Category: Other

You’ve done it! Moving to a new city is a huge accomplishment that takes a lot of courage.

Once you’ve visited all the top tourist attractions, found your new favourite coffee spot, and started to get a hang of commuting, meeting new friends is the most important step to make your new city feel like home.

You’ve got friends at home, but it’s important to meet new friends in your area to help you feel fulfilled and happy instead of lonely or homesick. But how do you meet people in a new city?

Connect with other expats and new arrivals

Chances are there are other transplants in your new city who are eager to make friends too.

For example, Brisbane is the fastest growing city in Australia, with new inhabitants flocking to the city from all over Australia and all over the world. The latest census shows that over a quarter of those living in Brisbane were born overseas.

There are a few ways to find others who are in a similar position to yourself. Look for Facebook and Meetup groups using keywords like “New to (new city)” or “Expats in (new city).”

If you’re missing home or want to connect with people from your area of the world, you might find Facebook groups like “Australians in Berlin”, for example.

These groups host social events, such as excursions and festivities, where everyone is eager to make new friends. You can even post a fun introduction to yourself in the group to spark conversation and start making plans with fellow group members.

Join local interest-based groups

Bonding over a shared interest makes making new friends much less scary, as you’ll already have something to talk about and do together.

Again, social apps like Facebook and Meetup have local groups for all kinds of interests. You can search based on your location and your hobbies, like photography or hiking. These groups host activities that promote socialising based around your shared interest, such as a hiking daytrip or a photography walk.

You could also search online for local groups, teams, or classes, like a local community sports team, a book club, or a yoga or dance class.

Ask your current network

Sometimes the old phrase “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” can ring true.

The world can really be a small place, and you never know which of your friends may know someone in your new city.

Reaching out to friends with a “Hey, I’ve just moved to (new city), do you know anyone there that you could connect me with?” could result in new friendships that help you integrate into your new city.

Volunteer within the community

Volunteering is a wholesome way to meet new people in your city and to get to know more about your new home. Statistics show that 75.7% of Queensland’s adult population participated in volunteering in 2020. Volunteering events will allow you to meet other kind-hearted volunteers while making a meaningful impact.

Volunteers are always needed in settings like homeless shelters, animal shelters, and aged care. If you aren’t in a position where you can have a pet, volunteering in an animal shelter can fill that pawprint-shaped hole in your heart. Volunteering with the homeless or in aged care will help you feel more connected to the community, and you’re sure to hear important stories and make beautiful memories.

Post a TikTok

TikTok shows you videos it thinks you’ll be interested in based on a variety of factors, such as your age and your location. As a social media platform, it can help you meet new people.

You can try posting a short video introducing yourself, saying you’re new to the city and looking to make some friends. You could say where you’re from and list some of your hobbies.

Let TikTok work its magic in connecting you with like-minded locals.

As always, practise internet safety and be sure not to give out personal details.

Reach out to your neighbours

Sometimes it’s fun to be the new kid on the block.

Introducing yourself to your neighbours can help you feel more at home in your new city. “I just moved here from X” is an easy icebreaker.

After you’ve started to settle in to your new home, you could throw a housewarming party or a potluck dinner to invite your neighbours to.

Moving to a new city is a huge transition, and it’s normal to feel nervous or anxious. Our team is here to help you work through your feelings and find solutions. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

We offer some more helpful advice on making friends as an adult in this blog post.

Are your conversations with your friend a little one-sided? Do they talk about their lives and problems without showing any interest in yours?

Relationships are all about give and take. It’s normal for there to be times when one person is in a crisis and needs more focus and support than the other – after all, being a good listener is part of being a good friend. But in general, a friendship should be based on mutual support.

It can be draining to feel like the emotional dumping ground for a friend, especially if the favour isn’t returned when you need a shoulder to lean on.

We hope these tips help you maintain a healthier, more balanced friendship if your friend only talks about themselves.

Consider why

Ask yourself why they might be preoccupied with their own stuff.

