Children Archives - Relationships Australia Queensland

Why are Australia’s young people so lonely?

Posted on April 8, 2024December 12, 2024 by admin

Our young people are experiencing a loneliness epidemic.

In the 2023 annual Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) Survey, Australians aged 15 to 24 reported being the loneliest cohort in the country.

Social isolation and loneliness can have serious impacts on our mental and physical health.

Adolescents and young people especially rely on social connection and peer acceptance for their sense of belonging, self-esteem, and overall happiness.

Loneliness looks different for everyone, and the causes can change from person to person. We explore some of the factors that may be causing loneliness among this age group, and some strategies to overcome it.

Social Media and Technology

Surveys show that while other age groups are feeling less lonely than they did at the start of the millennium, Australians aged 15 to 24 have experienced a steady rise in loneliness, particularly since 2008.

Smartphones and social media apps like Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram all gained popularity around this time, and online interactions have commonly substituted face-to-face catchups since.

Growing research shows a clear connection between heavy social media use and feelings of social isolation and loneliness.

People who spend the most time on social media (over two hours each day) have twice the odds of perceived social isolation than those who spend half an hour or less a day on those sites.

While social media and smartphones can be a great tool for keeping in touch, they can also lead to social withdrawal, alienation, and shallow connections.

Online interactions are no substitute for in-person human contact, which is proven to release “happy” chemicals dopamine and oxytocin, and help lower cortisol, the main stress hormone.

Cost of Living

The rising cost of living may be to blame for reduced social interactions as young people can’t afford to indulge in recreational activities like they used to.

Some Aussies have reported they’re skipping dining out with friends to stay in and cook instead, while others can’t fit hosting friends at home into their budget anymore.

The cost of necessities like rent, groceries, and petrol have forced many young people to be more selective about the social events they attend. Unfortunately, social withdrawal can be a common side effect of increasing financial pressures.

Shallow Connections

Relationships Australia’s 2022 Relationship Indicators Survey revealed almost half (45.9%) of young people aged 18-24 reported feeling emotionally lonely.

Emotional loneliness is different to social loneliness. Social loneliness is the lack of a social network, while emotional loneliness refers to a lack of close emotional connection.

This speaks to the quality of relationships over the quantity.

Experts have found that you don’t have to be alone to experience loneliness, and too many surface-level interactions can make us feel lonely and misunderstood.

Social Scientist Kasley Killam explains:

“Loneliness can arise from not feeling seen, understood, or validated. It can come from spending time with people who don’t share your values or interests. It can also come from too many superficial interactions and not enough deeper connections.”

As teenagers and young adults mature and learn who they are, they might find themselves outgrowing their high school friendships and struggling to find people who really “get them” on a deeper level.

Spending time with surface-level friends may leave us feeling even more disconnected than if we’d stayed at home.

Hustle Culture

‘Hustle culture’ is the mindset that we should always be working hard to achieve success. It glorifies busyness and tells us our time’s wasted if we’re not using it to tick off our goals.

Productivity and success have become increasingly important values in recent society. This is especially reflected on social media, where influencers and our peers post their highlight reels of accomplishments and aspirational content.

It’s normal for young people to compare themselves to others and experience milestone anxiety as they enter adulthood. But the pressure to be productive and pursue success can push personal relationships down the list of priorities.

How can we overcome loneliness?

Research shows loneliness is just as bad for us as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s a major risk factor for mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, and it can even increase the risk of heart disease and stroke.

We can overcome loneliness with some effort and small changes, such as:

Schedule regular in-person catchups – Find low-effort, low-cost ways to catch up with your loved ones on a regular basis. Locking in a weekly boardgame night or afternoon walk as part of your routine is a great way to take away the mental load of organising your social calendar.
Join a social club or class outside the home – Get out of the house (and out of your comfort zone) by joining a social club or hobby group. Whether it’s a sports team, book club, or painting class, this is a fun way to engage in your interests and meet likeminded people.
Become friendly with your neighbours – It’s become less common for neighbours to know each other on a first-name basis. But something as simple as a friendly wave at the letter box or an introduction to break the ice can help increase the sense of community and safety on your street.
Make your errands a social event – If you struggle to schedule in dedicated social time around your busy life, why not invite a friend to join you on your errands? Catch up while grabbing your produce at the markets, washing your cars, hitting the gym, or studying at the library.
Save big news for in person – In a world where posting updates to social media takes precedence, it can be extra special to break big news to your loved ones face to face. This gives you an excuse to catch up and allows you to share your excitement in person, increasing those feel-good connection hormones.

