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Can domestic violence cause mental illness?

Posted on by admin

All kinds of domestic and family violence can have damaging and long-lasting impacts on survivors. 

This includes physical, sexual, financial, psychological, and emotional abuse, as well as coercive control. 

Research has found that women who have been abused by a partner are three times more likely to suffer mental ill health. 

Along with fear, shame, and reduced self-worth, the impacts of domestic abuse can extend to depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mental health conditions. 

Experiencing or growing up around domestic and family violence can also increase the risk of substance abuse to self-medicate, and even suicidal thoughts or attempts. 

RAQ Regional Manager Val explores the connection between mental illness and abuse and shares her advice for survivors. 

 

Effects of Abuse on Mental Health

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical to have ongoing negative effects. Trauma is a normal and common response to any kind of abuse, and trauma is known to significantly impact our mental health. 

Research shows experiencing trauma – such as that caused by domestic and family abuse – can contribute to the development of many types of mental illness such as: 

  • Psychosis 
  • Schizophrenia 
  • Eating disorders 
  • Personality disorders 
  • Depressive and anxiety disorders 
  • Alcohol and substance-use disorders 
  • Self-harm and suicide-related behaviours. 

    It also shows that childhood trauma not only increases the risk of mental illness, but also the response to treatment. This is because trauma impacts how the brain develops during these formative years. 

    “All kinds of abuse can affect us in a very deep way,” Val explains. 

    “We can begin to believe we’re not good enough and we don’t deserve anything good, and this can lead to depression, anxiety, and feelings of low self-worth.” 

     

    How Abuse can Impact Future Relationships

    Survivors of abuse often bring their feelings of shame and damaged self-esteem into their following relationships.  

    “Coming out of an abusive relationship can leave marks on our physical and emotional self,” Val explains. 

    “We can not only carry the physical scars, but also the very deep emotional scars around our self-esteem, physical appearance, and our belief in our self as a functioning human being. This can impact how we see ourselves and how we react in other relationships.” 

    The emotional impact of domestic and family violence may make it hard to form healthy attachments in future relationships. 

    Survivors might feel undeserving of love and lack boundaries, which may result in experiencing further abuse if future partners take advantage of this. Or they may find it difficult to trust people and avoid entering another intimate relationship for some time. 

    It’s important for partners of survivors of abuse to show empathy, patience, and respect, and seek support for themselves if they need some help supporting their partner. 

    “Abusive relationships can rewrite our story of how we see ourselves.” 

     

    Prioritising Mental Health after an Abusive Relationship

    It often takes a lot of bravery, support, and planning to leave an abusive environment, and you may need to take some extra steps to stay safe once you’ve left. We offer advice to stay safe after leaving an abusive partner here. 

    The effects of abuse on your mental health can last well after you experienced it. In fact, you may start to notice symptoms of mental health conditions well after you’ve left your abuser. 

    It’s crucial to prioritise your mental health and wellbeing during this time. 

    “Start by looking after your physical body. Eat well, get enough sleep, do some physical exercise, and start to love yourself again,” Val suggests. 

    “Along with looking after your physical health, it’s important to look after your mental health. Small steps can make big changes,” she says. 

    “Find what makes you smile and begin to laugh again. Is it art? Music? A good book? Time with family or friends?” 

    “Surround yourself with positive people who love you, and find a counsellor who will help you work on yourself to become the person you want to be.” 

    Speaking with a counsellor can help you to rebuild your self-esteem, set some achievable goals, and remind yourself that you are worthy and loveable. 

     

    Where to Get Help

    “We are often hard enough on ourselves without someone else telling us all the things that are wrong with us or that we aren’t ever going to be good enough,” Val says. 

    “If you’re around someone who does that to you, ask yourself: Is this what I want for the rest of my life? Your safety is paramount. Find people who can support you and break the cycle of abuse.” 

    You deserve a life free from abuse. You deserve to be loved in a respectful way, and you don’t have to heal alone. Reach out for help and prioritise your safety and wellbeing. 

    Our counsellors can help you process your experience in a safe environment free from judgement.  

    They can work with you to explore your options and refer you to the appropriate support, including legal action where necessary. 

    You can learn more about our counselling service_here, or call_1300 364 277_to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call. 

    We explore more of the effects of domestic violence – including the effects on children who witness domestic and family abuse – here.

    Coercive Control Checklist

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    Coercive control is a dangerous form of domestic abuse that is used to manipulate, intimidate, and scare survivors.

