Boundaries help protect you within relationships and allow you to establish how you’d like to be treated.

It can be difficult to set boundaries with adult children or with parents, but it’s a healthy thing to do.

To set boundaries in a relationship, you should first identify your values, identity, and feelings. Then, communicate your needs and remain consistent about them.

We offer a guide to setting healthy boundaries here.

 

Respect other’s boundaries

Someone else’s boundaries are nothing personal and should always be respected. By adhering to someone else’s boundaries, you can keep your relationship healthy.

You can respect each other’s boundaries by:

  • Clearly discussing your boundaries
  • Respecting each other’s time and space
  • Remembering that no means no and stop means stop
  • Not snooping, sneaking, or going behind each other’s back
  • Not pushing or prying if someone does not want to talk about something
  • Taking note of what makes them uncomfortable and not doing that again.

 

Have all agreements in writing

When moving in together, it’s important to get all agreements in writing – no matter how much you trust each other.

Together, write out important information such as how much rent is to be paid and how any bills will be handled. Written agreements may protect you from future arguments, financial abuse, or relationship breakdown.

We suggest using a general tenancy agreement.

 

Let go of aged-based prejudice

Different generations often have perceived notions of how the other generations may be.

Prejudice against someone because of their age is called ageism. Ageism puts older people at risk of abuse, social isolation, and neglect. Ageism against younger people may cause relationship hardships.

You can let go of aged-based prejudice by:

  • Sharing your interests with each other
  • Recognising each other’s abilities and strengths
  • Doing activities together, such as games, cooking, or sharing a skill
  • Spending time with your family members who are a different age than you
  • Asking questions about each other, such as about hobbies, opinions, and experiences
  • Setting aside any stereotypes that you may have about older people or younger people.

 

Cherish this time spent together

It’s all too common for us to not realise the value of the time we get to spend with our families.

Reframing your perspective can help you to cherish this time spent living with your family. Use this opportunity to make memories together and learn from each other.

Making the most of the situation can strengthen your relationship.

 

Seek professional advice or mediation

Before making any major decisions, it’s wise to seek professional or legal advice.

Seeking advice can provide a neutral, third-party insight to your situation. They can also provide helpful solutions and make sure that the rights of everyone involved are protected.

Family mediation can help you to resolve conflict and to find a healthy way forward.

The Senior Relationships Mediation Service (SRMS) provides free family mediation which prioritises the wellbeing of the older person.

 

If you or an older person you know need assistance in repairing a relationship, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Relationship Mediation Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Looking After Yourself and Mob During The Voice Referendum

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We’ve been seeing a lot of opinions on The Voice to Parliament in the media lately. 

The Voice conversation is an important one, but it’s also a challenging and distressing time for some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples and communities. 

Being the focus of such strong political opinions, misinformation, and racism may have a significant impact on some First Nations Peoples’ mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing. 

We’d like to offer some ways to look after yourself and your loved ones in the lead up to the referendum. 

RAQ recognises from the Uluru Statement from the Heart that sovereignty was never ceded and acknowledges that while First Nations individuals will each have different views on The Voice, the right to self-determination is shared by all.  

RAQ’s First Nations Workforce has generously shared their unique perspectives to lead us to an organisational position in favour of The Voice. We invite you to read the Statement from RAQ’s First Nations Employees on The Voice Referendum. 

 

Stay Connected

Racial stress can cause feelings of loneliness and isolation. It’s more important than ever to stay connected with your family, community, and culture when you’re struggling. 

Studies show strong and healthy connections to community can help build a sense of cultural identity, increase social and emotional wellbeing, strengthen resilience, and help to protect against suicide. 

Keep up with your social activities and talk to mob about how you’re feeling. It can help to talk things through with people who understand your experience. Remember to check in on how they’re feeling too, and lean on each other. 

 

Look after your Mind and Body

It’s normal to let your healthy habits slip when you’re not feeling your best, but try to take small steps to look after your body where you can. 

Mental health and physical health are closely connected. Try to focus on things you can control – even little things like preparing healthy food, going for a walk, and getting enough sleep can help you set the tone for how you feel and go about your day.

Prioritise the things that make you feel happy and calm, whether it’s seeing friends, reading, playing sport, creating art, or doing self-care exercises like deep breathing and meditation. 

 

Set Safe Boundaries

Give yourself permission to protect yourself emotionally and spiritually, and remove yourself from people and situations that are triggering or unproductive. 

Speak your truth and let your friends know if you’re not in the mood for the conversation, or suggest changing the subject if it’s impacting you. 

