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Category: Mental Health

Is the silent treatment abuse?

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It’s natural for communication styles to differ between partners, especially during disagreements.

The way we communicate can be shaped by our upbringing, past experiences in relationships, current emotional state (e.g. juggling the demands of home and work life), and how we think a problem should be handled.

One of the most common yet distressing tactics a partner can use during a disagreement is the silent treatment.

The silent treatment is often used by people who aren’t comfortable directly communicating their feelings, but it can also be used by controlling partners to get what they want.

We explore examples of the silent treatment and how to navigate this tactic for healthier communication in your relationship.

 

What is the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is the absence or withdrawal of communication and emotional connection.

This might be used during or following an argument, or in response to unwanted behaviour, such as a partner taking longer than usual to reply to a text.

Examples of the silent treatment include:

  • Stonewalling – Refusing to communicate by withdrawing from a conversation.
  • Ignoring or being dismissive – Brushing aside concerns and not respecting feelings or needs.
  • Withholding affection – Refusing love and affection when they’re upset or haven’t gotten what they wanted.

These behaviours can be frustrating and painful, with the potential to affect the relationship in the long-term.

The silent treatment can be a subtle yet destructive form of emotional abuse.

By deliberately withdrawing communication and connection, a person seeks to exert control over another. In other words, it’s a form of manipulation or punishment.

This can cause significant, ongoing psychological harm, leaving the recipient feeling isolated, invalidated, unworthy, and desperate for a solution to end the “deafening silence.”

Psychology behind the silent treatment

So, why might someone use the silent treatment in their relationship, and how does this behaviour impact their partner?

For the person engaging in the silent treatment, it may be a way to punish or manipulate in a bid to assert power and superiority.

Alternatively, it may be a result of unresolved anger, fear, or insecurity. In this case, the silent treatment can be a defence mechanism used to avoid confrontation or expose vulnerability.

For example, someone who grew up with parents who used the silent treatment may not have the communication skills to address issues head-on in their own adult relationships.

Research has proven the silent treatment affects the same areas of the brain that process physical pain. Over time, being repeatedly subjected to the silent treatment can chip away at a person’s self-esteem and ability to trust, potentially leading to long-term trauma.

How to cope with the silent treatment

If you’re being subjected to this behaviour, it’s important to recognise that the silent treatment is not a reflection of your worth. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

Here are some ways you can navigate the silent treatment respectfully while maintaining your wellbeing:

  • Initiate open and honest communication – If you feel safe to do so, find a time to raise how the behaviour makes you feel. Express your feelings calmly yet assertively, and without judgement. Avoid blame or criticism, and instead, focus on sharing your experience and perspectives with the goal to resolve issues calmly and compassionately.
  • Confide in someone you trust – Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a counsellor who can provide expert guidance to explore potential solutions.
  • Prioritise your self-care – Engage in activities that make you happy. This might be spending quality time with a loved one, practising mindfulness through meditation, journalling, going for a walk in nature, or doing a hobby like dance, painting, or photography.

Alternatives to the silent treatment

The silent treatment may feel like an easy out from conflict, but it can cause serious harm to your partner.

It’s important to foster open communication to maintain the emotional connection and trust in your relationship.

The next time you feel like disengaging with the silent treatment, consider using the following phrases instead:

  • “I’m too upset to talk right now.”
  • “I need some time to put my words together.”
  • “I’d like to discuss this when I’m feeling calm.”
  • “I need some time to think about how I feel.”
  • “Let’s take a break until we can speak kindly.”
  • “I don’t want to say something in the heat of the moment.”

Using these phrases during tense moments lets your partner know you’re not ready to have a conversation without shutting them out or creating distance.

If you need help addressing the silent treatment or nurturing your relationship in general, counselling can help.

You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

We offer advice about how to manage conflict in a relationship in our blog post How to Deal with a Controlling Partner | Relationships Australia QLD (raq.org.au)

Why are Australia’s young people so lonely?

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Our young people are experiencing a loneliness epidemic.

In the 2023 annual Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) Survey, Australians aged 15 to 24 reported being the loneliest cohort in the country.

Social isolation and loneliness can have serious impacts on our mental and physical health.

Adolescents and young people especially rely on social connection and peer acceptance for their sense of belonging, self-esteem, and overall happiness.

Loneliness looks different for everyone, and the causes can change from person to person. We explore some of the factors that may be causing loneliness among this age group, and some strategies to overcome it.

 

Social Media and Technology

Surveys show that while other age groups are feeling less lonely than they did at the start of the millennium, Australians aged 15 to 24 have experienced a steady rise in loneliness, particularly since 2008.