If you need help nurturing your relationships or building the confidence to seek new ones, counselling can help.

You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

We offer advice to find deeper social connections in our blog post How to Find Your Tribe.

How to Talk to Kids About Separation

Posted on March 13, 2024December 12, 2024 by admin

Approaching the topic of separation with little ones can be overwhelming. The temptation can be to either delay sharing the news or to ‘rip the band-aid off’.

In many cases, it’s best to be open about the separation as soon as possible. Otherwise, children can often come up with their own explanations for the things they’ve noticed – and may even think they’ve done something wrong.

So what’s the best way to talk to kids about separation? There’s no definitive answer, and every family will be a little different. But with the right steps and considerations in place, you can have these conversations in the most positive means possible.

Listen to Your Child

You’ll probably feel like there’s a lot to discuss and a lot to organise when raising this topic. But information-dumping on your child can make them feel like they’re not allowed to express their feelings in these types of discussions.

Be mindful to give your child as many chances as possible to share what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling. Welcome questions and remind them they can ask any questions they might think of later. This will help set the foundation for a healthy, collaborative, and caring discussion.

Use Age-Appropriate Language

Explaining divorce to a child will vary significantly based on their age and development. For example, ‘coparenting’ is a term and concept most young children wouldn’t understand.

Try to find terms and phrases that fit their level of understanding and keep things clear and simple. You can see how certain phrases might be delivered differently to suit different ages in these general examples:

Speaking to Toddlers	Speaking to Teenagers
“One week you’ll stay at my home, and the next week, you’ll stay at your mummy’s/daddy’s home”.	“We’ll share custody as evenly as we can, so you’ll still get quality time with each of us between our two homes.”
“We won’t live together anymore, but we’ll always be a family. We both love you so much, and we’ll keep loving you no matter what.”	“Relationships can be complicated, but even if we’re not together anymore, nothing changes that you’re loved by both of us, and our relationship with you will always be our top priority.”

Naturally, the specific things you need to discuss will vary from family to family. But using developmentally appropriate language can help ensure there’s no misunderstanding or false expectations moving forward.

Cover the Logistics

The concept of separation can lead to a lot of questions for a child. If you’ve already arranged solutions with the other parent/party, you should try and inform your child of things like:

Where they’ll live with each party
How much time they’ll get with those they’ll want to see
Whether they’ll need to change schools or social activities
Anything that changes their routine due to new budgets or arrangements
Anything else the child has on their mind that may change as a result.

The more you can share with your child, the less room they’ll have to speculate or worry. Remember to keep things clear and direct, and encourage them to ask any questions.

Reassure Them

Separation and divorce can be a challenging time for kids of all ages. They can notice things in relationships and falsely assign causes, blame, and make other links that aren’t there. So while it might seem obvious to you that your child’s not to blame, it might not be as obvious to them.

Providing plenty of reassurance that it’s not their fault and everyone loves them can help reduce some of these anxieties and fears.

Look After Yourself

Separation can be emotionally and mentally taxing. It’s important to look after yourself for your own wellbeing and for the benefit of your whole family.

As they say on planes, you should put your own oxygen mask on first before helping those around you. With some appropriate self-care, you’ll be better placed to guide your child through this uncertain time.

If you need support navigating separation and reaching an agreement on parenting, property, financial, and personal issues, mediation or Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) can be a great option.

You can call us on 1300 364 277 for help finding the appropriate support for you.

For more advice, you might find our list of coparenting boundaries helpful.

How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health

Posted on September 4, 2023December 12, 2024 by admin

Parents and carers play an important role in promoting positive mental health and wellbeing in children.

Research shows approximately 1 in 7 children and adolescents aged 4–17 years in Australia experience mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.

With the prevalence of mental illness in our young ones, it’s never too early to start focusing on your child’s mental health.

Some factors that may impact a child or young person’s mental health include:

Family dynamics
A relationship breakup
Bullying and cyberbullying
Family history of mental illness
Low self-esteem and/or body image issues
Pressure around school, exams, and the future
Big life changes (e.g. parents separating, moving school or home)
Traumatic events (e.g. natural disaster, experiencing or witnessing abuse, losing someone close to them).

Adverse mental health can have a significant impact on a child’s development, learning, social inclusion, family life, and physical health.