Are they going through a hard time? Do they not have many other friends to confide in? Could they be anxious to fill awkward silences? Maybe they’re lacking social skills? Or perhaps they’re simply self-absorbed?

Thinking about what might be going on behind the scenes can help you gain understanding and empathy. It can also help you consider whether the relationship is toxic and worth maintaining or not.

Focus on common interests

As friends, it’s likely you have at least one shared interest you can dive into.

Maybe it’s a favourite band or TV show, a love for a sport or fitness in general, or simply a shared passion for good food and good times. Whatever it is, try to steer the conversation to this topic. It might seem surface-level at first, but it could lead to a deeper chat.

By talking about mutual interests, you both get to contribute your thoughts and feelings about topics you enjoy.

Get personal

Do you volunteer personal information? Are you willing to share as much as they share?

If not, your friend might see you as a ‘listener’. You can break out of this role by opening up some more without waiting to be asked.

If you’re comfortable, show your friend you’re willing to be vulnerable and let them in. They’ll likely show an interest and want to be there for you.

Ask for their opinion

Does your friend find a way to make every topic about them?

Asking your friend their opinion on an issue is a good way to talk about yourself while making them feel important and included.

For example, instead of telling them you’re enrolling in art classes, ask them if they think you should enrol in art classes. You don’t have to take their advice on board, but it’s an easy way to turn their attention to something you want to talk about.

Tell them how you’re feeling

If your friend cares about you and you enjoy spending time with them, it might be worth addressing the issue so you can move forward and maintain the relationship in a way that works for both of you.

If you don’t feel like you’re getting anything from the relationship, or your friend is unwilling to change, there’s nothing wrong with distancing yourself and saving your energy for the friendships you benefit from.

For more help maintaining healthy relationships, you might like our article How to Set Boundaries in Relationships.

Have you ever opened up to someone and felt like they weren’t really paying attention to you?

Effective listening is a rare gift these days. Many of us are distracted by our own busy schedules, the fast-paced world around us, and the urge to check our phones.

Listening helps us build relationships and solve (or avoid) problems in our personal and professional lives. It’s an important skill to have in your toolbox, and as simple as it may seem, really listening can take some real effort.

Keep these tips in mind to be a better listener in your next conversation.

Give them your full attention

First things first: when someone’s speaking to you, your attention should be on them.

This doesn’t just mean being quiet while they’re talking. It also means using your body language to show them they have your attention and interest.

Face your body to them and maintain appropriate eye contact. Don’t fiddle or look around the room. And whatever you do, don’t look at your phone. No matter how good you are at multitasking, it’s never socially acceptable to scroll your phone while someone’s trying to talk to you!

Ask questions to show interest

Being a good listener doesn’t mean simply sitting in silence and absorbing everything the other person is saying.

Instead of being a sponge, be a trampoline! Ask relevant questions to encourage them to bounce ideas off you. This will show you’re not just listening, but you’re also interested and engaged in what they have to say.

As author Dale Carnegie says in his well-known book How to Win Friends and Influence People: “To be interesting, be interested.” Showing interest and asking questions can make you seem interesting and enjoyable to converse with – win-win!

Use silence to encourage them to keep talking

Don’t underestimate the power of silence. Sure, it might feel a little awkward at first, but you don’t have to sit still and silent like a statue. A simple nod and an encouraging smile can prompt them to dive deeper.

Avoid jumping in to fill the silences and learn to get comfortable with them. Silence can give both parties a little time to process their thoughts before continuing the conversation, making it more considered and often, a lot more meaningful.

Don’t interrupt with your own experience or ‘solutions’

No one likes a ‘one-upper’ or a ‘fixer’.

It can be a common knee-jerk reaction to compare someone’s experience to your own, or bombard them with what they ‘should’ do. But try to resist the urge to make it about you or offer solutions unless you’re asked to, or you might make them feel invalidated.

For more tips to improve communication, you might like our blog post How to Have a Difficult Conversation.

