Category: Domestic & Family Violence

Is someone you know experiencing abuse in their relationship?

It’s hard to see someone you care about in an unhealthy relationship, but it can also be hard to know how to help or if you should get involved at all.

While you can’t magically fix the situation, you can help them feel supported and less alone.

We spoke to Family and Relationship Counsellor Shirley Hussie to offer some advice to help someone in an abusive relationship.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 000.

 

Create a safe space to talk

Offering an empathetic ear can make all the difference for someone struggling.

Find the right time to check in and ask how they’re doing. This should be when you’re in a quiet, private environment. It can help to ease into the topic by raising it after some initial chitchat.

It can be very hard for survivors to talk about their abuse as they may feel embarrassed and ashamed. You want them to feel comfortable discussing their situation with you, and they may shut down if you come across as preachy or judgemental.

“Listen to their story without judgement,” Shirley advises. “Get curious without judgement, and have no judgement around the decisions they make.”

Shirley also suggests discussing the different types of domestic violence and controlling behaviours with your loved one.

“Share stories to invoke insight and awareness around what abusive behaviour looks like. Abuse isn’t just physical.”

Remember they may not want to share certain details, or they may want to skip the chat entirely. Respect their boundaries and comfort and let them know you’re there whenever they need to talk.
 

Don’t pressure them to leave

It’s normal to want your loved one out of a dangerous situation and on a happier, healthier path. But pressuring them to leave their partner can make them feel worse during an already difficult time. It may even damage their trust in you and prevent them from opening up in future.

“They may already feel worthless and powerless, and putting pressure on them may make them feel ashamed, guilty, inadequate, and even more powerless to initiate change,” Shirley explains.

Abusive relationships are complicated, and leaving isn’t always easy. The most dangerous time for a survivor is often right after they’ve left their abuser.

“There can be a huge amount of fear attached to leaving, and it takes a great deal of courage to leave. That courage has to be built into the survivor’s belief system,” Shirley explains.

“Let them know that you love and care about them and their safety, and you’ll support them with whatever decision they make.”

 

Keep offering support

Gently and consistently check in on them to stay up to date with their situation and how they’re feeling. Some abusive and controlling partners make it difficult for survivors to keep in touch with friends and family, so be patient and understanding if they’re not always as responsive as you’d like.

Ask how you can help and suggest different ways you can support them, such as assisting with a safety plan and offering them a safe place to stay if they need it.

“Share information with them in a way that will not put them at risk,” Shirley advises. “For example, don’t give them support service pamphlets if there’s any chance the abuser will find them.”

Relevant support contacts might include:

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DV Connect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DV Connect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

 

Our support services

There is still hope for some unhealthy relationships. If your loved one doesn’t know whether their relationship is abusive or toxic, they don’t need to have the answers.

Our counsellors can help individuals and couples work through their relationship problems. Counselling appointments can be booked by calling 1300 364 277.

You can learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention services here.

Relationships Australia Queensland CEO Ian Law shares a message ahead of Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month 2022.

 

Each May, Queensland acknowledges Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month (DFVP Month).

DFVP Month raises awareness of domestic and family violence (DFV) and sends a clear message that DFV in families and homes will not be tolerated.

Data from the Queensland Government shows Queensland has experienced a 17% increase in domestic violence offences since the COVID-19 pandemic. Men’s violence against women continues to be an issue in Queensland and all of Australia.

DFV has devastating impacts on individuals, families, and the community, and addressing it is everyone’s responsibility.

Everyone has the right to feel safe and free from abuse in their home and relationships – whether that abuse is physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, social, or any other behaviour that is controlling or coercive.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic and family violence or feeling unsafe at home, help is available – online, over the phone, and in person.

Relationships Australia Queensland offers a comprehensive range of counselling and support services for people affected by domestic and family violence, and those who use power and control within their families.

You can learn more about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention services here, or call 1300 364 277 for help finding the right support for your situation.

No one deserves to live with abuse. But if you’re a victim of domestic and family violence, you know that leaving the relationship isn’t as simple as it sounds.

It’s not always safe to leave an abusive relationship. In fact, the time leading up to and just after leaving is often the most dangerous for a victim of abuse. Telling the abuser the relationship is over can lead to an increase in violence.

