Category: Other

Do you ever worry you’re not as good as you seem? Like you have no clue what you’re doing and it’s only a matter of time until others find out?

If you feel you’re ‘tricking’ people into thinking you’re better than you actually are, you may have imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a phenomenon where you struggle to accept your own successes, and instead attribute them to other factors like luck.

While a little bit of doubt now and then is normal, imposter syndrome can be harmful if you don’t take the time to challenge your beliefs. Some ways imposter syndrome can affect how you act include:

• Downplaying your achievements and taking full responsibility for your failures
• Refusing to accept compliments
• Constantly comparing yourself to others
• Overworking to make sure ‘everything is getting done’
• Perfectionism
• Being reluctant to speak openly in case you seem ‘stupid’.

While there’s no one explanation for how imposter syndrome can develop, being a high achiever or a perfectionist may make it harder for you to accept when you’ve done a good job, and lead to those feelings of being a fraud. Anxiety and depression can also make it difficult for you to acknowledge your achievements and contribute to imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome can make you feel stressed, upset and isolated. Here are some tips to manage it if it starts feeling overwhelming.

Realise you’re not alone

Did you know that most executive managers are scared of being found incompetent?

It’s easy to feel like you’re the only person pulling the wool over other peoples’ eyes. But the truth is that almost everyone doubts themselves sometimes.

People with imposter syndrome often fall into the trap of comparing their failures to others’ successes. But situations like starting a new job or taking on a challenging project are stressful no matter how ‘successful’ you are. In those circumstances, a bit of doubt about if you’re making the right choices is normal.

So the next time you’re worried your boss thinks you’re incompetent, remember they’ve probably had days where they feel like they’re fooling people too!

Try a new angle

Many people with imposter syndrome have a performance mindset, which means they think of their work as a reflection of how competent they are.

This can make it hard to handle criticism, as making a mistake can feel like a sign of your underlying failures or incompetence.

But making mistakes and receiving constructive criticism is a normal part of working in a team, which is why switching to a learning mindset can be a good way to combat those feelings of inadequacy.

Instead of focusing on making your work perfect, try and focus on ways you can learn and improve in response to feedback. This way, making mistakes doesn’t seem like an indicator of incompetence, but just a normal part of improving your skills at something new.

Be patient and persistent

One of the things that can make imposter syndrome worse is constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like they’re better than you. But nobody ever became an expert at anything overnight!

It’s important to remember that a lot of the things you might feel like you’re failing at are skills, and skills get better with practice.

To combat those feelings of failure, try writing down an honest assessment of what you’re good at and where your work could be improved. Brainstorm ways to improve a few particular skills on that list, like taking a class or doing practice exercises.

Be patient as you work on these skills, and remember with regular practice, you’ll naturally improve over time.

Give a lesson to the class

Sometimes a great way to recognise your own expertise is to teach someone else.

Do you know something you could pass on to someone else in your life? Maybe a colleague or a friend could benefit from learning something you already know.

Helping others can be a good way of reminding yourself how much you’ve learned already. If someone in your life wants to learn something you’re skilled at, offer to set aside some time to teach them.

They’ll be grateful for your help, and along the way you might realise you knew more than you thought!

Take time to celebrate your wins

Stopping to acknowledge what you’ve accomplished can help you feel more like you deserve your success.

Try taking a little time every day to write down something you’re proud of. Spending even just five minutes patting yourself on the back for finishing that to-do list or completing a big project can be a great step towards breaking free of imposter syndrome.

It also means you have a list of your achievements on hand that you can look back on whenever you’re having a particularly bad day.

Talk to someone

If you’re still spending most of your day feeling like a fraud, it might be helpful to talk to someone about how you’re feeling.

Maybe you could talk to a trusted mentor who could give you an honest assessment of your work, or a friend who can give you space to talk about your fears.

If these feelings persist, seeking professional support can help you start to untangle those feelings of inadequacy and perfectionism.

