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Category: Mental health

How to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff

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Do you lose your cool over what other people might consider to be minor hassles? Do you let being stuck in traffic, spilling your coffee, or a rude cashier ruin your day?

Constantly getting upset over little things can take a toll on our mental and physical health. A recent study found that older men who obsess over little, everyday annoyances tend to live shorter lives than those who let things go.

You’ve probably heard the saying “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”. But even if we know we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, it can be a hard habit to kick.

Learn how to stop worrying about the little things with these three steps.

 

Put things into perspective

Most things that happen to us have the potential to be as small or as big as we choose to make them.

If your knee-jerk reaction is to blow up over trivial things without thinking, it might help to take a step back and consider a new perspective.

Ask yourself:

  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it really?
  • Will I still be upset in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years?
  • Is this something within my control that requires a solution, or does it require moving on?
  • Is it possible I’m blowing this out of proportion?

These questions can help you take back control and decide whether it’s worth your time and energy worrying.

You might also like to make a list of all the small things that regularly get under your skin. This could be anything from not finding a parking spot straight away to getting stuck behind people who walk slowly. Writing these down can help you explore why they bother you and how significant they really are in the grand scheme of life.

 

Acknowledge the good

We’re hard-wired to focus on the negatives, so we often miss all the good stuff going on around us. We’ll notice the one time things go wrong and take for granted all the times things went right.

Make a habit of looking for the good and celebrating little wins each day. Hit all the green lights on your way to work? Awesome! No line to get your morning coffee? Great! Having a good hair day? Good for you!

Consciously choosing to focus on things you’re grateful for can help stop negativity and rumination in its tracks. With all the good you’ve got going on, you might find it harder to care about small inconveniences.

You can learn more about the scientifically proven benefits of gratitude here.

 

Find coping strategies that work for you

Changing our behaviour patterns can take a lot of time and dedication. If you’re struggling to stop sweating the small stuff, it can be helpful to expand your stress-management toolkit with strategies that support your desired changes.

Some common strategies for coping with stress include:

  • Breathing exercises – Pausing to take a few deep breaths can help slow your heart rate and reduce stress. Belly breathing in particular is thought to reduce tension and help you relax. You might like to try this type of breathing in bed before you go to sleep.
  • Meditation – Meditating can help increase your self-awareness and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Guided meditations are a good place to start.
  • Journalling – Keeping a journal is a great way to explore your thoughts and feelings. It allows you to vent about your frustrations and release tension in a healthy way.
  • Physical exercise – This is another healthy way to release tension and get some of those overwhelming emotions out. Exercise is known to reduce anxiety and depression and improve your mood and self-esteem. We should all be aiming for at least 30 minutes a day.
  • Counselling – If you need help finding coping strategies or just want to talk, counselling could be a good option. Here, you can explore your emotions without judgement and find solutions in a supportive environment.

RAQ provides counselling for a range of issues including stress and anxiety. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

If you found this helpful, you might like our blog post How to Stop Waiting to be Happy.

How to Manage Work Stress

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We all get stressed at work sometimes. From long hours and looming deadlines to high-stakes pitches and difficult customers, most jobs involve some degree of stress.

Research shows around 20% of Aussies take time off work each year because they feel mentally unwell. While some work-related stress is common and reasonable, it can be a major risk factor for anxiety and depression if it’s excessive and ongoing.

We hope these strategies help you manage and reduce your workplace stress and achieve a healthier work-life balance.

 

Allocate time to worry

It’s unrealistic to tell yourself to simply stop stressing about work. Trying to avoid these thoughts altogether will likely have them popping up here, there and everywhere.

Some experts recommend scheduling ‘worry time’ into your day to address all of those niggling thoughts that distract you mid-conversation and keep you up at night.

Dedicate 15-20 minutes to worrying about work after you’ve clocked off for the day. During this time of reflection, write down all the worries you can think of and any potential solutions that come to you. You don’t have to solve them then and there – simply writing them down can be therapeutic and provide some clarity.

 

Use ‘do not disturb’ on your devices

Who has the self-control to see a notification pop up and not check it? Just seeing you have an email from your manager outside of work hours is enough to get you worrying what it could be about.

Don’t let work thoughts and hypotheticals creep in after hours. Protect your personal time by activating ‘do not disturb’ or ‘out of office’ on your work phone and emails, and get in the habit of leaving your work devices off or in a drawer until you’re on the clock.

