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Category: Mental Health

Returning to Work after Maternity Leave

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Going back to work after maternity or parental leave can be hard.

A lot of parents – especially mothers – would like to stay at home with bub for longer but have to return to work out of necessity.

This can create feelings of sadness and guilt around leaving their child in someone else’s care, and anxiety around whether their child is being well looked after in their absence.

Other challenges can include being worried about coping with the workload and juggling family life with a career.

With so much to think about during such a significant period of change, it’s no wonder most new mums and parents feel overwhelmed going back to work after baby.

We hope these tips help make your transition back to work after maternity leave as smooth as possible.

 

Consider Your Schedule

We understand not everyone has the option to ease back into work part-time, but if you do have the choice, it’s worth considering what’s best for you.

You might not feel ready to return to work full-time and instead choose to return gradually by working a couple of days a week. Or you might prefer to slide right back into your role and hours full-time.

Consider your situation and weigh up your options.

 

Practise Your new Routine

Dropping bub off at childcare or leaving them in someone else’s care for the first time can be an emotional experience for everyone involved. It can help to tick this milestone off the list before your first day back at work to avoid starting the day with elevated emotions.

If you can, consider starting your child at care a week or two before your first day so they can get familiar with the new routine and comfortable with their caregiver. This can help ease some of your anxiety around how they’re coping without you while you’re at work.

You might also like to try doing some dry runs of your workday routine before the big day. Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, drop bub off at care, and arrive at your workplace. This can help you adjust timing as needed and feel confident in your new routine ahead of time.

 

Set Expectations with Your Boss

Be honest with your boss or manager about how your first few weeks back might look.

It’s not uncommon to be a bit wobbly as you transition back to work after maternity leave while navigating a whirlwind of emotions.

Where possible and needed, discuss flexible working arrangements, and be sure to confirm these in writing. For example, there might be some work-related travel you’re no longer willing to do. Or perhaps you need to shuffle your hours to suit care drop-off and pick-up.

It’s important that you show your commitment to your job, but also be realistic about expectations as you find your footing again. These conversations are crucial to ensuring you and your employer are on the same page and you feel supported in this new chapter.

 

Prioritise Your Mental Health

Being a parent is hard. Working is hard. Doing both at the same time can be exhausting.

During this time of give, give, giving to your family and your workplace, it’s important to pay attention to how you’re feeling day to day so you can be proactive about your mental health and wellbeing.

Prioritise the things you need to feel relaxed, recharged, and human. This might be a 10-minute morning meditation, a daily solo walk in the fresh air and quiet, or a weekly catchup with your best friend.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, and maintaining your mental health and happiness will benefit you, your family, and your work. So check in with yourself regularly, make self-care a daily habit, and lean on your support network when you’re struggling.

Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.

If you need some extra help coping with life right now, talking to a counsellor might help.  Learn about our counselling service and how to book an appointment here, or call 1300 364 277.

 

Feeling guilty about returning to work after maternity? We explore mum guilt and how to cope in this blog post.

Protective Factors for Mental Health

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Everyone has mental health. And just like our physical health, the habits we form and lifestyles we live can have a significant impact on it.

There are things we can do in our daily lives to support our mental health and reduce our risk of developing mental health conditions. These are called protective factors, and we’re going to explore some of them in this blog post.

These protective factors for depression and other mental health conditions may not be relevant to every individual. However, they are known to lower the risk of suicide and support mental health and wellbeing for most people.

It’s important to remember that factors such as unemployment, homelessness, racial discrimination, domestic and family violence, and genetic predisposition and are all major risk factors for mental health conditions and suicide.

While this blog post focuses on the protective factors and actions we may have control over, we acknowledge there are many individuals and communities who experience mental ill health due to disadvantage and circumstances out of their control.

Discover some of the factors, influences, and strengths that can support your mental health below.

 

Physical Health and Healthy Behaviours

Physical health and mental health go hand in hand.

When you’re looking after your body, you’re likely to experience positive benefits mentally and emotionally too.

Some healthy behaviours that can promote good mental health and wellbeing include:

  • Eating a balanced diet
  • Drinking enough water
  • Getting enough sleep
  • Exercising regularly
  • Avoiding cigarettes, alcohol, and other drugs.

You don’t have to follow a restrictive diet or train like an athlete to take care of your body. You might like to start small by reducing your intake of processed foods and drinks and adding a daily walk to your routine.

Remember to consult with your doctor before changing your diet and/or exercise routine to ensure you’re doing what’s best for your body.

 

Connection to Community

Humans are innately social beings. Love and belonging are core human needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In fact, they’re considered more important to us than self-esteem, status, freedom, and more.

When we don’t meet these needs, we risk feeling socially isolated, which can lead to serious physical and mental health issues.

If you don’t feel a sense of connection and belonging in your community, you might like to think about some ways you can start to build it. This could include joining or starting a local group or club, whether it be a local sports team, book club, or other group relevant to your interests or hobbies.

Or you could consider volunteering at your neighbourhood library, animal shelter, or aged care facility. This can be a great way to meet likeminded people and create a sense of purpose and connection.

We suggest more ways to build community in your neighbourhood here.

 

Social and Emotional Support

A strong support network can bring a sense of fulfilment like nothing else.