We share some ways to help support your child’s mental health and how to spot the signs they may need some extra support.

Encourage open communication about feelings

Talking about feelings from a young age can help your child recognise and label their emotions – a powerful tool that can help them better understand and regulate them in healthy ways.

Encourage your child to share how they’re feeling and provide validation and support. Telling them to stop crying or to get over it can lead to feelings of shame around their emotions and teach them it’s not safe to express themselves around you.

Try to remember that your child isn’t giving you a hard time – they’re having a hard time.

Some validating statements might include:

“It’s OK to cry.”
“That sounds really stressful.”
“How can I help you feel better?”
“I understand why you’re upset.”
“I can see that made you feel sad.”
“What might make you feel better?”

Validating your child’s feelings will make them feel supported and strengthen the trust in your relationship.

It also tells them you’re a safe space and they can come to you when they’re having a hard time or need advice. This sets the foundation for a strong, close relationship as they grow into an adult.

Support a healthy lifestyle

Physical health and mental health are closely connected, and a healthy lifestyle and home environment can be a crucial foundation for positive mental health and wellbeing.

Some factors that can help support a healthy lifestyle include:

Getting enough sleep
Getting daily exercise
Eating a balanced diet
Spending time outdoors
Avoiding caffeine and substances
Spending time with friends and family
Doing the hobbies and activities they enjoy
Having time to rest and relax to balance school and other obligations.

It’s important to remember that different children have different needs. For example, one child may need quiet alone time to feel calm and happy, while another may prefer to spend time socialising.

Make the effort to learn what lifestyle factors and habits best support your child’s wellbeing, and pay attention to their moods and behaviours.

Model healthy coping skills

Do you find it hard to regulate your emotions sometimes? Imagine how much harder it can be for children.

One of the best ways to help kids deal with big feelings is to show them how you stay calm in stressful or upsetting situations yourself.

Modelling healthy coping strategies to your child from a young age teaches them that it’s OK to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and disappointed, but it’s important that we try to process and express these feelings in healthy ways.

This might look like:

Breathing exercises – “I’m feeling a bit stressed out because of all the traffic. I’m going to take three big, deep breaths to help me feel calm.”
Mindful walking – “I’ve had a big day today. I’m going to go for a quiet walk to clear my head.”
Journalling – “My mind feels a bit busy. I’m going to write down my worries to get them out of my head and help me make a plan.”
Dancing – “Dancing makes me happy, so I’m going to put on my favourite song and move my body to get some positive energy going.”
Walking away – “I’m feeling upset right now, so I’m going to walk away until I feel calm enough to talk about it respectfully.”

Your strategies may change based on your child’s age, but these are some examples of coping skills your child may be able to adopt for themselves.

Let them know they’re loved and supported

Positive words of affirmation can help increase your child’s confidence, build resilience, and encourage positive self-talk.

Remind them often that you love them, you’re proud of them, and you’re there for them.

Find specific qualities and personality traits to compliment. Whether it’s their big imagination, kindness, or sense of humour, calling out specific things you love about them will make them feel extra special and appreciated.

You can do this by telling them in person or getting creative with a surprise note in their lunchbox or on their pillow.

Keep an eye out for changes in behaviour

Paying close attention to your child’s moods and behaviours can help you pick up on cues they may be struggling mentally – whether they verbalise those feelings or not.

It’s important to remember not everyone who has anxiety will experience the same symptoms, but these are just some common symptoms of anxiety in children:

Crying often
Changes in eating
Using the toilet often
Difficulty concentrating
Irritability and outbursts
Rapid breathing or heartbeat
Being tired for no real reason
Restlessness, fidgeting, or shakiness
Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
Complaining of tummy aches and feeling sick
Being clingy or worrying about abandonment
Constantly worrying or having negative thoughts
Regression (denying ability to do tasks they normally can).

If you notice these signs in your child, it might help to seek professional support through your family doctor and/or a counsellor.

Our counsellors provide a safe and supportive space for children and families to explore their feelings and find healthy ways to cope.

Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services.

Kids Helpline provides 24/7 support for kids, teens, and young adults: 1800 55 1800.

If you found this advice helpful, you might enjoy our blog post on gentle parenting.

How to Talk to Kids About The Voice

Posted on August 10, 2023December 12, 2024 by admin

The upcoming Voice referendum and related First Nations issues have sparked conversations on TV, social media, and in our everyday lives.