Smartphones and social media apps like Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram all gained popularity around this time, and online interactions have commonly substituted face-to-face catchups since.

Growing research shows a clear connection between heavy social media use and feelings of social isolation and loneliness.

People who spend the most time on social media (over two hours each day) have twice the odds of perceived social isolation than those who spend half an hour or less a day on those sites.

While social media and smartphones can be a great tool for keeping in touch, they can also lead to social withdrawal, alienation, and shallow connections.

Online interactions are no substitute for in-person human contact, which is proven to release “happy” chemicals dopamine and oxytocin, and help lower cortisol, the main stress hormone.

 

Cost of Living

The rising cost of living may be to blame for reduced social interactions as young people can’t afford to indulge in recreational activities like they used to.

Some Aussies have reported they’re skipping dining out with friends to stay in and cook instead, while others can’t fit hosting friends at home into their budget anymore.

The cost of necessities like rent, groceries, and petrol have forced many young people to be more selective about the social events they attend. Unfortunately, social withdrawal can be a common side effect of increasing financial pressures.

 

Shallow Connections

Relationships Australia’s 2022 Relationship Indicators Survey revealed almost half (45.9%) of young people aged 18-24 reported feeling emotionally lonely.

Emotional loneliness is different to social loneliness. Social loneliness is the lack of a social network, while emotional loneliness refers to a lack of close emotional connection.

This speaks to the quality of relationships over the quantity.

Experts have found that you don’t have to be alone to experience loneliness, and too many surface-level interactions can make us feel lonely and misunderstood.

Social Scientist Kasley Killam explains:

“Loneliness can arise from not feeling seen, understood, or validated. It can come from spending time with people who don’t share your values or interests. It can also come from too many superficial interactions and not enough deeper connections.”

As teenagers and young adults mature and learn who they are, they might find themselves outgrowing their high school friendships and struggling to find people who really “get them” on a deeper level.

Spending time with surface-level friends may leave us feeling even more disconnected than if we’d stayed at home.

 

Hustle Culture

‘Hustle culture’ is the mindset that we should always be working hard to achieve success. It glorifies busyness and tells us our time’s wasted if we’re not using it to tick off our goals.

Productivity and success have become increasingly important values in recent society. This is especially reflected on social media, where influencers and our peers post their highlight reels of accomplishments and aspirational content.

It’s normal for young people to compare themselves to others and experience milestone anxiety as they enter adulthood. But the pressure to be productive and pursue success can push personal relationships down the list of priorities.

 

How can we overcome loneliness?

Research shows loneliness is just as bad for us as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s a major risk factor for mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, and it can even increase the risk of heart disease and stroke.

We can overcome loneliness with some effort and small changes, such as:

  • Schedule regular in-person catchups – Find low-effort, low-cost ways to catch up with your loved ones on a regular basis. Locking in a weekly boardgame night or afternoon walk as part of your routine is a great way to take away the mental load of organising your social calendar.
  • Join a social club or class outside the home – Get out of the house (and out of your comfort zone) by joining a social club or hobby group. Whether it’s a sports team, book club, or painting class, this is a fun way to engage in your interests and meet likeminded people.
  • Become friendly with your neighbours – It’s become less common for neighbours to know each other on a first-name basis. But something as simple as a friendly wave at the letter box or an introduction to break the ice can help increase the sense of community and safety on your street.
  • Make your errands a social event – If you struggle to schedule in dedicated social time around your busy life, why not invite a friend to join you on your errands? Catch up while grabbing your produce at the markets, washing your cars, hitting the gym, or studying at the library.
  • Save big news for in person – In a world where posting updates to social media takes precedence, it can be extra special to break big news to your loved ones face to face. This gives you an excuse to catch up and allows you to share your excitement in person, increasing those feel-good connection hormones.

 

If you need help nurturing your relationships or building the confidence to seek new ones, counselling can help.

You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

We offer advice to find deeper social connections in our blog post How to Find Your Tribe.

Healing and Hope: Moving Forward after The Voice Referendum

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There’s a lot of global unrest and devastation happening in the news. But many of us are still processing the outcome of last year’s referendum. 

On the 14th of October 2023, Australians voted on a proposal to enshrine a First Nations advisory body in the constitution. 

With just 39.9% of legal votes in favour of this change, the Voice to Parliament was rejected. 

First Nations leaders who campaigned for The Voice called for a week of silence to grieve and reflect on the result. 

“Now is not the time to dissect the reasons for this tragic outcome,” the statement read. 

“This will be done in the weeks, years and decades to come. Now is the time for silence, to mourn and deeply consider the consequence of this outcome.” 

Many First Nations Peoples and allies, including RAQ staff members, are still grappling with the grief of the referendum result. 