    This type of abuse has been criminalised in some Australian states and is set to become a criminal offence in Queensland by 2025.

    Coercive control involves emotional and psychological abuse. It can exist on its own without any physical violence, and this can make it harder to identify than some other forms of domestic violence.

    It’s common for people who use control in their relationships to gaslight their survivors, calling them dramatic or ‘too sensitive’. This kind of manipulation can make survivors second guess themselves and whether they’re experiencing abuse or not.

    It’s important to know the signs of coercive control to know when to seek help for yourself and keep an eye on the people around you.

    This coercive control checklist includes just some of the common ways coercive control might be used in a relationship.

     

    • Isolating from friends and family – The abuser may try to get their partner to reduce or cut contact with their support network, making them easier to control.
    • Withholding affection – This might include giving their partner the cold shoulder or silent treatment as a form of punishment until the abuser gets what they want.
    • Making all the decisions – The abuser will generally make all the important decisions in the relationship, ignoring their partner’s preferences and saying they know best.
    • Discouraging from having hobbies or goals – The abuser may prevent their partner from pursuing hobbies or attending school or work with the goal of keeping the survivor’s inner world small and their self-esteem low.
    • Monitoring activity – This generally involves excessive texts or calls when apart or reading messages or emails without their partner’s permission.
    • Stalking – In extreme cases, monitoring activity may involve the abuser following their partner to keep track of them, or placing cameras or GPS tracking software on their home, car, or phone.
    • Gaslighting – As mentioned, abusers who use control in their relationship will often deny the abuse by gaslighting their partner. They might do this by saying their partner is just being too sensitive or dramatic, or that they can’t take a joke. This will make the survivor question their experience and their reaction.
    • Restricting autonomy – With the goal to reduce the survivor’s freedom and independence, the abuser might restrict their access to a car or public transport, hide their phone or laptop, or change their passwords for social media or banking apps.
    • Controlling the body – This might include telling their partner what they can and can’t wear, or making passive aggressive comments about how they present themselves, how much they eat, or how often they exercise. It can even include hiding medications such as oral contraception.
    • Degradation – The abuser might call their partner names, put them down, make fun of or criticise how they do things, and bully them under the guise of a “joke”. They might do this in private and/or in front of others to chip away at their self-esteem.
    • Financial control – Financial abuse can be a form of coercive control. This involves the abuser withholding or limiting access to money, or dictating what money can and can’t be spent on.
    • Jealousy and possessiveness – Constant accusations of cheating can be used to guilt the survivor into staying home from social events or cutting contact with friends and/or colleagues of the opposite sex (if in a heterosexual relationship).
    • Reinforcing traditional gender roles – Statistics show that in most cases, the abuser is male. It’s common for men to use traditional gender roles to control their female partner’s behaviour. For example, they might use the argument that women are homemakers and mothers to coerce their partner into doing all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare.
    • Threats and intimidation – This might involve threats to the victim’s own safety or that of their children, pets, property, friends or family.

     

    If you recognise these behaviours, you may be in a controlling or unhealthy relationship. Help is available for anyone impacted by domestic and family abuse of any kind.

    Learn about our counselling service here, or call us on 1300 364 277 for help finding the right support for your situation.

     

    1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

    DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

    DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

    Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

    Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

    Lifeline: 13 11 14

    If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

    How to Lovingly Support an Older Veteran

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    As veterans age, it’s vital that they have a loving and supportive environment.

    Veterans may experience lasting effects and traumas that make ageing even more difficult.

    We offer some information about potential issues facing elderly veterans, and how you can lovingly support them throughout their old age.

     

    1.      Be informed about needs specific to ageing veterans.

    27% of Australian veterans are reported to have mental or behavioural conditions. They face increased risk for mental health disorders, especially Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), dementia, depression, and anxiety.

    These mental health conditions may come across as anger, irritability, pain, sleep difficulty, mobility issues, memory problems, substance abuse, and more. Veterans may also face service-related physical disabilities that can make ageing more difficult.

    Understanding how such disorders impact your loved one’s mental and physical health can help you to develop a sense of compassion and empathy towards their unique needs as an elderly veteran.

     

    2.      Utilise resources available specifically for ageing veterans.

    Australia offers a host of resources for ageing veterans. Encourage and assist your loved one to access:

    1. Mental health resources through the Department of Veterans’ Affairs (DFA)
    2. Support through the Returned Services League (RSL)
    3. Veteran’s Supplement for aged care

     

    3.      Encourage activities that engage the mind and body.

    Exercising the body and the brain can reduce  the symptoms of ageing and can help us live longer, healthier lives.