RAQ has counsellors who can help you work through the negative feelings that come with imposter syndrome. Call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone or via Zoom video chat.

For more tips on how to manage negative feelings when you start doubting yourself, check out our article on how to silence your inner critic.

Can positivity be a bad thing?

The phrase “toxic positivity” refers to the idea that having a positive attitude and “good vibes only” is the best way to live. It tells us that negative emotions are bad, and expressing feelings such as sadness, anger and disappointment makes us weak or not fun to be around.

But no one feels happy all the time, and ups and downs are a normal part of life. Suppressing negative emotions can cause more psychological harm, and can even lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We hope these tips help you avoid toxic positivity and be more compassionate to yourself and others.

What to avoid

Here are some examples of toxic positivity that can alienate people who might be having a hard time, and make you seem unrelatable and unapproachable.

Dismissing someone’s feelings

Say your friend tells you they’ve had a bad day at work, they’re having relationship problems, or they’re simply in a bad headspace at the moment. This is not your cue to be a cheerleader and try to make them feel better with phrases like: “Look on the bright side”, “It could be worse”, or “There’s nothing to be worried about”.

These responses tell your friend their feelings aren’t acceptable or justified. This doesn’t help them feel better – in fact, it can make them feel even worse. It can also prevent them from coming to you when they have issues in the future.

Shaming someone for bringing down the mood

Similarly, you shouldn’t make someone feel like they’re not fun to be around or don’t deserve your time unless they’re in a good mood and a positive headspace.

Judging someone for expressing their negative feelings by calling them a “Debbie Downer” or telling them not to “kill your vibe” can make that person feel shame around their (very normal) negative emotions. They should feel welcome and supported no matter their mood.

Avoiding your own negative feelings

Do you act happy and positive even when you’re not feeling that way on the inside? Maybe you want to maintain the image of a fun and cheerful person, or maybe you’re worried your negative emotions will annoy or inconvenience the people around you.

Avoiding or minimising your negative emotions can breed shame and self-esteem issues, as well as mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

What to do instead

Here are some ways to overcome toxic positivity and deal with unpleasant emotions in a healthier way.

Validate others’ feelings

We all have the right to feel how we feel. It can help to hear that it’s OK and normal to feel these things instead of being told to get over it or to be optimistic. A little empathy and understanding goes a long way.

Try:

• “That must be really difficult for you.”
• “It sounds like you’re having a really hard time.”
• “I’m sorry you’re dealing with that right now.”
• “You’re really strong for getting through that.”
• “How we can make things better?”

Tune into your own feelings

Our emotions are important. They tell us information about ourselves and help us be mindful in the present moment. Negative emotions are completely normal, and it’s healthy to acknowledge and process them in order to heal and grow.

Check in with yourself to see how you’re feeling and why. It might be a cue that you need to make some changes in your life. Or maybe you just need to take a day to rest and recuperate. Have some self-compassion and don’t judge yourself for feeling the way you do or try to mask it with fake positivity.

Remember most of what you see online is a highlight reel

People often only post positive stuff on social media. Scrolling through endless images of big smiles, good times, and inspirational quotes can make us feel bad about ourselves if we’re not in the same headspace. But the fact is everyone has bad days and gets down in the dumps – we just don’t share those times online!

If social media makes you feel pressured to be optimistic and gratefull all the time, it might be worth taking a break or unfollowing certain accounts.

We talk about how social media can cause anxiety in this blog post.

If you’re having a hard time coping with unpleasant emotions, counselling can be a great way to explore how you’re feeling and come up with solutions. You can call 1300 364 277 to book a counselling appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video chat.

Do you lose your cool over what other people might consider to be minor hassles? Do you let being stuck in traffic, spilling your coffee, or a rude cashier ruin your day?

Constantly getting upset over little things can take a toll on our mental and physical health. A recent study found that older men who obsess over little, everyday annoyances tend to live shorter lives than those who let things go.

You’ve probably heard the saying “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”. But even if we know we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, it can be a hard habit to kick.