It’s also important to remember that on average, it can take seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship before getting out for good.

If you’re considering whether to stay or go, you might be feeling confused and torn about your decision. You might be hoping your partner will change, or maybe you’re worried about how they will react if you try to leave.

These are normal concerns that can keep victims in abusive relationships. But while it can be easy to feel trapped by these feelings, your safety is the only thing that matters.

Here are some suggestions to consider if you’re thinking about leaving an abusive relationship.

 

Create a support network

Many people experiencing domestic and family violence feel embarrassed or ashamed about their situation. They may not want their friends and family to know about the abuse.

But it’s important to confide in at least one person so they can provide support and potentially be a witness. You don’t have to cope on your own, and help from a loved one can make things a little easier.

There are also services out there to support you. Finding one that meets your needs can be very helpful during this time.

 

Organise a code word

Create a code word or signal with your children, neighbour, friends, family or colleague that means you’re in danger and they should call the police. This could be anything from a hand gesture to a particular word or even an emoji.

 

Gather evidence

Try to keep a record of the abuse somewhere secret. This may be helpful if you choose to press charges in the future. If you can, take photos of physical evidence of violence, such as bruises and cuts, or holes in walls.

 

Find local support services

Research support services that might be able to help you if you choose to leave. This might include emergency housing, counselling, and free legal advice. Keep these contacts somewhere safe, or ask a trusted friend to hold onto them for you.

Relationships Australia QLD can help you find relevant support services in your area. Call us on 1300 364 277 for advice and referrals.

 

Make an escape plan

Leaving an abusive relationship often takes a lot of planning, courage and support. Having an escape plan prepared in advance can help you leave quickly if things become unsafe.

Your escape plan should include the who, what, where, when and how. How would you leave the home? When would be the safest time to do so? Where would you go? Who would be involved?

It can help to create your plan with a friend so they know how they can help. For example, you might plan to call them with your code word and have them pick you up from behind your house. It can also help to practise your escape plan so you know exactly what you’d do.

If children are involved, it’s important to think about how to safely include them in the escape plan, or if they should develop their own.

We talk more about how to make a domestic violence escape plan in this blog post.

 

Have a ‘go bag’ ready

A ‘go bag’ or escape bag should contain essentials you’ll need to take with you if you have to leave in a hurry. If you can’t keep this bag hidden at home, ask a loved one or neighbour to hold onto it for you.

Your go bag might contain:

• Money
• Spare keys
• Phone charger
• Clothes for you and children (if applicable)
• Essential toiletries (e.g. toothpaste, toothbrush, sanitary items)
• Medications and prescriptions
• Passport and licence (or copies)
• Contact numbers (e.g. friends, family, support services)
• Copies of important documents (e.g. birth certificates)

If you need support making a safety plan or escape bag checklist, call us on 1300 364 277.

 

Protect your privacy online

Some perpetrators of domestic and family abuse will use technology and the internet to continue to stalk, harass, and abuse their victim once they’ve left the relationship.

You can protect your online safety with these tips:

• Disable location services on your phone and computer
• Ensure your social media accounts are set to ‘private’
• Don’t ‘check in’ to places and venues on social media
• Avoid downloading apps that track your location or contacts
• Enable Bluetooth only when needed and ‘remove’ paired devices when you’re not using them
• Avoid posting content online that may put you or your children at risk, such as revealing where you go and what you do together.

Learn more in our article Keeping Yourself Safe Online.

 

Helpful Contacts

If you or someone you know is living with domestic and family violence, help is available. You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

It can be devastating to see a loved one in an unsafe relationship. It can also be difficult for an outsider to understand why a victim of domestic and family violence doesn’t leave the relationship.

Abusive relationships can be complicated – especially if kids are involved. It’s not always safe for a victim to leave their abuser.

In fact, the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic abuse is right after they’ve left their abuser. They can put themselves and their children at serious risk.

It can take a lot of time, planning, support, and courage for someone to escape an abusive relationship. And even if someone does choose to leave, there’s a chance they may return.

On average, it takes someone seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship before they get out for good.