    If you feel it is okay to do so, ask your older veteran family member or friend about their experience serving in the military. Asking them to share stories may be a helpful outlet for them – this shows them your support, creates a safe environment for sharing, and can break down stigmas and stereotypes.

    You can also help your loved one to access a supportive community or social group to engage with, such as:

     

    4.      Look after your own wellbeing, too.

    Being a family member, spouse, or widow of a veteran can contribute to mental health conditions such as PTSD and intergenerational trauma. For example, Australians whose parents have been deployed are at higher risk for PTSD than those whose parents have not been deployed.

    “Families are fundamental in the support system for serving and ex-serving military personnel who have a mental health disorder. Similarly, families living with a veteran with mental health issues need support and understanding.”
    –Australian Family Physician

    The DVA offers a range of support services for families, spouses, and widows of veterans in Australia.

     

    Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

    If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.

     

    Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

     

    Returning to Work after Maternity Leave

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    Going back to work after maternity or parental leave can be hard.

    A lot of parents – especially mothers – would like to stay at home with bub for longer but have to return to work out of necessity.

    This can create feelings of sadness and guilt around leaving their child in someone else’s care, and anxiety around whether their child is being well looked after in their absence.

    Other challenges can include being worried about coping with the workload and juggling family life with a career.

    With so much to think about during such a significant period of change, it’s no wonder most new mums and parents feel overwhelmed going back to work after baby.

    We hope these tips help make your transition back to work after maternity leave as smooth as possible.

     

    Consider Your Schedule

    We understand not everyone has the option to ease back into work part-time, but if you do have the choice, it’s worth considering what’s best for you.

    You might not feel ready to return to work full-time and instead choose to return gradually by working a couple of days a week. Or you might prefer to slide right back into your role and hours full-time.

    Consider your situation and weigh up your options.

     

    Practise Your new Routine

    Dropping bub off at childcare or leaving them in someone else’s care for the first time can be an emotional experience for everyone involved. It can help to tick this milestone off the list before your first day back at work to avoid starting the day with elevated emotions.

    If you can, consider starting your child at care a week or two before your first day so they can get familiar with the new routine and comfortable with their caregiver. This can help ease some of your anxiety around how they’re coping without you while you’re at work.

    You might also like to try doing some dry runs of your workday routine before the big day. Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, drop bub off at care, and arrive at your workplace. This can help you adjust timing as needed and feel confident in your new routine ahead of time.

     

    Set Expectations with Your Boss

    Be honest with your boss or manager about how your first few weeks back might look.

    It’s not uncommon to be a bit wobbly as you transition back to work after maternity leave while navigating a whirlwind of emotions.

    Where possible and needed, discuss flexible working arrangements, and be sure to confirm these in writing. For example, there might be some work-related travel you’re no longer willing to do. Or perhaps you need to shuffle your hours to suit care drop-off and pick-up.

    It’s important that you show your commitment to your job, but also be realistic about expectations as you find your footing again. These conversations are crucial to ensuring you and your employer are on the same page and you feel supported in this new chapter.

     

    Prioritise Your Mental Health

    Being a parent is hard. Working is hard. Doing both at the same time can be exhausting.

    During this time of give, give, giving to your family and your workplace, it’s important to pay attention to how you’re feeling day to day so you can be proactive about your mental health and wellbeing.

    Prioritise the things you need to feel relaxed, recharged, and human. This might be a 10-minute morning meditation, a daily solo walk in the fresh air and quiet, or a weekly catchup with your best friend.

    You can’t pour from an empty cup, and maintaining your mental health and happiness will benefit you, your family, and your work. So check in with yourself regularly, make self-care a daily habit, and lean on your support network when you’re struggling.

    Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.

    If you need some extra help coping with life right now, talking to a counsellor might help.  Learn about our counselling service and how to book an appointment here, or call 1300 364 277.

     

    Feeling guilty about returning to work after maternity? We explore mum guilt and how to cope in this blog post.

    Understanding an Ageing Loved One’s Mental Health

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    When a loved one ages, you may find that their behaviour or the way that they treat you changes.

    It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the needs and demands of your elderly loved one. Understanding your ageing loved one’s mental health can help you have a change of perspective and better connect with them.

    In this blog post, we outline how these mental health issues may come across in your interactions and what you can do to help.

