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Category: Mental Health

What are Glimmers? How to Find Your Moments of Joy

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Your favourite song. A hug from a loved one. The first sip of coffee.

These can all be considered ‘glimmers’ – small moments of joy that boost your mood and make you feel calm.

The term was coined by Deb Dana, a clinical social worker who specialises in complex trauma, and the concept has taken off around the internet and among mental health professionals.

The best part is, glimmers can be found in our everyday lives – we just have to look for them.

“We’re not talking great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection,” explains Dana.

“These are micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways.”

We explore the difference between glimmers and triggers, and how to find and embrace your unique glimmers to create calm in your life.

 

Triggers vs. Glimmers

The term ‘glimmers’ is often used alongside the term ‘triggers’.

In mental health terms, a trigger refers to something that causes negative emotions and makes you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or distressed.

Feeling triggered isn’t just about being annoyed by something. For someone who’s experienced trauma, being around something that triggers them and reminds them of a traumatic event can make them feel like they’re experiencing it all over again. It can be a signal to the brain that they’re in danger.

While triggers are commonly discussed in the context of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the term can also be used in the context of other mental health conditions, such as anxiety or a substance abuse disorder.

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They refer to stimulus that makes us feel safe and grateful.

Whether we notice them organically or seek them out when we’re experiencing negative emotions, glimmers can help calm our nervous system and return us to a regulated state.

 

Examples of Glimmers

Glimmers are different for everyone, because the things that make us feel safe and joyful are subjective and unique to us.

Here are just some examples of glimmers:

  • Taking a bath
  • Saying a prayer
  • Seeing a rainbow
  • Hearing birds chirping
  • Patting or cuddling a pet
  • Hearing a child’s laughter
  • Doing something creative
  • Eating your favourite treat
  • Finishing an important task
  • The weight of a cosy blanket
  • The smell of freshly cut grass
  • Feeling sand between your toes
  • Talking to a loved one on the phone
  • Looking at photos of good memories
  • Smelling your partner’s perfume/cologne
  • Hitting all the green lights on the way to work.

 

How to Find Your Glimmers

Focusing on the good and identifying your glimmers can help improve your mood and make you feel more grateful and fulfilled overall.

Some ways to find your glimmers include:

  • Keep a journal or list – Journalling is a great way to keep track of the things that make you feel good throughout the day. Pay attention to what you’re doing, where you are, and who you’re with when you feel your best. This way, you can refer back and repeat – or simply get some good vibes going from the memories alone.
  • Stay connected – Create opportunities to connect with your loved ones, even if it’s just a quick call to share a funny story. Our relationships do wonders for our wellbeing, and they’re often a prime source of glimmers and gratitude.
  • Try new things – Not feeling inspired? Mix things up and try a new hobby or activity. Whether on your own or with a friend, trying new things is a great way to get out of your routine, learn more about yourself, and potentially find a new favourite pastime.
  • Practise gratitude – Before you go to sleep each night, think of three things you’re grateful for that day. These don’t need to be big, lifechanging things. As you can see from our examples above, glimmers can be small, everyday activities. Practising gratitude helps you get in the habit of noticing them more often.

Did you know practising gratitude can reduce stress and improve your immune function? Learn more in our blog post Benefits of Gratitude.

If you’re finding it hard to see the positives at the moment, it could help to talk to someone you trust or seek support from a professional.

Talking to a counsellor can help you work through things in a safe and supportive environment.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

What is emotional intelligence and how can you improve it?

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Emotional intelligence (also known as emotional quotient or EQ) is an important skill for navigating personal and professional relationships.

It refers to the ability to read the emotions of others and understand and manage your own emotions in a healthy way.

Just like general intelligence, EQ varies from person to person.

Developing emotional intelligence can help you build stronger relationships with others. It can also increase your resilience and ability to handle stress and other difficult feelings.

We explore the signs of high and low emotional intelligence and offer some tips to build your EQ here.

 

Signs of Emotional Intelligence

People with emotional intelligence can recognise emotions in themselves and others and use self-control to respond appropriately.

They’re aware of – and care about – how their emotions and moods impact others, and they take steps to avoid causing hurt and to maintain harmonious relationships.

Emotional intelligence is strongly linked to empathy. Emotionally intelligent people can read others, observing social and emotional cues to understand what someone might be feeling underneath.

Some key signs of high emotional intelligence might include:

  • Self-awareness – Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers
  • Self-control – Ability to regulate emotions and control impulsive behaviours
  • Empathy – Recognising how other people feel and responding appropriately
  • Healthy boundaries – Awareness of your limits, and ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries
  • Respectful communication – Ability to express emotions and needs in a respectful way, as well as listen and consider other perspectives and solutions.

 

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

People with low emotional intelligence generally lack self-awareness and self-control. They may appear selfish as they don’t consider how their moods and behaviours impact those around them.

They often miss social and emotional cues and say things that are insensitive and/or inappropriate.

For example, someone with low emotional intelligence might make a joke when a friend is grieving the loss of a loved one. They may also lash out in emotional outbursts when things don’t go their way.