It’s important to keep this in mind if you’re upset with yourself for returning, or if you’re becoming frustrated with the ‘back and forth’ of someone you know who is living with abuse. With continued patience and support, the victim may grow more confident in their decision to leave.

There are many reasons why someone might stay in an abusive relationship, such as:

• They may be embarrassed or ashamed to tell friends/family about the abuse
• They and their children may depend on their partner financially
• They may have a disability and depend on their partner physically
• They may be afraid of coping on their own
• They may blame themselves for the abuse
• They may have damaged self-worth and think they deserve the abuse
• They may have grown up witnessing abuse and thinking it’s normal
• They may have emotional ties to the abuser and hope the abuser will change
• They may be worried about where they and their kids will live
• They may not know their legal rights
• They may be worried about child custody arrangements
• They may want their children to grow up with both parents
• They may be receiving pressure from their family or community to stay in the relationship
• They may not know about the available support and resources that can help
• They may be afraid their abuser will become violent toward them, their kids or their pets if they try to leave.

These are just some of the reasons someone might stay in an abusive relationship. It’s important to remember that it’s not always safe for someone to leave their abuser.

If you know someone living with domestic violence, avoid passing judgement or pressuring them to leave. You can provide support by letting them know you’re there for them, checking in on them regularly, and offering a safe place for them to stay if they do choose to leave.

Discover more ways to help someone living with domestic and family violence in this blog post.

 

Where to Get Support

If you or someone you know is living with domestic and family violence, help is available. You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Symptoms associated with children’s exposure to violence can be hard to spot. Child abuse and neglect isn’t just about bruises and other visible marks. Nonphysical abuse can be just as damaging for a child, as can witnessing abuse between other members of the home.

Experiencing and/or witnessing domestic and family abuse can seriously harm a child’s health, development and dignity. Every child from an abusive home is abused, whether the abuse is directly targeted at them or not.

RAQ Clinical Supervisor Karen Marshall explains, “Friction or conflict between parents/caregivers can contribute considerably to anxiety in children.”

We list some of the signs of domestic violence in children of all ages and how to report child abuse here.

It’s important to remember that all children and young people develop differently and may display one or all of the following signs without being exposed to domestic abuse. Some may have other reasons for these behaviours, and for some, there will be no reason at all.

It’s also important to note that not all children in an abusive home environment will necessarily show all or any of these signs. This is why some cases of child abuse can go undetected.

Call 000 if you believe a child is in immediate danger or in a life-threatening situation.

 

Infants

• Irritability
• Crying
• Frequently ill
• Poor muscle tone or prominent joints/bones
• Poor hygiene
• Difficulty sleeping and/or staying asleep

 

Toddlers

• Aggression
• Withdrawal
• Delayed development
• Poor motor skills
• Poor hygiene
• Anxiety/fearfulness
• Stomach aches and headaches
• Nightmares
• Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep
• Lack of bladder/bowel control
• Lack of confidence to try new things

 

School Age

• Aggression/bullying
• Anxiety/fearfulness
• Poor hygiene
• Stomach aches/digestive problems
• Headaches
• Nightmares
• Lack of bowel/bladder control
• Poor grades
• Low self-esteem
• Poor social skills
• Fear of abandonment
• Frequent illness
• Frequently missing school

 

Teenagers

• Withdrawal/isolation
• Nightmares
• Lack of bowel/bladder control
• Poor grades
• Headaches and ulcers
• Violent outbursts
• Property destruction
• Frequently missing school
• Frequently running away
• Difficulty expressing feelings
• Avoids bringing friends home
• Low self-esteem

 

How to Report Child Abuse

Call 000 if you believe a child is in immediate danger or in a life-threatening situation.

If you suspect a child is experiencing or at risk of abuse in Queensland, contact:

• A Regional Intake Service (Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm)
• The Child Safety After-Hours Service Centre: 1800 177 135

If the child is outside Queensland, please contact the relevant state or territory agency.

When reporting concerns for a child’s safety, you’ll be asked to provide information to help officers determine how best to respond. You should still call even if you don’t have all the information.