     

    Common mental health obstacles amongst seniors

    You may feel that your older loved one’s needs drastically change with time, which may be indicative of underlying mental health issues.

    Changes in one’s mental health impacts physical health, and vice versa. As we age, our mental and physical health may become impaired. These impairments can affect our behaviour and interactions with others.

    The most common mental health issue affecting older people is depression. In old age, depression may come across as neglecting responsibilities, behaving out-of-character, slowing down, or acting “negatively” or “pessimistically.”

    In old age, a variety of factors can contribute to depression, including:

    • a change in socioeconomic status following retirement
    • grieving friends who they can’t see anymore
    • a change in living arrangements
    • bereavement of lost loved ones
    • experiencing elder abuse
    • loss of independence
    • financial stress
    • loneliness

     

    How you can help

    Now that you know more about how mental health impacts an elderly person’s behaviours, here are some ways to help. Assisting your ageing parent can make your life easier, too.

    1. Arrange professional help if necessary
    2. Communicate gently, yet clearly
    3. Consider expert assessment
    4. Prioritise their wellbeing
    5. Attend mediation
    6. Set boundaries
    7. Be patient

    If you suspect your older loved one is lonely, you can help them by finding social groups to join, and by scheduling regular phone calls and visits.

    Here is a blog post with 10 ways you can help lonely seniors.

    Suffering from abuse can also contribute to poor mental health in older people. One in six older Australians report having experienced elder abuse within the past year. If you suspect an older person is at risk of elder abuse, please visit our page “Understanding Elder Abuse” to learn more.

    If your older loved one is acting differently, consider any factors that may be contributing to mental health issues such as depression. This change in perspective can help you to better understand your loved one and to improve your relationship.

     

    If you or an older person you know is having a difficult time lately, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

    Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

     

    Caring for Ageing Parents from Afar

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    Living far away from an ageing parent with declining health can be stressful for everyone involved.

    It’s important to find a balance that prioritises your elderly parent’s wellbeing while being mindful of your own wellbeing, too.

    We’ll share a few steps you can take to be there for your elderly parent when you can’t physically be there.

     

    1.      Listen to their wants and needs.

    Ageism, which is discrimination against a person based on their age, appears in familial relationships when a person’s own wishes are ignored.

    Sometimes, family members assume the role of decision-making based on their loved one’s age, but transfer of control and decision-making is often unwanted by the older person.

    Before making any decisions or assumptions, it’s best to discuss your ageing parent’s wishes, concerns, and needs.

     

    2.      Explore different care and living arrangement options.

    Since you’re living far away, you may have to consider other options to make sure your parent gets the care they need. Discuss with your parent, with your family, and with health experts to make the right decision together.

    Here are some leading questions to navigate these discussions:

    1. Will my parent have a community or a support system wherever they live?
    2. What care can other family members realistically provide?
    3. How much extra help does my parent need?
    4. What concerns does my parent have?
    5. Where does my parent want to live?
    6. What are my parent’s boundaries?
    7. What about my parent’s pets?
    8. What concerns do I have?
    9. What can we afford?

    Care options may include an aged care facility, an in-home caretaker or nurse, or a division of responsibilities amongst family and friends.

    Remember that your ageing parent’s needs can drastically change over time, so this discussion should be revisited regularly.

     

    3.      Have an emergency plan.

    Emergencies concerning elderly parents are especially stressful when you’re long-distance. Having a plan in case of emergencies can mitigate that stress and help you and your parent be prepared.

    An emergency plan may include:

    1. Exchanging contact information with your parent’s GP, nurses, caretakers, and neighbours.
    2. Having someone ready to look after your children or pets if you need to leave.
    3. Arranging an emergency folder with all of your parent’s essential documents.
    4. Backup plans for care and living arrangements in case of changing needs.
    5. Print an emergency care directive and hang it on your parent’s fridge.
    6. Assigning roles amongst siblings and other family members.
    7. Getting your parent a personal emergency alarm.
    8. Pre-packing a travel bag.

     

    4.      Stay in touch with them and with someone close to them.

    These days, staying in touch while long-distance is easier than ever.

    Staying connected with your parent will help you keep up with their wellbeing. Plus, empathetic phone calls have been shown to reduce depression and anxiety in older adults.

    Here are some tips to teach technology to your elderly parent to help them stay in touch.

    You can also schedule regular calls with your parent’s caretaker, nurse, or neighbour. Keeping regular contact with these key people can keep you in the loop and may also help you look out for potential signs of elder abuse.