Some key signs of low emotional intelligence might include:

  • Lack of empathy – Inability to understand other people’s feelings or consider their point of view
  • Lack of self-control – Emotional outbursts or mood changes, particularly during conflict or tense situations
  • Fixation on mistakes – Tendency to fixate on mistakes or constructive feedback instead of learning from them and moving on
  • Obliviousness to social cues – Missing social and emotional cues from those around them and potentially responding inappropriately
  • Complaining and negativity – Tendency to complain about an issue without considering solutions, and often finding someone else to blame.

 

Why is emotional intelligence important?

Emotional intelligence helps us understand ourselves and the people around us.

It helps us build relationships, communicate effectively, and navigate conflict respectfully. It can make us great friends, partners, and colleagues as we’re aware of our actions and care about the feelings of those around us.

EQ is a highly sought-after trait in professionals – particularly leaders. Some hiring managers specifically seek emotional intelligence in candidates.

Research shows emotional intelligence can enhance our general quality of life, making us feel more satisfied and rewarded in our personal and professional lives.

 

How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Improving your emotional intelligence can help increase your success at work and in your relationships.

Here are some tips to build your EQ by improving your:

  • Self-awareness
  • Self-control
  • Empathy.

Get to know yourself better

Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence. Reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and values, and pay attention to your knee-jerk emotional reactions.

Are there particular topics or situations that trigger tough emotions for you? How do your emotions factor into your decisions?

You can learn more about yourself by keeping a journal, monitoring your self-talk or inner monologue, and even asking trusted people for feedback.

Respond intentionally

Our emotions can tell us a lot about ourselves. When we take time to identify them, pause, and respond thoughtfully, we can have healthier interactions and avoid impulsive outbursts.

The more self-aware we are, the more we can recognise when we’re feeling elevated and practise self-control.

You can use self-regulating tactics such as:

  • Considering the ultimate outcome you want and what kind of response would achieve it.
  • Naming the emotion and paying attention to the kinds of thoughts and physical feelings it’s causing in your body.
  • Pausing before responding, whether this involves taking a deep breath or even saying “I just need a moment to get my thoughts together”.

Tune in to the emotions of others

Paying attention to the emotions and needs of the people around us can help us build closer connections. It can strengthen our empathy and make our friends, partners, and colleagues feel seen, understood, and cared about.

When we really listen to the people around us and consider how things might feel in their situation, we can consider an appropriate way to respond.

For example, if you recognise your partner is tired or irritable, you can predict your joke isn’t going to land well. If you notice your friend is less chatty than usual, you might assume they have something on their mind and ask if they want to talk about it.

Improving your emotional intelligence takes time and effort, but your relationships will thank you for it. If you’re finding it tough to get started on your own, talking to a counsellor can help.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

Want to improve your communication skills? You might find our blog post How to Be a Good Listener helpful.

How to Self-Soothe Using Your Senses

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Stress is a normal part of life for all of us. Whether it’s at work, in our relationships, or worrying about the future, we all feel moments of anxiety building in our bodies.

Mindfully connecting with your senses can help you self-soothe when you’re feeling triggered or overwhelmed.

We list some easy ways to create calm using your five senses, and we encourage you to find your favourites for when you’re feeling stressed.

 

Sight

  • Get outside and look at nature
  • Light a candle and watch it flicker
  • Watch a movie that makes you happy
  • Turn off the lights and create a cosy, dark space
  • Look at photos of good memories with loved ones
  • Go cloud watching and see how many shapes you can make
  • Make a collage using magazine cutouts or printouts from Pinterest
  • Count the objects around you, whether flowers, freckles on your body, or tiles on the floor.

 

Smell

  • Smell flowers
  • Boil cinnamon
  • Bake some cookies or bread
  • Light a scented candle or incense
  • Apply your favourite perfume or lotion
  • Smell an item of clothing from a loved one.

 

Sound

  • Listen to a guided meditation
  • Listen to upbeat or relaxing music
  • Call a loved one to hear a comforting voice
  • Listen to white noise, rain, or nature sounds
  • Sit outside and pay attention to what you hear.

 

Touch

  • Hug someone
  • Get a massage
  • Cuddle your pet
  • Give yourself a hug
  • Have a bubble bath
  • Squeeze a stress ball
  • Cuddle a soft blanket
  • Stand in the grass barefoot
  • Put a hot or cold compress on your forehead
  • Gently tap yourself on your forehead and cheeks.

 

Taste

  • Chew gum or a mint
  • Eat your favourite meal
  • Make a soothing drink such as herbal tea
  • Eat a hard lolly slowly, savouring the flavour
  • Try a food or flavour you’ve never had before
  • Eat something that reminds you of good times.

 

If you need some extra help finding strategies to regulate your emotions, speaking to a professional counsellor can help. Our counsellors provide a safe and supportive environment to explore your feelings and find healthy ways to cope.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services here.

Kids Helpline provides 24/7 support for kids, teens, and young adults: 1800 55 1800.

If you found this advice helpful, you might enjoy our blog post on how to stop sweating the small stuff.

