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What is the ‘Ben Franklin effect’?

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Often in relationships, we can shy away from asking someone to do us a favour, even when we really need the help.

This may be because we don’t want to be a burden or come off as annoying. We might be worried about being rejected, or even just feel uncomfortable asking someone for help.

But what if reaching out for help made your relationship stronger? Would you be more comfortable asking someone for a favour if you knew it would bring you closer?

That’s exactly what the Ben Franklin effect says will happen.

 

How does the ‘Ben Franklin effect’ work?

The Ben Franklin effect is when someone forms positive feelings towards you because you asked them for a favour. This is because our brains tell us that we help people because we like them.

The Ben Franklin effect can’t make someone go from disliking you to liking you, but it can help strengthen bonds, build trust, and create relationships where everyone is comfortable asking for and receiving help.

Your motivations and your actions are the biggest players in how someone feels about you. But there are times that you can keep the Ben Franklin effect in mind, and allow it to help you authentically strengthen relationships.

 

Examples of When to Use It

The best way to use this to genuinely strengthen a relationship is to ensure:

  • The favour you’re asking for is small or unintrusive
  • You genuinely would benefit from the favour (showing you’re authentic in your actions)
  • You can show genuine appreciation for their kindness, and possibly even reciprocate it.

Knowing how to do this the right way is tricky, so here are some opportunities:

  • Ask to borrow a book to read.
  • Ask for help with a small DIY project.
  • Ask for the recipe of something they’ve cooked for you.
  • Ask for some recommendations, whether that’s food, a movie, or a new activity to try out.
  • Ask them to come with you to a social event.
  • Ask them to join you in learning something new, like a cooking class or a new fitness activity.

These favours create opportunities for meaningful acts, whether that is making someone feel like you value their opinions, collaborating on a task together, or presenting an opportunity to bond.

The Ben Franklin effect isn’t about benefiting yourself – it’s about bringing you and someone you care about closer together.

 

How many favours are too many?

Knowing that asking for a favour can help a relationship (rather than strain it) is great, especially when you may have previously shied away from asking for help.

But it’s important to remember that this isn’t a tool that works to manipulate people, and it won’t stack over time.

Intention is everything, and if you aren’t sincere in your actions, there won’t be any benefit.

Asking someone to repeatedly pick something up that you keep dropping, just for the sake of asking for a favour, will naturally cause more strain than gain.

So, the question shouldn’t be about how many favours are too many, because you might also have a valid reason to ask for help. Instead, you should just try and stay honest, authentic and appreciative of the other person. That’s the sweet spot.

 

How else can I strengthen my relationships?

The Ben Franklin effect is just one of many, many tools you can use when wanting to nurture any of your relationships.

Knowing your attachment style is another way you can foster more secure bonds and help you understand yourself in relationships. We explore attachment styles in relationships here.

If you’re looking to heal, build, and strengthen your relationships, our counsellors can assist you in a safe and supportive environment.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

 

Friendships are a key ingredient to our happiness and wellbeing, so maintaining them while in a relationship is important. Learn more about the Importance of Friends here.

Lessons from Women in Leadership

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We’re celebrating International Women’s Day (8 March) by platforming some of the highly talented and dedicated women who make up our leadership team.

It takes a village to power RAQ, and we value the contribution and expertise of all 411 of our passionate staff.

We’re proud to foster a supportive work environment that champions diversity and inclusion.

83.6% of our staff identify as female, and 83.3% of our management positions are held by women, including an all-female executive team.

These RAQ leaders have generously shared some of the valuable lessons they’ve learned on their professional journeys.

 

Remember the importance of your values

Over the years, I’ve built up a variety of skills and experience that has helped me develop and grow into various leadership roles in my career, leading me to some incredible organisations that do amazing things for the people they serve.

Working with a mentor helped me articulate a clear understanding of my core value as an employee and the personal values that I bring to the table. The values I hold help guide my decision-making, my leadership style, and the interactions I have with my team.

I’ve found that when you uphold your values consistently, this helps to build credibility. It fosters trust in your team and helps get positive outcomes and progress for the organisation.

Cassandra Ashton – General Manager, Strategy & Innovation

 

There is only one you

There have been many times in my life when people around me generously shared all their knowledge and wisdom – whether I asked for it or not.

When I started a relationship, chose a course to study, was pregnant, had a baby… there were lots of people who shared what they did and what I should do. Some of the information was helpful, some of it wasn’t, and all of it was well-intentioned.

As a leader, there has been lots of advice given to me about how to lead. Some of that advice came from people who I greatly admired. It took me a while to realise that there is only one me and I needed to trust myself.

We can all learn from others, and my commitment is to always reflect and grow. Learning to grow included learning to listen to myself, to trust my own strengths, and to listen to the quiet voice inside me.  