     

    5.      Be considerate of your own mental health, too.

    Being far away from your ageing parent is a unique type of grief. It’s natural to feel sad, stressed, worried, or pressured.

    Remember to look after your own mental health. You may find a support system with friends or colleagues who are going through a similar situation. Indulge in self-care, meditate, seek counselling, discuss with friends, and engage in hobbies.

    Being long-distance with an ageing parent is tough, but with strategic planning and open communication, your parent’s wellbeing can be managed.

     

    If you or an older family member you know need some help resolving an issue, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

    Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

     

    5 Long-Distance Tips for Military Couples

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    Every relationship takes work. But military or defence force relationships can face some unique challenges.

    Life in the defence force can require time away from home due to deployment, training, and other commitments. These periods of separation can be difficult and emotional for both partners, no matter how many times they’ve been through it.

    But being apart geographically doesn’t mean you can’t feel close emotionally. In fact, working through distance can lay the groundwork for a lasting relationship, strengthening your communication and emotional intimacy.

    We hope these steps help you positively navigate periods of separation in your military relationship.

     

    1. Discuss expectations

    Discussing the details of the deployment and setting expectations ahead of time can take away some of the uncertainty and anxiety while you’re apart.

    Determine how and how often you’ll be able to communicate, and be clear about what you need from each other to feel loved and supported.

    It’s normal for people in long-distance relationships or experiencing separation to need some extra reassurance from their partner.

    Ensure you’re on the same page to avoid disappointment or surprises, and keep these conversations going as your relationship grows and changes.

     

    2. Get creative with how you stay in touch

    There are plenty of creative ways you can express your love and make your partner feel special from a distance.

    The classic daily “good morning” and “goodnight” texts are a must, but also make an effort to send photos, videos, and audio clips when possible.

    Clashing schedules or security rules around communication may make it hard to FaceTime or speak on the phone regularly, so videos and audio recordings are a great alternative to provide the same comfort of hearing your voice.

    Some other great ways to stay in touch and make your partner feel loved from afar include:

    • Watch a movie together. Netflix Party synchronises video playback and adds group chat, so you can react and respond in real time while watching your favourite shows and movies.
    • Play online games together, such as Draw Something, a drawing and guessing game similar to Pictionary, or Words with Friends, a word game like scrabble.
    • Go old-school and send a letter or email. Include some favourite memories of your relationship to make them smile.
    • Send a care package with a few of their favourite things. This might include a favourite snack, a personalised mixed CD, and a shirt that smells like you.

     

    3. Lean on your support network

    Periods of long distance can be lonely for both partners, but you don’t have to do it alone.

    For the partner at home, be sure to reach out to your friends and family in advance to let them know you’ll be on your own. This will give them a chance to check in and be there for you, and provide a heads up in case you need more emotional and/or practical support than usual.

    Fill your social calendar and surround yourself with loved ones to help avoid isolation and loneliness.

     

    4. Focus on self-care

    This is another important tip for the partner at home.

    It’s normal to miss your partner while they’re away, but it’s not healthy to rely on them alone for your happiness.

    Maintaining hobbies and interests as an individual will help bring you joy, purpose, and fulfilment outside of your relationship.

    Make your mental health and wellbeing a priority during periods of separation by focusing on self-care. This will look different for everyone, but might include daily exercise, dedicating some time to a hobby like playing an instrument or reading, and trying to get outside in nature each day.

    Keeping busy and being happy with who you are can help prevent feelings of co-dependency, so get out there and live your life remembering your relationship is just one part of it.

     

    5. Reach out for help

    Professional help such as counselling can be a great option for anyone who needs some extra support.

    Our counsellors can help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment free from judgement. Sessions are available in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

    You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

    Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.

    Protective Factors for Mental Health

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    Everyone has mental health. And just like our physical health, the habits we form and lifestyles we live can have a significant impact on it.

    There are things we can do in our daily lives to support our mental health and reduce our risk of developing mental health conditions. These are called protective factors, and we’re going to explore some of them in this blog post.

    These protective factors for depression and other mental health conditions may not be relevant to every individual. However, they are known to lower the risk of suicide and support mental health and wellbeing for most people.

    It’s important to remember that factors such as unemployment, homelessness, racial discrimination, domestic and family violence, and genetic predisposition and are all major risk factors for mental health conditions and suicide.

    While this blog post focuses on the protective factors and actions we may have control over, we acknowledge there are many individuals and communities who experience mental ill health due to disadvantage and circumstances out of their control.

