1300 364 277
Quick Exit
This button appears across the site. Press this button to exit the site immediately to nondescript link
Click to close or press

Category: Seniors

Elder Financial Abuse through Enduring Power of Attorney (EPOA)

Posted on by admin

An Enduring Power of Attorney (EPOA) gives someone else the legal power to make health and financial decisions on your behalf. Misusing an EPOA against an older person is a form of elder abuse called financial abuse.

In this blog post, we will give some examples of EPOA misuse, and provide information about protecting yourself against financial elder abuse.

 

When is an EPOA considered misuse?

An EPOA should be used to protect a person’s independence, control, and finances. An EPOA allows someone else (referenced to as your “attorney”) to make financial decisions on your behalf.

When you give someone enduring power of attorney, you must have the capacity to understand exactly what power you are giving to that person. Queensland requires that the person should be making the EPOA voluntarily, not under the pressure of someone else.

An EPOA may unintentionally be misused when:

  • They combine their spending with yours
  • Transaction records are missing or inaccurate
  • They make decisions according to their own values, not yours
  • They do not consult you about financial decisions being made on your behalf.

For example, the person may pay in one transaction when you are doing your shopping together, then forget to transfer funds accordingly. Another example may include a family member with good intentions to protect you from being scammed or exploited.

An EPOA may be intentionally misused when:

  • Other signs of elder abuse are present
  • Transactions and records do not add up
  • They pay their own bills with your money
  • Decisions are made under coercion and control
  • Someone is limiting your access to your own money
  • Someone else is pressuring you to make them your EPOA
  • They make decisions according to their own values, not yours
  • Someone is gaslighting you to convince you that you cannot make financial decisions.

 

How to mitigate misuse of an EPOA

If you have decision-making capacity, you can revoke your own EPOA at any time.

In the case of an unintentional misuse, you can take steps to prevent this happening moving forward:

  • Discuss your values and priorities
  • Write down clear decision-making steps
  • Ask that all receipts are kept and filed together
  • Request to be more involved in decision-making
  • Create instructions for how decisions should be made
  • Request that the attorney not combine their purchases with yours
  • Appoint a second attorney to act either jointly with or independently of the first.

If you feel you are a victim of financial abuse through an EPOA, contact a financial advisor. Our Senior Financial Protection Service provides free help to older adults who are experiencing or at risk of experiencing financial elder abuse.

 

How to create an EPOA to protect yourself

You may wish to create an EPOA to protect your finances. There are steps that you can take so that your EPOA can reduce your risk of financial abuse or exploitation.

These steps can help your EPOA to protect you:

  • Be involved in decision-making
  • Appoint multiple independent attorneys
  • Have a file for receipts and transaction records
  • Create processes for shared or combined expenses
  • Provide clear, detailed instructions to your attorney
  • Create instructions for how decisions should be made
  • Ensure your attorney understands your values and priorities.

Compass offers a comprehensive guide on creating an EPOA.

 

Our Senior Financial Protection Service (SFPS) can provide older individuals with free financial guidance in a safe, supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Financial Protection Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

How to Support an LGBTQIA+ Senior

Posted on by admin

The LGBTQIA+ senior community is expected to grow in the coming years. Older people who identify as LGBTQIA+ face unique challenges, which can make it difficult to feel a sense of security and belonging.

Being informed will help you to become a better ally to your older LGBTQIA+ loved ones.

We hope these tips can help you to be a supportive ally of your LGBTQIA+ parent, grandparent, or older loved one.

 

Create a welcoming environment

Your support is the easiest and best thing you can offer an LGBTQIA+ loved one.

To create a welcoming environment:

  • Don’t make jokes or laugh
  • Use a gentle tone of voice
  • Be sensitive to their lived experiences
  • Don’t say “I always thought you were…”
  • Be mindful of facial expressions and reactions
  • Don’t demand information or ask intrusive questions.

 

Be informed about their challenges

Older LGBTQIA+ folks have faced a lifetime of evolving laws, legislation, and societal views regarding their identity. In Australia, these individuals have experienced both obstacles and milestones on the journey towards achieving equal human rights.

