Category: Domestic & Family Violence

If you’re experiencing domestic and family violence or abuse, you might like to prepare a domestic violence safety plan to increase your safety and look after yourself.

Including an escape plan in your domestic violence safety plan can help you act quickly in case you need to leave the environment in a hurry.

We offer some advice for making a domestic violence safety plan, and a checklist of what you might include in an emergency escape bag.

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Creating a Domestic Violence Safety Plan

Everyone’s situation and needs are different, and your domestic violence safety plan should be updated if you move house or leave your relationship. But we hope this is a helpful guide when considering your domestic violence safety plan.

Tell someone you trust

It can be scary opening up to someone about what’s happening at home. But it’s important that someone knows about your situation so you have emotional and practical support and a potential witness.

If possible, you might even like to tell your neighbour/s. You don’t have to share all the details if you’re not comfortable. Simply tell them there’s been some trouble at home, and ask them to call the police on 000 if they hear violence or abuse.

Gather evidence

You might like to keep a record of the abuse in a diary. Include photos of injuries if possible. Having evidence of the abuse can help if you decide to press charges in the future.

Know the abuser’s triggers

It’s important to remember that there is never an excuse for any type of abuse. You’re not responsible for your abuser’s actions, and they alone are making the decision to use violence and abuse. With that being said, it can help to be aware of their triggers and what ‘sets them off’.

For example, if they tend to be more aggressive after a few drinks, try to avoid them and keep the kids in their room/s during this time.

Create an escape plan

It’s helpful to have a plan for what you’ll do, how you’ll do it, where you’ll go, who’s involved, and what you need to leave the environment – just in case. Think of it like a fire safety plan. It can even help to practise in your head how you’ll play out your escape plan should you need to.

Include an exit strategy such as walking the bins out to the street and continuing away from the home to your place of exit (e.g. friend’s house or the police station).

It can help to create your escape plan with a trusted loved one so they know what they need to do to help should the time come.

It’s important to remember that the period following leaving an abusive partner can be a dangerous time for a survivor of abuse. We offer advice to stay safe after leaving an abusive relationship in this blog post.

Escape Bag Checklist

These are some items you may like to have ready to take with you if you’re planning to leave an unsafe relationship or environment.

If you don’t feel safe keeping your emergency escape bag in your home, ask a neighbour or loved one to hold onto it for you.

• Cash
• Spare keys
• Phone charger
• Basic clothing for you and your children
• Essential toiletries (e.g. toothpaste, toothbrush, sanitary items)
• Medications and prescriptions
• Passport and licence (or copies)
• Contact numbers (e.g. friends, family, support services, legal services, taxi service)
• Copies of important documents (e.g. birth certificates, healthcare cards, mortgage documents).

If you need support making a safety plan or escape bag checklist, contact Relationships Australia QLD on 1300 364 277.

Support for Domestic Violence

If you or someone you know is living with domestic and family violence, help is available.

You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

Other support services

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Domestic and family abuse is often described as something that happens in a pattern or cycle.

The domestic violence cycle of abuse proposed by psychologist Lenore Walker in the 1970s is still commonly referred to by professionals today.

This cycle involves four stages:

1. Tensions building
2. Incident of abuse
3. Reconciliation
4. Calm.

This domestic violence cycle helps to illustrate common patterns of abusive behaviour in relationships.

We understand that everyone’s experience with domestic and family abuse is different, but this blog post will explore this particular domestic violence cycle and its four stages.

1. Building Tension

Things are starting to feel tense, and the victim is walking on eggshells in anticipation of an outburst.

The abuser is moody and withdraws affection. They become angry and swear, yell, insult and criticise the victim.

The victim tries to keep the abuser calm and prevent abuse by being agreeable and nurturing, and they may make efforts to keep children quiet and out of the way (if applicable).

2. An Incident of Abuse

An outburst of abuse erupts as the abuser releases this built-up tension on others in an attempt to gain control. It doesn’t have to be physical to be abuse.

Abuse might involve:

• Physical or sexual violence
• Insults or name-calling
• Withholding money
• Property destruction
• Emotional manipulation
• Threats of harm to victim, kids or pets
• Controlling the victim’s behaviour (e.g. not allowing them to see friends).