There is only one me – and I have a lot to offer. When we trust ourselves and value our own strengths, we offer genuine leadership and courage.  

Natasha Rae – Chief Executive Officer

 

Turn talk into action

I often ask myself, “What is the action that could happen here as a result of this conversation?”

I find I use my work time better when the discussions I’m in lead to action I’ll take, or action someone else agrees to take in the business. If the talking doesn’t lead to an action, I question the value of the talking and reflect on what other needs the talking is serving.

I then use this motto when leading other people in working groups and catchup meetings. What is the action they think they need to take to help them achieve their priorities and the organisation’s priorities?

Sometimes a person can’t yet articulate the problem, what they’re trying to change, or what they have in their control to address a particular issue. And this is a good place to make space for exploring, “What needs to happen next to turn the talk into action?”

Dr. Jemima Petch – Head of Practice

 

Understanding different behavioural styles builds exceptional teams

Before starting at RAQ, I worked as a consultant for an amazing female leader who taught me a crucial lesson: understanding people’s different behavioural styles is the cornerstone of building exceptional teams.

When people learn to appreciate what makes them different, they can leverage each other’s strengths.

She demonstrated the unique ability to tap into people’s behavioural styles, understand them, and do something small to show gratitude and appreciation. She taught me that by acknowledging each team member’s unique contributions, we create an environment where everyone feels valued and empowered. 

It’s not always easy! Working with people with various behavioural types requires empathy and adaptability. There must be open, honest communication and mutual respect.

The sweet spot? A team where every voice matters and every skill counts.

Here at RAQ, I’ve seen time and again how diverse perspectives fuel creativity and problem-solving. In the end, it’s the sum of our differences that brings us success.

Toni Meehan – Program Manager

 

Leaders are not always in leadership roles

Leadership inspiration can come from anyone, anywhere, and being in a leadership role doesn’t necessarily make you a leader.

Recently I have been inspired by conversations with a couple of admin staff. Their professional integrity and accountability, self-reflection, and trust in themselves was inspirational. As are practitioners who lead and guide their clients through collaborative and purposeful practice.

So continue to seek inspiration from those around you – you can always learn something.

Kate Lloyd – Manager of Clinical Supervision

 

Your voice is strengthened with silence

Learning how and when to use my voice has been a lifelong journey for me. Being fortunate to be raised in a well-resourced family with good education and safe home environment, learning how to use words was easy. But understanding the timing of them is a different learning. Learning when silence is more powerful and when speaking up is stronger. It’s a navigation.

The lifelong learning is about using your voice to know when to speak up against injustice. Or speaking up to create the space for others less powerful to use their voice. It’s about using your voice to ask questions that encourage change.

Helen Poynten – Regional Manager, Southwest Queensland

 

Give your team the trust and space to grow

I’ve learnt to trust staff to take authority over decisions in their assigned roles. This allows them room to be creative, find new solutions to old problems, and ultimately stretch their abilities and grow in their strengths.

I like to inspire and motivate staff without micromanaging. I do this by setting examples, building relationships for open conversations, and teaching through my experiences.

It takes strength and strong judgement to provide this place for staff to become vulnerable and accept that they may make mistakes and learn from them, as I have done in my career. Some of my biggest learnings have come from stepping out and trusting myself to be able to achieve.

Valerie Holden – Regional Manager, Sunshine Coast, Wide Bay & Moreton Bay and

Strategic Practice Lead, Senior Relationship Services & Family and Relationship Services

 

Surround yourself with support in leadership

One of my greatest pieces of advice is to have great supports in leadership around you to lean on. Leadership can be a lonely role at times, with many competing pressures.

Having fellow managers to listen and support you is what builds great management teams.

I truly value my colleagues as they bring honesty, support, and great mentorship along with differing views.

Susan Iddon – Regional Manager, Brisbane & Gold Coast

Strategic Lead, Childrens Contact Services

 

Leadership has very little to do with me and everything to do with my team

Being a leader is about understanding the direction and goal you’re working toward, being transparent about it, and knowing that you’ll never get there without your team. Making time to get to know your team individually and how they function helps to create a culture of trust, support, and authenticity.

I’ve always shared with my teams that I have an expectation that we’ll work hard. But for most of us, we spend more time at work than we do at home, so let’s make sure we’re having fun along the way and being very deliberate about making space for that fun.

Samantha Mitchell – Workforce Diversity Lead

 

Use leadership qualities in a way that feels authentic to you

In the early years of my career, I was lucky to have had a leader who not only was a great leader but had this amazing confidence in herself. I’d not seen this before and was fascinated by this unwavering confidence in herself, her team, and her decisions.