 

Find a fulfilling hobby unrelated to your profession

There’s nothing wrong with being passionate about your job, but it’s not always healthy to tie your entire identity to what you do for a living. Having hobbies and goals unrelated to your job can bring a more well-rounded sense of purpose to your life and encourage a healthy work-life balance.

Sit down and think about the things that bring you joy. Ideally, these should be unrelated to your professional skills to help your brain separate work from leisure. For example, if you’re a mechanic, you should try to find enjoyable activities that don’t involve tinkering with tools and engines. This could be anything from exercising and going to the movies to baking and playing an instrument.

 

Try relaxation techniques before bedtime

Does your brain do cartwheels when you lie down at night? Can’t get your mind off your to-dos for the week? If job stress sneaks in when you slip under the sheets, you might like to try some relaxation techniques before you hit the hay.

Some common calming strategies include:

  • Avoid screens before bedtime. Blue light from electronic devices can throw your body clock out and make it tough for your mind to switch off. Skip the late-night Netflix and scrolling for at least two hours before you go to bed.
  • Have a hot bath or shower. Research shows bathing one to two hours before bed in water at 40-43°C can help you fall asleep 10 minutes faster. This helps us regulate our body temperature and produce the ‘sleepy’ hormone, melatonin.
  • Try guided meditations or sleep stories. If your mind goes straight to stressful thoughts when left to its own devices, a relaxing guided meditation or bedtime story could be a welcome distraction. This soothing background noise is designed specifically to help you fall asleep.

 

Take sick days when you need them

You’d likely be sent home from work if you were coughing and sneezing, so why should it be different when you’re having mental health issues? Sick days are there for when you’re feeling physically or mentally unwell.

The great news is mental health is becoming a less taboo topic in the workplace, especially following COVID-19. So if you’re not feeling mentally well enough to work, speak to your manager about taking some time to regroup. And don’t forget to speak up or ask for help if your workload or expectations are getting unmanageable.

If you’re having a tough time coping with work stress, talking to one of our counsellors might help. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via video chat.

Discover surprising stats on how COVID-19 workplace changes have impacted our mental health in this article.

What to do When Therapy Isn’t Working

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Feel like therapy isn’t helping?

It can be frustrating to leave your counselling session feeling like you’re in the same place you were before you started. While you may not be seeing the progress you’d like, there are some things you can do to make sure you’re getting the most out of your sessions.

Here are some questions to ask yourself if therapy isn’t working for you.

 

Are you going regularly enough?

Change and healing take time and ongoing commitment, so don’t be discouraged if you don’t get results after one session. If you’re not going to counselling regularly (or as recommended by your counsellor), this could be why you’re not experiencing the benefits you’d hoped for.

Think of your mental health like your physical health. Going to a personal trainer once every few months isn’t going to get you where you want to be – and neither is going to therapy every now and then. Consistency is key.

 

Are you committing to the homework?

You only get out what you put in. If you’re not doing your part outside of the counselling session, you won’t see change as quickly.

Your counsellor might have given you ‘homework’ to do between sessions to help you practise new skills and/or coping strategies, or shift away from damaging behaviour patterns. This could be anything from journalling and breathing exercises to rehearsing important conversations. It can help to write down your homework immediately after each session so you don’t forget.

If you don’t feel like you’re getting enough homework, let your counsellor know you’d like more – and make sure you follow through. Applying these new recommended skills can help you accelerate progress and get closer to your goals.

 

Does your lifestyle support a healthy mind?

Similarly to the above, you can’t expect to see progress if you’re not making an effort to cope with your problems and support a positive wellbeing outside your sessions. Counselling is a safe space for you to explore your feelings and concerns and come up with ways to make things better. But it’s ultimately meant to empower you to get through tough times on your own.

Take a holistic approach to your wellbeing by looking at your lifestyle outside of the counselling room. Are you eating nutritious foods and moving your body every day? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you maintaining connections with supportive and loving people? All of these factors have an impact on your mental health and wellbeing.

 

Would you benefit from a different approach?

While you can’t expect a life-changing breakthrough in every single session, you should feel like you’re on the right track to resolving or coping with your issues.

There are lots of different types of therapy out there, and some approaches may not be right for you. If you feel like therapy isn’t working, it might be worth asking your counsellor if they can try a different approach or new strategies and techniques.

 

Do you need to be referred to a different counsellor?

If you feel like your sessions aren’t going anywhere or you don’t feel comfortable opening up with your current counsellor, it might be time to find someone new.

Counsellors know having the right fit is crucial for your progress. They want what’s best for you, and won’t take it personally if you ask to be referred to a different counsellor if you’re not quite clicking.