We explore the different types of domestic violence in this blog post.

3. Reconciliation

This is where the abuser apologises and begs forgiveness. They often make promises that they’ll change and the behaviour will never happen again.

This is also known as the ‘honeymoon’ stage or ‘love bombing’, as the abuser will generally shower the victim with gifts and affection.

4. Calm

The event is ‘forgotten’ and the abuser and victim find some kind of justification for the abuse in order to keep the peace.

The abuser may give excuses for the abuse or place the blame on the victim, or deny the abuse was as bad as the victim claims. The victim might start questioning whether it was in fact as bad as they thought and start to doubt their recollection of events.

The victim may think whatever triggered the abuse has passed and it would never happen again.

If you or someone you know is living with domestic and family violence, help is available. You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

Discover some of the common signs and triggers of domestic and family violence in our blog post Where Does Domestic Violence Start?.

Support Services

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Domestic and family violence comes in many forms. While every domestically violent relationship is based on power and control by the abuser, how this power and control is exerted can vary.

Many people picture physical hitting and visible bruises when they think of domestic violence. But it’s important to remember that not all domestic and family abuse is physical or easily identifiable, and all types of abuse are seriously dangerous and damaging to the survivor.

Some of the most common types of domestic violence include:

• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Emotional and psychological abuse
• Financial abuse
• Technological abuse
• Harassment or stalking.

Here are some examples of how these different types of domestic violence might look in an abusive relationship.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse in a relationship often starts gradually, such as with pushing or grabbing, and then becomes progressively worse over time.

• Hitting, punching, pushing, grabbing, kicking, shaking, biting, choking, or spitting on someone
• Using weapons or objects to inflict pain (e.g. knives, belts, hot water, household objects)
• Force-feeding
• Withholding food, medicine, hand sanitiser and other necessary items

Sexual Abuse

It’s important to remember that sexual abuse doesn’t only include rape and touching; there are other nonphysical behaviours that are considered sexual abuse or harassment.

• Touching or kissing someone without their consent
• Forcing or pressuring someone to perform sexual acts or have sexual acts performed on them
• Sexual assault using objects
• Forcing someone to watch pornography
• Filming someone involved in sexual acts without their consent
• Criticising someone sexually
• Using sex-related insults (e.g. “slut”)
• Making unwanted sexual comments, suggestions, advances, or threats to another person
• Forcing someone to undress or forcefully undressing them

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Emotional and psychological abuse can be harder to spot than some other forms of abuse, but just as damaging to the victim.

• Controlling what someone can do or say (e.g. how they dress)
• Controlling who someone can and can’t speak to or see
• Insulting or belittling someone
• Using disrespectful language (e.g. swearing)
• Being overly jealous and possessive
• Constantly accusing someone of cheating
• Yelling at someone
• Treating someone like a servant
• Comparing someone to others to damage their self-esteem
• Blaming someone for all the problems in a relationship
• Leaving nasty messages (e.g. texts, voicemail, Facebook)
• Constantly criticising and correcting someone
• Not allowing someone to voice their opinion
• Not listening to someone’s needs
• Threatening to harm someone, their children, property, or pet

Coercive control sits under this category, where manipulation and intimidation are used to create fear and dependency in a person.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse often happens alongside other types of domestic violence, such as physical or emotional abuse.

• Controlling how someone can spend their money
• Stopping someone from accessing money or benefits
• Demanding money from someone or taking their belongings
• Forbidding someone from working or studying
• Limiting the amount of petrol in the car

Technological Abuse

In this day and age, technological abuse is getting more common.

• Using a phone or other technology to control or embarrass someone
• Monitoring someone’s communication without them knowing
• Controlling someone’s use of technology (e.g. isolating them from friends/family)

Harassment or Stalking

Whether in a relationship or not, these behaviours are considered harassment or stalking and are forms of domestic abuse.