If your friends don’t respect your boundary or they’re not willing to do the work to understand your culture and your experience, it’s OK to walk away from that relationship and seek out others who are willing to respect you and your culture.

It’s also important to remember that you’re not obligated to educate others. 

Sometimes people look to those with lived experiences as ambassadors of their communities, expecting them to be an activist or educator for others. 

This is common for First Nations Peoples as well as for members of the LGBTQIA+ communities, refugees and asylum seekers, and those who belong to multicultural and faith communities. 

While you might have lived experience and strong opinions, it should not be an expectation or obligation for you to share them. 

It might not be culturally appropriate or a safe environment, or you may simply not have the energy for the heavy lifting and mental load of educating others. 

Remember to balance your values with your physical and emotional wellbeing. 

Aunty Debra Bennet, Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement and Cultural Advisor, shares some advice in this blog post: When Your White Friends Won’t Talk About Race.

 

Limit Exposure to News and Media 

It’s never been easier for people to publicly share their thoughts and opinions online. The constant exposure to content related to The Voice and other issues can lead to burnout and distress.

If scrolling through the news and social media is upsetting you, it might be time to take a break. Remember you can mute, unfollow, or hide social media posts, accounts, or topics. 

It can be especially helpful to avoid upsetting topics right before bedtime, as this “doomscrolling” can  impact your sense of balance and inner peace, cause feelings of anxiety, and interrupt your sleep.

 

Know the Signs and Seek Help 

Feelings are strong on both sides of The Voice debate. No matter how you intend to vote, it’s normal to feel a range of emotions in the leadup to the referendum. 

Some First Nations Peoples might feel anxious, frustrated, upset, scared, or misunderstood. 

It’s important that we’re aware of the impact The Voice debate may have, and the signs we might need to reach out for help from community or a professional. 

Some impacts might include:  

  • Increased anxiety and depression  
  • Changes in sleep and appetite  
  • Feeling fearful and unsafe  
  • Feelings of shame  
  • Trauma and PTSD  
  • Chronic stress  
  • Suicidal thoughts.  

    If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you know, free and confidential help is available 24/7. 

    For 24/7 crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter, call 13YARN on 13 92 76. 

    RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

     

    No matter where you stand on The Voice debate, the safety, wellbeing, and respect of our First Nations Peoples should be everyone’s priority. 

    We invite you to share our blog post with your communities: How to be Sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice Referendum Debate. 

    How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship

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    Have you noticed repeating patterns in your relationships?

    Maybe you feel insecure and seek a lot of validation from your partner? Or maybe you bolt at the first sign of emotional intimacy?

    These behaviours can be signs of your attachment style.

    Our attachment style starts taking shape from infancy based on how our primary caregivers (usually parents) meet our needs. This forms the foundations for how we perceive and act in relationships into adulthood.

    Identifying your attachment style can help you understand your behaviour in relationships and how you relate to your partner. It can also help you recognise your vulnerabilities to form healthier, more secure bonds.

    We explore the attachment styles, how they’re formed, and how they can show up in relationships.

     

    Attachment Theory

    Pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s, your attachment style describes the emotional connection you formed as an infant with your primary caregiver.

    According to attachment theory, the quality of the bonding you experienced during this first relationship often determines how well you relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout the rest of your life.

    Your attachment style can show up in distinct behaviours in your relationship with your romantic partner – and even in how you parent your own children.

    The four types of attachment styles are:

    • Secure
    • Avoidant (also known as dismissive, or anxious-avoidant in children)
    • Anxious (also known as preoccupied, or anxious-ambivalent in children)
    • Disorganised (also known as fearful-avoidant in children).

    Avoidant, anxious, and disorganised are considered insecure attachment styles.

    Children with an insecure attachment style can have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults. This may be because their experiences have taught them to believe that other people are unreliable or untrustworthy.

    Those who have a secure attachment style tend to find relationships easier to navigate, as they learnt early on that it’s safe to rely on other people.

     

    Secure Attachment

    A secure attachment style generally develops in children whose needs are met by responsive and loving caregivers. They’ve learnt it’s safe to trust others and to accept and give love.

    People with a secure attachment style feel safe, secure, and stable in their close relationships. Here are some ways it might show up:

    • You don’t rely on your partner alone for happiness
    • You’re comfortable expressing your feelings and needs
    • You have good self-esteem and are confident being yourself
    • You’re resilient when faced with disappointment in relationships
    • You don’t feel overly anxious when you’re apart from your partner
    • You’re able to be self-reliant as well as offer support when your partner needs it
    • You’re able to regulate your emotions and seek healthy ways to manage conflict.