Learn how to stop worrying about the little things with these three steps.

Put things into perspective

Most things that happen to us have the potential to be as small or as big as we choose to make them.

If your knee-jerk reaction is to blow up over trivial things without thinking, it might help to take a step back and consider a new perspective.

Ask yourself:

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it really?
• Will I still be upset in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years?
• Is this something within my control that requires a solution, or does it require moving on?
• Is it possible I’m blowing this out of proportion?

These questions can help you take back control and decide whether it’s worth your time and energy worrying.

You might also like to make a list of all the small things that regularly get under your skin. This could be anything from not finding a parking spot straight away to getting stuck behind people who walk slowly. Writing these down can help you explore why they bother you and how significant they really are in the grand scheme of life.

Acknowledge the good

We’re hard-wired to focus on the negatives, so we often miss all the good stuff going on around us. We’ll notice the one time things go wrong and take for granted all the times things went right.

Make a habit of looking for the good and celebrating little wins each day. Hit all the green lights on your way to work? Awesome! No line to get your morning coffee? Great! Having a good hair day? Good for you!

Consciously choosing to focus on things you’re grateful for can help stop negativity and rumination in its tracks. With all the good you’ve got going on, you might find it harder to care about small inconveniences.

You can learn more about the scientifically proven benefits of gratitude here.

Find coping strategies that work for you

Changing our behaviour patterns can take a lot of time and dedication. If you’re struggling to stop sweating the small stuff, it can be helpful to expand your stress-management toolkit with strategies that support your desired changes.

Some common strategies for coping with stress include:

• Breathing exercises – Pausing to take a few deep breaths can help slow your heart rate and reduce stress. Belly breathing in particular is thought to reduce tension and help you relax. You might like to try this type of breathing in bed before you go to sleep.
• Meditation – Meditating can help increase your self-awareness and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Guided meditations are a good place to start.
• Journalling – Keeping a journal is a great way to explore your thoughts and feelings. It allows you to vent about your frustrations and release tension in a healthy way.
• Physical exercise – This is another healthy way to release tension and get some of those overwhelming emotions out. Exercise is known to reduce anxiety and depression and improve your mood and self-esteem. We should all be aiming for at least 30 minutes a day.
• Counselling – If you need help finding coping strategies or just want to talk, counselling could be a good option. Here, you can explore your emotions without judgement and find solutions in a supportive environment.

RAQ provides counselling for a range of issues including stress and anxiety. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

If you found this helpful, you might like our blog post How to Stop Waiting to be Happy.

Counting your blessings does more than just put you in a good mood.

According to several studies, practising gratitude can have real benefits for mental and physical health. From reducing stress to improving immune function, introducing some gratitude could be the key to a happier and healthier life.

Discover some of the scientifically proven benefits of gratitude, and different ways you can acknowledge the good things in your life each day.

Gratitude makes us happier

How would you like to boost your long-term happiness by 10%? Research shows that keeping a daily gratitude journal can do just that. By simply writing down three things that went well each day, you can consciously pay attention to the positives in life, which can make you feel more positive about your life overall.

This concept is backed by science. When a person expresses or receives gratitude, the brain releases dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter. It contributes to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction as part of the reward system.

But gratitude doesn’t just boost positive emotions – it can also reduce the negatives.

“Gratitude blocks toxic emotions such as envy, resentment, regret and depression, which can destroy our happiness,” says Robert Emmons, Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and a leading scientific expert on the science of gratitude.

“A grateful mind will allow you to be less stressed and feel more positive emotions. Research suggests thinking of things you are grateful for has a positive impact on how you feel and behave,” explains licensed clinical psychologist and neurotherapist Catherine Jackson.

Gratitude makes us healthier

Apparently, grateful people are healthy people! Research shows those who practise gratitude experience fewer aches and pains, and report having better physical health than those who don’t.

A 2015 study found that gratitude and spiritual wellbeing are related to improved sleep quality, energy, self-efficacy, and lower cellular inflammation. Another study found that practising gratitude can lower blood pressure and improve immune function.