Learn how to make the most of counselling over video with these tips.

How to Help Someone Who is Grieving

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It’s hard to see someone we care about hurting from a significant loss. While we want to be supportive, many of us worry we’ll say or do the wrong thing.

The good news is you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be there to offer love and support.

While everyone experiences grief differently, these general dos and don’ts may help you provide comfort when you’re not sure how.

 

Do:

Offer practical support

While emotional support is important at this time, your loved one might also appreciate some help with practical tasks like housework and errands. Offer to do a load of laundry, mow their lawn, pick up their kids from school, do their grocery shopping, and bring them precooked meals. Above all, ask them how they’d like you to support them to ensure they’re getting the kind of help they need.

Listen with compassion

Loss can bring on strong emotions like sadness, anger, and guilt. However they’re expressing their grief, don’t criticise, judge, or offer unsolicited advice on how to ‘get over it’. Listen with empathy and validate their feelings.

Let them be sad

It’s normal (and expected) for people who are grieving to experience sadness and despair. They may be depressed and struggle to get excited about anything for a while. Avoid trying to cheer them up or putting a positive spin on things with phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason”. Allow them to feel what they need to feel for the first few days or weeks, and let them know they’re safe to express those feelings around you.

Be willing to sit in silence

There may be times when they don’t feel like talking. Avoid the temptation to fill every silence, and just be there with them as a shoulder to cry on or to offer a reassuring hug or hand squeeze. Don’t underestimate the comfort that can come from simply being present.

Continue to support them after the funeral

The funeral has been and gone. The world keeps turning, and everyone has moved on with their lives – except for the bereaved. Don’t go AWOL after the funeral has wrapped up and the sympathy flowers have wilted. Check in with your loved one often, and continue to offer emotional and practical support.

 

Don’t:

Don’t make it about you

The last thing they want to hear right now is “I know how you feel”. Even if you have experienced a similar loss, grief is different for every individual, and there’s never a good time to compare what they’re going through with your own experience. They probably don’t have the emotional capacity to care right now – and nor should they have to.

Don’t push them to open up

Some people don’t like talking about their feelings. Perhaps they’re not ready to open up about what’s happened or how they’re coping yet, and that’s OK. Don’t pressure them to talk about anything they’re not comfortable with. If they’d prefer to sit in silence, stay quiet with them and simply be their shoulder to cry on.

Don’t avoid the subject because you’re uncomfortable

Death isn’t exactly an everyday topic of conversation. In fact, it’s pretty taboo in a lot of western cultures. Many people find the subject uncomfortable, morose, and even scary. But now isn’t the time to prioritise your comfort over their need to express their grief, so don’t avoid or change the subject when they’re opening up to you.

Don’t forget

There may be anniversaries, holidays, birthdays etc. that trigger their grief for years to come, so show your support by checking in on them and continuing to share memories.

Don’t rush them

They say time heals all wounds, but it’s important to remember that grief cannot be healed. The process of grieving isn’t linear – it’s not a ‘one and done’ process where you tick off boxes and leave it all behind you. People who have experienced significant loss carry their grief with them forever.

Grief counsellor and researcher Dr Lois Tonkin’s ‘Growing around Grief’ model shows us how over time, grief stays much the same, but our lives begin to grow around it.

Tonkin's model of growing around grief - cartoon model showing grief and recovery

 

RAQ provides confidential counselling in a supportive and respectful environment. Our tertiary trained counsellors can assist with a range of issues including grief and loss. You can learn more about our counselling services here or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

Learn how to support someone with depression and learn some of the warning signs of suicide in this article.

How to Talk to a Mate about Mental Health

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Men are known for bottling things up. Some men might find it hard to talk about their feelings due to the stigma that still surrounds men’s mental health.

Outdated ideas that men should be strong and seeking help is a sign of weakness can prevent them from opening up or reaching out in tough times. So they often suffer in silence, which can make their mental health even worse.

Statistics show 1 in 8 men will experience depression, and 1 in 5 men will experience anxiety at some stage of their lives. The number of men who die by suicide in Australia every year is almost double the national road toll.

Talking to your mates about mental health can help remove the stigma and have positive impacts on their wellbeing. It could even help save a life.

We hope these tips on how to talk to men about mental health encourage supportive conversations with your mates when they’re doing it tough.

 

Check in casually

Asking how your mate’s going doesn’t have to be awkward or a big deal. Just bring it up casually after talking about other topics when they’re already relaxed. Research shows 63% of men are most comfortable talking about their mental health over a drink.