Many studies have shown the benefits of strong social relationships, including improved physical and mental health, increased ability to cope, and even increased life expectancy.

You don’t need a large social circle to enjoy these benefits. The emotional support from just a few close friends or family members can make all the difference for your mental health and happiness – especially during tough times.

You can make your friendships a priority by scheduling in regular catchups with your loved ones. This might involve hosting a monthly dinner or game night, or booking in a set time to call your friend each week.

We offer tips to make friends as an adult here.

 

Exposure to Nature

How often do you get outdoors?

In our busy world, it’s easy to spend most of our time inside and in front of a screen (or two!).

Studies have proven the benefits of spending time in nature for our physical and mental health, including improved mood and reduced stress.

Some people find being outside provides a great opportunity to practise mindfulness, as it removes them from life’s distractions and encourages them to focus on the here and now.

A few ways to spend more time in nature might include:

  • Get an outdoor hobby like gardening, cycling, kayaking, swimming, or birdwatching
  • Make use of your local walking trails, parks, and beaches
  • Centre social plans around outdoor activities (e.g. a picnic or hike)
  • Set up a comfy outdoor seating area at home to enjoy your morning coffee.

 

Help-Seeking Behaviour

The stigma around mental health and seeking help during difficult times has reduced in recent years, but some people still don’t feel comfortable reaching out when they need to.

Bottling things up when you’re having a hard time coping can make things worse.

We encourage anyone struggling to seek help before reaching crisis point. Early intervention can reduce the risk of mental health deteriorating further and help you find solutions sooner.

Professional help such as counselling can be a great option for anyone who needs some extra support.

Our counsellors can help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment free from judgement. Sessions are available in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.

Healing from Emotional Abuse

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Emotional abuse can have serious ongoing impacts on survivors. It can cause low self-esteem, isolation, and even mental health conditions such as anxiety or PTSD.

But with time and the right support and resources, it is possible to process and heal from emotional abuse and regain your confidence and sense of self.

RAQ Relationship Educator Gamze shares her insights and advice around emotional abuse here, including:

  • What is emotional abuse?
  • Why might someone emotionally abuse their partner?
  • Impacts on survivors
  • Leaving an abusive relationship
  • Coping strategies to heal from emotional abuse
  • Where to get help.

 

What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that has been overlooked in the past, but we’re exploring what it is and its effects more recently.

Domestic violence, including mental and emotional abuse, is a crime in Australia and many other countries.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse often goes unnoticed and can be difficult to identify. It can involve the use of words, actions, and/or behaviours.

It can come in many forms such as:

  • Constant criticism, belittling or humiliation including yelling and name-calling
  • Emotional neglect through withholding affection, attention, and/or support
  • Gaslighting, which involves denying or trivialising the person’s feelings or experiences, lying or distorting the truth, projecting their own faults onto the other person, and isolating the other person from family and friends who might support them
  • Controlling the person’s behaviour, such as what they wear, where they go, or who they see or spend time with
  • Threatening to harm the other person or someone they care about (including pets) as a way to control and manipulate them.

You can learn more in our blog post What’s an emotionally abusive relationship?

 

Why might someone emotionally abuse their partner?

Emotional abuse is a complex issue, so the motivation of the person who is emotionally abusing their partner can vary.

It’s important to highlight that regardless of the reason, emotional abuse is never OK and cannot be justified. Sometimes, understanding why something is happening can help people to process their emotions and thoughts better and can increase their motivation to make changes.

These are some of the reasons why someone might emotionally abuse their partner.

Power and control

One of the primary reasons why someone may emotionally abuse their partner is to gain power and control over them, their thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. This usually happens due to their sense of feeling inadequate as a person or partner, or out of fear of losing their partner.

Childhood experiences

Emotional abuse can be a learned behaviour through being exposed to or experiencing abuse in their childhood. Someone who has grown up with parents or carers who use emotional abuse – and other forms of abuse – may not see how this behaviour is harmful and go on to follow the same patterns in their adult relationships.

Mental health issues

People with certain mental health conditions or personality disorders may be more prone to emotionally abusing their partner. Where abuse is present, there may be an underlying mental health issue.

 

Impacts on Survivors

Survivors of emotional abuse often experience long-lasting negative impacts on their overall wellbeing, including their physical wellbeing.

These are just some of the potential impacts of emotional abuse on a survivor.

Low self-worth

Emotional abuse can make a person feel worthless and unimportant. They may begin to think they’re not deserving of love, respect, or happiness. In some cases, survivors might blame themselves for the abuse, which can lead to feelings of shame and further isolation.

Increased self-doubt and trust issues

Survivors might doubt their ability to make the ‘right decisions’ when it comes to relationships, and struggle to trust others and their motivations. This may get in the way of forming healthy close relationships.

Difficulty regulating own emotions

Survivors of emotional abuse may struggle to regulate strong emotions and feel easily overwhelmed. This can make it hard to maintain relationships.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Emotional abuse can be traumatic, and in some cases, can lead to PTSD. Victims may experience flashbacks, nightmares, and other symptoms commonly associated with trauma.