As a young woman in her early 20s, I didn’t even know women could be this confident and sure. It was inspiring, and I wanted to feel that.

This leader was generous with her time and wisdom and is still to this day someone I look up to and catch up with a few times a year. She’s been a mentor who I identified had qualities that I admired, that I wanted and needed, and I knew would be beneficial to the career I wanted to build.

Over the years, I’ve identified qualities in those around me – generally leaders who I admired – and I became curious around a specific quality or skill they had.

I’d watch how they used it, when they pulled it out and when they didn’t, and I learned over time how they used this quality to their and their team’s benefit.  Slowly over time, I learned how this quality enhanced what I could offer as a leader and team member.

This has had a huge impact on the type of leader I am. It’s one thing to identify qualities that make great leaders, but it’s another to find how these qualities authentically fit with you.

I like to think there’s no one perfect formula for a perfect leader. Good leaders come in all shapes and sizes and use a variety of leadership skills, theories, and techniques in a way that is completely authentic and genuine for them and those they lead.

Lea-Anne Meehan – Regional Manager, Metro & North Brisbane

 

You can stay up to date with RAQ news by following us on LinkedIn and Facebook.

The Rise of Therapy Speak: Helpful or Harmful?

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Mental health has become a popular topic on social media, helping reduce stigma and increase awareness around conditions like anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism.

But with this, terms like toxic, triggered, boundaries, and gaslighting have made their way into our everyday vocabulary.

While learning the language around our feelings can help us better identify our experiences and seek help, therapy speak can be harmful if used incorrectly.

We explore the potential risks of using therapy speak, and some of the most misused mental health terms doing the rounds online.

 

What is therapy speak?

Therapy speak refers to words normally used in psychology and relating to mental health.

Some of these phrases and concepts have recently become more common outside of clinical conversations, particularly on TikTok and other social media platforms.

Talking about mental health openly is important, but it’s just as important to understand the phrases and concepts and apply them correctly. This is more likely to positively contribute to shifting attitudes around mental health and seeking help when it’s needed.

 

Risks of Misusing Therapy Speak

Misusing and overusing mental health phrases and concepts can strip them of their true meaning.

Therapy speak can also encourage people to “armchair diagnose” themselves and the people around them of conditions they may not have.

For example, someone who simply likes to have things tidy might say:

“I’m so OCD! I need to make my bed every morning.”

This misconception can minimise and invalidate the experience of someone who has been diagnosed with OCD and understands the true symptoms of this mental health condition.

If you identify with a condition or concept you’ve heard about and want to learn more, you should speak to your GP or mental health care provider.

We explore the dangers of self-diagnosis in this blog post.

 

Commonly Misused Mental Health Terms

These are some of the most misused mental health terms and concepts we’re seeing online.

Narcissist

Narcissism is a rare personality disorder that requires a professional diagnosis.

Because one of the signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a high sense of self-importance, people use the term to label/diagnose someone they feel is selfish or arrogant.

For example:

“She posts so many selfies. She’s such a narcissist.”

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a serious form of emotional and psychological abuse where the abuser manipulates and controls another person by making them second-guess their reality and judgement. It’s most common in romantic relationships and can be present on its own or alongside other abuse, such as physical or verbal.

Someone disagreeing with you doesn’t automatically mean they’re gaslighting you, and misusing this word takes away from survivors’ experiences.

For example:

“My boss doesn’t think I deserve a raise. She’s gaslighting me!”

Triggered

For someone with a history of trauma, a trigger refers to stimuli that reminds them of a traumatic experience and makes them feel like they’re reliving it, causing extreme overwhelm or distress.

Being triggered isn’t just about being upset, stressed out, or rubbed the wrong way by everyday inconveniences, and using the term in this context can minimise its severity for people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

For example:

“This traffic is crazy. I’m so triggered right now.”

Toxic

While toxic isn’t a formal psychological term, in a mental health setting, it’s generally used to describe a person or behaviour that’s destructive and distressing to others.

This word is often overused online to describe any unpleasant or unwanted behaviour.

For example:

“He ate the last Tim Tam. He’s so toxic.”

Boundaries

Personal boundaries allow us to create expectations around what we’re willing and unwilling to engage with and how we’d like to be treated in our relationships. They’re not about controlling someone else’s behaviour but communicating what we’re comfortable with.

Someone not doing what you’d like them to do doesn’t necessarily mean they’re breaking a healthy boundary. In fact, enforcing unreasonable rules in a relationship and justifying them as “boundaries” is controlling and abusive.

For example:

“I don’t like you spending time with your friends without me there. That’s breaking my boundary.”

We explore how to set healthy boundaries in your relationship in this blog post.