Some conversation starters might include:

  • How have you been going?
  • You’ve seemed a bit off lately. How are things going?
  • Sounds like work/school/home life has been pretty stressful for you lately. Want to tell me about it?
  • I heard you say something/noticed you do something that made me worry about you. Do you want to talk about it?

And remember, if your mate asks how you are, always ask them in return. A study revealed 35% of men said if they wanted to talk to a friend about their mental health, they’d ask how their friend is doing and hope they’d ask it back. This simple question could be a sign they’re not doing too well, so don’t skip over it.

 

Pay attention to tone and body language

It can be hard for men to open up about how they’re feeling. Sometimes they might not even know how to put it into words, and it can be so much easier to just fake a smile and say “I’m fine.”

It’s important to read between the lines if what they’re saying doesn’t line up with how they’re acting. If your mate is saying there’s nothing wrong but they’re looking away or stiffening up, it could be a sign there’s more going on beneath the surface.

Show you really care by asking twice. For example, if you ask how they’re going and they say they’re fine but they don’t seem it, you could follow up with something like: “Are you sure? You seem a bit down/stressed lately. Happy to chat about it if you want.” Now your mate knows you’re being genuine and are willing to listen if they’re ready to talk about it.

 

Listen without judgement

If someone has let their guard down and opened up about their mental health, you should make them feel supported and glad they confided in you. Avoid passing judgement, or they could shut down and avoid bringing it up again in future.

Don’t place blame, tell them what to do, make it about your own experiences, or tell them to ‘man up’. If you don’t know what to say, simply listen and encourage them to get it off their chest. Validate their feelings by saying something like:

  • That sounds really tough.
  • I’m sorry you’ve been going through that.
  • It sounds like things have been really hard for you lately.

Research shows 39% of men have had a disappointing reaction when they’ve shared things about their mental health in the past. Showing some empathy and support can help to avoid adding to this statistic.

 

Follow up to see how they’re going

Check in on them regularly to see how things have been and if they might need extra support. If they’re not coping, gently encourage them to seek help.

Counselling can be helpful for anyone suffering with mental health issues or going through a rough patch. RAQ offers confidential counselling in a supportive and respectful environment. Call 1300 364 277 to learn more or make an appointment.

Check out this article for tips to support someone with depression and to learn some of the common warning signs of suicide.

 

This advice is applicable to all genders – whether male, female, transgender, gender nonconforming or gender non-binary.

 

Physical Effects of Anxiety

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Anxiety is a serious mental health condition that can make us feel worried, nervous, and afraid. It’s known for changing how we think and behave. But did you know it can also have real impacts on our physical health?

This is because anxiety is the body’s reaction to stress or perceived threats, and can trigger the fight-or-flight response. Someone with chronic anxiety might experience physical symptoms occasionally or every day, as their body is constantly in a state of high alert.

Learn what anxiety does to the body here.

 

Headaches

Can’t pinpoint what’s causing those niggling headaches? Anxiety might be the culprit. Constant stress and worry can lead to headaches and painful migraines. A hot bath or shower may help to relieve some pain.

Upset stomach

It’s common for people with anxiety to experience stomach pain, nausea, diarrhoea and other digestive issues. Research has shown a strong connection between the brain and the gut. This might explain why we feel ‘butterflies’ when we’re nervous, or why stomach problems are one of the most common symptoms of stress and anxiety.

Breathing problems

Some people with an anxiety or panic disorder might experience breathing difficulties. Shortness of breath and fast, shallow breathing are common physical effects of anxiety. Some people might even experience hyperventilation. Deep breathing exercises are a great way to regulate your nervous system if you feel an anxiety or panic attack coming on.

Heart palpitations

When you’re anxious, it might feel like your heart is going to burst right out of your chest. A pounding heart and heart palpitations can be worrying physical side effects of anxiety, but they normally subside as the anxiety or panic lifts.

Fatigue

Anxiety isn’t just tough on us mentally and emotionally – it can also be physically exhausting. All those stress hormones can leave us drained and flat. Fatigue is a common side effect of anxiety, as is difficulty falling and staying asleep at night.

Aches and pains

Feel like you’ve run a marathon every day? Muscle and joint aches and pains are a very real physical side effect of anxiety – the most common being neck, back, and shoulder pain. Try stretching every morning and checking your posture throughout the day.