Protecting Mental Health in Older People

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Along with our physical wellbeing, our mental health is essential to our enjoyment of life, especially as we age.

Mental ill health, like depression and anxiety, is underdiagnosed in seniors, and symptoms can be overlooked because they occur alongside other challenges faced by older people.

But mental health can be improved and protected through active, healthy ageing practices.

Here are some tips on protecting your mental health in older age.

 

Self-advocacy

Self-advocacy is defined as “the ability to communicate your needs.” Those who self-advocate are shown to be more likely to thrive.

Being aware and informed about seniors’ rights, options, and vulnerabilities can help you become a better advocate for yourself. The Older Persons Advocacy Network helps older Australians to be educated self-advocates.

 

Having a hobby

Hobbies can help improve your mood, your memory, and can help you manage stress.

Ask yourself what interests you. Nature? Creative expression? Engaging your brain? Maybe you can pick up an old hobby again. Some hobbies, like golf or boardgames, can help you to expand your social circle.

You can search on Facebook or Meetup to find social clubs related to your hobby.

 

Cultural involvement

Studies show that involvement in cultural activities reduces the risk of depression in older people.

Participating in cultural activities can help you get in touch with your heritage, connect you with others from your culture, and can help you to feel like “yourself” again.

Cultural activities might include joining a local group, attending a cultural celebration, or reconnecting with cultural art and media.

 

Help-seeking behaviours

Research shows that older adults are much more likely to seek help for physical pain rather than for mental health.

Remember, your brain is a critical organ in your body and your mental health can directly impact your physical health.

Mental ill health is nothing to be ashamed of, and prioritising your mental wellbeing is a brave first step to healing.

Here is a list of important phone numbers for seniors.

 

Community participation

Studies show that participation in community activities is beneficial to mental health in seniors.

You can get involved in the community by:

  • Volunteering
  • Attending free local events
  • Becoming a regular at a local café
  • Joining local groups based on your hobbies
  • Connecting with your local community centre.

 

Maintaining physical health

Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. You can improve your mental health by making sure you are eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising regularly.

Some gentle activities that promote physical health include healthy eating, taking a daily walk, and practising yoga and stretching.

 

Peer support and social connection

Making friends at any age can feel scary – but you’re never too old to make new friends!

Research shows that social support is directly correlated with resilience amongst older adults.

Some ideas for staying social later in life include:

  • Rekindling old friendships
  • Joining local groups for seniors
  • Ringing a friend or family member
  • Sparking up a conversation with a neighbour.

Here are some social groups for senior adults in Southeast Queensland. You can learn more about staying socially connected in older age here.

 

Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. Our experienced counsellors and community educators can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.

How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health

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Parents and carers play an important role in promoting positive mental health and wellbeing in children.

Research shows approximately 1 in 7 children and adolescents aged 4–17 years in Australia experience mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.

With the prevalence of mental illness in our young ones, it’s never too early to start focusing on your child’s mental health.

Some factors that may impact a child or young person’s mental health include:

  • Family dynamics
  • A relationship breakup
  • Bullying and cyberbullying
  • Family history of mental illness
  • Low self-esteem and/or body image issues
  • Pressure around school, exams, and the future
  • Big life changes (e.g. parents separating, moving school or home)
  • Traumatic events (e.g. natural disaster, experiencing or witnessing abuse, losing someone close to them).

Adverse mental health can have a significant impact on a child’s development, learning, social inclusion, family life, and physical health.

We share some ways to help support your child’s mental health and how to spot the signs they may need some extra support.

 

Encourage open communication about feelings

Talking about feelings from a young age can help your child recognise and label their emotions – a powerful tool that can help them better understand and regulate them in healthy ways.

Encourage your child to share how they’re feeling and provide validation and support. Telling them to stop crying or to get over it can lead to feelings of shame around their emotions and teach them it’s not safe to express themselves around you.

Try to remember that your child isn’t giving you a hard time – they’re having a hard time.

Some validating statements might include:

  • “It’s OK to cry.”
  • “That sounds really stressful.”
  • “How can I help you feel better?”
  • “I understand why you’re upset.”
  • “I can see that made you feel sad.”
  • “What might make you feel better?”

Validating your child’s feelings will make them feel supported and strengthen the trust in your relationship.

It also tells them you’re a safe space and they can come to you when they’re having a hard time or need advice. This sets the foundation for a strong, close relationship as they grow into an adult.

 

Support a healthy lifestyle

Physical health and mental health are closely connected, and a healthy lifestyle and home environment can be a crucial foundation for positive mental health and wellbeing.

Some factors that can help support a healthy lifestyle include:

  • Getting enough sleep
  • Getting daily exercise
  • Eating a balanced diet
  • Spending time outdoors
  • Avoiding caffeine and substances
  • Spending time with friends and family
  • Doing the hobbies and activities they enjoy
  • Having time to rest and relax to balance school and other obligations.

It’s important to remember that different children have different needs. For example, one child may need quiet alone time to feel calm and happy, while another may prefer to spend time socialising.

Make the effort to learn what lifestyle factors and habits best support your child’s wellbeing, and pay attention to their moods and behaviours.