Casually throwing around these complex mental health concepts in the wrong context can do more harm than good, and even add to the stigma and shame around mental illness.

 

If you need some extra support with your mental health, talking to a professional counsellor can help.

Our counsellors can help you explore your feelings and address underlying issues in a safe space.

You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or learn more about our counselling services here.

Seeking Survey Participants: Relationship and Separation Service Needs

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Seeking feedback from people who have accessed, or may access, family relationship services and family law system services that support relationship and/or separation issues.

This anonymous online survey takes approximately 30 minutes. Participants will be invited to enter a random draw for one of five $100 grocery vouchers after the completion of the survey.

You can learn more about the study and access the survey link here: https://static.aifs.gov.au/files/fl-survey/PIS-FL-client.pdf

 

Overview of the FRSP Review project

The Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) has been commissioned by the Australian Government Attorney-General’s Department to assess how well the current Family Relationships Services Program (FRSP) services is meeting the needs of families.

The FRSP provides a range of support and education services for separated and separating parents with the aim of improving the wellbeing of Australian families. FRSP services are part of a broader range of services available under the family law system. This will help us to understand the needs of separated and separating families, and whether services are meeting these needs.

Part of this Review includes surveying adults who have separated or are in the process of separating regarding their relationship and separation needs. AIFS is asking people who have accessed or may access family relationship services and family law system services that support relationship and/or separation issues, to consider completing an anonymous, online survey.

The survey intends to capture the needs of separating and/or separated families. This is your chance to inform us of your experiences of these services and your views regarding whether these services meet families’ needs.

If you are interested in sharing your thoughts and experiences, below are the details regarding the survey and how to access it.

 

Online survey

The online survey is completely anonymous and takes approximately 30 minutes. The survey closes at the end of January 2024.

Participation is completely voluntary. Declining to participate, or withdrawing your participation, will not affect your entitlement to services or your relationship with AIFS or anyone else.

Should you wish to participate, you are free to stop the survey at any time, to not answer any questions, and to delete your answers prior to submitting your responses.

Participants will be invited you to enter a random draw for one of five $100 grocery vouchers after the completion of the survey.

 

How to participate

For more information regarding the Review and the survey, please access the participant information sheet linked below. Within this document is the survey link should you wish to participate:

https://static.aifs.gov.au/files/fl-survey/PIS-FL-client.pdf

The participant information sheet provides you with information regarding how your data will be used and stored. Please consider the information within this link before accessing the survey. Any information that is obtained in connection with this research project and that can identify you will remain confidential unless otherwise permitted by you, or as required by law.

 

Contact details

If you would like to discuss this Review, have any problems accessing the survey, or you wish to withdraw your participation, please email: FRSPreview@aifs.gov.au or call 1800 720 142.

The participant information sheet also contains support contact information should you become distressed or upset:

https://static.aifs.gov.au/files/fl-survey/PIS-FL-client.pdf

How to Throw a Block Party

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Do you know your neighbours?

Having a positive relationship with your neighbours can increase security and provide access to resources and support when needed.

You don’t have to be best friends with your neighbours, but making an effort to meet them and develop mutual respect can make for a more peaceful and positive living environment.

Neighbourhood block parties or street parties are a great way to get to know your neighbours better and build a sense of community.

Here are some key steps to hosting a successful block party in your neighbourhood.

 

Choose a date with plenty of notice

It can be tough to find a date that works for everyone, but choosing a date well in advance can give people enough notice to organise their schedules and increase attendance.

It can also give you plenty of time to organise the event – especially if you require public liability, insurance, and a road closure.

Be mindful of holidays and days of observation when choosing the date for your block party to ensure as many people as possible can attend. For example, your neighbours may already have plans around holidays like ANZAC Day, Easter, and Christmas.

 

Apply for insurance and a road closure

While you can host a neighbourhood party on your front lawn or spread across a few front lawns, closing off your street can make for a fun and novel (and safe) event – especially for kids on bikes and scooters!

It’s also not uncommon to host a neighbourhood party at your house. However, hosting it on your street can feel like a more casual, neutral setting for an event with new people.

Depending on your local area, the process for this will look a little something like this:

1. Apply for public liability and insurance

Public liability and insurance protect you and anyone else if they suffer an injury or damage occurs.

You might like to ask attending neighbours to contribute to the fees involved. Some local councils will even reimburse you after your party.

You can go to Local Community Insurance Services to learn more and apply for your public liability and insurance.

2. Apply for a road closure

You can generally apply for a temporary road closure online with your local council. Most councils don’t charge to close the road, but they do require proof of public liability and insurance, so don’t skip the first step.

You may be required to pay a small hire fee for road closure signs, or you may be able to purchase them yourself for a lower price.