Loss of libido

Anxiety, just like many other mental health conditions, can have an impact on your sex life. It’s not uncommon to experience low libido when you have an anxiety disorder. Whether you’re distracted by anxious thoughts or you’re simply too tired from all the other physical effects of anxiety, it can be difficult to get in the mood.

Sweating

Sweating is a common physical effect of anxiety disorders. Some people are chronic ‘nervous sweaters’ and experience excessive sweating in social situations. Unfortunately, the concern or embarrassment around sweating can fuel the anxiety and worsen the symptom.

Shaking

Have you ever trembled with fear before a big presentation or public speaking event? Shaking and shivering can be caused by anxiety-induced hormone surges.

These are just some of the physical effects of anxiety. Research shows having severe anxiety can increase the likelihood of serious health issues like asthma, heart disease, back problems, ulcers, and eyesight difficulties.

Our counsellors can support you in dealing with your anxiety in a supportive, respectful, and confidential environment. Learn more about our counselling services and how to book an appointment here.

Learn about the different types of anxiety in this blog post.

 

Infographic displaying physical effects of anxiety on human body

Benefits of Gratitude

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Counting your blessings does more than just put you in a good mood.

According to several studies, practising gratitude can have real benefits for mental and physical health. From reducing stress to improving immune function, introducing some gratitude could be the key to a happier and healthier life.

Discover some of the scientifically proven benefits of gratitude, and different ways you can acknowledge the good things in your life each day.

 

Gratitude makes us happier

How would you like to boost your long-term happiness by 10%? Research shows that keeping a daily gratitude journal can do just that. By simply writing down three things that went well each day, you can consciously pay attention to the positives in life, which can make you feel more positive about your life overall.

This concept is backed by science. When a person expresses or receives gratitude, the brain releases dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter. It contributes to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction as part of the reward system.

But gratitude doesn’t just boost positive emotions – it can also reduce the negatives.

“Gratitude blocks toxic emotions such as envy, resentment, regret and depression, which can destroy our happiness,” says Robert Emmons, Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and a leading scientific expert on the science of gratitude.

“A grateful mind will allow you to be less stressed and feel more positive emotions. Research suggests thinking of things you are grateful for has a positive impact on how you feel and behave,” explains licensed clinical psychologist and neurotherapist Catherine Jackson.

 

Gratitude makes us healthier

Apparently, grateful people are healthy people! Research shows those who practise gratitude experience fewer aches and pains, and report having better physical health than those who don’t.

A 2015 study found that gratitude and spiritual wellbeing are related to improved sleep quality, energy, self-efficacy, and lower cellular inflammation. Another study found that practising gratitude can lower blood pressure and improve immune function.

While research on the relationship between gratitude and physical health is still developing, existing studies show there is a connection. So whether it’s a placebo effect or not, practising gratitude could give you some physiological signs of better health.

 

How to Practise Gratitude

Keen to experience the benefits of gratitude for yourself? These are some of our favourite ways to practise gratitude each day. You can try one, all, or a combination of your favourites.

Keep a journal

Make a habit of writing down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day. From seeing a cute dog to getting positive feedback from a colleague, they can be as small or big as you like. This is a great reminder than while every day may not be good, there is some good in every day.

Thank someone

Appreciate something someone did or said that had a positive impact on you? Make it known in person or via a letter or email. Studies show expressing gratitude can improve your relationships – both in your personal life and at work. Those who take time to show appreciation for their partner report feeling more positive toward the other person, and employees who receive recognition from their managers report feeling motivated to work harder.

Meditate

Use mindfulness meditation to focus on the things you’re grateful for in the present moment. This could be the warmth of the sun, the pleasant sound of silence, or the strength of your body. If you’re looking for a new morning ritual to start the day in a positive mindset, this could be just what you need.

 

If you’d like to speak to a professional about how you can adopt a more positive mindset, our counsellors can help. Learn about our confidential counselling service and how to book an appointment here.

For more advice, check out our tips to silence your inner critic.

How to Silence Your Inner Critic

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Sick of the little voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough?

We’ve all experienced self-doubt at one time or another. It’s only human to have an internal critic – no matter how self-assured or ‘successful’ you are. But what happens when you become captive to the criticism and judgement you put on yourself?

A negative inner monologue can have serious impacts on your self-esteem, relationships, and life in general. It can eat away at your confidence and hold you back in big ways.

We wouldn’t accept this criticism from a friend – so why do we accept it from ourselves?

While you can’t simply switch it off, we hope these tips to quiet your inner critic help you deal with negative background noise in a healthy way.