 

Model healthy coping skills

Do you find it hard to regulate your emotions sometimes? Imagine how much harder it can be for children.

One of the best ways to help kids deal with big feelings is to show them how you stay calm in stressful or upsetting situations yourself.

Modelling healthy coping strategies to your child from a young age teaches them that it’s OK to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and disappointed, but it’s important that we try to process and express these feelings in healthy ways.

This might look like:

  • Breathing exercises – “I’m feeling a bit stressed out because of all the traffic. I’m going to take three big, deep breaths to help me feel calm.”
  • Mindful walking – “I’ve had a big day today. I’m going to go for a quiet walk to clear my head.”
  • Journalling – “My mind feels a bit busy. I’m going to write down my worries to get them out of my head and help me make a plan.”
  • Dancing – “Dancing makes me happy, so I’m going to put on my favourite song and move my body to get some positive energy going.”
  • Walking away – “I’m feeling upset right now, so I’m going to walk away until I feel calm enough to talk about it respectfully.”

Your strategies may change based on your child’s age, but these are some examples of coping skills your child may be able to adopt for themselves.

 

Let them know they’re loved and supported

Positive words of affirmation can help increase your child’s confidence, build resilience, and encourage positive self-talk.

Remind them often that you love them, you’re proud of them, and you’re there for them.

Find specific qualities and personality traits to compliment. Whether it’s their big imagination, kindness, or sense of humour, calling out specific things you love about them will make them feel extra special and appreciated.

You can do this by telling them in person or getting creative with a surprise note in their lunchbox or on their pillow.

 

Keep an eye out for changes in behaviour

Paying close attention to your child’s moods and behaviours can help you pick up on cues they may be struggling mentally – whether they verbalise those feelings or not.

It’s important to remember not everyone who has anxiety will experience the same symptoms, but these are just some common symptoms of anxiety in children:

  • Crying often
  • Changes in eating
  • Using the toilet often
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Irritability and outbursts
  • Rapid breathing or heartbeat
  • Being tired for no real reason
  • Restlessness, fidgeting, or shakiness
  • Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
  • Complaining of tummy aches and feeling sick
  • Being clingy or worrying about abandonment
  • Constantly worrying or having negative thoughts
  • Regression (denying ability to do tasks they normally can).

If you notice these signs in your child, it might help to seek professional support through your family doctor and/or a counsellor.

Our counsellors provide a safe and supportive space for children and families to explore their feelings and find healthy ways to cope.

Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services.

Kids Helpline provides 24/7 support for kids, teens, and young adults: 1800 55 1800.

If you found this advice helpful, you might enjoy our blog post on gentle parenting.

How Your Attachment Style Can Impact Your Relationship

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Have you noticed repeating patterns in your relationships?

Maybe you feel insecure and seek a lot of validation from your partner? Or maybe you bolt at the first sign of emotional intimacy?

These behaviours can be signs of your attachment style.

Our attachment style starts taking shape from infancy based on how our primary caregivers (usually parents) meet our needs. This forms the foundations for how we perceive and act in relationships into adulthood.

Identifying your attachment style can help you understand your behaviour in relationships and how you relate to your partner. It can also help you recognise your vulnerabilities to form healthier, more secure bonds.

We explore the attachment styles, how they’re formed, and how they can show up in relationships.

 

Attachment Theory

Pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s, your attachment style describes the emotional connection you formed as an infant with your primary caregiver.

According to attachment theory, the quality of the bonding you experienced during this first relationship often determines how well you relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout the rest of your life.

Your attachment style can show up in distinct behaviours in your relationship with your romantic partner – and even in how you parent your own children.

The four types of attachment styles are:

  • Secure
  • Avoidant (also known as dismissive, or anxious-avoidant in children)
  • Anxious (also known as preoccupied, or anxious-ambivalent in children)
  • Disorganised (also known as fearful-avoidant in children).

Avoidant, anxious, and disorganised are considered insecure attachment styles.

Children with an insecure attachment style can have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults. This may be because their experiences have taught them to believe that other people are unreliable or untrustworthy.

Those who have a secure attachment style tend to find relationships easier to navigate, as they learnt early on that it’s safe to rely on other people.

 

Secure Attachment

A secure attachment style generally develops in children whose needs are met by responsive and loving caregivers. They’ve learnt it’s safe to trust others and to accept and give love.

People with a secure attachment style feel safe, secure, and stable in their close relationships. Here are some ways it might show up:

  • You don’t rely on your partner alone for happiness
  • You’re comfortable expressing your feelings and needs
  • You have good self-esteem and are confident being yourself
  • You’re resilient when faced with disappointment in relationships
  • You don’t feel overly anxious when you’re apart from your partner
  • You’re able to be self-reliant as well as offer support when your partner needs it
  • You’re able to regulate your emotions and seek healthy ways to manage conflict.

 

Avoidant Attachment

An avoidant attachment style forms when an infant or child’s caregiver doesn’t show care or responsiveness. This can cause the child to become emotionally distant from their caregiver and learn that they can’t rely on others, often ‘parenting’ themselves.