While research on the relationship between gratitude and physical health is still developing, existing studies show there is a connection. So whether it’s a placebo effect or not, practising gratitude could give you some physiological signs of better health.

How to Practise Gratitude

Keen to experience the benefits of gratitude for yourself? These are some of our favourite ways to practise gratitude each day. You can try one, all, or a combination of your favourites.

Keep a journal

Make a habit of writing down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day. From seeing a cute dog to getting positive feedback from a colleague, they can be as small or big as you like. This is a great reminder than while every day may not be good, there is some good in every day.

Thank someone

Appreciate something someone did or said that had a positive impact on you? Make it known in person or via a letter or email. Studies show expressing gratitude can improve your relationships – both in your personal life and at work. Those who take time to show appreciation for their partner report feeling more positive toward the other person, and employees who receive recognition from their managers report feeling motivated to work harder.

Meditate

Use mindfulness meditation to focus on the things you’re grateful for in the present moment. This could be the warmth of the sun, the pleasant sound of silence, or the strength of your body. If you’re looking for a new morning ritual to start the day in a positive mindset, this could be just what you need.

If you’d like to speak to a professional about how you can adopt a more positive mindset, our counsellors can help. Learn about our confidential counselling service and how to book an appointment here.

For more advice, check out our tips to silence your inner critic.

Sick of the little voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough?

We’ve all experienced self-doubt at one time or another. It’s only human to have an internal critic – no matter how self-assured or ‘successful’ you are. But what happens when you become captive to the criticism and judgement you put on yourself?

A negative inner monologue can have serious impacts on your self-esteem, relationships, and life in general. It can eat away at your confidence and hold you back in big ways.

We wouldn’t accept this criticism from a friend – so why do we accept it from ourselves?

While you can’t simply switch it off, we hope these tips to quiet your inner critic help you deal with negative background noise in a healthy way.

Challenge negative thoughts

Our inner critic feeds on fear and often fails to consider the facts. Challenge negative thoughts with the truth. Ask yourself if these thoughts are backed by evidence, or if your mind is playing tricks on you out of fear. Then, try replacing unwarranted and overly judgemental thoughts with realistic ones.

For example, you might be heading home from a social interaction and are thinking “I’m so boring and never add to the conversation”. Replace this harmful self-talk with something more realistic, such as “I’m a good listener and my friends enjoy my company”.

An easy way to do this is to imagine a good friend coming to you with the issue, and what you’d say to comfort them. Try saying these things to yourself.

Identify the root cause

Go one step further and explore what fears and limiting beliefs are driving your inner critic. Where are these negative thoughts coming from? What’s really going on? What’s your inner critic trying to tell you?

Maybe you’re telling yourself you’re not good enough because you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe you’re insecure about how you look because you’re comparing yourself to others.

Once you’ve identified the root cause of negative self-talk, you can start addressing these issues and work toward healing.

Focus on your strengths

If you have an overactive inner critic, you probably spend most of your time focusing on your perceived flaws or weaknesses. But what about all the great things that make you who you are?

Give yourself a confidence boost by focusing on your strengths and celebrating what’s great about you. You might make a list of all the things you like about yourself, the times in your life when you were really proud, and the nice things people have said about you in the past.

Write these down and keep them somewhere you’ll see them every day, such as next to your bed or on your bathroom mirror. These daily reminders can help boost your self-esteem and put you in a positive headspace.

Rethink how you see others

If you catch yourself being critical and judgemental of others, that toxicity is sure to seep into your self-talk, too. Negative thoughts of any kind can breed a nasty inner monologue that can be harmful for you and those around you.

Reconsider how you think about other people, and train yourself to quit criticising and focus on the positives. Once you start celebrating others, you might find celebrating yourself comes more naturally.

If you’d like some support addressing issues around negative self-talk and building self-esteem, our experienced counsellors can help. Learn more about our counselling services and how to book an appointment here.