Anxiety and depression

Ongoing isolation and criticism may cause long-lasting anxiety and depression. Survivors may feel hopeless and on edge more often than someone who hasn’t experienced emotional abuse.

Physical issues

In some cases, emotional abuse can cause chronic headaches, digestive issues, chronic pain, and other physical health problems.

We list more common effects of domestic abuse here.

 

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

If you’re considering leaving an abusive relationship, please keep in mind that it can be a dangerous process. The period that follows leaving an abusive partner can be the most dangerous time for a survivor.

It’s a good idea to seek professional help to find ways to stay safe. A domestic violence service or counsellor can help you come up with a safety plan to prioritise keeping yourself (and your children, if any) safe while you’re leaving the relationship. You can call us on 1300 364 277 to make an appointment to speak to a counsellor.

It’s also important to know that paid family and domestic violence leave is now available for some Australian employees.

Full-time, part-time, and casual employees of medium and large businesses can now access 10 days of paid family and domestic violence leave in a 12-month period. Employees of small businesses can access the leave from 1 August 2023.

This leave is intended to allow survivors to make arrangements and attend appointments required to deal with the impact of abuse without losing wages.

We offer practical steps to increase your safety after leaving an abusive relationship here.

 

Coping strategies to heal from emotional abuse

  • Acknowledge the abuse: When we can address what has happened, it becomes easier to understand and process the impact of the abuse. This is the first step to start working on healing and having a healthier life.
  • Take time to grieve: It’s important to grieve for what you hoped for yourself and your relationship as well as your ‘old self’ before the abuse. You may experience different emotions such as sadness, anger, loneliness, and confusion. Allow yourself to experience these emotions and express them in a healthy way.
  • Seek help: As we’ve explored here, emotional abuse can create several long-lasting impacts on the survivor. You don’t have to deal with them alone. A domestic and family violence trained counsellor can help you understand what you’ve been through, including the impact of the abuse, and help you look for ways to heal in your own time. It can also be helpful to join support groups or reach out to trusted friends or family members to manage the feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  • Do things that bring joy and increase your self-worth: Spend time nurturing parts of you that have been impacted by the abuse by doing things that bring you joy. Some people find exercising, resting, eating a balanced diet, journalling, meditation, or spending time with close friends bring them joy and fulfilment.
  • Forgive yourself: Feelings of self-blame and shame are common for survivors of emotional abuse. Find ways to forgive yourself and see if you can sit with the thought that the abuse was not your fault, and you did not deserve to be treated that way. Seek self-compassion for the actions you might have taken to protect yourself and your loved ones during the abuse.
  • Set boundaries: If the person who has abused you is still in your life, set clear and healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further impacts of the abuse. This can help you feel in control of your life and contribute to your sense of self. It can be tricky to set boundaries to start with. Seek help if you are struggling with boundaries and be patient with yourself as you learn to navigate life after the abuse.

 

Where to get help

You deserve a life free from abuse. You deserve to be loved in a respectful way, and you don’t have to heal alone. Reach out for help and prioritise your safety and wellbeing.

Our counsellors can help you process your experience in a safe environment free from judgement.

They can work with you to explore your options and refer you to the appropriate support, including legal action where necessary.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

5 Ways to Build Community in Your Neighbourhood

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Having a sense of belonging where we live can make us happier and less lonely.

Social isolation is a major cause of loneliness. Building a sense of community in your neighbourhood can help reduce social isolation for yourself and for your neighbours.

Here are 5 fun ways that you can create connection and community in your neighbourhood.

 

1. Become a regular at a local business

Frequenting local businesses, such as your favourite café, can help establish some familiar friendly faces. You can also attend your nearest weekly market, where local vendors sell their products and services.

Plus, supporting local businesses will contribute to their success while stimulating your neighbourhood’s economy.

 

2. Chat to other parents (or fur parents) at the local park

Whether you have human children or four-legged children, going to the playground or dog park is an easy way to make friends with other locals.

A survey shows that attending local parks and owning a pet are by far the top ways that Australians meet people in their neighbourhood.

Visiting the park on a regular basis with your children or your dog will incorporate some consistent socialisation into your life. Your child or your dog can form their own friendships at the park, too.

 

3. Welcome the newcomers in your area

Create a shared sense of community by welcoming the newcomers of your neighbourhood or building.

You could recommend your favourite local places and offer them tips and insight on the neighbourhood.

More personable approaches might include gifting them some homegrown produce from your garden or leaving a kind note on their door.

 

4. Join or start a local group or club

Joining a local group or club can create a sense of belonging in your area. You can find local groups and clubs relevant to your interests and hobbies on Facebook or Meetup.

If there isn’t already a group for your specific interest, why not start one? You can gather attendees easily on the previously mentioned social apps or by posting flyers around your building or neighbourhood.

 

5. Throw a party

Your neighbours can’t complain about the noise if they’re at your party!

Jokes aside, hosting a party can be a fun, casual way for neighbours to get to know each other. Easy ideas include a BYO barbecue or a neighbourhood Christmas celebration.

At the end of every March, Australia’s annual Neighbour Day is the perfect excuse to throw a neighbourhood party. Neighbour Day is reported to have lasting outcomes, with 95% of participants reporting that they plan to maintain ongoing contact with the neighbours they met at a Neighbour Day event.