Some ways an avoidant attachment style can show up in a relationship include:

  • You’re self-sufficient and independent
  • You prefer casual, short-term relationships
  • You fear intimacy and feel ‘suffocated’ in relationships
  • You suppress your feelings to avoid emotional closeness
  • Your partner may accuse you of being distant and closed off
  • The ‘needier’ your partner becomes, the more you withdraw
  • You get uncomfortable when your partner expresses their emotions.

 

Anxious Attachment

An anxious attachment style generally develops when a child depends on an unreliable and inconsistent caregiver. They learn that their caregiver may or may not come through when needed, leading to trust issues and fear of abandonment.

Here are some ways it can manifest in relationships:

  • You have a negative self-image
  • You have a fear of abandonment
  • You often feel anxious and insecure
  • You find it hard to trust your partner
  • You crave approval, attention, and validation
  • You can find it difficult to regulate your emotions
  • Your partner may accuse you of being too clingy or needy
  • You often feel jealous and anxious when you’re apart from your partner
  • Your self-worth relies on how you feel you’re being treated by your partner.

 

Disorganised Attachment

A disorganised attachment style is formed when a caregiver consistently fails to meet their child’s needs, creating a state of fear and stress in the child through anger and/or neglect. The child may replicate these abusive patterns in their adult relationships.

Some ways a disorganised attachment style can show up in a relationship include:

  • You’re afraid of getting hurt
  • You don’t feel worthy of love
  • You may be selfish and controlling in relationships
  • You have trouble trusting and relying on your partner
  • You want to be in the relationship, but you are fearful about it
  • Your partner may accuse you of not taking responsibility for your actions
  • You find it hard to regulate your emotions, which can lead to explosive and abusive behaviours
  • You find intimate relationships confusing, alternating between feelings of love and hate for your partner.

 

Seeking Support

Everyone deserves a healthy, respectful relationship where they feel safe and loved.

If you’re interested in learning more about your attachment style and how to address behaviours to maintain healthier, more secure relationships, speaking to a professional counsellor can help.

Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and find healthy ways to cope and communicate with your partner.

Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling.

In a relationship, you have the power to influence your partner in a positive or negative way. Explore our tips to bring out the best in your partner.

Looking After Yourself and Mob During The Voice Referendum

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We’ve been seeing a lot of opinions on The Voice to Parliament in the media lately. 

The Voice conversation is an important one, but it’s also a challenging and distressing time for some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples and communities. 

Being the focus of such strong political opinions, misinformation, and racism may have a significant impact on some First Nations Peoples’ mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing. 

We’d like to offer some ways to look after yourself and your loved ones in the lead up to the referendum. 

RAQ recognises from the Uluru Statement from the Heart that sovereignty was never ceded and acknowledges that while First Nations individuals will each have different views on The Voice, the right to self-determination is shared by all.  

RAQ’s First Nations Workforce has generously shared their unique perspectives to lead us to an organisational position in favour of The Voice. We invite you to read the Statement from RAQ’s First Nations Employees on The Voice Referendum. 

 

Stay Connected

Racial stress can cause feelings of loneliness and isolation. It’s more important than ever to stay connected with your family, community, and culture when you’re struggling. 

Studies show strong and healthy connections to community can help build a sense of cultural identity, increase social and emotional wellbeing, strengthen resilience, and help to protect against suicide. 

Keep up with your social activities and talk to mob about how you’re feeling. It can help to talk things through with people who understand your experience. Remember to check in on how they’re feeling too, and lean on each other. 

 

Look after your Mind and Body

It’s normal to let your healthy habits slip when you’re not feeling your best, but try to take small steps to look after your body where you can. 

Mental health and physical health are closely connected. Try to focus on things you can control – even little things like preparing healthy food, going for a walk, and getting enough sleep can help you set the tone for how you feel and go about your day.

Prioritise the things that make you feel happy and calm, whether it’s seeing friends, reading, playing sport, creating art, or doing self-care exercises like deep breathing and meditation. 

 

Set Safe Boundaries

Give yourself permission to protect yourself emotionally and spiritually, and remove yourself from people and situations that are triggering or unproductive. 

Speak your truth and let your friends know if you’re not in the mood for the conversation, or suggest changing the subject if it’s impacting you. 

If your friends don’t respect your boundary or they’re not willing to do the work to understand your culture and your experience, it’s OK to walk away from that relationship and seek out others who are willing to respect you and your culture.

It’s also important to remember that you’re not obligated to educate others. 

Sometimes people look to those with lived experiences as ambassadors of their communities, expecting them to be an activist or educator for others. 

This is common for First Nations Peoples as well as for members of the LGBTQIA+ communities, refugees and asylum seekers, and those who belong to multicultural and faith communities. 

While you might have lived experience and strong opinions, it should not be an expectation or obligation for you to share them. 

It might not be culturally appropriate or a safe environment, or you may simply not have the energy for the heavy lifting and mental load of educating others. 

Remember to balance your values with your physical and emotional wellbeing. 

Aunty Debra Bennet, Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement and Cultural Advisor, shares some advice in this blog post: When Your White Friends Won’t Talk About Race.