LGBTQIA+ rights groups have been active in Australia since the 1960s. Did you know that homosexuality was classified by the World Health Organisation (WHO) as a disease until 1990? Did you know that openly gay individuals were banned from serving in the Australian military until 1992?

You can learn more about Australia’s history of LGBTQIA+ rights here.

 

Let them know it’s okay to ask for help

Substantial data shows that LGBTQIA+ Australians experience both abuse and mental health problems at overwhelmingly high rates. Over 60% report experiencing depression. Over 38% report feeling abused by a family member, and over 41% report feeling abused by a partner.

Let your older loved one know that there are safe support services designed with their unique needs in mind. You can offer to accompany them or drive them to any appointments or meetings.

 

Help them access safe, inclusive services

Your older loved one may not realise that there are services whose goal is to protect LGBTQIA+ seniors from loneliness, social isolation, and elder abuse.

“LGBTQIA+ elders may draw upon their years of experience of the dangers of coming out, and perhaps choose isolation and loneliness over risk of abuse.”
-Claire Allen, AIDS Council of New South Wales

Australia’s LOVE Project offers a list of ageing services that are inclusive and safe for LGBTQIA+ seniors.

You may also be able to identify if a service is inclusive by looking for representative imagery, words, and marketing.

 

Help them find safe aged care options

Due to discrimination and needs often not being met by service providers, the Australian government has identified LGBTQIA+ seniors as having special needs for aged care.

LGBTQIA+ seniors may experience obstacles such as pressure to hide their identity, or having no way to disclose their identity.

Australia is the first country which has developed a National LGBTI Ageing and Aged Care strategy, which aims for all seniors to have the same opportunities in aged care. You can learn more about finding inclusive aged care in Queensland on the MyAgedCare government website.

The Silver Rainbow Project provides further education on meeting the needs of seniors who identify as LGBTQIA+.

 

Our Rainbow Program supports the mental health and wellbeing of individuals who are gender and/or sexuality diverse.

If you or an older person you know is experiencing or at risk of elder abuse, our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) is here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe, supportive environment that prioritises the wellbeing of the older person.

You can learn more about EAPSS here, or by calling 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

 

Signs of Coercive Control of Older People

Posted on by admin

Coercive control is a form of abuse in which the abuser exerts power and control over the victim.

Older people are especially vulnerable to coercive control as a form of elder abuse.

In this blog post, we detail signs and examples of coercive control of seniors.

“Coercive control is at the core of domestic and family violence. It is a pattern of deliberate behaviours perpetrated against a person to create a climate of fear, isolation, intimidation, and humiliation.”

-Queensland Former Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk

“Coercive control might be subtle but it is insidious and it does cost lives.”

-Queensland Premier Steven Miles

 

1.      Gaslighting

Gaslighting is when the abuser makes the victim question reality or their own sanity. Gaslighting might make you feel confused or paranoid.

Examples of gaslighting against older people may include:

  • “Your memory is starting to go”
  • “You’re going mad in your old age”
  • “That never happened, you’re crazy.”

 

2.      Manipulation

Manipulation is when the abuser makes their victim feel as if their only choice is to do whatever the abuser wants them to do.

Being manipulated may feel like:

  • You owe something to the abuser
  • You cannot live without the abuser
  • Guilt for doing or not doing something
  • Your insecurities are being used against you
  • Everyone except for the abuser is against you
  • You have no other options besides what the abuser wants you to do
  • Fear of what will happen if you do not do what the abuser wants you to do.

 

3.      Socially isolating you

Australian seniors experience higher rates of social isolation than any other age group. Evidence suggests that social isolation is a main risk factor for elder abuse.

You may notice an abuser is cutting you off from your friends and family. This controlling behaviour aims to isolate you, remove the possibility of outside influences, and make you dependent on the abuser.

 

4.      Taking control of your finances

About 62% of elder abuse victims report experiencing financial abuse.