• Demanding to know where someone is and who they’re with at all times
• Watching, following or monitoring someone
• Monitoring someone’s personal information (e.g. texts, social media, emails, phone bills)
• Harassing someone via internet or phone (e.g. constant calls, texts, emails)
• Tracking someone via GPS devices and spyware

These are just some of the types of domestic violence. If something doesn’t feel right and you don’t feel safe in your relationship, it could be abuse.

If you or someone you know is living with domestic and family violence, help is available. You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

We explore the effects of domestic violence in this blog post.

Other Support Services

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

The term ‘gaslighting’ has become popular in recent years, but this behaviour has been common among abusers for centuries.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse used to manipulate and control the victim. It can be so subtle the victim might not even realise it’s happening. But as sneaky as it can be, gaslighting can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

Learn more about this toxic tactic and how to spot it in your relationships.

What does ‘gaslighting’ mean?

The term ‘gaslighting’ comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, and the 1944 film adaptation of the play, Gaslight. In this story, a husband tricks his wife into thinking she’s losing her mind so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance.

He does this by making her think she’s hearing things that aren’t there, and dimming and brightening their gas-fuelled lights and telling her she’s hallucinating.

Today, we recognise gaslighting as a form of emotional or psychological abuse that involves manipulation, lies, denial and blame to make someone question their perception of reality or their memory. It’s almost like a type of brainwashing that makes the victim feel confused and start to second-guess their own judgement.

Examples of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can be hard to pick up on, especially if you’ve been experiencing it for a long time. In an intimate relationship, the gaslighter generally uses these tactics to control their partner and/or to get away with certain behaviours.

Here are some common examples of gaslighting:

• Your partner tells you they’ll be home by 6pm. When they get home at 10pm, you ask why they’re late as you were expecting them at 6pm. They deny having ever told you they’d be home at 6pm, saying you made it up or questioning your memory: “You never remember things correctly!”
• Your partner makes a nasty comment about your weight. When you get upset, they say you’re being too sensitive or overreacting, or you can’t take a joke. They might even counter by saying something like: “You know I love your body.”
• Your partner leaves the room to answer their phone. You overhear them flirting and making plans with someone. When you confront them about it, they lie and say it was just their mum, and you’re jealous and crazy.

These are just some examples of how a partner might use gaslighting to make someone doubt themselves and get what they want.

If you’re experiencing or using manipulative or controlling behaviours in your relationship, it might help to speak to a professional counsellor. RAQ’s tertiary qualified counsellors can help you explore your concerns and consider your options in a supportive and non-judgemental environment.

Call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone or via Zoom videocall.

Support is available for those affected by domestic and family violence.

Domestic and family violence is a complex and pervasive issue. It is never acceptable. Everyone deserves to feel safe in public and at home.

It is important to understand that the signs are not always obvious. Domestic and family violence is not always physical and can take many forms, including emotional, sexual, financial, social, spiritual, verbal, psychological or technology-based abuse.

You can find more information about domestic and family violence and different forms of abuse online at www.qld.gov.au/dfvsupport.

It is everyone’s responsibility to address this form of violence in our communities and work together to keep Queenslanders safe. If something doesn’t seem right, your support and action can make a difference. If you think you or someone you know may be experiencing domestic and family violence, reach out for support.

In an emergency, call Triple Zero (000) and ask for Police.

Call DVConnect for free, confidential crisis support.

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811 (24/7)

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636 (7 days, 9am to midnight)

When you think of domestic and family abuse, chances are verbal abuse and physical violence come to mind. But financial abuse can be just as damaging, taking away people’s independence and leaving them feeling vulnerable, isolated, and depressed.

Research shows nearly 16% of women and over 7% of men in Australia have experienced financial abuse in their lifetime. It’s the most commonly reported form of abuse of older adults.

But financial abuse can happen to anyone. The abuser might be a partner, family member, friend, or caregiver. Financial abuse and control might be used alongside other forms of domestic and family violence to keep a survivor trapped in an unhealthy relationship, but it can also be present without these other behaviours.

This hidden and often misunderstood form of abuse can take many forms. Learn how to recognise the signs of financial abuse and how you can protect yourself and others.

Signs of Financial Abuse

Financial abuse includes any situation where someone that you trust takes away your access to money, manipulates your financial decisions, or uses your money or assets without your consent.