Perhaps your child has approached you with curiosity and questions about The Voice or Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples. Or maybe you’re looking to introduce them to these important topics but aren’t sure where to start.

It’s never too early to teach children the true history and rich culture of our First Nations Peoples.

“It’s important to address these issues as First Nations issues are issues for all Australians to navigate,” says Kate Lloyd, RAQ Senior Clinical Supervisor.

But there are a few crucial things to keep in mind to ensure the conversation is age-appropriate and your child can engage in a meaningful way.

Kate offers some helpful guidance for parents and carers to talk to their kids about The Voice here.

Ask them what they know

Don’t assume your child’s existing level of knowledge – let them show you, tell you, and teach you their worldview.

Finding out what they already know or think about The Voice is a great place to start.

You might ask “What have you heard about The Voice to Parliament?” and then listen carefully to what they have to say, keeping an ear out for anything you’d like to explore further with them, and allowing this to guide the rest of your conversation.

Keep it age-appropriate

The best way to approach any serious conversation with a child is to tailor your language and details around their individual development and needs.

Use simple, clear language and consider whether certain details are appropriate for their age. For example, a 5-year-old may not understand the concept of racist microaggressions or may be scared by specific details of abuse.

Depending on your child’s age, you may even like to keep it light and fun with an activity that encourages your child to connect with First Nations culture.

Consider using age-appropriate resources such as the picture book ‘Finding Our Heart – A Story About The Uluru Statement for Young Australians’ read by Tony Armstrong for Play School Story Time in this video.

Former AFL star Adam Goodes has a collection of children’s books inviting kids to connect with First Nations culture, including ‘Somebody’s Land: Welcome to Our Country’.

You can also find photos and videos of children celebrating NAIDOC Week and National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Children’s Day around the country online. This is a great way to increase your child’s exposure to First Nations Peoples and culture among their peers.

Maintain an open dialogue

This shouldn’t be a one-and-done conversation. Encourage your child to ask questions and share their thoughts with you during the referendum debate and beyond.

Create a safe space for your child to feel free to share – even if their views and ideas are different to yours or others’.

Remember that it’s OK not to have all the answers. Work together on the unknowns and uncertainties, and seek trustworthy resources to fill the gaps. This is a great opportunity to increase your own knowledge and understanding of First Nations issues.

Reconciliation Australia and Multicultural Australia have some great credible resources on The Voice to Parliament.

Make respect a priority

Keep the safety and respect of First Nations Peoples top of mind however you intend to vote.

Your child will be far more influenced by a conversation with you than anything they see or hear from the media or a third party. So be sure to model respectful language and kindness, regardless of your beliefs.

We offer some practical ways to consider the safety and respect of First Nations Peoples leading up the referendum here.

Be aware of your own emotions and sensitive to your child’s

Opinions and feelings are strong on both sides of The Voice debate.

It’s important to know your own vulnerabilities and feelings around the topic so you can address and manage these before you approach a conversation with your child.

Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement and Cultural Advisor Aunty Debra Bennet reminds us: “Our children are precious.”

Be sensitive to your child’s feelings, and take breaks if you notice they’re experiencing strong emotions.

Support Services

We understand this topic may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available.

RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you.

For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter.

Kids Helpline provides 24/7 support to children and young people with phone counselling and webchat counselling: 1800 55 1800.

List of Coparenting Boundaries

Posted on March 7, 2023December 12, 2024 by admin

Coparenting with an ex-partner can be challenging, especially if the relationship ended on rocky terms.

It can help to determine some coparenting boundaries or rules to ensure your child’s best interests remain at the heart of everything you do.

In a coparenting situation, boundaries can protect parents and children against any bitterness or anger that may exist between you and your ex-partner.

This list of coparenting rules and boundaries can help you have a healthy relationship with your ex-partner that benefits your child and supports you to heal after the separation.

1. Make a plan of parenting responsibilities

Create a clear, detailed plan that defines what you and your ex-partner’s responsibilities will be as you coparent together. Defining expectations you both agree to will give your child more consistency and stability. Having a plan will also help you avoid arguments and confusion.

2. Stick to a coparenting schedule

Create a comprehensive custody schedule with no room for misunderstandings. The plan should detail date and time of exchanges as well as holidays and important events. The schedule should be written with your child’s school and extracurricular priorities as the focus.

Respect the coparenting schedule by arriving on time to exchanges, letting the other parent know about changes, and modifying the schedule if necessary.