If you’re feeling lonely or having trouble making friends, our counsellors are here to help. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

Just moved? We offer some tips on making friends in our blog post How to Meet People in a New City.

Is Australia meeting our Closing the Gap targets?

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National Close the Gap Day is observed on the third Thursday of March, falling on March 16 this year.

It aims to raise awareness of  a range of  significant social and economic issues and barriers faced by First Nations – Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Australians, and is an opportunity to show support for the National Agreement on Closing the Gap (the Agreement).

Colonisation has caused ongoing trauma across generations of First Nations Australians.

There are First Nations Peoples living today who:

  • Were denied an education
  • Could not receive healthcare
  • Did not have the right to vote
  • Had children stolen from them
  • Were not permitted in public places
  • Are members of the Stolen Generations
  • After the abolition of slavery had their wages stolen
  • Were forced to work for colonial settlers and government agencies for no wages
  • Contributed to the Australian economy and defence forces and were never acknowledged
  • Were forcibly removed from their own Traditional Lands and detained in government Reservations.

The objective of the Closing the Gap framework is to enable Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples and governments to work together to overcome the inequality experienced by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples and achieve life outcomes equal to all Australians.

The Agreement came into effect in July 2020 and sets out a 10-year framework. It identifies 17 socioeconomic outcomes important to the rights, wellbeing, and quality of life of First Nations Australians.

So, how are we doing so far? Is Closing the Gap working? We take a look at our progress here with some help from Aunty Deb, Lead Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Engagement and Cultural Advisor at RAQ.

This article is informed by the Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022.

 

What are our Closing the Gap targets?

Health and wellbeing

  1. Close the gap in life expectancy within a generation by 2031.
  2. Increase the proportion of babies with a healthy birthweight to 91% by 2031.
  3. Increase the proportion of children assessed as developmentally on track in all five domains of the Australian Early Development Census to 55% by 2031.
  4. Reduce the rate of overrepresentation of First Nations children in out-of-home care by 45% by 2031.
  5. Significant and sustained reduction in suicide of First Nations Peoples towards zero.

Beyond Blue’s ‘Invisible Discriminator’ campaign highlights the impact of racism on the social and emotional wellbeing of First Nations Peoples: The Invisible Discriminator – Beyond Blue

Education and Employment

  1. Increase the proportion of children enrolled in Year Before Fulltime Schooling early childhood education to 95% by 2025.
  2. Increase the proportion of people aged 20-24 years attaining year 12 or equivalent qualification to 96% by 2031.
  3. Increase the proportion of people aged 25-34 years who have completed a tertiary qualification (Certificate III and above) to 70% by 2031.
  4. Increase the proportion of youth (aged 15-24 years) who are in employment, education or training to 67% by 2031.
  5. Increase the proportion of people aged 25-64 years who are employed to 62% by 2031.

Justice

  1. Reduce the rate of adults held in incarceration by at least 15% by 2031.
  2. Reduce the rate of young people (aged 10-17 years) in detention by 30% by 2031.

Safety

  1. Reduce the rate of all forms of family violence and abuse against First Nations women and children by at least 50% by 2031, as progress towards zero.

Housing

  1. Increase the proportion of people living in appropriately sized (not overcrowded) housing to 88% by 2031.

Land and waters

  1. First Nations Peoples maintain a distinctive cultural, spiritual, physical, and economic relationship with their land and waters.
  • A 15% increase in Australia’s landmass subject to First Nations Peoples’ legal rights or interests by 2030.
  • A 15% increase in areas covered by First Nations Peoples’ legal rights or interests in the sea by 2030.

Languages

  1. There is a sustained increase in number and strength of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander languages being spoken by 2031.

Digital inclusion

  1. First Nations Peoples to have equal levels of digital inclusion by 2026.

 

What targets are on track?

It’s important to note that the targets provide limited information on progress at this stage. No new data are available since the baseline year for eight of the targets, and for the targets where there are new data available, the most recent data are for 2021.

For the targets that have new data and assessments of progress, the results are mixed and most need to be used with caution.

According to the Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022, four of the Closing the Gap targets are on track. These include:

Healthy birthweight of babies

89.5% of First Nations babies born in 2019 were of a healthy birthweight.

This is an increase from 88.8% in 2017 (the baseline year) and is on track to meet the target of 91% by 2031.

Enrolment of children in the preschool

96.7% of First Nations children in the Year Before Fulltime Schooling age cohort were enrolled in a preschool program in 2021.

This is an increase from 76.7% in 2016 (the baseline year) and is on track to meet the target of 95% by 2031.

Youth detention rates

In 2020-21, the rate of First Nations Young Peoples aged 10–17 years in detention on an average day was 23.2 per 10,000 young people in the population.

This is a decrease from 31.9 per 10,000 young people in 2018-19 (the baseline year) and is on track to meet the target to decrease by at least 30% by 2031.

Land mass subject to rights and interests

4,027,232km2 of the land mass was subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests in 2021.

This is an increase from 3,911,679 km2 of the land mass in 2020 (the baseline year).

The target to see a 15% increase in land mass subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests by 2030 is on track to be met.

What targets aren’t on track?