The information includes:

• Details about the child or young person (e.g. name, age, address)
• Details about the parents/caregivers/other relevant persons
• Reasons you suspect the child may have experienced or is at risk of experiencing harm
• Whether or not they have support
• The immediate risk to the child or young person
• Contact details for the family.

You have the option to make the report anonymously. If you wish to provide your details, rest assured they are kept confidential.

Learn more about how to report child abuse in Queensland here.

You can call Relationships Australia QLD on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support or contacts, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

The signs of an abusive relationship aren’t always obvious.

Some people might live in an unhealthy or abusive relationship and not realise they’re experiencing domestic abuse. This is because some types of domestic abuse – such as emotional and psychological abuse – can be more subtle than others.

Knowing the signs of an abusive relationship can help you know when to seek support for yourself and keep an eye out for the people around you.

In this blog post, we’ll look at:

• Signs your relationship is unhealthy or abusive
• Signs your relationship might become physically abusive
• Signs someone you know might be in an abusive relationship
• Where to get help if you or someone you know is living with abuse.

 

Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship

Some signs of an abusive relationship are harder to spot than others. It’s important to remember that not all domestic and family abuse is physical, and all forms of abuse can be just as dangerous and damaging to a victim.

If you recognise any of these signs, you might be in an abusive relationship.

• Your partner makes you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family
• Your partner always wants to know where you are and who you’re with
• Your partner comments on what you should and shouldn’t wear
• Your partner reads your texts or emails without your permission
• Your partner puts you down or criticises you
• Your partner yells or swears at you
• Your partner constantly accuses you of cheating
• Your partner ignores your needs
• You don’t feel safe raising issues with your partner
• You feel like you have to tiptoe or ‘walk on eggshells’ around your partner
• You feel like you have to ignore your own needs to keep your partner happy or calm
• Your partner blames you for all the problems in the relationship
• Your partner makes fun of you in public or private, even “as a joke”
• Your partner threatens harm to you, your children or your pets
• Your partner discourages you from having relationships and hobbies outside the home
• You feel scared of what your partner will do if you leave them
• You feel like you can’t be yourself around your partner
• You don’t feel safe around your partner.

 

Warning Signs of a Physically Abusive Relationship

These are some early signs of a physically abusive relationship. If you recognise these signs in your relationship, it might indicate that your partner may become physically violent in the future.

It’s important to remember that these are abusive behaviours and are all forms of domestic and family abuse. Even if your partner doesn’t use physical violence, these behaviours are still not acceptable.

• They’re excessively jealous and/or possessive
• They want to know where you are at all times
• They constantly check in on you via text or call when you’re apart
• They control who you can and can’t contact or see
• They control how you dress and/or groom yourself
• They withhold money and/or dictate how you can spend money
• They blame you for all the problems in the relationship
• They believe in rigid gender roles (e.g. man who expects woman to cook and clean)
• They yell and/or use disrespectful language (e.g. swearing, insults)
• They put you down and belittle you
• They constantly criticise how you do things
• They make fun of you around others “as a joke”
• They pressure you into sex or sexual acts
• They throw things or punch walls when angry
• They threaten to hurt you, your children or your pets
• They make you feel unsafe.

 

Signs Someone Might be in an Abusive Relationship

Are you worried someone you know might be in a violent or abusive relationship? These are some common signs that might indicate someone is experiencing domestic and family violence or abuse.

• They’ve started to abruptly cancel plans
• They’re less social than they used to be
• They’re less active on social media than they used to be
• They’re less responsive to texts/calls than they used to be
• They’re noticeably less confident and happy
• They never have money to go out for coffee/a meal/drinks
• They seem distracted or preoccupied
• They avoid talking about their partner and/or relationship
• They often look tired or like they’ve just been crying
• Their partner is constantly checking in on them via text or calls when they’re apart
• They’ve started dressing and/or grooming themselves differently
• They seem nervous or act different around their partner
• Their behaviour and/or body language changes around their partner
• Their partner puts them down in front of you, even “as a joke”
• They have unexplained bruises, cuts, or injuries
• They wear long clothes in warm weather (potentially hiding bruises/cuts/injuries).

We offer some advice if you think your friend is in an abusive relationship in this blog post.