We acknowledge the pain and disappointment still felt today. 

The Voice debate and related conversations took a heavy toll on many First Nations Peoples, regardless of their vote. 

Being the focus of strong political opinions, misinformation, and increased instances of racism had a significant impact on some First Nations Peoples’ mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing. For some, these impacts will continue long after the vote. 

We honour the years of work and dreaming of the First Nations Peoples, Elders, and Leaders who advocated for a Voice. 

It is owing to this continued heavy lifting and emotional labour that the conversation around enshrining a First Nations Voice in the Constitution reached a national level. 

We express our deepest gratitude to our First Nations workforce who generously shared their diverse voices, experiences, and perspectives, leading our organisation to a position of Yes. 

RAQ will continue to do the work and to say Yes in our ongoing commitment to cultural fitness and our organisation’s Reconciliation Action Plan (RAP). 

We have dedicated a significant focus on arts and cultural healing as part of our RAP commitment to working even closer with First Nations Leaders, Elders, and sector peers, along with our RAP partners and allies. 

We’re embracing arts and cultural healing as a vehicle to address the inequities First Nations Peoples experience in Australia and the harm they have experienced historically as an impact of colonisation.  

This harm was further exacerbated in the leadup to the referendum through mythmaking and falsehoods spread in the media, along with increased reports of racialised violence against First Nations Peoples and allies across Australia.  

“First Nations Leaders and their communities, alongside allies across our sector, seek to heal, stand strong, hold hope, and work toward peace that produces a more equitable, shared future with all other Australians.”

– Aunty Debra Bennet, Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement, Arts and Cultural Healing and Cultural Advisor, Relationships Australia Qld

The South Australia Government has committed to a state-based implementation of the Uluru Statement from the Heart –_Voice, Treaty and Truth_– commencing with the South Australian First Nations Voice to Parliament. 

This independent advisory body will be made up of six Local First Nations Voices and a State First Nations Voice. 

RAQ commends South Australia for taking this important step toward a fairer and more healing future.  

We encourage the Queensland Government to follow South Australia’s example with a state-based First Nations Voice to Parliament, consistent with international human rights standards. 

We’re hopeful to see this crucial step toward Voice, Treaty and Truth in the near future, and we will continue to stand strongly for the rights of our First Nations Peoples, the oldest living culture in the world. 

While we regather hope for the future, it’s important we know the signs we might need to reach out for help from community or a professional. These might include: 

  • Increased anxiety and depression__ 
  • Changes in sleep and appetite__ 
  • Feeling fearful and unsafe__ 
  • Feelings of shame__ 
  • Trauma and PTSD__ 
  • Chronic stress__ 
  • Suicidal thoughts.__ 

If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you know, free and confidential help is available 24/7._ 

RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call_1300 364 277_to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you._ 

Lifeline – 13 11 14 

24/7 crisis support 

13YARN – 13 92 76 

24/7 crisis support from an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter 

Brother to Brother – 1800 435 799 

24/7 crisis support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander men of all ages 

Yarning SafeNStrong – 1800 959 563 

24/7 crisis support from an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter 

The Rise of Therapy Speak: Helpful or Harmful?

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Mental health has become a popular topic on social media, helping reduce stigma and increase awareness around conditions like anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism.

But with this, terms like toxic, triggered, boundaries, and gaslighting have made their way into our everyday vocabulary.

While learning the language around our feelings can help us better identify our experiences and seek help, therapy speak can be harmful if used incorrectly.

We explore the potential risks of using therapy speak, and some of the most misused mental health terms doing the rounds online.

 

What is therapy speak?

Therapy speak refers to words normally used in psychology and relating to mental health.

Some of these phrases and concepts have recently become more common outside of clinical conversations, particularly on TikTok and other social media platforms.

Talking about mental health openly is important, but it’s just as important to understand the phrases and concepts and apply them correctly. This is more likely to positively contribute to shifting attitudes around mental health and seeking help when it’s needed.

 

Risks of Misusing Therapy Speak

Misusing and overusing mental health phrases and concepts can strip them of their true meaning.

Therapy speak can also encourage people to “armchair diagnose” themselves and the people around them of conditions they may not have.

For example, someone who simply likes to have things tidy might say:

“I’m so OCD! I need to make my bed every morning.”

This misconception can minimise and invalidate the experience of someone who has been diagnosed with OCD and understands the true symptoms of this mental health condition.

If you identify with a condition or concept you’ve heard about and want to learn more, you should speak to your GP or mental health care provider.

We explore the dangers of self-diagnosis in this blog post.

 

Commonly Misused Mental Health Terms

These are some of the most misused mental health terms and concepts we’re seeing online.