Coercively taking control of your finances may look like:

  • Spending your money without permission
  • Misusing an Enduring Power Of Attorney
  • Making important financial decisions without you
  • Telling you that you are too old to manage your own finances.

 

5.      Limiting access to grandchildren

Grandparent alienation is a type of elder abuse where the adult child limits access to or estranges you from your grandchildren as a form of control and manipulation.

Grandparent alienation may look like withholding contact with your grandchildren unless you contribute money or childminding.

 

6.      Threatening your partner or your pets

When threats against you do not work as the abuser desires, they may resort to making threats about your vulnerable loved ones, such as your partner or your pets.

 

7.      Bullying, name-calling, and severe criticism

Abuse does not always have to be physical. Verbal abuse is abuse.

An abuser may use verbal abuse to scare their victim and break down their confidence, making them more vulnerable to control and abuse.

 

8.      Coercing you to take on roles or responsibilities

Coercing you to perform roles or responsibilities may be financial abuse, the most common type of abuse against older people. It may include forcing you to provide free babysitting or childminding, or to work in a family business without pay.

 

9.      Controlling or withholding access to necessities or services

The abuser may attempt to coerce you by controlling your access to things or services that you need, such as healthcare.

Examples may include:

  • Over- or under-medicating you
  • Not letting you get medical care that you need
  • Blocking you from getting help from anyone else
  • Talking over you or for you at medical appointments
  • Not taking you to appointments, though you rely on them
  • Only picking up your groceries if you meet their unreasonable demands
  • Withholding medication or medical devices unless you behave as they wish.

 

As of March 2024, Queensland has officially criminalised coercive control through the Crimes Legislation Amendment (Coercive Control) Bill 2022. In Queensland, the offence includes abuse committed in partnerships, wider family relationships, and informal care relationships.

 

If you or an older person you know may be a victim of coercive control, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) here, or call 1300 063 232.

You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 
 

Coping with Abusive Adult Children

Posted on by admin

If your relationship with your adult child is causing you to feel scared or anxious, you may be experiencing abuse.

Adult children are the most common perpetrators of elder abuse.

In this blog post, we offer some advice on what to do if you are experiencing elder abuse from your child.

 

1.      Recognise elder abuse

Elder abuse is any act or behaviour by a trusted person that causes harm or distress to an older person.

The signs of elder abuse are not always obvious. Elder abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, psychological, financial, social, neglect, or sexual. Whether it’s intentional or not, there’s never an excuse for abuse.

Feeling afraid or anxious about your relationship with your adult child is likely a sign that you are at risk of or experiencing elder abuse.

 

2.      Know your worth

Self-compassion and self-confidence can help you to realise that being abused is unacceptable.

Here are some self-love tips:

  • Your worth is not lesser because of your age
  • Ageing brings many strengths, such as wisdom and experience
  • Your value is not based on how productive you are or what you do for others
  • Your age is no excuse for others to treat you poorly, nor to take advantage of or control you.

 

3.      Seek counselling

It’s okay to ask for help.

A counsellor can help you to explore your concerns and to connect you with the appropriate resources. Together, you can determine a safe solution specific to your situation.

The Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service (EAPSS) is a free service that prioritises the safety of older people.

 

4.      Attend mediation

There is a common saying that “Hurt people, hurt people.”

There is absolutely no excuse for abuse. But it may be that your adult child is facing a mental health struggle of their own which contributes to their abusive behaviour.

If you would like to restore your relationship with your adult child, you may like to consider family mediation. The Senior Relationship Mediation Service offers mediation for older Queenslanders and their families.

 

5.      Set boundaries

Boundaries can help to protect your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing within relationships.

If you are feeling like you are walking on eggshells around your adult child, it may be a sign that you need to establish boundaries.

Once you have identified what your boundaries are, it is important to communicate them to your adult child. Maintain consistency to help ensure that your boundaries are respected.

We offer a guide to setting boundaries in our blog post, How to Set Boundaries in a Relationship.

 

6.      Connect with supportive peers

Being socially isolated makes older people more vulnerable to elder abuse.