Tactics used might include:

• Taking control of someone else’s money (e.g. being in charge of all the household income and paying the other person an allowance)
• Controlling how money is spent
• Withholding money from someone
• Taking money or credit cards from someone without their permission
• Selling someone’s assets without their permission
• Forging someone’s signature on financial documents
• Forcing or pressuring someone to change their Will
• Threatening or punishing someone for how they spend their money
• Withholding someone’s financial statement or bank account details from them
• Taking out a loan, credit card, or bank account in someone else’s name
• Ruining someone else’s credit
• Refusing to contribute to shared living costs
• Refusing to repay money they’ve borrowed
• Preventing someone from getting a job or going to work
• Preventing someone from studying.

These are just some financially abusive behaviours. Financial abuse can be harder to spot than some other forms of domestic and family violence.

The person causing the abuse might use subtle tactics like manipulation, and not even recognise that their actions or behaviours are abusive. Others might be more overt, using intimidation, demands, and threats.

How to Get Help for Financial Abuse

If you or someone you know is experiencing financial abuse, free and confidential help is available.

RAQ provides counselling and other support services for anyone experiencing financial abuse or any other concerns in their relationship, family, or other aspect of their personal life.

We also offer our Senior Financial Protection Service (SFPS) to older persons who might be at risk of financial abuse. The SFPS provides support through referrals to those already impacted by financial abuse, and in some instances, offers financial case management.

You can call our client contact centre on 1300 364 277 to discuss which of our services can best support you.

Please note we are not a crisis service. If you need urgent help, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Domestic and family violence has a significant impact on the health and wellbeing of survivors and witnesses.

The effects of domestic violence go beyond physical marks and injuries. The mental and emotional consequences can endure long after bruises have healed, and even after the abusive relationship has ended.

Every form of domestic and family violence can have considerable immediate and long-lasting impacts. Physical, psychological, sexual, financial, and all other types of abuse can be just as damaging to the health and wellbeing of survivors and witnesses.

While the impacts of domestic violence vary widely from person to person, these are some of the common effects of domestic violence.

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Physical Effects of Domestic Violence

Physical abuse such as hitting can lead to injuries and marks, but it can also have indirect impacts on survivors’ physical health. Even domestic abuse that doesn’t involve physical violence can lead to serious physical health issues for survivors.

Some physical impacts of domestic abuse might include:

• Bruises
• Scratches or cuts
• Red or purple marks at the neck
• Sprained or broken wrists/other bones
• Chronic fatigue
• Shortness of breath
• Fainting
• Headaches
• Muscle tension
• Involuntary shaking
• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns
• Sexual dysfunction
• Menstrual cycle or fertility issues (in women).

Mental and Emotional Effects of Domestic Violence

The trauma of domestic and family violence can result in ongoing mental and emotional impacts for survivors. These mental and emotional effects can last long after the abuse ends and can impact subsequent relationships.

Research shows survivors of domestic abuse are three times more likely to suffer from mental illness such as depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder.

Mental and emotional impacts of domestic violence might include:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts
• Depression, including prolonged sadness
• Anxiety and stress
• Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts
• Shame and embarrassment
• Increased likelihood of alcohol and drug misuse
• Hopelessness about the present and the future
• Inability to trust in other relationships.

Effects on Children Who Witness Domestic Violence

Exposure to domestic and family violence can have long-lasting, challenging impacts on a child, even if they haven’t experienced the violence firsthand. These effects might include:

• Anxiety and stress
• Depression
• Fearfulness
• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns
• Headaches
• Fainting
• Inability to trust
• Trouble concentrating
• Relationship problems
• Academic problems
• Reckless behaviours (e.g. drug and alcohol misuse).

Children who witness violence between parents/caretakers may also be at greater risk of using violence in their future relationships.

You can learn more about the types of domestic and family violence, how to create a safety plan, and where to find help here.

RAQ offers a range of counselling and support services for people affected by domestic and family violence and those who use power and control within their families. Learn more about these services and how to access them here.

Support Contacts

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.