The report shows five Closing the Gap targets are not on track. These include:

Children commencing school developmentally on track

34.3% of First Nations children commencing school were assessed as being developmentally on track in 2021. This is a decrease from 35.2% in 2018 (the baseline year) and is not on track to meet the target of 55% by 2031.

Out-of-home care

In 2021, the rate of First Nations children aged 0–17 years in out-of-home care was 57.6 per 1000 children in the population. This is an increase from 54.2 per 1000 children in 2019 (the baseline year) and is not on track to meet the target of reducing the rate of out-of-home care by 45% by 2031.

Adult imprisonment

As of 30 June 2021, the age-standardised rate of First Nations prisoners was 2222.7 per 100,000 adult population. This is an increase from 2142.9 per 100,000 adult population in 2019 (the baseline year) and is not on track to meet the target of reducing the incarceration rate by at least 15% by 2031.

Suicide deaths

The suicide rate (for NSW, QLD, WA, SA, NT combined) for First Nations Peoples was 27.9 per 100,000 people in 2020. This is an increase from 25 per 100,000 people in 2018 (the baseline year) and is getting us further away from the target of a ‘significant and sustained reduction in suicide towards zero’.

“Suicide was unknown to Aboriginal people prior to invasion. Appalling living conditions and past traumas have led to a suicide rate that by far exceeds that of non-Aboriginal people.” – Creative Spirits

Sea country subject to rights and interests

90,555km2 of the sea country was subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests in 2021. This is an increase from 90,252 km2 of the sea country in 2020 (the baseline year).

While this was an increase, the target to see a 15% increase in sea country subject to First Nations Peoples’ rights or interests by 2030 is not on track to be met.

 

Closing the Gap targets progress 2023

Image: Online report – Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022 | Closing the Gap Information Repository – Productivity Commission (pc.gov.au)

 

The following eight targets not listed above have no new data available since the baseline year:

  1. Close the gap in life expectancy within a generation
  2. Children enrolled in Year Before Fulltime Schooling early childhood education
  3. Proportion of people aged 20-24 years attaining year 12 or equivalent qualification
  4. Proportion of people aged 25-34 years who have completed a tertiary qualification
  5. Proportion of youth (aged 15-24 years) who are in employment, education or training
  6. Proportion of people aged 25-64 years who are employed
  7. Number and strength of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander languages being spoken
  8. Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples to have equal levels of digital inclusion

You can read the full 2022 report here: Closing the Gap Annual Data Compilation Report July 2022

 

What next?

A further update is scheduled for June 2023, which is anticipated to include reporting for the first time on the further eight targets not listed in the above data. The release of the 2023 Annual Data Compilation Report is anticipated by mid-July.

We look forward to having access to this updated snapshot of Australia’s progress in Closing the Gap.

The Minister for Indigenous Australians has released the 2023 Commonwealth Closing the Gap Implementation Plan. This Implementation Plan is the first under the Albanese Government and outlines the Commonwealth’s strategic priorities and efforts to close the gap over the next 12-18 months. You can read the plan here.

RAQ stands with First Nations staff, clients, and communities. We acknowledge the generosity of First Nations Peoples as they continue to build upon their resilience and resourcefulness and endeavour to develop and maintain respectful relationships with all other Australians and international visitors on their Lands.
RAQ offers culturally appropriate support online and in person. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment with one of our counsellors. Or you can connect with 13YARN on 13 92 76 (24/7) to talk with a First Nations Crisis Supporter.

Are you lonely living alone?

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Decorating exactly how you like. Doing the dishes in your own time. Having total control over the TV.

There are plenty of perks to living alone. It can provide freedom and build independence like nothing else.

But living alone can also get lonely – even for people who love having their own space.

Excessive social isolation and loneliness can lead to mental and physical health issues such as anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and cognitive decline.

It’s important to fill your days – and your social cup – in other ways to maintain a sense of connection.

We hope these tips help if you get lonely living alone.

 

Find a routine you enjoy

Structure and consistency can help you maintain healthy habits and bring purpose to your days.

Establish a weekly routine that aligns with your goals and includes things you look forward to, whether it’s a morning walk listening to your favourite music, or a phone call with a loved one on the drive home from work.

Having a regular sleep schedule can also promote productivity and improve mental and emotional health, so keep that body clock in check!

 

Touch base with friends daily

We all have days where we get home and just want to switch off and escape in quiet solitude. But this can be isolating when it becomes your daily default.

Make an effort to reach out to at least one friend or family member each day to ensure you’re getting your daily dose of connection. This doesn’t have to be a long phone call – it could be as simple as asking a friend how their weekend was or sharing a successful dinner recipe.

 

Get out of the house

Getting out of the house doesn’t just provide a change of scenery from your four walls – it can also help you feel connected to the world around you and offer opportunities for social interactions.

Find a new nature walk to try out, read a book in a nearby park, or become a regular at your local café. You could even make a list of attractions and activities in your area that you can tick off throughout the year.

 

Have friends over regularly

A housewarming party shouldn’t be the only time you invite friends over. Make your home a social space so you can appreciate it as more than just the place you sleep.

You don’t have to host an elaborate dinner party every week, but having a few friends over for a games or movie night is a great way to bring laughter and conversation into your home.