Narcissist

Narcissism is a rare personality disorder that requires a professional diagnosis.

Because one of the signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a high sense of self-importance, people use the term to label/diagnose someone they feel is selfish or arrogant.

For example:

“She posts so many selfies. She’s such a narcissist.”

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a serious form of emotional and psychological abuse where the abuser manipulates and controls another person by making them second-guess their reality and judgement. It’s most common in romantic relationships and can be present on its own or alongside other abuse, such as physical or verbal.

Someone disagreeing with you doesn’t automatically mean they’re gaslighting you, and misusing this word takes away from survivors’ experiences.

For example:

“My boss doesn’t think I deserve a raise. She’s gaslighting me!”

Triggered

For someone with a history of trauma, a trigger refers to stimuli that reminds them of a traumatic experience and makes them feel like they’re reliving it, causing extreme overwhelm or distress.

Being triggered isn’t just about being upset, stressed out, or rubbed the wrong way by everyday inconveniences, and using the term in this context can minimise its severity for people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

For example:

“This traffic is crazy. I’m so triggered right now.”

Toxic

While toxic isn’t a formal psychological term, in a mental health setting, it’s generally used to describe a person or behaviour that’s destructive and distressing to others.

This word is often overused online to describe any unpleasant or unwanted behaviour.

For example:

“He ate the last Tim Tam. He’s so toxic.”

Boundaries

Personal boundaries allow us to create expectations around what we’re willing and unwilling to engage with and how we’d like to be treated in our relationships. They’re not about controlling someone else’s behaviour but communicating what we’re comfortable with.

Someone not doing what you’d like them to do doesn’t necessarily mean they’re breaking a healthy boundary. In fact, enforcing unreasonable rules in a relationship and justifying them as “boundaries” is controlling and abusive.

For example:

“I don’t like you spending time with your friends without me there. That’s breaking my boundary.”

We explore how to set healthy boundaries in your relationship in this blog post.

Casually throwing around these complex mental health concepts in the wrong context can do more harm than good, and even add to the stigma and shame around mental illness.

 

If you need some extra support with your mental health, talking to a professional counsellor can help.

Our counsellors can help you explore your feelings and address underlying issues in a safe space.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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Comparison is a normal human behaviour – especially at certain ages and stages of life.

People in their teens and 20s are particularly prone to comparing their path to that of their peers and worrying they’re falling behind.

Maybe you see your friend’s promotion as a sign you’re not progressing fast enough in your own career. Or maybe you can’t scroll past an influencer’s gym pic without wishing you looked the same.

Comparing ourselves to our peers (and strangers on social media) can cause serious damage to our life satisfaction, self-esteem, and mental wellbeing.

We hope these tips help you stop comparing yourself to others so you can better enjoy what you have while working toward what you want.

 

Give yourself a digital reality check

Don’t compare someone else’s highlight reel to your everyday experience.

Social media has become such a normal part of our lives that we sometimes forget to separate it from reality.

It’s easy to get disheartened by a feed full of other people’s biggest wins and best moments. Remind yourself that people generally post their life’s highlights, not the struggles or mundane moments behind the scenes.

 

Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad

If scrolling your socials is leaving you feeling inadequate, it might be time to cull your follow list.

Following aspirational accounts of people living the kind of life you’d love can be inspiring and motivational – to a point. But if you come away feeling worse for it, reconsider your reasons for following.

Do these accounts make you feel positively pushed to work for the things you want? Or do they make you feel resentful and frustrated about your own situation?

Make sure your social media feeds are bringing you more joy than jealousy.

 

Water your own grass

Comparison can distract us from our own goals and self-development.

If you spend more time yearning for someone else’s situation than working on your own, it could help to focus your time and energy into actions that make you feel more fulfilled.

Reflect on what’s important to you in life, the short-term and long-term goals you’d like to achieve, and the steps you can take to get there.

Having a plan in place can help you feel more in control of your circumstances and more excited about your future.

 

Learn to love yourself

Comparison often has us focusing on the things we don’t like about ourselves.

Make a conscious effort to silence your inner critic by:

  • Challenging negative thoughts – Ask yourself if these thoughts are true, or if your mind is just playing tricks on you because you’re upset.
  • Focusing on your strengths – Make a list of all the things you like about yourself and keep it somewhere you can see it every day.
  • Spending time with people who lift you up – Nurture relationships that make you feel good about yourself and reconsider the connections that leave you feeling self-conscious.
  • Treat yourself like a friend – Build self-compassion by talking to yourself like you would a loved one and being gentle on yourself when you make mistakes.

 

Be grateful

Don’t lose gratitude for all the good in your life by comparing it to someone else’s.