At any age, having a supportive group to socialise with is beneficial for your mental health. It is important to have people to lean on for support and to compare your experience with.

You may find a social group or new friends through a local aged care network, community centre, religious group, or online. We offer some tips for seniors to stay connected in our blog post, Staying Social As You Age.

Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected. Seniors in other areas of Queensland can find helpful socialising resources on the Queensland Government website.

 

If you or an older person you know may be a victim of elder abuse, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Elder Abuse Prevention and Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 
 

How to Lovingly Support an Older Veteran

Posted on by admin

As veterans age, it’s vital that they have a loving and supportive environment.

Veterans may experience lasting effects and traumas that make ageing even more difficult.

We offer some information about potential issues facing elderly veterans, and how you can lovingly support them throughout their old age.

 

1.      Be informed about needs specific to ageing veterans.

27% of Australian veterans are reported to have mental or behavioural conditions. They face increased risk for mental health disorders, especially Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), dementia, depression, and anxiety.

These mental health conditions may come across as anger, irritability, pain, sleep difficulty, mobility issues, memory problems, substance abuse, and more. Veterans may also face service-related physical disabilities that can make ageing more difficult.

Understanding how such disorders impact your loved one’s mental and physical health can help you to develop a sense of compassion and empathy towards their unique needs as an elderly veteran.

 

2.      Utilise resources available specifically for ageing veterans.

Australia offers a host of resources for ageing veterans. Encourage and assist your loved one to access:

  1. Mental health resources through the Department of Veterans’ Affairs (DFA)
  2. Support through the Returned Services League (RSL)
  3. Veteran’s Supplement for aged care

 

3.      Encourage activities that engage the mind and body.

Exercising the body and the brain can reduce  the symptoms of ageing and can help us live longer, healthier lives.

If you feel it is okay to do so, ask your older veteran family member or friend about their experience serving in the military. Asking them to share stories may be a helpful outlet for them – this shows them your support, creates a safe environment for sharing, and can break down stigmas and stereotypes.

You can also help your loved one to access a supportive community or social group to engage with, such as:

 

4.      Look after your own wellbeing, too.

Being a family member, spouse, or widow of a veteran can contribute to mental health conditions such as PTSD and intergenerational trauma. For example, Australians whose parents have been deployed are at higher risk for PTSD than those whose parents have not been deployed.

“Families are fundamental in the support system for serving and ex-serving military personnel who have a mental health disorder. Similarly, families living with a veteran with mental health issues need support and understanding.”
–Australian Family Physician

The DVA offers a range of support services for families, spouses, and widows of veterans in Australia.

 

Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. Our experienced counsellors can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Caring for Ageing Parents from Afar

Posted on by admin

Living far away from an ageing parent with declining health can be stressful for everyone involved.

It’s important to find a balance that prioritises your elderly parent’s wellbeing while being mindful of your own wellbeing, too.

We’ll share a few steps you can take to be there for your elderly parent when you can’t physically be there.

 

1.      Listen to their wants and needs.

Ageism, which is discrimination against a person based on their age, appears in familial relationships when a person’s own wishes are ignored.

Sometimes, family members assume the role of decision-making based on their loved one’s age, but transfer of control and decision-making is often unwanted by the older person.

Before making any decisions or assumptions, it’s best to discuss your ageing parent’s wishes, concerns, and needs.

 

2.      Explore different care and living arrangement options.

Since you’re living far away, you may have to consider other options to make sure your parent gets the care they need. Discuss with your parent, with your family, and with health experts to make the right decision together.

Here are some leading questions to navigate these discussions:

  1. Will my parent have a community or a support system wherever they live?
  2. What care can other family members realistically provide?
  3. How much extra help does my parent need?
  4. What concerns does my parent have?
  5. Where does my parent want to live?
  6. What are my parent’s boundaries?
  7. What about my parent’s pets?
  8. What concerns do I have?
  9. What can we afford?

Care options may include an aged care facility, an in-home caretaker or nurse, or a division of responsibilities amongst family and friends.