 

Limit Exposure to News and Media 

It’s never been easier for people to publicly share their thoughts and opinions online. The constant exposure to content related to The Voice and other issues can lead to burnout and distress.

If scrolling through the news and social media is upsetting you, it might be time to take a break. Remember you can mute, unfollow, or hide social media posts, accounts, or topics. 

It can be especially helpful to avoid upsetting topics right before bedtime, as this “doomscrolling” can  impact your sense of balance and inner peace, cause feelings of anxiety, and interrupt your sleep.

 

Know the Signs and Seek Help 

Feelings are strong on both sides of The Voice debate. No matter how you intend to vote, it’s normal to feel a range of emotions in the leadup to the referendum. 

Some First Nations Peoples might feel anxious, frustrated, upset, scared, or misunderstood. 

It’s important that we’re aware of the impact The Voice debate may have, and the signs we might need to reach out for help from community or a professional. 

Some impacts might include:  

  • Increased anxiety and depression  
  • Changes in sleep and appetite  
  • Feeling fearful and unsafe  
  • Feelings of shame  
  • Trauma and PTSD  
  • Chronic stress  
  • Suicidal thoughts.  

    If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you know, free and confidential help is available 24/7. 

    For 24/7 crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter, call 13YARN on 13 92 76. 

    RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

     

    No matter where you stand on The Voice debate, the safety, wellbeing, and respect of our First Nations Peoples should be everyone’s priority. 

    We invite you to share our blog post with your communities: How to be Sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice Referendum Debate. 

    Why do I feel lonely even though I have friends?

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    Australia is in a loneliness epidemic.

    Relationships Australia’s Relationship Indicators 2022 survey revealed we’re lonelier than ever, showing almost a quarter (23.9%) of Australians are lonely.

    Almost half (45.9%) of young people aged 18-24 reported feeling emotionally lonely.

    Emotional loneliness is different to social loneliness. Social loneliness refers to the lack of a social network, while emotional loneliness is the lack of close emotional connection.

    You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. Anyone can experience loneliness, even if you have regular social interactions.

    Maybe you feel drained after big events, or perhaps you don’t feel like you’ve found people who truly ‘get’ you yet. Either way, you might be wondering why you’re feeling alone in the world when you have people around you.

    We explore some of the reasons why you might feel lonely even when you have friends.

     

    Your connections are shallow

    Spending time with surface-level friends can leave you feeling lonelier than if you’d just stayed at home by yourself.

    Experts have found that too many shallow interactions can cause us to feel lonely and misunderstood.

    Social Scientist Kasley Killam explains:

    “Loneliness can arise from not feeling seen, understood, or validated. It can come from spending time with people who don’t share your values or interests. It can also come from too many superficial interactions and not enough deeper connections.”

    It doesn’t matter how many friends you have – if you don’t connect on a deeper level, they can leave you feeling unsatisfied and emotionally lonely.

    It can take years – even decades – to truly find your people. This doesn’t need to be a group of people. It could be just one close friend who really gets you, shares your values and interests, and makes you feel truly understood and validated.

    We explore ways to make deeper connections based on your values and interests in this blog post.

     

    You’ve outgrown your friends

    Not all friendships are made to last.

    Many of us find those childhood friends or high school social groups might fizzle out as we mature and discover who we really are.

    You might not share much in common anymore, and you may even find disagreements starting to arise as your values and beliefs take shape.

    Outgrowing friendships is a normal part of life. It’s OK to stop reaching out to friends who no longer align with your values and don’t feel like a fulfilling or comfortable fit anymore.

    We explore when to stop reaching out to a friend in this blog post.

     

    You’re socialising wrong

    There’s no right or wrong way to socialise. But if you feel drained and overwhelmed after hanging out in a big group of people, it might be a sign to change the way you spend time with the people you care about.

    Whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between, the way we socialise can have a significant impact on our energy levels and how connected we feel to the people we spend time with.

    You might find it more fulfilling to catch up with friends one at a time in a quiet setting where you can have more intimate conversations and build closeness.

     

    You’re not being yourself

    It’s hard to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance when you don’t know who you are – or you’re changing parts of your personality to appease the people you’re with.

    If you find you have to hide or change things about yourself, or you’re walking on eggshells around people, it might be worth considering how healthy and genuine those friendships really are.

    For example, if you’re a parent but none of your friends have an interest in children, you might not feel comfortable sharing that (massive) part of your life. Avoiding that topic may feel inauthentic and isolating for you.

    Some friendships can do more harm than good for our self-esteem and wellbeing. If you’re not being yourself and staying true to your identity and values, you’ll likely feel a disconnect.

     

    You’re struggling mentally

    If you’re feeling lonely or detached from the people you care about, it could be a sign that something else is going on for you.

    Maybe you’re going through a tough time mentally right now, you’re feeling burnt out from school, work, or parenting, or you’re just generally overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life. And that’s OK.

    We can’t always be our most sociable and energetic selves. But if you’re finding yourself withdrawing from friends and family or struggling with feelings of loneliness, chances are there could be something deeper beneath the surface.