Practising daily gratitude isn’t just a passing wellness fad. It’s shown to have plenty of tangible long-term benefits such as increased energy, improved sleep quality, and reduced inflammation.

You can practise gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal or simply mentally listing off three things you’re grateful for each day before you fall asleep.

It’s great to have goals for the future, but don’t forget to be grateful for what you have right now.

 

Humans are social creatures, and some comparison is normal and healthy. But if comparing yourself to others leaves you feeling insecure or resentful, it might be a sign of a deeper issue.

Our counsellors can help you explore your feelings and address underlying issues in a safe space. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

Does social media have you wishing for a different life? You might find this blog post helpful: Can social media cause anxiety?

Am I codependent?

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Some dependence is healthy in a relationship, where both people can rely on each other when they need support. 

But what happens when you rely on each other too much? This can lead to codependence. 

A codependent relationship is an unhealthy dynamic where one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, needs to be needed. 

Both people can get “lost” in the relationship, abandoning their individual sense of identity and neglecting other relationships and goals. 

We explore what codependency can look like in relationships and how to change unhealthy patterns for a happier partnership. 

 

Signs of Codependency in Relationships

Some people mistake being ‘clingy’ for being codependent. While clinginess can be a sign of codependence, there’s much more to codependent relationships than this. 

A codependent person gets all their self-worth from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who enables this behaviour because it benefits them. Many codependent relationships involve emotional abuse. 

It’s important to remember that codependent relationships aren’t always romantic – they can also exist between friends or family members. 

Some signs of codependency in relationships include: 

  • Fear of rejection or abandonment 
  • Trouble making decisions for yourself 
  • Planning your life around your partner 
  • Needing constant reassurance from your partner 
  • Doing more than your fair share to keep the peace 
  • Discomfort or anxiety being away from your partner 
  • Consistently putting your partner’s needs above your own
  • Neglecting other relationships and areas of life for your partner
  • Having poor or no boundaries, e.g. saying “yes” when you want to say “no”
  • Your self-worth and mood relying on the behaviour and approval of your partner
  • Making excuses for your partner’s behaviour, even at the expense of your wellbeing
  • Feeling responsible for your partner’s feelings and wellbeing and wanting to fix their problems
  • Feeling like you can’t speak up about your own needs, or feeling guilty for having them in the first place. 

    People who are codependent in adult relationships often learned these behaviours from the adults around them growing up. 

    Perhaps they had a parent with boundary issues who self-sacrificed for others. Or maybe they didn’t have their needs met by their parents, learning from a young age to ignore their own needs and instead focus on what they can do for others to keep the peace. 

    Learning your attachment style can help you understand your patterns in relationships. We explore further in our blog post How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship.

     

    How to Overcome Codependency in Relationships 

    Codependency can be a deeply rooted part of who we are and how we relate to the people around us. 

    It may not be an easy fix, but there are some strategies you can take to start to heal and move away from unhealthy behaviours. 

    Work on your self-esteem 

    People who are codependent often struggle with low self-esteem, feeling unworthy of having their own needs and preferences considered. 

    You can start to work on your self-esteem by challenging negative self-talk and focusing on your strengths and all the positives you have to offer in your relationships. 

    Establish healthy boundaries 

    Boundaries are key for protecting our wellbeing and maintaining healthy, lasting relationships. Once you start setting boundaries with your partner, you may find it gets easier and easier to advocate for yourself and your needs. 

    We offer some advice to identify and communicate your boundaries here. 

    Maintain social connections 

    You can’t get everything you need from one person – even the love of your life. 

    Maintaining relationships with friends and family can help improve your self-esteem and prevent loneliness. It’s also important to have a support network separate from your partner for those days when you need advice or an outside perspective on your relationship. 

    Enjoy life outside of your relationship 

    While it’s normal to love spending time with your partner, it’s not healthy for your world to revolve around them. Your romantic relationship should be just one part of a happy and fulfilling life. 

    Make an effort to maintain your personal identity and independence with your own hobbies, goals, and social connections. 

    Consider counselling as a couple and/or individual 

    Communication is key when it comes to nurturing a healthy and equal relationship. But it can be difficult to talk about complicated issues – especially if you’re prone to bottling up your feelings. 

    If you need some support to overcome codependent behaviours or address underlying issues as a couple or on your own, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. 

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here. 

    10 Easy Mindfulness Activities for Stress and Anxiety

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    Stress and anxiety can build up over time or hit us suddenly like a tonne of bricks.

    It can help to have some coping strategies on hand for when those feelings start to rise.

    Practising mindfulness has been shown to prevent and reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety, helping to ground you and calm your nervous system.