3. Keep it professional

It might be awkward at first, but treating your ex-partner like a business partner may minimise drama and arguments. Focus on working together respectfully for your child.

You should communicate with your ex-partner like you would with a colleague. Remain professional, respectful, and friendly. Keep out intimate details of your personal life, don’t let your emotions take over, and try to handle any disagreements away from your child.

4. Communicate effectively

It’s important to establish expectations of communication. You can use an app like TalkingParents exclusively for communication with your coparent. When using an app like this, you can reserve texts and calls for emergencies only.

You should also detail what you’ll talk about in your communication – and what you won’t talk about. Keep communication child-focused.

To curb conflict with your coparent, practise accountable and solutions-based communication. Some effective methods of healthy communication include using “I” statements instead of accusing, and offering solutions instead of arguing. For example, “I notice you’re usually running behind to Sunday pick-ups, should we change the schedule to meet 15 minutes later?”

5. Keep your personal lives private

Again, stick to keeping it professional and communicating effectively.

While coparenting is for the benefit of your child, it’s normal to grieve the separation from your ex-partner as you adjust to this new normal. An important step in healing is to move on and protect your new life.

Set strict boundaries of what you will and won’t discuss with your ex-partner. It’s wise to not snoop into your ex-partner’s personal life either, as this may hurt your feelings and hinder the process of moving on.

6. Be supportive of your ex-partner’s role as your coparent

Ultimately, coparenting is for the benefit of your child. Having a healthy coparenting relationship will be better for your child’s mental health, academic performance, and overall upbringing.

Encourage your coparent. Be friendly when you attend your child’s school events together, thank them for being on time to pick-ups and drop-offs, and don’t badmouth them in front of your child.

Are you having a difficult time navigating coparenting? We offer more tips in our blog post How to Make Joint Custody Work.

RAQ offers individual and couples counselling as well as mediation services for families experiencing separation.

To find out what services might suit you, please call us on 1300 364 277 between 8am-8pm Monday-Friday or 10am-4pm Saturday.

How to be a Good Father after Divorce

Posted on March 1, 2023December 12, 2024 by admin

It’s normal to worry about your relationship with your kids after a divorce or separation – especially if you’ll be spending less time with them.

This can be a very challenging time for children, whatever their age. It can take time to adjust to a new routine of moving back and forth between parents.

While all this change can be hard on everyone, it’s important to focus on your kids’ needs every step of the way.

We hope this advice helps you navigate coparenting and fatherhood after separation.

Manage Your Own Feelings

Separation can bring up a lot of difficult feelings, especially when kids are involved. Anger, disappointment, and guilt are all common emotions following a relationship breakdown.

It’s crucial that you manage any negative feelings toward your coparent and the situation to avoid projecting them onto your children.

You want them to grow up in a safe and supportive environment, not around parents who outwardly dislike each other or hold onto resentments.

If you’re feeling hurt, angry, or anxious, lean on your support networks and talk to someone you trust.

It can also be helpful to speak to a professional counsellor. Counselling is a safe and confidential environment for you to get things off your chest and find healthy ways to cope.

Working through your emotions will help you heal and be the happiest and healthiest version of you, and in turn, the best dad you can be for your kids.

Don’t Play Favourites

The last thing kids want when their parents break up is to feel like they have to pick a side.

Kids should be supported to maintain a positive relationship with both parents. Turning it into a competition to be the ‘favourite’ is unhealthy and uncomfortable for everyone.

Even if you have some negative feelings toward your ex, it’s important to remain respectful when your child is around and support their relationship with each other.

And remember, it’s normal for kids to miss one parent when they’re with the other. Try not to take this personally – they very likely miss you when you’re apart too! Don’t guilt your child for wanting to spend time with their other parent, and don’t take this out on your coparent.

If you’re having a hard time feeling like your child prefers their other parent, the advice in this blog post might help: When Your Child Favours Their Other Parent after Divorce.

Make Your Home Feel Like Their Home

Even if your kids only visit every second weekend, remember that they aren’t visitors – they live with you. Your home is their home, and they should feel safe and comfortable whenever they’re with you.

Create a space that feels warm and inviting, and make sure their rooms have all the necessities as well as personal touches to make them smile.

It can help to involve them in the decorating process so they have a sense of control over their new room and look forward to spending time there. This could be a fun bonding exercise and put a positive and exciting spin on having a second bedroom.

Make the Most of Your Time Together

One of the best ways to be a good dad is to really be present and engaged with your kids.