 

Ask each household to bring a dish

Chances are your neighbours will offer to help with the organising, and asking for a hand with the food is a great way to lighten your load.

Having each household bring a dish to share can serve as a conversation-starter, especially if your neighbours identify with different cultures.

This can also be a great way to ensure everyone’s dietary requirements are met. You may even like to ask attendees to label their food and specify whether they contain any common allergens or meet certain dietary requirements.

 

Make a family-friendly playlist

Music is a must when it comes to creating a party atmosphere (and to fill any potential awkward silences).

Aim to create a playlist of crowd-pleasers that most people can enjoy, and avoid anything with swearing or adult themes. You can make your own or browse existing playlists on Spotify or YouTube.

Remember to keep the volume low enough that people can talk without raising their voices.

 

Consider activities to break the ice

Meeting new people can be overwhelming for some people.

Having some casual activities like classic lawn games can give attendees something to focus on and help create a point of conversation. This can take the pressure off when small talk runs dry, and it’s also a great way to keep kids entertained.

 

If you struggle in social settings, talking to a counsellor can help you explore your feelings and potential strategies. Learn more about our counselling services or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

We offer more ways to create a sense of community in your neighbourhood in this blog post.

How to be Sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice Referendum Debate

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The Voice debate is an important and historic one. But the referendum process and related conversations will likely be challenging – and potentially distressing – for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples. 

However you intend to vote, the safety, wellbeing, and respect of our First Nations Peoples should be everyone’s priority during what may be an emotional and traumatic time. 

We’d like to offer some practical ways to be sensitive to First Nations Peoples during The Voice referendum debate, and to be conscious of your own self-care as an ally. 

 

Educate Yourself 

While we should be seeking to listen to First Nations voices, it takes a toll on First Nations Peoples to continuously share their stories, educate, and advocate. 

Whatever your stance on The Voice, it’s your responsibility to be informed and educate yourself on First Nations Peoples’ perspectives of Australian history and the ongoing impact of colonisation, including the upcoming referendum. 

Familiarising yourself with The Uluru Statement from The Heart and understanding the background of the call to enshrine a voice to parliament is a great place to start. 

 

Acknowledge the Impact 

Opinions and feelings surrounding the referendum are strong on both sides. 

Sadly, First Nations Peoples will likely experience increased instances of racism and cultural bias as people publicly share their thoughts online and in person. 

It’s important that we’re aware of the impact The Voice debate and related conversations may have on First Nations Peoples and their immediate non-First Nations family members, close friends and allies. 

Being the focus of such strong political opinions and misinformation can severely impact their mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing.  

Some impacts might include: 

  • Increased anxiety and depression 
  • Changes in sleep and appetite 
  • Feeling fearful and unsafe 
  • Feelings of shame 
  • Trauma and PTSD 
  • Chronic stress 
  • Suicidal thoughts. 

    Being mindful of these impacts can help us be more understanding and empathetic and remind us to look out for each other during this time. 

     

    Create Safe Spaces for First Nations Peoples 

    Now more than ever, we each have a responsibility to consciously create culturally safe and inclusive workplaces and communities.  

    A culturally safe space means everyone feels comfortable, supported, and respected. 

    You can do this by: 

    • Recognising and avoiding stereotypes 
    • Confronting your own racism and biases 
    • Never assuming someone’s cultural identity 
    • Being aware of cultural differences in communication by seeking to understand how First Nations community members in your local area use body language that is respectful and welcoming. 

     

    Don’t Speak for First Nations Peoples 

    People will have different opinions and perspectives when it comes to The Voice – including First Nations individuals. 

    Allow First Nations Peoples to speak for themselves, and don’t assume where they stand on the topic. 

    Truth-telling and storytelling are two of the most important tools to educate non-First Nations Australians about these issues and to learn what issues are priorities to First Nations Peoples. 

    Truth-telling requires us to suspend our own experience and personal biases and engage in deep listening with First Nations Peoples about historical Truths. These Truths can sometimes be uncomfortable, but Truth-telling is crucial to build respect and understanding and begin the healing journey to reconciliation. 

    This might involve listening to practical examples of current incidents and historical precedents witnessed and/or documented by: 

    Storytelling refers to First Nations clans or individuals sharing their wisdom, knowledge, and lived experience. Storytelling might take the form of sharing a personal history, such as Stolen Generation survivor, Barkindji woman Aunty Julie Black, sharing her experience as part of The Healing Foundation’s ‘Telling our Stories – Our Stolen Generations’ series. 

    Listen to the Truths shared in Truth-telling and storytelling, and centre First Nations Peoples in conversations on The Voice – and all issues impacting them – to ensure their voices are heard. 