    Keep these 10 mindfulness activities handy for next time you start to feel overwhelmed.

     

    1. Sit quietly and do a body scan

    Check in with yourself from head to toe. Try wiggling or tensing and relaxing your muscles/body parts as you go. Take notice of how the stress is showing up in your body and where you’re holding any tension. If you have time, try following a guided meditation to help you really focus on how you’re feeling.

     

    2. Get outside and pay attention to the sounds around you

    A change of scenery and some fresh air can be just what you need to interrupt negative thoughts. Go outside and take a quiet moment to listen to what’s going on around you. This might be nearby traffic, leaves rustling in the wind, or neighbours chatting.

     

    3. Count items around you

    This is another great way to redirect your thoughts and bring you back to the present moment. Scan the space around you and count what you see, whether it’s flowers, clouds, cars, books, or tiles on the ground.

     

    4. Breathe

    Never underestimate the power of breathing exercises. Breathwork has been respected by experts for years as a go-to for reducing stress. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly out your mouth. Try this five times and feel your body relax.

     

    5. Stretch

    Do some simple, gentle stretches in a quiet place to bring you back into your body. Child’s pose specifically is known to promote relaxation and healthy sleep.

     

    6. Dance

    Put on an upbeat or relaxing song and move your body. Imagine you’re releasing anxious or negative energy as you move. If you have a friend or partner nearby, invite them to join so you can get the added benefits of connecting with a loved one.

     

    7. Try positive affirmations

    Repeating a reassuring phrase over in your mind can help you get through tough situations. For example, if you’re stuck in traffic, late on the way to a social event, you might tell yourself: “I have all the time I need. Traffic is out of my control. Focusing on the present moment is all I need to do.”

     

    8. Make a gratitude list

    When you feel stress and other negative emotions, it can help to remind yourself of the things you’re currently grateful for in life. Take a quiet moment to mentally list a few of the things you most appreciate right now, whether it’s your best friend, your pet, or a trip you’re looking forward to.

     

    9. Eat or drink mindfully

    Take your time savouring your favourite beverage or snack. Really focus on the textures, aromas, and flavours. This can help quiet your mind and ground you in the present moment.

    We list some more great ways to self-soothe using your senses here.

     

    10. Go for a walk without earphones

    A quick walk can do wonders for a busy mind and nervous energy, especially if it’s out in nature. Try a mindful walk by ditching the earphones. Pay attention to how your body feels, how you’re breathing, and the sights and sounds around you.

     

    If you’re finding it hard to ease your stress and calm your nerves, it could help to talk to someone you trust or seek support from a professional.

    Talking to a counsellor can help you work through unhelpful thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

    Stress and anxiety share many symptoms, and this can make it hard to tell whether you’re simply stressed out or suffering from an anxiety disorder. We explore the difference between stress and anxiety in this blog post.

    Work-Life Balance Strategies to Support Your Wellbeing

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    Is work getting in the way of what’s really important?

    Research shows Australia’s work-life balance is pretty bleak compared to some, with 13% of us working excessive hours.

    A healthy work-life balance involves a harmonious relationship between your work and personal life. It allows you to manage your time and energy to meet both your professional and personal commitments while supporting your overall wellbeing.

    An unhealthy work-life balance can lead to:

    • Lack of self-care
    • Stress and burnout
    • Strained and neglected relationships.

    We hope these work-life balance strategies help if you’re struggling to make room for what matters most.

     

    Reflect on your values

    Consider what’s most important to you in life. What are your priorities and values? These might include your relationship, family, health, self-development, or travel.

    Now ask yourself: Does my current lifestyle reflect this?

    “Show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities” is a saying (and a reality check) some of us need to hear.

    Once we’ve determined the specific areas we want to focus more time and energy into, we can consider how we can juggle our commitments to support them.

     

    Maximise your free time

    We don’t have to be productive every minute of every day – rest and relaxation are an important part of a healthy work-life balance. But you may be able to find clever ways to make the most of your time.

    For example, if you’re not spending as much time on your physical health as you’d like to, you could consider walking or riding a bike for all or some of your work commute.

    You may also be able to identify timewasters in your life, such as mindlessly watching TV or excessively scrolling on social media before bed. You might try limiting these activities to make time for quality conversations with your partner, or to allow yourself to wake up earlier and enjoy a healthy breakfast.

    Be honest with yourself around how you’re spending your downtime, and change habits that don’t align with your values and priorities.

     

    Use time-management tools

    Time-management tools can help you prioritise your tasks, use your time effectively, and avoid procrastination.

    Some handy ones to implement yourself might include:

    • Timers/alarms
    • To-do lists or apps
    • Calendar or planner.