Quality time means giving them your full attention and making an effort to get to know them. Ask them about their interests and ideas without the TV or your phone distracting you.

Kids need plenty of reassurance from their parents following a separation, so be sure to give them plenty of hugs and positive affirmation such as:

I love you
I will always be here for you
I love spending time with you
Playing with you is my favourite part of the week
I’m always thinking of you, even when we’re apart.

How you interact with your kids now will set the foundation for your relationship into the future. Remember that only you are responsible for your relationship with them, and show them how important they are by really making the most of your time together.

Pay Attention to Their Behaviour

Separation and divorce can be a difficult and traumatic time for kids of any age. It’s important that you keep an eye out for any concerning changes in behaviour that might indicate they need further support.

Some signs your kids might be struggling include:

More frequent crying
Increased fear of things
Changes in sleep or appetite
Increased fear of abandonment
Increased irritability and outbursts
Clinging to caregivers more than usual
Complaints of headaches or tummy aches
Misbehaving or declining grades in school
Regressing to younger behaviours (e.g. thumb sucking).

If you think your child is having a hard time coping with your separation or divorce, you should talk to the other adults in their life to let them know. This might include their coparent and grandparents (if safe to do so), teachers, and any other babysitters or carers concerned.

It’s important that everyone around them is looking out for them and doing what they can to support them during this difficult time. If you think they need extra support to work through things, help is available.

RAQ offers counselling for individuals, couples, and families in a safe and non-judgemental environment. We can also refer you to child-specific services like Headspace and Kids Helpline if needed.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

We offer more helpful advice in this blog post: Tips for Separating with Kids

When Your Child Favours Their Other Parent after Divorce

Posted on January 18, 2023December 12, 2024 by admin

Separation and divorce can be challenging and confusing for children.

This dramatic change to the family dynamic and routine can bring a lost sense of safety and stability.

It can take time to adjust to moving back and forth between their parents, and it’s normal for a child to miss one parent while they’re with the other.

They may even seemingly favour one parent following a separation. Perhaps they feel more comfortable with mum, or maybe they have more fun with dad. This favouritism is often temporary, and they may even switch between which parent they prefer from week to week.

While it can be hurtful to feel like your child favours the other parent, it’s important to manage your feelings and prioritise your child’s needs every step of the way.

We offer advice to navigate this situation while keeping your child’s best interests at heart.

Don’t guilt your child

Children should be encouraged to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents following a separation.

Don’t make them feel guilty for wanting to spend time with the other parent, and don’t pressure them to choose a side. It’s normal to feel hurt if they seem to prefer the other parent, but it’s not OK to guilt your child for it.

Saying things like “That hurts mummy’s feelings” or “Don’t you love your daddy anymore?” can make them feel like they’ve done something wrong and exacerbate negative feelings.

Remember that your child is dealing with their own big emotions right now, and your emotions are your own responsibility. It’s not your child’s job to make you feel better – it’s your job to support them emotionally.

If you’re struggling, find healthier ways to cope such as talking to a trusted friend or professional counsellor.

Look for the message

It’s important to remember that it’s normal for children to go through phases of favouring one parent over the other throughout their lives – especially during the younger years.

They might request a specific parent to read their bedtime story, or bond more with a parent that shares their interest in a sport or hobby. It isn’t necessarily a reflection on you or an indication that you need to change.

But in some cases, it can be an opportunity for reflection. Ask yourself what this might mean about your own relationship and how you can improve as a parent. Do you talk and play with them without distractions? Do you listen with patience and understanding? Do you say “I love you” often?

Play to your strengths, stay positive, and focus your energy on nurturing your own relationship with your child and supporting them through these scary changes.

Don’t take it out on your ex

Your relationship with your child is your responsibility and should be your main focus as you create new routines.

Getting upset with your ex or turning it into a competition to be the ‘favourite’ isn’t helpful or healthy for anyone. The same goes for badmouthing them around your child.

Even if you have some negative feelings toward your ex, it’s important to remain respectful when your child is around.

Seek professional support

Talking to a counsellor in a non-judgemental environment can help you explore your feelings and concerns and find healthy coping strategies.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

We offer more advice for parents here: Tips for Separating with Kids.

Young People and Gambling

Posted on April 7, 2022December 12, 2024 by admin

Technology has changed the way we gamble, making it more accessible and convenient.

Mobile phone users can access online gambling websites and apps at the touch of a button – any time, anywhere. We’re seeing betting ads on billboards, TV, websites, and even social media apps.