     

    Be Respectful and Open to Learning 

    Respectful communication is important no matter the context. 

    When First Nations Peoples share their feelings, lived experience, and wisdom, remain respectful and openminded. Don’t interrupt, raise your voice, or use disrespectful language or body language. 

    You don’t have to agree, but you do have to be respectful. 

    We offer tips to be a good listener in this blog post. 

     

    Stand up Against Racism 

    When safe to do so, standing visibly against racism and discrimination can be one of the most impactful ways to show support. 

    This includes calling out microaggressions within your own family or social circle. It may be uncomfortable, but having these conversations is a crucial part of being a true advocate. Silence condones racism. 

    You don’t have to engage in political discussions or advocate for your position on The Voice, but you do have a responsibility to advocate for the respect and dignity of our First Nations Peoples. 

    If we seek to be a more caring and respectful society that values all members and their safety, we’ll find better ways to work and live together. 

    We offer advice to address discrimination in this blog post. 

     

    Support Services 

    We understand this topic may raise difficult emotions for some people. Help is available. 

    RAQ offers culturally safe counselling and support services for First Nations Peoples. You can call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment or get help finding the right support for you. 

    For 24/7 crisis support, call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 

    How to Find Your Tribe

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    Social connection is one of our most important human needs. It’s in our DNA, just like our need for food and water. 

    Studies show that healthy relationships not only increase our self-esteem and our ability to cope in stressful situations, but they’re also a major protective factor against many mental and physical illnesses. 

    Experts advise that the key is to find deep and meaningful relationships, as too many shallow interactions can leave you feeling lonely and misunderstood. 

    But it’s not always easy to find people you truly connect with. It can take some self-reflection and vulnerability to form these fulfilling friendships and feel like you’ve found your tribe in life. 

    Here are our 5 tips to find your tribe and enjoy the benefits of these close human connections. 

     

    Get to know yourself 

    How can you surround yourself with likeminded people if you don’t know yourself? 

    It’s normal to be influenced by peers throughout adolescence and early adulthood. It can take some time – and intentional effort – to discover your own likes, dislikes, and opinions as you grow. 

    If your goal is to find people you deeply connect with, spend some time reflecting on who you are deep down. Identify your core values, your passions, and the kind of support you want from the people around you. 

    Counselling is a great way to support your journey to self-discovery. You can learn about our counselling service here. 

     

    Engage in your hobbies 

    Create opportunities to meet people who share your interests by engaging in hobbies and activities outside of the home. 

    Whether it’s active, creative, musical, or academic, there are endless social clubs, classes, and groups you can join. 

    These can create a comfortable environment to interact with new people as they can facilitate conversation around the task at hand, reducing the pressure to find topics for small talk. 

     

    Volunteer for a cause 

    Volunteering for a cause you care about is another great way to meet people you have things in common with. 

    The issues and causes we’re passionate about can be a strong foundation for a fulfilling friendship, and chances are you’ll find other things to bond over too. 

    This could be especially valuable if the cause, or humanitarianism in general, are a significant part of your identity. 

     

    Let go of shallow connections 

    Did you know that shallow relationships can make you feel lonely? 

    Experts have found that you don’t need to be alone to experience loneliness – it can arise from not feeling seen, understood, or validated in your friendships. 

    “It can come from spending time with people who don’t share your values or interests. It can also come from too many superficial interactions and not enough deeper connections,” explains Kasley Killam, a social scientist who specialises in social health, connection, and loneliness. 

    If this sounds familiar, it might be time to take a step back from surface-level friendships and focus your energy on the ones that are deep and fulfilling. 

    If you’re feeling disconnected and are struggling to engage with friends like you used to, you might find this blog post helpful: Why do I feel disconnected from everyone? | Relationships Australia QLD (raq.org.au) 

     

    Get comfortable opening up 

    If you crave deeper connections, it’s important to be vulnerable and willing to open up yourself. 

    Close friendships take an investment in emotion as well as time. If you want to connect with your friends beyond having a laugh together, it’s time to dig deeper and share some more personal details. 

    For example, you might like to ask their advice on a problem you’re having, or share your dreams and goals for the future. 

    Diving into these more intimate topics can build trust and deepen your bond. 

     

    If you need help strengthening your relationships or building the confidence to find new ones, our counsellors can help. 

    You can learn more about our counselling service_here, or call_1300 364 277_to book an appointment. 

    What is milestone anxiety?

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    Graduate. Buy a house. Get married. Have a baby.

    Life seems like one big checklist sometimes, and this can cause anxiety around whether you’re ticking things off in time.

    Maybe you’re watching friends fall in love or find their dream job and wondering: Am I falling behind? When is it my turn?