Difficult conversations are a part of life, but that doesn’t mean we like having them.

Bringing up a topic that could cause conflict is scary, especially when we’re talking to someone we care about. It can seem easier to tiptoe around things like our partner never taking out the bins, or our boss not appreciating our hard work.

But figuring out how to have a hard conversation can sometimes be the first step to changing your situation for the better.

Here are some tips to help make your next tough conversation a little easier.

Prepare for the conversation

Being clear about what you want and how you’re feeling can make navigating difficult conversations simpler, but it can be hard to know exactly what to say in the moment.

A little bit of preparation can go a long way toward achieving the result you want.

Questions can be a great tool to help you think about the key points you want to bring up. Try asking yourself:

• Why do I feel like I need to have this conversation?
• What do I want to walk away from this discussion with?
• Am I making any assumptions about how they’re feeling?
• Is there anything else affecting how I’m feeling?

Thinking about these things beforehand can help you speak more clearly and calmly when you’re ready to start talking. Another way you could prepare is by practising the conversation with a friend unrelated to the issue to get a feel for exactly what you want to say.

Make sure you’re both in the right mindset before you start

Did you know that you can accurately predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes?

One of the hardest parts of having a difficult conversation is the beginning. Starting off on the right foot is important.

It’s normal to feel nervous and convince yourself the talk will go badly, but expecting a good result makes it a lot easier to approach the problem with the right attitude.

Before you start talking, take some time to visualize the best possible outcome. Thinking about the benefits of a resolution will help you remember what you’re working toward and make it easier to engage in a productive way.

Picking the right time is also important. Make sure to only bring up the topic when you’re both alert, relaxed and in a comfortable environment. You might even like to schedule it in advance to avoid catching the other person by surprise.

Be mindful of how you speak

Language is a tricky thing. It can be easy to read into what someone is saying based on the words they choose, especially if tensions are already high.

One simple way to stop a conversation from getting too hostile is to steer clear of statements that actively blame the other person. Try to avoid “you” statements with words like “never” or “always” in them, like:

• “You never listen to me”
• “You always do this”
• “You’re so careless”
• “You make me do everything”

Instead, you can use “I” statements to express these ideas, focusing on how you feel instead. A good “I” statement talks about the emotion you feel in response to an action, like:

• “I feel upset when you don’t respond to what I’m saying because I think you’re not listening”
• “I get frustrated when you don’t fold your washing because I feel like I’ve communicated that it’s important to me”
• “I get anxious when you spend money without telling me because I like to be able to plan our budget”
• “I feel overwhelmed and unappreciated when you don’t help out with the chores”

“I” statements make fewer assumptions about the other person, which can make it easier for them to hear and understand your point.

Listen

Often, the most important part of a conversation isn’t what we say, but what we hear.

Making sure both parties take the time to listen respectfully to the other person’s point of view is important for finding a resolution.

As tough as it can be at times, try not to interrupt each other. When the other person is speaking, focus on what they’re actually saying and not what you think they feel.

A good way to make sure you’re still on the same page is to repeat their point back to them after they’ve finished talking by saying “If I’m understanding, you think…”

They’ll either agree with your statement or provide more detail about their point of view, which will help you understand it better.

Take a break

Even when you’re both trying your best to be respectful, having a difficult conversation can be draining and upsetting.

If you feel like emotions are running too high for you to think clearly or you’re stuck talking in circles, it’s okay to call a time out.

Take half an hour to go and do something that relaxes you, like walking outside or reading a book.

This means when you come back to the conversation, you’ll be in a better frame of mind for reaching a positive conclusion.

Sometimes having a difficult conversation isn’t enough to reach the resolution you need, and there’s no easy solution to a tough situation.

Relationships Australia Queensland offers a wide range of family and marriage counselling services to support you if you feel like you can’t move forward from the same issues.

You can learn more about our services here, and for more tips to respectfully navigate conflict, check out our article How To Fight Fair In A Relationship.