    Discover some of the factors, influences, and strengths that can support your mental health below.

     

    Physical Health and Healthy Behaviours

    Physical health and mental health go hand in hand.

    When you’re looking after your body, you’re likely to experience positive benefits mentally and emotionally too.

    Some healthy behaviours that can promote good mental health and wellbeing include:

    • Eating a balanced diet
    • Drinking enough water
    • Getting enough sleep
    • Exercising regularly
    • Avoiding cigarettes, alcohol, and other drugs.

    You don’t have to follow a restrictive diet or train like an athlete to take care of your body. You might like to start small by reducing your intake of processed foods and drinks and adding a daily walk to your routine.

    Remember to consult with your doctor before changing your diet and/or exercise routine to ensure you’re doing what’s best for your body.

     

    Connection to Community

    Humans are innately social beings. Love and belonging are core human needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In fact, they’re considered more important to us than self-esteem, status, freedom, and more.

    When we don’t meet these needs, we risk feeling socially isolated, which can lead to serious physical and mental health issues.

    If you don’t feel a sense of connection and belonging in your community, you might like to think about some ways you can start to build it. This could include joining or starting a local group or club, whether it be a local sports team, book club, or other group relevant to your interests or hobbies.

    Or you could consider volunteering at your neighbourhood library, animal shelter, or aged care facility. This can be a great way to meet likeminded people and create a sense of purpose and connection.

    We suggest more ways to build community in your neighbourhood here.

     

    Social and Emotional Support

    A strong support network can bring a sense of fulfilment like nothing else.

    Many studies have shown the benefits of strong social relationships, including improved physical and mental health, increased ability to cope, and even increased life expectancy.

    You don’t need a large social circle to enjoy these benefits. The emotional support from just a few close friends or family members can make all the difference for your mental health and happiness – especially during tough times.

    You can make your friendships a priority by scheduling in regular catchups with your loved ones. This might involve hosting a monthly dinner or game night, or booking in a set time to call your friend each week.

    We offer tips to make friends as an adult here.

     

    Exposure to Nature

    How often do you get outdoors?

    In our busy world, it’s easy to spend most of our time inside and in front of a screen (or two!).

    Studies have proven the benefits of spending time in nature for our physical and mental health, including improved mood and reduced stress.

    Some people find being outside provides a great opportunity to practise mindfulness, as it removes them from life’s distractions and encourages them to focus on the here and now.

    A few ways to spend more time in nature might include:

    • Get an outdoor hobby like gardening, cycling, kayaking, swimming, or birdwatching
    • Make use of your local walking trails, parks, and beaches
    • Centre social plans around outdoor activities (e.g. a picnic or hike)
    • Set up a comfy outdoor seating area at home to enjoy your morning coffee.

     

    Help-Seeking Behaviour

    The stigma around mental health and seeking help during difficult times has reduced in recent years, but some people still don’t feel comfortable reaching out when they need to.

    Bottling things up when you’re having a hard time coping can make things worse.

    We encourage anyone struggling to seek help before reaching crisis point. Early intervention can reduce the risk of mental health deteriorating further and help you find solutions sooner.

    Professional help such as counselling can be a great option for anyone who needs some extra support.

    Our counsellors can help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment free from judgement. Sessions are available in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

    You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

    Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.

    Resolving Family Disputes Concerning Ageing Parents

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    As your parent reaches old age, siblings may disagree on what’s best for the parent regarding important decisions and caretaking responsibilities.

    Siblings may have different opinions on matters such as the level of care and support needed for your parent, where the parent should live, and everyone’s roles and level of involvement.

    In this blog post, we offer some tips to resolve the family dispute concerning your ageing parent.

     

    Prioritise your elderly parent’s wellbeing

    When a discussion turns into an argument, it’s easy to lose focus of the priority: your ageing parent. Though it feels difficult, you may have to set aside any differences to reach an agreement that is best for your parent.

    Don’t forget to consider the input of your parent. Your parent is getting older, but they still have goals. Have an open discussion with them about these goals, which may include:

    • Downsizing to a smaller home.
    • Relocating to be closer to family.
    • Prioritising their health and fitness.
    • Being independent for as long as possible.
    • Socialising or getting involved in the community.

    Consider both the wants and needs of your parent in your discussions with your siblings.

     

    Try to understand each other’s perspectives

    Sometimes, sibling roles and responsibilities involving your parent may not feel balanced. Putting yourself in the shoes of your sibling may help you to understand their perspective.

