Are there signs in your relationships which make you feel like something is “not right”?
Find out how to recognise the signs of a toxic relationship so you can manage the situation, set healthy boundaries, and safely leave if necessary.
What are the signs of a toxic relationship?
There are many signs and behaviours which can present as concerning within intimate relationships. The presence of one or more of these behaviours doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed, but it may be time to consider your needs and emotional wellbeing:
Walking on eggshells
Does your partner make you feel guilty for spending time with your family and friends? Do they constantly criticise as a “joke”? Do you avoid talking about some topics out of fear or judgement?
You are allowed to spend time with your family and friends – in fact, the quality of our relationships contributes to the quality of our life overall. You should also feel comfortable and safe to discuss anything that’s on your mind, without worrying about getting into trouble with your partner.
Communication breakdown
Does your partner shut down every time you try to talk about your feelings?
Being able to talk openly and be heard is essential in any relationship. It helps to build trust and create an open channel of communication between both partners, even in situations where you may not agree with each other.
Being controlled
Does your partner try to control what you wear, who you talk to, or where you go? Are they unsupportive or jealous of your achievements?
It’s important to remember that individuals within a relationship will have different tastes in clothes, hobbies, and even friends. You have the right to decide what you wear, whom you talk to, and where you go.
Celebrating achievements is a form of respect and shows a genuine interest in recognising your efforts in achieving a goal.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting refers to behaviour where a partner might manipulate your words or beliefs, causing you to question your own reality or decisions. They may deny things they’ve said or done, or use terms like “that was a joke”, which can make you feel like you’re imagining things or misunderstood what was said.
This is a form of emotional abuse.
Being gaslit can affect your emotional well-being such as no longer trusting your judgement, or being overly careful about what you say and do out of fear.
Ignoring your boundaries
In a toxic relationship, boundaries often get crossed or dismissed.
Does your partner go through your phone or email without permission when you’ve asked them not to? Do they pressure you to do things which make you feel uncomfortable? Do they take money from a joint bank account without discussing with you?
These behaviours could be a sign that your partner is ignoring your needs or wants, and disrespecting your boundaries.
Lack of self-care
Have you stopped doing hobbies, neglected your health, or repeatedly sacrificed free time?
It’s normal for things to be postponed due to a busy life.
But if done because of how your partner reacts when you prioritise self-care, over time, you may become resentful which will affect your well-being and the relationship.
If you recognise any of these signs, you can take steps to protect your well-being, and improve the health of your relationships.
Prioritising self-care
It is easy to “lose yourself” in a relationship. However, prioritising self-care is important for your well-being.
Self-care involves taking time out to do something that brings you joy. This may be going for a nature hike, listening to your favourite music, or learning a new language for a future trip. How about creating a joy list?
Engaging in a fun activity allows you to take a break from continuously thinking about problems. It can help you manage your stress and even re-energise you. Research has shown self-care may improve your mood, help solve problems with a clearer mind, and feel positive about the future.
Recognising and acknowledging red flags in a relationship can be hard. But once you do, you can take the necessary steps to protect yourself and move towards healthier relationships.
Setting boundaries
A healthy relationship involves open and honest communication where both partners feel heard and respected. You have the right to make choices about what affects your life.
To regain control of your relationship so that both parties feel heard, valued, and respected, it may be time to set boundaries.
You can do this by:
- Using open communication - Express your needs and feelings clearly to your partner by using “I” statements. For example, say “I feel uncomfortable when” rather than “You always make me feel”.
- Be specific - Clearly explain the types of behaviour which are unacceptable. You may say “I need you to respect my privacy by not going through personal stuff without permission.”
- Be firm - Stick to your boundaries even if your partner tries to ignore, pushes back, or manipulates you. Keep reminding yourself that you have the right to feel safe and heard.
- Seek support - If you’re struggling to set boundaries or feel your partner isn’t respecting them, reach out to trusted family members, friends, or a counsellor for support and guidance.
Our counsellors can help you explore your feelings and address underlying issues in a safe space. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.
We offer advice about how to manage conflict in a relationship in our blog post Signs of an Abusive Relationship | Relationships Australia QLD (raq.org.au)