     

    Avoidant Attachment

    An avoidant attachment style forms when an infant or child’s caregiver doesn’t show care or responsiveness. This can cause the child to become emotionally distant from their caregiver and learn that they can’t rely on others, often ‘parenting’ themselves.

    Some ways an avoidant attachment style can show up in a relationship include:

    • You’re self-sufficient and independent
    • You prefer casual, short-term relationships
    • You fear intimacy and feel ‘suffocated’ in relationships
    • You suppress your feelings to avoid emotional closeness
    • Your partner may accuse you of being distant and closed off
    • The ‘needier’ your partner becomes, the more you withdraw
    • You get uncomfortable when your partner expresses their emotions.

     

    Anxious Attachment

    An anxious attachment style generally develops when a child depends on an unreliable and inconsistent caregiver. They learn that their caregiver may or may not come through when needed, leading to trust issues and fear of abandonment.

    Here are some ways it can manifest in relationships:

    • You have a negative self-image
    • You have a fear of abandonment
    • You often feel anxious and insecure
    • You find it hard to trust your partner
    • You crave approval, attention, and validation
    • You can find it difficult to regulate your emotions
    • Your partner may accuse you of being too clingy or needy
    • You often feel jealous and anxious when you’re apart from your partner
    • Your self-worth relies on how you feel you’re being treated by your partner.

     

    Disorganised Attachment

    A disorganised attachment style is formed when a caregiver consistently fails to meet their child’s needs, creating a state of fear and stress in the child through anger and/or neglect. The child may replicate these abusive patterns in their adult relationships.

    Some ways a disorganised attachment style can show up in a relationship include:

    • You’re afraid of getting hurt
    • You don’t feel worthy of love
    • You may be selfish and controlling in relationships
    • You have trouble trusting and relying on your partner
    • You want to be in the relationship, but you are fearful about it
    • Your partner may accuse you of not taking responsibility for your actions
    • You find it hard to regulate your emotions, which can lead to explosive and abusive behaviours
    • You find intimate relationships confusing, alternating between feelings of love and hate for your partner.

     

    Seeking Support

    Everyone deserves a healthy, respectful relationship where they feel safe and loved.

    If you’re interested in learning more about your attachment style and how to address behaviours to maintain healthier, more secure relationships, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

    Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and find healthy ways to cope and communicate with your partner.

    Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling.

    In a relationship, you have the power to influence your partner in a positive or negative way. Explore our tips to bring out the best in your partner.

    The Voice: Misinformation, Truth-Telling, and Healing Together

    Posted on by admin

    By CEO Natasha Rae

    A First Nations Voice to Parliament will not divide us. But the misinformation and fearmongering in the leadup to the referendum are. 

    The proposed Voice to Parliament has sparked passionate discussions from both sides of the debate as Yes and No campaigners make their cases across the country. 

    While it’s important to hear from a wide range of diverse voices and perspectives, the spreading of false information and half-truths can be harmful. This can be especially true when dealing with topics related to oppressed and vulnerable communities. 

    It’s not uncommon for campaigners to spread misinformation to further their argument and agenda, but it’s particularly disappointing in the context of The Voice. 

    A First Nations Voice to Parliament was born from The Uluru Statement from the Heart, which has three key objectives: 

    • Voice to Parliament 
    • Treaty 
    • Truth-telling. 

      Truth-telling. 

      Truth-telling is one of the most important tools to educate non-First Nations Australians about First Nations issues. 

      It requires us to shed our personal biases, open our hearts and minds, and engage in deep listening with First Nations Peoples about their experiences and historical Truths. 

      These Truths can be uncomfortable and confronting, but they can also be surprising and affirming. And they’re critical for our understanding around The Voice and all First Nations issues.  

      We as an organisation continue to engage in Truth-telling with our First Nations Workforce on a national and state level. We’ve listened as our First Nations employees have generously shared their perspectives and experiences, leading us to a position in favour of The Voice. 

      “We see this as an opportunity for all Australians to be part of an intentional healing journey for our people and to unify our country.” 

       – Relationships Australia Qld First Nations Workforce 

      We’re committed to embracing these voices and actioning this advice in real and tangible ways during the referendum and beyond. 

      We all have a responsibility to be informed of the real Truth so we can engage in respectful and fact-based conversations around The Voice and related issues. 

      Open and honest communication is the foundation of all healthy, respectful, and genuine relationships.  