 

Get Support

If you or someone you know is living with any type of domestic and family violence or abuse, help is available.

You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

 

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Not all domestic abuse is physical, and some types of abuse can be hard to recognise. In fact, some people can live in an abusive relationship for years and not realise they’re experiencing abuse.

Coercive control is a type of domestic abuse that can be harder to identify than some other types of abuse. It refers to a pattern of behaviours used by an abuser to control their partner and create an uneven power dynamic.

Coercive control generally involves manipulation and intimidation to make a victim scared, isolated, and dependent on the abuser.

You may have heard this term in the news and media a lot recently. This is because there has been a push to make coercive control illegal under reforms to domestic violence laws across Australia. The Queensland Government is set to criminalise coercive control in the state by 2025.

In this blog post, we’ll explore some examples of coercive control and how you can get help if you live with domestic and family abuse of any kind.

 

Examples of Coercive Control

These are just some common ways coercive control might be used in an intimate relationship.

Isolating from friends and family

A controlling person or abuser may try to get their partner to reduce or cut contact with their support network. Keeping them away from family and friends can make the victim easier to control.

The abuser might try to prevent them from going to social events or being alone with their support network in case they talk about issues in the relationship while the abuser isn’t around. The abuser may also prevent them from going to work or school.

Monitoring activity

This might involve wanting to know where the victim is and who they’re with at all times, or calling and texting excessively when apart. It also includes reading emails, texts, and social media messages without the victim’s permission.

Extreme cases might involve placing cameras or recording devices in the victim’s home or car, or tracking them with GPS and spy software. This is also considered stalking and harassment.

Restricting autonomy

The abuser’s main goal is to take the victim’s freedom and independence away from them. They might do this by removing or restricting the victim’s access to a vehicle or public transport, hiding their devices, or changing passwords on their devices and online accounts.

Controlling the body

It’s common for a controlling partner to not only want to control how their victim behaves, but also how they look. They might dictate what the victim can and can’t wear, what they eat and drink, how they groom and present themselves, and how often they exercise.

They might even comment on how much or little the victim sleeps or whether they should seek medical care or not.

Degradation

The abuser will aim to damage the victim’s self-esteem in order to gain control over them and prevent them from leaving the relationship.

Abusers might call their victim names, insult them, constantly criticise how they do things, bully and belittle them. They might also put them down in front of others but pass it off as “only joking”. Over time, even small jabs will eat away at the victim’s self-worth.

Financial control

Coercive control can involve financial abuse, where the abuser withholds or limits access to money. They might provide the victim with an ‘allowance’ and/or control how money can be spent.

Limiting the victim’s access to money can make it even harder for them to leave the relationship as they may feel financially dependent on the abuser. This is especially common when children are involved.

Jealousy and possessiveness

A little jealousy in a relationship isn’t uncommon, but in an abusive relationship, the abuser might constantly accuse the victim of cheating to control them. This can make the victim feel guilty about spending time away from them, or simply make them avoid going to social events because they don’t want to deal with the accusations.

Controlling partners often act jealous and possessive to reduce their victim’s contact with the outside world.

Threats and intimidation

This might involve threats to the victim’s own safety or that of their children, pets, property, friends or family.

The abuser will use threats or intimidation to scare the victim into doing what the abuser wants.

We further discuss power and control in relationships in our blog post The Problem with Power in Relationships.

 

How to Get Support

If you or someone you know is living with a controlling or abusive partner, help is available. You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

 

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Sexual abuse is most commonly committed by someone a survivor knows, including an intimate partner.

There are many terms to describe sexual abuse in a relationship, including intimate partner sexual violence, domestic violence, marital rape, and spousal rape. It can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

No matter the situation, it is never acceptable to engage in sexual activity without consent.

 

Examples of Sexual Abuse in a Relationship

Some examples of sexual abuse and harassment include:

• Rape
• Forcing someone to engage in sexual activity without consent (e.g. unwanted kissing, rubbing, or groping)
• Coercing someone into sexual behaviour, such as threatening to withhold money or physically harm them if they don’t engage in sexual activity
• Forcing someone to watch pornography
• Using aggressive behaviour without consent during sexual activities
• Taking and distributing sexual photos or videos without consent
• Forcing someone to have unsafe sex
• Using sex-related insults (e.g. “slut”)
• Making unwanted sexual comments, suggestions, advances, or threats to another person.