    It’s normal to compare your journey to your peers, especially during your late teens and twenties.

    A 2022 study found Millennials and Gen Z are experiencing more pressure to reach traditional ‘life milestones’ (e.g. having children, getting married, and buying a house) than previous generations ever did.

    So how can we handle this pressure and be content with what we have while we work toward what we want?

    We hope this advice helps if you’re feeling behind in life and putting your happiness on hold.

     

    Stop comparing yourself to others

    We know, we know – you’ve heard it a hundred times before. But in a world where unfavourable comparison reigns, it’s worth a reminder:

    Everyone is different.

    We all do things at different points in our lives, not always in the same order, and sometimes we’re on an entirely different path altogether!

    Some of us want to climb the corporate ladder and travel the world, while some of us want to grow our own vegetables and start a family.

    Not only do we want different things, but we also have different starting blocks due to our circumstances.

    For example, someone who grows up in a stable home environment and receives financial support will likely be able to reach their goals faster due to these advantages.

    While it’s common to feel a sense of urgency to meet adult milestones by a certain age, it’s important to remember that your timeline should be based on what’s right for you. This will be different from the people around you and will likely change as your priorities do.

    Comparing your journey to others simply isn’t a fair comparison. It’s an apples and oranges situation. It can also make it harder for you to appreciate all the great things you do have.

    Constantly comparing yourself to people online? You might find this blog post helpful: Can Social Media Cause Anxiety?

     

    Focus on self-discovery

    A fulfilling life starts with being happy with who you are as a person.

    Invest time and energy into working on yourself from within. Practise self-reflection to learn who you are, how you want to improve, and what you really want out of life.

    You don’t have to have your whole life mapped out or narrowed down to one single life’s purpose –these are bound to change over time.

    But when you stop worrying about what you ‘should’ be doing and focus on what’s important to you, you might feel less pressure to complete the life milestone checklist society has handed you.

    You might find your priorities lie in different areas such as nurturing strong friendships, helping vulnerable communities, or overcoming your fear of public speaking.

    Here are a few questions to get you started on your journey of self-discovery:

    • What gives me energy?
    • What drains my energy?
    • What are my best qualities?
    • What am I passionate about?
    • What does success look like to me?
    • When do I most feel like the real me?
    • What would I do if there were no limits?
    • What are my values? (Refer to a list of values for inspiration).

     

    Redefine your idea of happiness

    “I’ll be happy when I travel Europe.”

    “I’ll be happy when I get a pay rise.”

    “I’ll be happy when I get engaged.”

    We hate to break it to you, but there’s no guarantee that ticking off these adult milestones will bring you happiness.

    The temporary increase in happiness we feel when we achieve these things eventually fades away and we’re back to where we were, wishing for the next big thing to make us happy. The goalposts for happiness just keep moving.

    A recent Aussie study found that while most of us pass these big milestones in our 20s and 30s, we aren’t our happiest until our 83rd birthday. Yikes.

    If you spend your time relying on external factors or achievements for happiness, you’ll be telling yourself “I’ll be happy when…” for the rest of your life. Or until you’re 83, apparently.

    If you’re putting your happiness on hold until you hit life milestones, it might be time to reconsider your definition of happiness.

    Practising gratitude is a great way to start living in the present and appreciating the good stuff you’ve got going on right now.

    Listing the three things you were grateful for each day can not only train your brain to look for the good in situations, but research shows it can also boost your long-term happiness by 10%.

    Before you go to sleep each night, write in a gratitude journal or make a mental note of the three highlights from that day – no matter how small. This may help shift your perspective of happiness as something you are rather than something you seek.

    We offer more advice in this blog post: How to Stop Waiting to be Happy.

     

    Remember: Adulting is hard!

    Breathe in. Breathe out. Tell yourself: I am doing the best I can.

    Whether you’re striving toward the traditional life milestones or you have different goals altogether, there are always going to be challenges along the way. This is especially true for people from vulnerable and/or disadvantaged communities.

    Be kind to yourself and give yourself the same compassion and understanding you’d give a loved one.

    We’re all just here doing the best we can to live this life in a way that’s joyful and fulfilling. There’s no strict timeline for every human to hit a specific milestone – and it’d be darn boring if there was! You get to write your own story, and while that can be scary at times, it’s also very exciting.

    Be patient as you figure it out, and make sure you’re looking after your physical and mental health in the meantime.

    Professional help such as counselling can be a great option for anyone who needs some extra support.

    Our counsellors can help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment free from judgement. Sessions are available in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

    You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.

    If you found this advice helpful, you might enjoy our blog post How to Deal with a Quarter-Life Crisis.

    5 Ways to Build Community in Your Neighbourhood

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    Having a sense of belonging where we live can make us happier and less lonely.

