What is grandparent alienation?

Grandparent alienation is when grandparents are unreasonably denied the opportunity to see and communicate with their grandchildren.

The relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild is irreplaceable – understandably, it hurts when you’re prevented from seeing or talking to them. A rocky relationship with your adult child or whoever is causing the alienation can add to the distress.

In this article, we share advice on what you can do if you’re experiencing grandparent alienation and briefly discuss grandparent rights in Queensland.

 

Behaviours of grandparent alienation

Sustained grandparent alienation is a form of elder abuse. Adult children are usually the perpetrators of grandparent alienation.

Behaviours of grandparent alienation include:

• Banning communication
• Preventing spending time together
• Leaving grandparents out of family events
• Threatening to cut contact with grandchildren
• Controlling or limiting contact with grandchildren
• Restricting important information regarding grandchildren
• Talking poorly about the grandparents in front of grandchildren
• Intentionally making it difficult for grandparents to see grandchildren
• Only allowing spending time together under the guise of childminding
• Withholding access to grandchildren unless financial support is provided
• Using contact with the grandchildren as a bargaining tool for financial support
• Withholding contact and visits unless the grandparents provide support (this is called coercive control).

It’s important to consider that not all situations point to grandparent alienation. For example, parents seeking a period of alone time with a newborn baby is a special circumstance – it doesn’t necessarily indicate that they’re intentionally separating you from your grandchild.

 

What to do when you’re experiencing grandparent alienation

This form of elder abuse can be distressing, and you might feel like you don’t know what to do.

Every situation is different. But moving forward is possible, even when it may not seem like it.

Your conflict resolution plan may include:

Making amends on your own

Usually, people prefer to come to an agreement themselves before seeking professional or legal intervention.

An open, honest conversation can have a huge impact. Establish a safe time and place to have this talk. Honesty, empathy, active listening, taking accountability, and a willingness to compromise are building blocks of effective communication.

We share more advice on resolving conflict with your adult child here.

Leaving the grandchildren out of it

Though grandparent alienation directly concerns your grandchildren, it’s best not to get them caught up in this disagreement.

We recommend avoiding criticising or talking badly about the parents to your grandchildren.

Attending family mediation

Mediation is a professionally guided meeting that allows families to resolve conflict and agree upon a solution to move forward together. Mediation is a safe space that encourages healthy communication.

Attending mediation allows grandparents to be able to apply for parenting orders.

The Senior Relationship Mediation Service (SRMS) is a free service for seniors and their families in Queensland. The SRMS can intervene and provide support and referrals in cases of elder abuse. To learn more, contact the SRMS at 1300 062 232.

 

Grandparent rights and family law in Queensland

Healthy, respectful grandparent-grandchild relationships can benefit the whole family. Australian family law recognises the importance of children’s relationship with their grandparents. 

Grandparents can apply for a parenting order through a family law court. This means that a family law court can order for a child to live, spend time with, and/or communicate with a grandparent, provided it’s in the child’s best interest.

Grandparents cannot apply for parenting orders through the family law court unless they have tried mediation.

You can learn more about grandparent rights and options on the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia website.

 

Coping with grandparent alienation and elder abuse

If you don’t feel safe in having a conversation or making amends on your own, you may be experiencing elder abuse.

It’s critical to lean on your support networks and to look after yourself.

Be gentle with yourself and have self-compassion. Remind yourself that being abused is unacceptable – no one deserves it. The way others treat you is not a reflection of your worth.

Know the signs of elder abuse and stay connected with other family members and friends.

We provide more advice on how to cope with abusive adult children here.

 

Support is available

If you’re experiencing grandparent alienation and are concerned about elder abuse, support is available.

The Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) assists older Queenslanders and prioritises their rights, safety, and wellbeing. EAPSS provides counselling, legal aid, referrals, and intervention services. Call 1300 062 232 to learn more.