    For example, you might find it helpful to set yourself a one-hour timer to focus on a task before you can check your phone or grab a snack.

    If your workplace doesn’t have official project-management systems in place (such as Asana or Monday), it might be worth suggesting. This can be a great way to keep track of your workflow and encourage accountability.

     

    Set stronger boundaries if needed

    In some situations, our work schedules simply don’t support the freedom and flexibility we’d like.

    But we can all take ownership of the things we can control to better protect our personal time, such as:

    • Add your work hours to your email signature
    • Set realistic expectations around deadlines and availability
    • Turn off your work phone or email notifications outside of work hours
    • Pre-plan personal activities/appointments in your work calendar so colleagues know not to book meetings or calls during this time.

     

    Dedicate time for relaxation

    People who are busy with work during the week may feel obligated to fill their weekends with social plans to make up for it. This can quickly lead to burnout and make time with friends and family feel like a chore.

    Block out some time in your weekend – whether it’s a couple of hours or your entire Sunday – to relax and recharge.

    Schedule time to do the things that fill your cup and make you feel fresh for the week ahead. This could be anything from reading with your favourite snack to finding a new hiking spot with great views.

     

    If you need some support defining your values and dealing with work stress, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

    We offer more great tips in our blog post How to Manage Work Stress.

    What are Glimmers? How to Find Your Moments of Joy

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    Your favourite song. A hug from a loved one. The first sip of coffee.

    These can all be considered ‘glimmers’ – small moments of joy that boost your mood and make you feel calm.

    The term was coined by Deb Dana, a clinical social worker who specialises in complex trauma, and the concept has taken off around the internet and among mental health professionals.

    The best part is, glimmers can be found in our everyday lives – we just have to look for them.

    “We’re not talking great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection,” explains Dana.

    “These are micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways.”

    We explore the difference between glimmers and triggers, and how to find and embrace your unique glimmers to create calm in your life.

     

    Triggers vs. Glimmers

    The term ‘glimmers’ is often used alongside the term ‘triggers’.

    In mental health terms, a trigger refers to something that causes negative emotions and makes you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or distressed.

    Feeling triggered isn’t just about being annoyed by something. For someone who’s experienced trauma, being around something that triggers them and reminds them of a traumatic event can make them feel like they’re experiencing it all over again. It can be a signal to the brain that they’re in danger.

    While triggers are commonly discussed in the context of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the term can also be used in the context of other mental health conditions, such as anxiety or a substance abuse disorder.

    Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They refer to stimulus that makes us feel safe and grateful.

    Whether we notice them organically or seek them out when we’re experiencing negative emotions, glimmers can help calm our nervous system and return us to a regulated state.

     

    Examples of Glimmers

    Glimmers are different for everyone, because the things that make us feel safe and joyful are subjective and unique to us.

    Here are just some examples of glimmers:

    • Taking a bath
    • Saying a prayer
    • Seeing a rainbow
    • Hearing birds chirping
    • Patting or cuddling a pet
    • Hearing a child’s laughter
    • Doing something creative
    • Eating your favourite treat
    • Finishing an important task
    • The weight of a cosy blanket
    • The smell of freshly cut grass
    • Feeling sand between your toes
    • Talking to a loved one on the phone
    • Looking at photos of good memories
    • Smelling your partner’s perfume/cologne
    • Hitting all the green lights on the way to work.

     

    How to Find Your Glimmers

    Focusing on the good and identifying your glimmers can help improve your mood and make you feel more grateful and fulfilled overall.

    Some ways to find your glimmers include:

    • Keep a journal or list – Journalling is a great way to keep track of the things that make you feel good throughout the day. Pay attention to what you’re doing, where you are, and who you’re with when you feel your best. This way, you can refer back and repeat – or simply get some good vibes going from the memories alone.
    • Stay connected – Create opportunities to connect with your loved ones, even if it’s just a quick call to share a funny story. Our relationships do wonders for our wellbeing, and they’re often a prime source of glimmers and gratitude.
    • Try new things – Not feeling inspired? Mix things up and try a new hobby or activity. Whether on your own or with a friend, trying new things is a great way to get out of your routine, learn more about yourself, and potentially find a new favourite pastime.
    • Practise gratitude – Before you go to sleep each night, think of three things you’re grateful for that day. These don’t need to be big, lifechanging things. As you can see from our examples above, glimmers can be small, everyday activities. Practising gratitude helps you get in the habit of noticing them more often.

    Did you know practising gratitude can reduce stress and improve your immune function? Learn more in our blog post Benefits of Gratitude.

    If you’re finding it hard to see the positives at the moment, it could help to talk to someone you trust or seek support from a professional.