Sexual assault in relationships is rarely an isolated incident, and it generally occurs alongside other types of abuse, such as physical and emotional abuse.

 

Sexual Abuse Indicators

Are you worried someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse in their relationship? These are some common signs that may indicate someone is living with sexual abuse or other domestic and family violence:

• They’re noticeably less confident
• They’re less social than they used to be
• They seem tired or look like they’ve been crying
• Their social media presence changes
• They avoid talking about their relationship
• Their partner is constantly contacting them while they’re with you
• How they dress has changed significantly
• They seem nervous or different around their partner.

We provide some advice to support a friend in an abusive relationship in this blog post.

 

Effects of Intimate Partner Sexual Violence

Research shows women who have been sexually assaulted by their partners experience several risks that are different and more serious than women who experience physical violence alone. These include:

• A greater risk of being killed by their partner
• Stress-related symptoms
• Increased likelihood of gynaecological problems
• Detrimental impacts to their emotional and mental health.

 

How to Get Support

If you or someone you know is living with sexual abuse or any type of domestic violence, help is available. You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

 

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

If you’re experiencing domestic and family violence or abuse, you might like to prepare a domestic violence safety plan to increase your safety and look after yourself.

Including an escape plan in your domestic violence safety plan can help you act quickly in case you need to leave the environment in a hurry.

We offer some advice for making a domestic violence safety plan, and a checklist of what you might include in an emergency escape bag.

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

 

Creating a Domestic Violence Safety Plan

Everyone’s situation and needs are different, and your domestic violence safety plan should be updated if you move house or leave your relationship. But we hope this is a helpful guide when considering your domestic violence safety plan.

Tell someone you trust

It can be scary opening up to someone about what’s happening at home. But it’s important that someone knows about your situation so you have emotional and practical support and a potential witness.

If possible, you might even like to tell your neighbour/s. You don’t have to share all the details if you’re not comfortable. Simply tell them there’s been some trouble at home, and ask them to call the police on 000 if they hear violence or abuse.

Gather evidence

You might like to keep a record of the abuse in a diary. Include photos of injuries if possible. Having evidence of the abuse can help if you decide to press charges in the future.

Know the abuser’s triggers

It’s important to remember that there is never an excuse for any type of abuse. You’re not responsible for your abuser’s actions, and they alone are making the decision to use violence and abuse. With that being said, it can help to be aware of their triggers and what ‘sets them off’.

For example, if they tend to be more aggressive after a few drinks, try to avoid them and keep the kids in their room/s during this time.

Create an escape plan

It’s helpful to have a plan for what you’ll do, how you’ll do it, where you’ll go, who’s involved, and what you need to leave the environment – just in case. Think of it like a fire safety plan. It can even help to practise in your head how you’ll play out your escape plan should you need to.

Include an exit strategy such as walking the bins out to the street and continuing away from the home to your place of exit (e.g. friend’s house or the police station).

It can help to create your escape plan with a trusted loved one so they know what they need to do to help should the time come.

It’s important to remember that the period following leaving an abusive partner can be a dangerous time for a survivor of abuse. We offer advice to stay safe after leaving an abusive relationship in this blog post.

 

Escape Bag Checklist

These are some items you may like to have ready to take with you if you’re planning to leave an unsafe relationship or environment.

If you don’t feel safe keeping your emergency escape bag in your home, ask a neighbour or loved one to hold onto it for you.

• Cash
• Spare keys
• Phone charger
• Basic clothing for you and your children
• Essential toiletries (e.g. toothpaste, toothbrush, sanitary items)
• Medications and prescriptions
• Passport and licence (or copies)
• Contact numbers (e.g. friends, family, support services, legal services, taxi service)
• Copies of important documents (e.g. birth certificates, healthcare cards, mortgage documents).

If you need support making a safety plan or escape bag checklist, contact Relationships Australia QLD on 1300 364 277.

 

Support for Domestic Violence

If you or someone you know is living with domestic and family violence, help is available.

You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

 

Other support services

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.