 

Recognise your triggers for loneliness

Check in with how you’re feeling and identify any patterns.

You might notice you feel most lonely during certain days and times. Once you identify a trigger, you can take steps to prevent the negative feelings.

For example, if your loneliness kicks in on Sunday afternoons, you might like to schedule in an afternoon walk with a friend during that time so you’re not alone with your thoughts.

 

Seek professional support

Living alone can be a great opportunity to get to know – and work on – yourself.

Our experienced counsellors offer a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings and help you find solutions and coping strategies.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

We offer tips to overcome social isolation in this blog post.

Why do I feel disconnected from everyone?

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Are you feeling disconnected from your friends and family?

Maybe you feel misunderstood or like no one “gets” you. Or perhaps you feel emotionally “empty” and don’t have the bandwidth to engage with people as you normally would.

We explore some of the potential causes of disconnection and signs of social withdrawal, and offer advice to nurture fulfilling connections here.

 

Potential causes of feeling disconnected

It’s normal to feel less close to your loved ones from time to time.

This may not necessarily be due to a disagreement or falling out. How connected you feel to others can be impacted by many factors and depends heavily on your circumstances.

These are just a few potential causes.

Burnout

While friends and family can provide much-needed support when we’re stressed, it can get to a point where we’re so burnt out that we can no longer actively engage socially. If work, study, parenting, your relationship, or other stressors have become overwhelming, you may find it harder to connect with your friends.

Experiencing a life-changing event

Loss, moving, changing jobs, or the end of a relationship are emotionally and mentally exhausting. It’s easy to detach or withdraw when you don’t have the energy to spend on other people. You may also feel disconnected from your peers after experiencing such a big change.

Feeling like you’re on a different path to your peers

Similarly, it may be hard to feel understood by and close to someone if they can’t relate to your experience. Perhaps you can feel your friends without children disengaging when you talk parenting. Or maybe your siblings in high-powered careers don’t seem to understand your choice to casually freelance while travelling. Feeling misunderstood by the people around you can cause you to disconnect and disengage emotionally, thinking “why bother?”.

Social media

Despite being created to encourage connections regardless of your location, social media can certainly have the opposite effect. It’s important to remember that social media is often a highlight reel of other peoples’ lives; it’s often not entirely reflective of reality. It’s also important not to let virtual interactions replace real conversations or quality time.

The rise of social media has been a fundamentally multifaceted phenomenon… The evidence suggests that social media use is strongly associated with anxiety, loneliness, and depression. – Centre for Mental Health (UK)

Living or working in a remote area

Being far away from friends and family, feeling exhausted by shift work, and relationship problems due to the pressure of FIFO work can cause you to shut down socially.

Working from home

The COVID pandemic made the home office much more common. While there are plenty of benefits, being in our own home all day without those office chitchats makes it incredibly easy to feel disconnected from the world.

Mental health issues

Mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and mood disorders can cause social withdrawal and isolation. Socialising can feel like a chore when you’re struggling with your mental health, and it can be hard to be truly present with others when your mind feels messy.

 

Signs of social withdrawal

Feeling disconnected often goes hand in hand with social withdrawal. This can be a risky cycle given the physical and mental health risks of social isolation and loneliness.

Here are some of the common signs of social withdrawal:

  • Spending less time with your friends and family than usual
  • Finding excuses to decline invitations
  • Preferring to spend time alone
  • Experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out)
  • Your “social battery” feels flat
  • Feeling excluded by friends and family
  • Feeling like you can’t relate to your peers
  • Feeling numb or empty.

 

How to form fulfilling connections

When you notice yourself feeling disconnected, there are some steps you can take to feel connected again:

Reach out to friends and family. Let someone know how you’re feeling. Even a short phone call with a loved one can help you feel a bit more connected. Being honest and vulnerable about how you’ve been feeling can be a great first step to increasing the emotional intimacy in that relationship.

Make plans based around your circumstances. They say that life gets in the way of living. If certain circumstances like an injury, bad weather, or demanding work shifts are the cause of your isolation, there are some steps you can take to adapt. Try having a Zoom happy hour with friends, or letting friends and family know your work schedule so they can include you in plans.

Take a break from social media. Research shows that FOMO is indeed real. It’s defined as “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent,” and social media is extremely good at causing this feeling. Ironically enough, sometimes disconnecting can make you feel more connected. Put your phone down and meet with someone important to you face to face.

Incorporate connecting into your daily routine. If working from home has got you feeling lonely and out of touch, see if you can spend more time in a local community working space. If you have friends who also work from home, you could have a work-from-home day together.

Practise saying yes. Sometimes a bit of time with friends or family can help us feel like ourselves again – even if we’re not in the mood. It’s okay to be gradual and start with plans that are not too socially overwhelming or exhausting. Being around loved ones might be the perfect pick-me-up.

Prioritise self-care. Socialising with others is extremely difficult when we don’t feel like ourselves. Practising self-care can be a rejuvenating mood-booster. Dedicate time to relaxing, taking a bath, listening to your favourite podcast, or all of the above. If you’re worried about your mental health, talk to your GP about a mental health care plan.

 

Talking to a counsellor may help you with feeling more connected. Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

What is emotional detachment?