    Social isolation is a major cause of loneliness. Building a sense of community in your neighbourhood can help reduce social isolation for yourself and for your neighbours.

    Here are 5 fun ways that you can create connection and community in your neighbourhood.

     

    1. Become a regular at a local business

    Frequenting local businesses, such as your favourite café, can help establish some familiar friendly faces. You can also attend your nearest weekly market, where local vendors sell their products and services.

    Plus, supporting local businesses will contribute to their success while stimulating your neighbourhood’s economy.

     

    2. Chat to other parents (or fur parents) at the local park

    Whether you have human children or four-legged children, going to the playground or dog park is an easy way to make friends with other locals.

    A survey shows that attending local parks and owning a pet are by far the top ways that Australians meet people in their neighbourhood.

    Visiting the park on a regular basis with your children or your dog will incorporate some consistent socialisation into your life. Your child or your dog can form their own friendships at the park, too.

     

    3. Welcome the newcomers in your area

    Create a shared sense of community by welcoming the newcomers of your neighbourhood or building.

    You could recommend your favourite local places and offer them tips and insight on the neighbourhood.

    More personable approaches might include gifting them some homegrown produce from your garden or leaving a kind note on their door.

     

    4. Join or start a local group or club

    Joining a local group or club can create a sense of belonging in your area. You can find local groups and clubs relevant to your interests and hobbies on Facebook or Meetup.

    If there isn’t already a group for your specific interest, why not start one? You can gather attendees easily on the previously mentioned social apps or by posting flyers around your building or neighbourhood.

     

    5. Throw a party

    Your neighbours can’t complain about the noise if they’re at your party!

    Jokes aside, hosting a party can be a fun, casual way for neighbours to get to know each other. Easy ideas include a BYO barbecue or a neighbourhood Christmas celebration.

    At the end of every March, Australia’s annual Neighbour Day is the perfect excuse to throw a neighbourhood party. Neighbour Day is reported to have lasting outcomes, with 95% of participants reporting that they plan to maintain ongoing contact with the neighbours they met at a Neighbour Day event.

    If you’re feeling lonely or having trouble making friends, our counsellors are here to help. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

    Just moved? We offer some tips on making friends in our blog post How to Meet People in a New City.

    Are you lonely living alone?

    Posted on by admin

    Decorating exactly how you like. Doing the dishes in your own time. Having total control over the TV.

    There are plenty of perks to living alone. It can provide freedom and build independence like nothing else.

    But living alone can also get lonely – even for people who love having their own space.

    Excessive social isolation and loneliness can lead to mental and physical health issues such as anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and cognitive decline.

    It’s important to fill your days – and your social cup – in other ways to maintain a sense of connection.

    We hope these tips help if you get lonely living alone.

     

    Find a routine you enjoy

    Structure and consistency can help you maintain healthy habits and bring purpose to your days.

    Establish a weekly routine that aligns with your goals and includes things you look forward to, whether it’s a morning walk listening to your favourite music, or a phone call with a loved one on the drive home from work.

    Having a regular sleep schedule can also promote productivity and improve mental and emotional health, so keep that body clock in check!

     

    Touch base with friends daily

    We all have days where we get home and just want to switch off and escape in quiet solitude. But this can be isolating when it becomes your daily default.

    Make an effort to reach out to at least one friend or family member each day to ensure you’re getting your daily dose of connection. This doesn’t have to be a long phone call – it could be as simple as asking a friend how their weekend was or sharing a successful dinner recipe.

     

    Get out of the house

    Getting out of the house doesn’t just provide a change of scenery from your four walls – it can also help you feel connected to the world around you and offer opportunities for social interactions.

    Find a new nature walk to try out, read a book in a nearby park, or become a regular at your local café. You could even make a list of attractions and activities in your area that you can tick off throughout the year.

     

    Have friends over regularly

    A housewarming party shouldn’t be the only time you invite friends over. Make your home a social space so you can appreciate it as more than just the place you sleep.

    You don’t have to host an elaborate dinner party every week, but having a few friends over for a games or movie night is a great way to bring laughter and conversation into your home.

     

    Recognise your triggers for loneliness

    Check in with how you’re feeling and identify any patterns.

    You might notice you feel most lonely during certain days and times. Once you identify a trigger, you can take steps to prevent the negative feelings.

    For example, if your loneliness kicks in on Sunday afternoons, you might like to schedule in an afternoon walk with a friend during that time so you’re not alone with your thoughts.

     

    Seek professional support

    Living alone can be a great opportunity to get to know – and work on – yourself.

    Our experienced counsellors offer a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings and help you find solutions and coping strategies.

    You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

    We offer tips to overcome social isolation in this blog post.