 

Challenge negative thoughts

Our inner critic feeds on fear and often fails to consider the facts. Challenge negative thoughts with the truth. Ask yourself if these thoughts are backed by evidence, or if your mind is playing tricks on you out of fear. Then, try replacing unwarranted and overly judgemental thoughts with realistic ones.

For example, you might be heading home from a social interaction and are thinking “I’m so boring and never add to the conversation”. Replace this harmful self-talk with something more realistic, such as “I’m a good listener and my friends enjoy my company”.

An easy way to do this is to imagine a good friend coming to you with the issue, and what you’d say to comfort them. Try saying these things to yourself.

 

Identify the root cause

Go one step further and explore what fears and limiting beliefs are driving your inner critic. Where are these negative thoughts coming from? What’s really going on? What’s your inner critic trying to tell you?

Maybe you’re telling yourself you’re not good enough because you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe you’re insecure about how you look because you’re comparing yourself to others.

Once you’ve identified the root cause of negative self-talk, you can start addressing these issues and work toward healing.

 

Focus on your strengths

If you have an overactive inner critic, you probably spend most of your time focusing on your perceived flaws or weaknesses. But what about all the great things that make you who you are?

Give yourself a confidence boost by focusing on your strengths and celebrating what’s great about you. You might make a list of all the things you like about yourself, the times in your life when you were really proud, and the nice things people have said about you in the past.

Write these down and keep them somewhere you’ll see them every day, such as next to your bed or on your bathroom mirror. These daily reminders can help boost your self-esteem and put you in a positive headspace.

 

Rethink how you see others

If you catch yourself being critical and judgemental of others, that toxicity is sure to seep into your self-talk, too. Negative thoughts of any kind can breed a nasty inner monologue that can be harmful for you and those around you.

Reconsider how you think about other people, and train yourself to quit criticising and focus on the positives. Once you start celebrating others, you might find celebrating yourself comes more naturally.

 

If you’d like some support addressing issues around negative self-talk and building self-esteem, our experienced counsellors can help. Learn more about our counselling services and how to book an appointment here.

Dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome

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So the kids have flown the coop and you’re adjusting to an empty home.

Being a parent can define your life and your identity, and it’s normal to feel some sadness and loss when your children grow up and move out.

If you’re having a particularly difficult time coping with your kids moving out of the family home, you may be experiencing empty nest syndrome.

Some common signs of empty nest syndrome might include:

  • A sense of loss of purpose and/or identity
  • Excessive anxiety about your children’s welfare
  • Feelings of rejection or isolation
  • Feeling overly emotional or depressed
  • Increased marital stress.

We hope our advice helps you adjust to the new normal when your kids leave home.

 

Find new challenges

Having kids in the house can take a lot of time out of your day, no matter their age. Now you’re no longer sharing a roof and you have some spare time on your hands, why not explore new interests and prioritise your passions?

Start a new hobby, join a club, volunteer, begin a course, or tackle that home reno project. This is a great time to reconnect with who you were before all your time and energy went into your kids. It’s also a great way to redirect your focus and find a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

 

Stay in touch while respecting boundaries

Just because you no longer live together doesn’t mean you can’t continue to be close with your kids. Sure, your relationship might change as they enter adulthood, and the family dynamic might shift as they become more independent. But once you accept that they need to stand on their own two feet, you can begin to embrace your new relationship and friendship.

Make an effort to maintain regular contact through texts, calls, and visits. Just be sure to respect their boundaries and privacy, e.g. resist the urge to check in too much, and avoid dropping by unexpectedly.

 

Reconnect with your spouse

Remember the days when it was just the two of you? You could go to the cinema without coordinating a babysitter. You could go out to dinner without worrying about a meal for the kids. You could have a weekend away without obsessing over what was going on back at home.

It’s normal for families to centre their activities around their kids, but now you’re down to a twosome again, it’s the perfect opportunity to rediscover all the things you loved to do together.

And if you don’t have a spouse, celebrate your newfound freedom by reaching out to friends and filling your social calendar. Or simply embrace the opportunity to have more time to yourself.

 

Let yourself grieve

It’s normal to feel sad when your children move away. Don’t try and speed up or skip over your recovery period – be kind to yourself and make time for self-care while you’re healing. This might include relaxation techniques like meditation, walking outdoors, and confiding in loved ones.

If you’re struggling with extreme empty nest depression or grief, you might find it helpful to speak to a professional. RAQ offers confidential counselling for individuals, couples, and families in a supportive and respectful environment. You can learn more about our counselling services and how to book here.