    Different circumstances may contribute to your differentiating opinions in the matter, including:

    • Their own mental health.
    • How near or far they live.
    • Their career and career goals.
    • Their relationship with the parent.
    • Their own children and family priorities.
    • time that can be devoted to looking after your parent.

    If you or your sibling are not able to devote time and resources into looking after your elderly parent, for example, then you may have to consider other options.

     

    Review all of your options and get an expert assessment

    Your siblings should narrow the discussion down to what your options realistically are. Agree on attainable options after reviewing the following areas:

    • finances.
    • personal preferences.
    • level of care and support needed.

    Whether you are arguing about finances, making important decisions, or caretaking responsibilities, we recommend consulting professionals. Depending on what the dispute concerns, a general practitioner or a financial counsellor would be most fit to guide your decision.

     

    Look out for signs of elder abuse

    In the instance of family disputes concerning an ageing parent, your parent may become more vulnerable to elder abuse – whether intentionally or unintentionally.

    Adult children are the most common perpetrators of elder abuse. While there’s no excuse for abuse, the perpetrator may not intend to cause harm or even realise they are doing so.

    As you and your siblings argue over what is best for your elderly parent, look out for signs of elder abuse including:

    • lack of health essentials such as medication or hearing aids.
    • apprehension or anxiety about a specific person.
    • lack of control over their own finances.
    • withdrawal and changes in confidence.
    • symptoms of depression or anxiety.
    • missing money, assets, or mail.

    Read more about elder abuse, its signs, and what you can do to get help here.

     

    Consider a mediator

    Family disputes can become emotional and may involve complicated relationships, generational trauma, and other complex intricacies. Such arguments can damage relationships and may harm the older person concerned rather than help them.

    Getting a mediator involved can help your family explore your options in a safe way. Discussions will be professionally guided. Mediation can help resolve conflict and make a roadmap for moving forward.

    Learn more about how to access senior relationships mediation in Queensland and what to expect here.

     

    If you need help resolving a conflict concerning an older person, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment that priotises the older person’s wellbeing.

    You can learn more about our Senior Relationship Mediation Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

     

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    Healing from Emotional Abuse

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    Emotional abuse can have serious ongoing impacts on survivors. It can cause low self-esteem, isolation, and even mental health conditions such as anxiety or PTSD.

    But with time and the right support and resources, it is possible to process and heal from emotional abuse and regain your confidence and sense of self.

    RAQ Relationship Educator Gamze shares her insights and advice around emotional abuse here, including:

    • What is emotional abuse?
    • Why might someone emotionally abuse their partner?
    • Impacts on survivors
    • Leaving an abusive relationship
    • Coping strategies to heal from emotional abuse
    • Where to get help.

     

    What is emotional abuse?

    Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that has been overlooked in the past, but we’re exploring what it is and its effects more recently.

    Domestic violence, including mental and emotional abuse, is a crime in Australia and many other countries.

    Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse often goes unnoticed and can be difficult to identify. It can involve the use of words, actions, and/or behaviours.

    It can come in many forms such as:

    • Constant criticism, belittling or humiliation including yelling and name-calling
    • Emotional neglect through withholding affection, attention, and/or support
    • Gaslighting, which involves denying or trivialising the person’s feelings or experiences, lying or distorting the truth, projecting their own faults onto the other person, and isolating the other person from family and friends who might support them
    • Controlling the person’s behaviour, such as what they wear, where they go, or who they see or spend time with
    • Threatening to harm the other person or someone they care about (including pets) as a way to control and manipulate them.

    You can learn more in our blog post What’s an emotionally abusive relationship?

     

    Why might someone emotionally abuse their partner?

    Emotional abuse is a complex issue, so the motivation of the person who is emotionally abusing their partner can vary.

    It’s important to highlight that regardless of the reason, emotional abuse is never OK and cannot be justified. Sometimes, understanding why something is happening can help people to process their emotions and thoughts better and can increase their motivation to make changes.

    These are some of the reasons why someone might emotionally abuse their partner.

    Power and control

    One of the primary reasons why someone may emotionally abuse their partner is to gain power and control over them, their thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. This usually happens due to their sense of feeling inadequate as a person or partner, or out of fear of losing their partner.

    Childhood experiences

    Emotional abuse can be a learned behaviour through being exposed to or experiencing abuse in their childhood. Someone who has grown up with parents or carers who use emotional abuse – and other forms of abuse – may not see how this behaviour is harmful and go on to follow the same patterns in their adult relationships.