Gambling is engrained in Australian culture, and it’s generally accepted and normalised.

Unfortunately, this easy access and regular advertising means our young people have more exposure to gambling than ever before – and it may seem like an appealing activity to some teens and youth.

According to a recent study, the key influences on youth gambling (aged 12-17) include parents/guardians, peers, and advertising.

“Playing around with gambling and betting is part of this natural exploration of risk-taking, and it’s not just exclusive to young people who are over 18,” Belinda from Headspace Gold Coast explains.

“As a community, we don’t always see the small elements of gambling-like behaviours we unconsciously normalise and expose children to regularly – such as acknowledging Melbourne Cup Day in schools.”

We explore the rates of youth gambling in Australia and what we as parents and a community can do to reduce the risk of gambling harm in our children and young people.

Troubling Numbers

Research has demonstrated that gambling exposure, and particularly the promotion of gambling, may have a significant impact in shaping young people’s positive attitudes towards gambling.

More troubling findings include:

The average young person spends at least 3-4 hours a day on some sort of online activity
1 in 5 adults with gambling problems started gambling before they were 18
The average age a young person gambles for the first time is 11 years old
1 in 5 adolescents play casino games
Up to 20% of young Australians aged 15-17 have bet on sports in the last 12 months
In 2015, the gambling industry spent $236 million nationally on advertisement.

Advice for Parents

Gambling-related harm and risks may not be a common conversation parents and guardians have with their children like other youth issues.

But it’s important to provide a safe space for healthy communication around gambling and problem gambling from a young age as it becomes more prevalent among our youth.

“Gambling can be a hidden, dirty word when it comes to recognising that young people under 18 engage in it,” says Belinda.

“But pushing gambling behaviours and related harm under the rug only further negatively impacts young people. It excludes young people from the conversation of gambling harm and discourages early help-seeking.”

Not sure how to start the conversation? We hope these tips help.

Be honest about the odds of winning

Explore and discuss the odds of winning and help them understand the probability of losing.

Have a conversation about risks. We all take risks in life – and maybe more so during our adolescence. Explore the risks and potential consequences of losing when gambling.

Set boundaries and limitations

It’s not uncommon for young people to experiment with risky pursuits and push boundaries. Establishing boundaries, limitations, and expectations can help form healthy behaviours and understanding about the consequences of underage gambling.

Lead by example

Gambling is often a social activity within families of young people who gamble. Young people will pay close attention to the attitudes and behaviours of parents and other adults in their lives. Be mindful of your language and behaviour around gambling and set an example of safe gambling.

Where to Get Support

Relationships Australia and Headspace have teamed up to collaborate with support and advocacy efforts in the youth gambling space.

We work in local communities to start the conversation around young people and gambling, educate the community on how to detect problems associated with gambling, and where to find the appropriate support services.

If you or someone you know is experiencing problems with gambling, free, confidential, and culturally appropriate help is available. You can talk to a counsellor by calling the 24/7 helpline on 1800 858 858.

Or you can contact the Headspace national head office on (03) 9027 0100 to find your local centre. Headspace is committed to providing the best possible service to young people.

Child Inclusive Mediation: What is it and when is it a good idea?

Posted on September 27, 2021December 12, 2024 by admin

Written by Karen Marshall – Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor

After separating, some parents may disagree about how they will parent their children. They may debate about how much time the children will spend with each parent, forms of discipline, or schooling and care arrangements.

Mediation services can help parents resolve these disputes and agree on child arrangements, while keeping the best interests of children in mind.

In this article, Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor Karen Marshall explains what ‘Child Inclusive Mediation’ is and when it might be useful.

What is Child Inclusive Mediation?

Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) encourages the safe and indirect involvement of children in the mediation process, facilitated by a trained child specialist.

The purpose is to support both parents/carers to resolve their disputes, while keeping their child’s needs and interests as their key priority.

Parents who are undertaking face-to-face mediation can agree to have a Child Consultant spend time with their child ahead of that mediation. The Child Consultant will then join the parents’ mediation process to represent the concerns and priorities of the child in that process.

The Child Consultant is a specially trained practitioner and uses specific tools to gain a genuine understanding of the child or young person and their needs.

In their sessions, they explore a range of topics, such as:

How the young person feels when they see/hear their parents arguing or saying unkind things about each other
How they feel about being ‘messengers’ between parents
How they feel about siblings, school, or friendships
Things they are worried about, excited about, or hoping for
The strengths in their family
Areas in their family they wish were different.