    Speaking to a professional counsellor can help you sort through these feelings in a safe, judgement-free space, and find healthy ways to cope.

    Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services.

    We explore some of the potential causes of disconnection and signs of social withdrawal, and offer advice to nurture fulfilling connections here.

    How to be Sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice Referendum Debate

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    The Voice debate is an important and historic one. But the referendum process and related conversations will likely be challenging – and potentially distressing – for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples. 

    However you intend to vote, the safety, wellbeing, and respect of our First Nations Peoples should be everyone’s priority during what may be an emotional and traumatic time. 

    We’d like to offer some practical ways to be sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice referendum debate, and to be conscious of your own self-care as an ally. 

     

    Educate Yourself 

    While we should be seeking to listen to First Nations voices, it takes a toll on First Nations Peoples to continuously share their stories, educate, and advocate. 

    Whatever your stance on The Voice, it’s your responsibility to be informed and educate yourself on First Nations Peoples’ perspectives of Australian history and the ongoing impact of colonisation, including the upcoming referendum. 

    Familiarising yourself with The Uluru Statement from The Heart and understanding the background of the call to enshrine a voice to parliament is a great place to start. 

     

    Acknowledge the Impact 

    Opinions and feelings surrounding the referendum are strong on both sides. 

    Sadly, First Nations Peoples will likely experience increased instances of racism and cultural bias as people publicly share their thoughts online and in person. 

    It’s important that we’re aware of the impact The Voice debate and related conversations may have on First Nations Peoples and their immediate non-First Nations family members, close friends and allies. 

    Being the focus of such strong political opinions and misinformation can severely impact their mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing.  

    Some impacts might include: 

    • Increased anxiety and depression 
    • Changes in sleep and appetite 
    • Feeling fearful and unsafe 
    • Feelings of shame 
    • Trauma and PTSD 
    • Chronic stress 
    • Suicidal thoughts. 

      Being mindful of these impacts can help us be more understanding and empathetic and remind us to look out for each other during this time. 

       

      Create Safe Spaces for First Nations Peoples 

      Now more than ever, we each have a responsibility to consciously create culturally safe and inclusive workplaces and communities.  

      A culturally safe space means everyone feels comfortable, supported, and respected. 

      You can do this by: 

      • Recognising and avoiding stereotypes 
      • Confronting your own racism and biases 
      • Never assuming someone’s cultural identity 
      • Being aware of cultural differences in communication by seeking to understand how First Nations community members in your local area use body language that is respectful and welcoming. 

       

      Don’t Speak for First Nations Peoples 

      People will have different opinions and perspectives when it comes to The Voice – including First Nations individuals. 

      Allow First Nations Peoples to speak for themselves, and don’t assume where they stand on the topic. 

      Truth-telling and storytelling are two of the most important tools to educate non-First Nations Australians about these issues and to learn what issues are priorities to First Nations Peoples. 

      Truth-telling requires us to suspend our own experience and personal biases and engage in deep listening with First Nations Peoples about historical Truths. These Truths can sometimes be uncomfortable, but Truth-telling is crucial to build respect and understanding and begin the healing journey to reconciliation. 

      This might involve listening to practical examples of current incidents and historical precedents witnessed and/or documented by: 

      Storytelling refers to First Nations clans or individuals sharing their wisdom, knowledge, and lived experience. Storytelling might take the form of sharing a personal history, such as Stolen Generation survivor, Barkindji woman Aunty Julie Black, sharing her experience as part of The Healing Foundation’s ‘Telling our Stories – Our Stolen Generations’ series. 

      Listen to the Truths shared in Truth-telling and storytelling, and centre First Nations Peoples in conversations on The Voice – and all issues impacting them – to ensure their voices are heard. 

       

      Be Respectful and Open to Learning 

      Respectful communication is important no matter the context. 

      When First Nations Peoples share their feelings, lived experience, and wisdom, remain respectful and openminded. Don’t interrupt, raise your voice, or use disrespectful language or body language. 

      You don’t have to agree, but you do have to be respectful. 

      We offer tips to be a good listener in this blog post. 

       

      Stand up Against Racism 

      When safe to do so, standing visibly against racism and discrimination can be one of the most impactful ways to show support. 

      This includes calling out microaggressions within your own family or social circle. It may be uncomfortable, but having these conversations is a crucial part of being a true advocate. Silence condones racism. 

      You don’t have to engage in political discussions or advocate for your position on The Voice, but you do have a responsibility to advocate for the respect and dignity of our First Nations Peoples. 

      If we seek to be a more caring and respectful society that values all members and their safety, we’ll find better ways to work and live together. 

      We offer advice to address discrimination in this blog post. 

       

      Support Services 

      We understand this topic may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

      RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

      For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

      My Partner’s Anxiety is Affecting Me

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      Every relationship has its ups and downs, but mental health conditions can bring unique challenges for both partners.

      Research shows almost a third of people in Australia will experience an anxiety disorder in their lifetime, so many people will find themselves supporting a partner with anxiety at some point.

      Being with someone with a mental health condition means loving them in full and understanding that you may need to provide extra emotional support throughout the relationship.