    Mental health issues

    People with certain mental health conditions or personality disorders may be more prone to emotionally abusing their partner. Where abuse is present, there may be an underlying mental health issue.

     

    Impacts on Survivors

    Survivors of emotional abuse often experience long-lasting negative impacts on their overall wellbeing, including their physical wellbeing.

    These are just some of the potential impacts of emotional abuse on a survivor.

    Low self-worth

    Emotional abuse can make a person feel worthless and unimportant. They may begin to think they’re not deserving of love, respect, or happiness. In some cases, survivors might blame themselves for the abuse, which can lead to feelings of shame and further isolation.

    Increased self-doubt and trust issues

    Survivors might doubt their ability to make the ‘right decisions’ when it comes to relationships, and struggle to trust others and their motivations. This may get in the way of forming healthy close relationships.

    Difficulty regulating own emotions

    Survivors of emotional abuse may struggle to regulate strong emotions and feel easily overwhelmed. This can make it hard to maintain relationships.

    Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

    Emotional abuse can be traumatic, and in some cases, can lead to PTSD. Victims may experience flashbacks, nightmares, and other symptoms commonly associated with trauma.

    Anxiety and depression

    Ongoing isolation and criticism may cause long-lasting anxiety and depression. Survivors may feel hopeless and on edge more often than someone who hasn’t experienced emotional abuse.

    Physical issues

    In some cases, emotional abuse can cause chronic headaches, digestive issues, chronic pain, and other physical health problems.

    We list more common effects of domestic abuse here.

     

    Leaving an Abusive Relationship

    If you’re considering leaving an abusive relationship, please keep in mind that it can be a dangerous process. The period that follows leaving an abusive partner can be the most dangerous time for a survivor.

    It’s a good idea to seek professional help to find ways to stay safe. A domestic violence service or counsellor can help you come up with a safety plan to prioritise keeping yourself (and your children, if any) safe while you’re leaving the relationship. You can call us on 1300 364 277 to make an appointment to speak to a counsellor.

    It’s also important to know that paid family and domestic violence leave is now available for some Australian employees.

    Full-time, part-time, and casual employees of medium and large businesses can now access 10 days of paid family and domestic violence leave in a 12-month period. Employees of small businesses can access the leave from 1 August 2023.

    This leave is intended to allow survivors to make arrangements and attend appointments required to deal with the impact of abuse without losing wages.

    We offer practical steps to increase your safety after leaving an abusive relationship here.

     

    Coping strategies to heal from emotional abuse

    • Acknowledge the abuse: When we can address what has happened, it becomes easier to understand and process the impact of the abuse. This is the first step to start working on healing and having a healthier life.
    • Take time to grieve: It’s important to grieve for what you hoped for yourself and your relationship as well as your ‘old self’ before the abuse. You may experience different emotions such as sadness, anger, loneliness, and confusion. Allow yourself to experience these emotions and express them in a healthy way.
    • Seek help: As we’ve explored here, emotional abuse can create several long-lasting impacts on the survivor. You don’t have to deal with them alone. A domestic and family violence trained counsellor can help you understand what you’ve been through, including the impact of the abuse, and help you look for ways to heal in your own time. It can also be helpful to join support groups or reach out to trusted friends or family members to manage the feelings of isolation and loneliness.
    • Do things that bring joy and increase your self-worth: Spend time nurturing parts of you that have been impacted by the abuse by doing things that bring you joy. Some people find exercising, resting, eating a balanced diet, journalling, meditation, or spending time with close friends bring them joy and fulfilment.
    • Forgive yourself: Feelings of self-blame and shame are common for survivors of emotional abuse. Find ways to forgive yourself and see if you can sit with the thought that the abuse was not your fault, and you did not deserve to be treated that way. Seek self-compassion for the actions you might have taken to protect yourself and your loved ones during the abuse.
    • Set boundaries: If the person who has abused you is still in your life, set clear and healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further impacts of the abuse. This can help you feel in control of your life and contribute to your sense of self. It can be tricky to set boundaries to start with. Seek help if you are struggling with boundaries and be patient with yourself as you learn to navigate life after the abuse.

     

    Where to get help

    You deserve a life free from abuse. You deserve to be loved in a respectful way, and you don’t have to heal alone. Reach out for help and prioritise your safety and wellbeing.

    Our counsellors can help you process your experience in a safe environment free from judgement.

    They can work with you to explore your options and refer you to the appropriate support, including legal action where necessary.

    You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.