      Respect, integrity, and healthy, respectful relationships are key values at RAQ. Through our work, we support individuals, couples, and families to create safe spaces for talking and listening, even when they don’t agree. Especially when they don’t agree. This is core to healthy, respectful relationships and communities. 

      “Healthy relationships have to have healthy communication,” says Relationships and Family Counsellor Valerie Holden. 

      “That doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything – but it does mean we have to communicate with respect and understanding.” 

      When we share misinformation online and in person, we contribute to the fear and anger surrounding the referendum, and we increase division among our communities. 

      In June, the No campaign was accused of engaging in “post-truth politics” to divide Australians. 

      “Its aim is to polarise people. And its weapon of choice is misinformation,” said Indigenous Australians Minister Linda Burney. 

      Some No campaigners, including politicians, have incorrectly claimed that the Uluru Statement from the Heart is a 26-page document to imply Yes campaigners are hiding something. 

      Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander agencies, Voice to Parliament advocates, and prime minister Anthony Albanese have described this conspiracy theory as “a misinformation campaign to avoid debating the facts.” 

      We must be aware of the biases of our information sources and use critical thinking to inform our opinions and conversations leading up to the referendum. 

      Several media outlets including RMIT ABC Fact Check, AAP Fact Check, and AFP Fact Check provide information on how to fact-check claims when engaging with sources. 

      Throughout the referendum debate, we encourage everyone – regardless of their stance on The Voice – to approach this subject with compassion, respect, and a willingness to listen and learn the Truth. 

      To thrive, relationships need deep listening with honest, respectful conversations. 

      It’s time to listen and to put First Nations voices and Truth-telling at the heart of all conversations around The Voice. 

       

      We understand this topic and related conversations may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

      RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

      For 24/7 crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

      5 Things to Avoid When Arguing with Your Partner

      Posted on by admin

      Conflict isn’t always a sign a relationship is doomed. In fact, arguments can be an opportunity to increase understanding and connection in a relationship – as long as they’re handled respectfully.  

      While it’s okay to disagree sometimes, arguments can be tricky, and it’s important to handle them in a respectful and healthy way.  

      Here are five things to avoid when arguing with your partner, friend, or loved one.

       

      1. Avoid speaking out of anger

      When you’re upset, it’s easy to let your emotions spill over and say or do things you might regret later. But allowing anger to get the better of you can make the situation worse and even hurt your relationship in the long-term.  

      Before you react, take a deep breath, and try to stay calm. Remember, it’s essential to treat your partner with kindness and respect, even when you disagree.  

      If you feel like your emotions are too overwhelming, consider taking a short break and returning to the discussion when you’re both calmer.  

       

      2. Avoid name-calling

      It’s important to be respectful and avoid using hurtful language. Name-calling, swearing, and insults can lead to hurt feelings and cause lasting damage to your relationship. Instead, focus on explaining your feelings and thoughts calmly, without resorting to hurtful words.  

       

      3. Avoid interrupting

      Listening is crucial in any argument. Interrupting your partner while they’re talking can make them feel like you don’t care about their thoughts or feelings.  

      You can show respect by allowing a 50/50 conversation where both people get to express how they feel.  

      Let them finish what they have to say before sharing your perspective and be sure to ask questions to make sure you’ve understood them correctly. This way, you both get the chance to express yourselves fully, and in time, you’ll grow to understand each other better.  

       

      4. Avoid playing the blame game

      Arguments can quickly turn into a game of pointing fingers. Instead of blaming your partner, try to take responsibility for your own actions and feelings. You can do this by using ‘I feel’ statements instead of ‘you are’ statements. 

      When you share your feelings without blaming, your partner is more likely to understand where you’re coming from and be willing to work together to find a solution.  

       

      5. Avoid yelling or raising your voice

      Raising your voice during an argument can make your partner feel attacked or scared. Yelling only adds more tension and may lead to one or both of you ‘shutting down’ and not being able to continue the conversation.  

      If you find yourself getting louder, take a moment to pause and lower your voice. Speak in a calm and clear manner so that your partner can hear your point of view without feeling overwhelmed. This will allow you to continue to work through the issue respectfully and come to a solution together. 

       

      Remember, arguing is a normal part of any relationship, but it’s important to handle disagreements with care and respect. By avoiding getting too angry, name-calling, interrupting, playing the blame game, and yelling, you can create a safe space for healthy, respectful communication with your partner.  

      Understanding each other’s perspectives and feelings can help strengthen your relationship and bring you closer together. 

      If you could use some help navigating conflict in your closest relationships, speaking to a professional counsellor could help. 

      Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling. 

      We look at how often couples fight in a healthy relationship in this blog post.