On the day of the Child Session, it is made clear to the child that they are “the boss” of the session. They can share as much or as little as they wish, and the Child Consultant will confirm with them what information they can share with the child’s parents.

The child is told that their parents have been asked not to ask the child questions after the session – but that they can tell their parent anything they would like to share about their time with the Child Consultant.

If there are any risks for the child identified in any of these processes, they will be carefully managed by the practitioners involved.

Child Inclusive Mediation in high-conflict cases

In the past, Child Inclusive Mediation was not offered to families in high-conflict situations, but this is no longer the case. No matter the circumstances, preparation for the process is crucial. Before a Child Inclusive Mediation is offered, much work will have been done with the parents/carers in preparation for the process.

This might involve multiple sessions with the parents including intakes, education sessions, Parent Sessions with the Child Consultant, Family Law Counselling, attendance at the Parenting Orders Program, or an individual session with a practitioner. Parents/carers may even attend a mediation session to determine whether it is the best option for their child/ren.

Ultimately, a question we would ask ourselves is: Can these two people put their own conflict aside for the sake of their children and really listen to their children’s voices?

If parents are willing to put conflict aside and do the necessary preparation, Child Inclusive Mediation can be transformative for everyone.

When is Child Inclusive Mediation suitable?

Child Inclusive Mediation is not for everyone. At Relationships Australia Queensland, we undertake a careful assessment to determine whether Child Inclusive Mediation is a safe and appropriate option for the child/ren involved.

You can learn more about our Child Consultancy Service here, or call 1300 364 277 for more information. Our practitioners explain the benefits of mediation and what to expect in a session in this blog post.

Karen Marshall is a Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor. She has had extensive experience working in a number of Programs including working with children and families who are under orders with Child Safety, and families experiencing family breakdown and the complexities of separation. Outside of RAQ Karen works in private practice as a Psychologist, Child Consultant, Relationship Counsellor and Supervisor. She also provides Supervision for Psychology Registrants. Karen has written Curriculum on Supervision for the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement.

Karen has worked for Relationships Australia since April 2008, first as a Child Consultant and FDRP and later she combined these roles with Supervision. Since 2015 Karen has worked solely as a Clinical Supervisor in the Organisation across multiple Programs and Venues.

Karen’s passion for Supervision is matched by her passion for giving voice to vulnerable people – particularly the youngest and oldest in our Community. This has led to her involvement as both a Committee member and Speaker at four of the last national Child Inclusive Practice Forums which are held bi-annually. This passion for giving voice has been at the heart of Karen’s work for RAQ.

How to Tell a Child about the Death of a Grandparent

Posted on June 24, 2021December 12, 2024 by admin

Death is a part of life we all learn about at some point. The passing of a loved one can be a scary and uncertain time for everyone – especially children.

Whether it’s sudden or expected, it’s never easy to talk about death, and it can be hard to know where to start when breaking the news to kids.

We hope this advice helps you have this tough conversation with your child.

Use simple language

Use age-appropriate and clear language when talking about death. Using complicated metaphors or vague phrases like “no longer with us” and “in a better place” can be confusing for kids.

Keep it simple and clear, and don’t dance around the word “death” or “died”. Telling the truth as early as possible is best to help your child make sense of what’s happened.

Talk about your feelings

Being open and honest about how you feel can help your child accept their own emotions as ‘normal’. Don’t be afraid to let your child see you cry and tell them you feel sad, angry or confused. You might even like to print out a feelings chart to help them name and understand their emotions.

Letting your child see how you cope with big feelings can help them deal with their own.

Listen and offer comfort

Encourage your child to ask any questions, and check in regularly to see how they’re going. Accept and normalise your child’s emotional responses, and let them know you’re always there if they need to talk.

It can also help to let other adults in their life know what’s happened, such as their teacher or friends’ parents. This way, they can keep an eye out for any behaviour that may be concerning.

We list some common signs of anxiety in children in this blog post.

Tell them what to expect

Unpredictability can be a serious stressor for children. It can help to give them a heads up of what’s to come following the death of a loved one.

For example, you might explain what happens at a funeral and mention general grieving processes such as people saying sorry and hugging a lot. Tell them that it’s normal to miss that person and for sad feelings to come and go for a long time.

If you or your child need some extra support coping after the death of a loved one, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video.

Quick Exit