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Do you ‘shut down’ or feel emotionally numb when you get overwhelmed?

You could be emotionally detaching.

Emotional detachment describes a state of being unable or unwilling to engage or connect with other people’s feelings – or even your own.

It’s often used as a coping mechanism during difficult situations, but it can also be a sign of underlying mental health issues.

We explore some causes and signs of emotional detachment and offer advice here.

 

What causes emotional detachment?

Emotional detachment is often triggered by negative feelings.

These are just some reasons someone might emotionally detach or dissociate.

Traumatic event

Emotional detachment can be a reaction to a traumatic or stressful event. This might be an accident, abuse, breakup, or the death of a loved one.

Childhood conditioning

Growing up in an environment that didn’t encourage vulnerability may cause someone to feel uncomfortable discussing feelings or getting close to people as an adult. It may also cause someone to rely on the ‘silent treatment’ or emotional detachment if they never learned how to express themselves in a healthy way.

Fear of getting hurt

Someone might choose to detach emotionally from a love interest or intimate partner as a protective measure. They may keep an emotional wall up to avoid future emotional pain – particularly if they’ve been hurt in past relationships.

Medications

Emotional ‘numbness’ can be a side effect of some medications, such as antidepressants. Always speak to your trusted medical professional if you’re concerned about how your medication may be impacting you.

Interpersonal conflict

Some people choose to emotionally detach from their intimate partner or a specific friend or family member if they’re upset with that person. They may feel drained and not have the desire or emotional bandwidth to connect while they’re upset.

Mental health conditions

Emotional detachment is a symptom of several mental health issues, such as depression, PTSD, and some personality disorders. You should speak to your GP about a mental health care plan and seek a professional diagnosis if you’re concerned about your mental health.

 

Signs of Emotional Detachment

These are some of the behaviours that may indicate emotional detachment.

Experiencing one or more of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean you’re emotionally detached. If you’re concerned about how you’re feeling and how you’re interacting with the people around you, talking to a professional might help.

  • Feeling ‘numb’
  • Inability to identify emotions
  • Difficulty showing empathy to others
  • Feeling disconnected from others
  • Difficulty sharing emotions to others
  • Difficulty committing to a relationship or person
  • Losing touch with people you normally enjoy interacting with.

 

How to Cope when You’re Emotionally Detached

Emotional detachment can be a positive temporary tool to protect ourselves from stress or overwhelm.

But it can lead to relationship breakdown and other issues such as social isolation, which can have serious impacts on our mental and physical health.

Emotional connection is an important part of a healthy and happy life.

We hope these tips help if you’re struggling to emotionally connect with yourself and others.

Self-reflect

Making sense of the messiness in your head might be the last thing you want to do right now. But being able to identify and address your feelings is an important first step to feeling connected to yourself – and others – again.

Take some time to look within and reflect on how you’re feeling in your mind and body. What might be causing you to emotionally detach from the world around you? What’s one small way you can start to process this and move forward?

You might like to write your feelings down in a journal. Don’t think too much about what you’re writing – just let the words flow as they come to you.

Be honest

If it feels safe to do so, telling your loved ones how you’ve been feeling may bring you some relief and help you feel a sense of connection again.

Chances are they’ve felt the same way at some point and will be able to offer some empathy and understanding for your situation, and patience as you work on feeling like yourself again.

Seek professional help

Our counsellors can help you explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe, non-judgemental space. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

How to Cope with Empty Nest Heartache

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Empty nest syndrome or heartache is often used to describe the grief many parents feel when their children move out of the family home.

While it’s not a clinical diagnosis, empty nest syndrome is a well-known and common phenomenon that generally involves feelings of loss, sadness, and rejection, and the questioning of purpose and self-identity.

It’s normal to be sad when your children leave home – or even in the leadup to them leaving. It can take some time to adjust to this new ‘normal’. But if you’re struggling with ongoing symptoms of depression or emotional distress, it may help to talk to a professional.

We hope this advice helps you cope with empty nest syndrome and embrace the positive opportunities this new chapter presents.

 

Nurture your friendships

Kids can take up a lot of your time – no matter their age. Now your children have left the home, you may have more free time to catch up with friends.

Investing in friendships and filling your social calendar can ward off feelings of loneliness while increasing your sense of belonging and purpose. You might like to organise a monthly potluck dinner or encourage friends to join a social sport or book club with you.

 

Reconnect with your partner

Quality time and spontaneous dates can go by the wayside once kids come along. Now you have the house to yourselves again, you can embrace your newfound freedom and rediscover all your favourite things to do together – without worrying whether the kids will enjoy them too.

Plan a weekly date night out of the house and create new traditions at home together with boardgame and movie nights.

Chances are your partner shares similar feelings about your children leaving home, so remember that you’re in this together and have someone to confide in when you’re not feeling your best. And if you’re single, lean on your support network of friends and family when times are tough.

 

Navigate your new relationship with your child

Physical distance from your child doesn’t have to mean emotional distance between you. Your relationship will naturally change as they gain some independence, but this is an opportunity to build a genuine friendship as they become their own person.

Keep in touch with texts, calls, and visits (when invited) while respecting their boundaries (e.g. don’t judge their decisions or offer unsolicited advice, and avoid putting pressure on them to contact or visit you more often).

