10 Relationship Check-In Questions

Checking in with your partner can help with communicating honestly, growing your understanding of each other, and making sure everyone’s needs are being met. One way to do this is to ask each other relationship check-in questions.  

These questions can even form a relationship check-in template, so each time you check in with each other, you have your questions ready. By taking the time to check in regularly, you can proactively address any issues, share your needs, and increase understanding and trust in your relationship.  

Knowing which questions to ask can be tricky, so we’ve created a list of 10 possible relationship check-in questions you can use when checking in with your partner.  

 

1. What do you love most about our relationship?

Starting with this question is a good way to set the tone for your check-in. Relationship check-in questions can often feel intimidating, but it’s important to remember these questions aren’t the start of a breakup or fight. Instead, they’re a way to make sure you’re both feeling heard and cared for.  

 

2. What would you change about our relationship?

This question may sound scary – to ask and to answer. We often think that if something needs to change, then something’s wrong or bad. But that’s not always the case. Your car’s oil needs changing, does that mean you have a bad or faulty car? No. It means it needs something changed so it can run better. This can be the same for changes in your relationship.  

 

3. What would you like more of from me?

We can shy away from asking our partner questions about our relationship because we’re worried about being judged or criticised. Avoiding the negative language of “what am I doing wrong?” and swapping it with “what would you like more of from me?” gives you and your partner a way to tell each other what you need, without blaming or criticising.   

 

4. What would you like less of from me?

This gives you and your partner a chance to let each other know about something you could do without. Maybe in your last check-in, you told your partner you needed more affection because you were feeling low, but now things have gotten better and you don’t need as much. No one has done anything wrong; your needs have just changed.  

 

5. Is there anything that’s been bothering you that we haven’t talked about yet?

For some, vocalising issues or things they’re bothered by is not something they’re used to or comfortable with. Inviting your partner to share these things with you can create a safe space for discussion where they may feel more open to share.  

 

6. How do you feel about our communication?

You may have heard the term “communication is key” thrown around before. The truth is, communication is incredibly important – it’s how we’re understood. When we struggle with communication in our relationship, it can create problems with understanding and trust. Making sure you and your partner are communicating in a way that’s good for both of you can help make sure you’re both feeling heard and understood.  

 

7. When do you feel the most loved and appreciated?

Talking about the positive is important. Most relationships are filled with good stuff, so make sure you celebrate what’s working well. We can all do things to make our partner feel special, and hearing how the partner feels loved and valued can bring you closer together.  

 

8. Do you feel like we’re spending enough quality time together?

Quality time is more than just spending time with each other; it means being present and attentive. If you’re spending time together but you’re on your phone the whole time, you’re not focused on your partner, and this can give the impression that they’re not valued. Quality time helps with connection and strengthening your bond and can make us feel cared for and seen.  

 

9. What can I do to make your days better or easier?

Sometimes, our partners go through big things without reaching out – even when they want or need to. This may be because they have never done so before, or the situation isn’t something they’re comfortable talking about. Asking how you can make their days better or easier gives them the chance to ask for help without explaining why they need it.  

 

10. What would you like to do or achieve together between now and our next check-in?

Depending on what you have both found at the end of your check in, you might want to put more effort into a specific part of your relationship. If it’s quality time, you may want to have a date night without your phones. If it’s communication, you may want to start and finish a DIY project where you need to communicate and collaborate. 

 

If you and your partner are having difficulty communicating or looking for some extra support, our counsellors can assist you in a safe and supportive environment.  

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here. 

 

In a relationship, it’s not uncommon to have highs and lows when it comes to emotional intimacy. We share some tips on how you can build emotional intimacy in your relationship here.