    Talking to a counsellor can help you work through things in a safe and supportive environment.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

    What is emotional intelligence and how can you improve it?

    Posted on by admin

    Emotional intelligence (also known as emotional quotient or EQ) is an important skill for navigating personal and professional relationships.

    It refers to the ability to read the emotions of others and understand and manage your own emotions in a healthy way.

    Just like general intelligence, EQ varies from person to person.

    Developing emotional intelligence can help you build stronger relationships with others. It can also increase your resilience and ability to handle stress and other difficult feelings.

    We explore the signs of high and low emotional intelligence and offer some tips to build your EQ here.

     

    Signs of Emotional Intelligence

    People with emotional intelligence can recognise emotions in themselves and others and use self-control to respond appropriately.

    They’re aware of – and care about – how their emotions and moods impact others, and they take steps to avoid causing hurt and to maintain harmonious relationships.

    Emotional intelligence is strongly linked to empathy. Emotionally intelligent people can read others, observing social and emotional cues to understand what someone might be feeling underneath.

    Some key signs of high emotional intelligence might include:

    • Self-awareness – Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers
    • Self-control – Ability to regulate emotions and control impulsive behaviours
    • Empathy – Recognising how other people feel and responding appropriately
    • Healthy boundaries – Awareness of your limits, and ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries
    • Respectful communication – Ability to express emotions and needs in a respectful way, as well as listen and consider other perspectives and solutions.

     

    Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

    People with low emotional intelligence generally lack self-awareness and self-control. They may appear selfish as they don’t consider how their moods and behaviours impact those around them.

    They often miss social and emotional cues and say things that are insensitive and/or inappropriate.

    For example, someone with low emotional intelligence might make a joke when a friend is grieving the loss of a loved one. They may also lash out in emotional outbursts when things don’t go their way.

    Some key signs of low emotional intelligence might include:

    • Lack of empathy – Inability to understand other people’s feelings or consider their point of view
    • Lack of self-control – Emotional outbursts or mood changes, particularly during conflict or tense situations
    • Fixation on mistakes – Tendency to fixate on mistakes or constructive feedback instead of learning from them and moving on
    • Obliviousness to social cues – Missing social and emotional cues from those around them and potentially responding inappropriately
    • Complaining and negativity – Tendency to complain about an issue without considering solutions, and often finding someone else to blame.

     

    Why is emotional intelligence important?

    Emotional intelligence helps us understand ourselves and the people around us.

    It helps us build relationships, communicate effectively, and navigate conflict respectfully. It can make us great friends, partners, and colleagues as we’re aware of our actions and care about the feelings of those around us.

    EQ is a highly sought-after trait in professionals – particularly leaders. Some hiring managers specifically seek emotional intelligence in candidates.

    Research shows emotional intelligence can enhance our general quality of life, making us feel more satisfied and rewarded in our personal and professional lives.

     

    How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

    Improving your emotional intelligence can help increase your success at work and in your relationships.

    Here are some tips to build your EQ by improving your:

    • Self-awareness
    • Self-control
    • Empathy.

    Get to know yourself better

    Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence. Reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and values, and pay attention to your knee-jerk emotional reactions.

    Are there particular topics or situations that trigger tough emotions for you? How do your emotions factor into your decisions?

    You can learn more about yourself by keeping a journal, monitoring your self-talk or inner monologue, and even asking trusted people for feedback.

    Respond intentionally

    Our emotions can tell us a lot about ourselves. When we take time to identify them, pause, and respond thoughtfully, we can have healthier interactions and avoid impulsive outbursts.

    The more self-aware we are, the more we can recognise when we’re feeling elevated and practise self-control.

    You can use self-regulating tactics such as:

    • Considering the ultimate outcome you want and what kind of response would achieve it.
    • Naming the emotion and paying attention to the kinds of thoughts and physical feelings it’s causing in your body.
    • Pausing before responding, whether this involves taking a deep breath or even saying “I just need a moment to get my thoughts together”.

    Tune in to the emotions of others

    Paying attention to the emotions and needs of the people around us can help us build closer connections. It can strengthen our empathy and make our friends, partners, and colleagues feel seen, understood, and cared about.

    When we really listen to the people around us and consider how things might feel in their situation, we can consider an appropriate way to respond.

    For example, if you recognise your partner is tired or irritable, you can predict your joke isn’t going to land well. If you notice your friend is less chatty than usual, you might assume they have something on their mind and ask if they want to talk about it.

    Improving your emotional intelligence takes time and effort, but your relationships will thank you for it. If you’re finding it tough to get started on your own, talking to a counsellor can help.

    You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

    Want to improve your communication skills? You might find our blog post How to Be a Good Listener helpful.