 

Make plans for the future

Being a parent can define your identity. It’s normal to question who you are and what’s next for you when your children don’t need you as they once did.

This is a chance for you to prioritise yourself and your goals. Reflect on what’s important to you and what you want your life to look like moving forward. This might involve creating a bucket list featuring several categories such as travel, career, fitness, relationships, spirituality, and contribution.

Having something to look forward to can help increase motivation and overall mood. So turn those goals into plans and book a trip, sign up for a marathon, take guitar lessons, or start a course.

 

Seek professional support

If your symptoms of empty nest heartache are persistent or impacting your daily life, it may help to seek professional support.

Talking to a counsellor in a non-judgemental environment can help you explore your feelings and concerns and find healthy coping strategies. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

We provide some tips to adapt to your new dynamic and foster a good relationship with your adult children in this blog post.

How to Deal with a Quarter-Life Crisis

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Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? What is my purpose?

These are all common questions asked during a quarter-life crisis.

Much like a midlife crisis, a quarter-life crisis can bring uncertainty, questioning, and intense soul-searching. It generally sets in during the early twenties and may last into the early thirties.

During a quarter-life crisis, you might experience anxiety around your identity, career path, and general place in the world – along with a sense of urgency and panic to figure it all out.

Some of the common factors that can trigger a quarter-life crisis might include graduating university, moving out of home, job searching or career planning, and comparison to peers.

While your twenties and thirties are thought to be some of the best years of your life, it’s normal to experience periods of uncertainty and anxiety around your goals, plans, and life direction.

We hope this advice helps if you’re experiencing a quarter-life crisis.

 

Quarter-life crisis symptoms

If you’re preoccupied with questions or worries about your choices and future, you may be experiencing a quarter-life crisis.

Here are some other common signs of a quarter-life crisis.

Feeling restless and craving change

Are you feeling antsy in your everyday routine? Struggling to concentrate or find satisfaction in the things you used to enjoy? You might feel like you’ve been on autopilot and need excitement and change – whether it’s to your appearance, your environment, or your hobbies.

Feeling directionless

It may seem that everyone around you has a calling and a plan mapped out for their future, while you feel lost and directionless. You may feel pressure to choose how you want your future to look, and fear that you’ll make the ‘wrong’ decision.

Being overwhelmed by decisions

Having options is generally a good thing, but it’s easy to get overwhelmed by possibilities during a quarter-life crisis. You might struggle to make decisions or feel the stakes are higher, spending more time than usual considering all the outcomes.

Feeling like you’re falling behind your peers

You might look at where your friends and peers are in life and worry you’re falling behind. Comparing your journey or ‘progress’ to others can be a major sign of – or trigger for – a quarter-life crisis.

Feeling like you’re trapped

Whether it’s a relationship, a job, or even a town, you might feel stuck in a situation or commitment you’re not happy with. You might spend time going over the pros and cons of making a change or focusing on the reasons why you’re stuck. For example, you might feel your current role is the only job you’re qualified for, or you can’t afford to relocate to a new area.

Feeling like you’re running out of time

During a quarter-life crisis, you might fear you’re running out of time to tick off all the things you’d wanted to do. Maybe you had a timeline or an age in mind for marriage and children, or to tick some travel off your bucket list, and not meeting those milestones has you feeling your ideal future slip away.

 

How to get through a quarter-life crisis

If you’re having a tough time dealing with anxiety and questioning around who you are and what you’re doing with your life, these strategies might help.

Remember it’s normal

Quarter-life crises are common. Chances are even your most ‘put together’ peers have experienced some uncertainty and insecurity around their identity and life choices too. Remind yourself that a quarter-life crisis is a shared experience for many people in their twenties and thirties, and you probably have some friends who can relate.

Stop comparing

Don’t lose your gratitude for all the good in your life by comparing your situation to others’. Comparison sets us up for failure and dissatisfaction, feeding negativity and resentment. Remember that everyone is different and there’s no one-size-fits-all template for a happy life. There’s only one of you, and your life is going to reflect your unique experiences and personality.

Prioritise self-reflection

Take time to get to know yourself. You might do this by meditating, journalling, doing self-discovery activities, or seeing a counsellor. Determining what’s important to you can help you make choices that align with your values. This will help you build a future that brings you fulfilment and happiness – whatever that looks like to you.

Make a plan

Once you’ve become more self-aware and in tune with your thoughts and feelings, you may be able to start answering some of the questions you’ve pondered during your quarter-life crisis. Find a time when you’re in a relaxed and positive headspace and list some of the short-term and long-term goals you’d like to achieve and the steps to get there. This can help you become more focused and confident in doing what’s right for you.

Be patient as you figure it out

Whatever your journey, there are always going to be bumps along the way. That’s just a part of being human. There’s no rush to have all the answers, and it’s fine (and normal!) to change direction as you learn and grow. Be patient with yourself while you work it out.

Seek professional support

If you’re having persistent anxiety about your future or your concerns are impacting your daily life, it might help to speak to a counsellor. Our experienced counsellors offer a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings and help you find solutions and coping strategies.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

We offer tips to silence your inner critic in this blog post.