      It can feel helpless, overwhelming, and even frustrating at times. This is normal and doesn’t make you a bad person or mean you love them any less – but it could be a sign you need to pay more attention to your own mental health.

      We explore how anxiety can affect relationships and how to look after yourself while supporting a partner with anxiety.

       

      How does anxiety affect relationships?

      Anxiety manifests differently in different people, and no two relationships are the same.

      The impacts of anxiety on a relationship will look different for everyone, but these are just some examples of how anxiety might affect a relationship.

      Codependency

      Some people with anxiety can be codependent or ‘clingy’ with their partner. This is generally due to a fear of rejection or abandonment.

      Codependency can also show up for people with anxiety who struggle with tasks like making phone calls, doing the groceries, or driving in busy traffic. They might rely on their partner to do these anxiety-inducing tasks for them, reducing their independence and confidence.

      Insecurity

      Anxiety and insecurity go hand in hand for many people, and this can require a lot of positive reassurance from a partner. The partner might feel like a broken record as they constantly remind their partner with anxiety that they love them and they’re not going to leave them.

      The person with anxiety might struggle with self-esteem issues, jealousy, and suspicion their partner is interested in someone else.

      At times, this can make it difficult for the partner to maintain friendships with people of the opposite sex (or same sex, if relevant).

      Social isolation

      People who struggle with anxiety may isolate themselves and avoid social situations. This can impact their partner’s social life too, as they may feel guilty attending events without them.

      Chronic tension

      Emotional instability is a common symptom of anxiety, and this can cause tension in relationships. The partner may not know how to respond in certain situations or may feel like they’re walking on eggshells.

      Communication breakdown

      Anxiety can cause serious problems with communication and connection in intimate relationships.

      It’s common for people with anxiety to feel guilty or like a burden due to stigma around mental illness. Some people with anxiety may even fear they’ll appear self-absorbed or dramatic if they talk about their anxiety too much.

      This can cause them to shut down or try to hide the extent of their struggles as to not risk being “less lovable” or “too much work” to their partner, creating distance.

       

      How to look after yourself while supporting a partner with anxiety

      The reality is people with an anxiety disorder may need more emotional support in a relationship. This doesn’t make them selfish, but it doesn’t mean your needs should take a backseat either.

      Everyone has mental health, and it’s important to look after yours even if you don’t have a mental health condition.

      Here are a few ways to protect your mental wellbeing while supporting a partner with anxiety.

      Learn more about anxiety

      Educating yourself on anxiety and its symptoms may help you be more understanding and empathetic of what your partner is going through.

      Learning helpful techniques (e.g. listening and validating their feelings, offering plenty of empathy and reassurance) can help you feel more equipped to support your partner and less helpless and overwhelmed.

      We explore some of the different types of anxiety disorders here.

      Communicate your feelings and boundaries

      We understand it can be tricky to raise your own feelings or stresses with an anxious partner. You may worry you’re just adding to their pile of anxieties, or that they’ll feel shame or guilt as a result.

      It’s important to remember that you deserve support too, and honest and respectful communication is the best way to make sure your needs are being met – and to avoid resentment down the track.

      Be clear on your feelings and proposed solutions before you approach your partner. Focus on “I” statements so they don’t feel judged or blamed, and try to find specific examples if you can.

      For example:

      • “I’m here for you, but I don’t feel like I can provide the level of support you need. Could therapy be a helpful option for you?”
      • “I’m feeling overwhelmed by my own stuff this week (e.g. work, family). I want to be here for you, but I don’t have the capacity to really engage and listen the way I’d like to. Can we wait until the weekend?”
      • “I understand it’s really hard for you at the moment, but I feel like it’s impacting my friendships. I’d like to put more energy into socialising. How can we make sure you’re comfortable with that?”

      Remember, an anxiety-prone partner may perceive this conversation as a threat to the relationship.

      Provide plenty of reassurance that you love them and you care about them, and you’re there to help find a solution.

      Prepare yourself with our practical tips to have a difficult conversation.

      Lean on your support network

      Social support is one of the most important human needs. Having a strong support network can reduce stress and increase our resilience and overall quality of life.

      Make an effort to maintain your relationships with friends and family, and don’t be afraid to reach out and open up when you’re having a tough time.

      You might be surprised by how relieved you feel just by talking about your problems with someone you trust. Venting is healthy – it can help relieve pent-up feelings about a problem, and talking to someone outside of the situation can help you see different perspectives and solutions.

      Just be sure to respect your partner’s privacy and don’t disclose specific information about their mental illness without their consent.

      Seek help for yourself

      Seeing someone you love suffer with mental illness can be painful.

      Remember that it’s not your job to fix them, it’s your job to accept, support, and love them – but not to the detriment of your own mental health and happiness. You deserve support for your challenges too.

      Speaking to a trusted loved one or a professional counsellor can be a great solution.

      Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and find healthy ways to cope and communicate with your partner.

      Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or to learn more about our counselling services, including relationship counselling.

      In a relationship, you have the power to influence your partner in a positive or negative way. Your words and behaviours can lift them up or bring them down. We offer tips to bring out the best in your partner.