Remember that your ageing parent’s needs can drastically change over time, so this discussion should be revisited regularly.

 

3.      Have an emergency plan.

Emergencies concerning elderly parents are especially stressful when you’re long-distance. Having a plan in case of emergencies can mitigate that stress and help you and your parent be prepared.

An emergency plan may include:

  1. Exchanging contact information with your parent’s GP, nurses, caretakers, and neighbours.
  2. Having someone ready to look after your children or pets if you need to leave.
  3. Arranging an emergency folder with all of your parent’s essential documents.
  4. Backup plans for care and living arrangements in case of changing needs.
  5. Print an emergency care directive and hang it on your parent’s fridge.
  6. Assigning roles amongst siblings and other family members.
  7. Getting your parent a personal emergency alarm.
  8. Pre-packing a travel bag.

 

4.      Stay in touch with them and with someone close to them.

These days, staying in touch while long-distance is easier than ever.

Staying connected with your parent will help you keep up with their wellbeing. Plus, empathetic phone calls have been shown to reduce depression and anxiety in older adults.

Here are some tips to teach technology to your elderly parent to help them stay in touch.

You can also schedule regular calls with your parent’s caretaker, nurse, or neighbour. Keeping regular contact with these key people can keep you in the loop and may also help you look out for potential signs of elder abuse.

 

5.      Be considerate of your own mental health, too.

Being far away from your ageing parent is a unique type of grief. It’s natural to feel sad, stressed, worried, or pressured.

Remember to look after your own mental health. You may find a support system with friends or colleagues who are going through a similar situation. Indulge in self-care, meditate, seek counselling, discuss with friends, and engage in hobbies.

Being long-distance with an ageing parent is tough, but with strategic planning and open communication, your parent’s wellbeing can be managed.

 

If you or an older family member you know need some help resolving an issue, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Understanding an Ageing Loved One’s Mental Health

Posted on by admin

When a loved one ages, you may find that their behaviour or the way that they treat you changes.

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the needs and demands of your elderly loved one. Understanding your ageing loved one’s mental health can help you have a change of perspective and better connect with them.

In this blog post, we outline how these mental health issues may come across in your interactions and what you can do to help.

 

Common mental health obstacles amongst seniors

You may feel that your older loved one’s needs drastically change with time, which may be indicative of underlying mental health issues.

Changes in one’s mental health impacts physical health, and vice versa. As we age, our mental and physical health may become impaired. These impairments can affect our behaviour and interactions with others.

The most common mental health issue affecting older people is depression. In old age, depression may come across as neglecting responsibilities, behaving out-of-character, slowing down, or acting “negatively” or “pessimistically.”

In old age, a variety of factors can contribute to depression, including:

  • a change in socioeconomic status following retirement
  • grieving friends who they can’t see anymore
  • a change in living arrangements
  • bereavement of lost loved ones
  • experiencing elder abuse
  • loss of independence
  • financial stress
  • loneliness

 

How you can help

Now that you know more about how mental health impacts an elderly person’s behaviours, here are some ways to help. Assisting your ageing parent can make your life easier, too.

  1. Arrange professional help if necessary
  2. Communicate gently, yet clearly
  3. Consider expert assessment
  4. Prioritise their wellbeing
  5. Attend mediation
  6. Set boundaries
  7. Be patient

If you suspect your older loved one is lonely, you can help them by finding social groups to join, and by scheduling regular phone calls and visits.

Here is a blog post with 10 ways you can help lonely seniors.

Suffering from abuse can also contribute to poor mental health in older people. One in six older Australians report having experienced elder abuse within the past year. If you suspect an older person is at risk of elder abuse, please visit our page “Understanding Elder Abuse” to learn more.

If your older loved one is acting differently, consider any factors that may be contributing to mental health issues such as depression. This change in perspective can help you to better understand your loved one and to improve your relationship.

 

If you or an older person you know is having a difficult time lately, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

Resolving Family Disputes Concerning Ageing Parents

Posted on by admin

As your parent reaches old age, siblings may disagree on what’s best for the parent regarding important decisions and caretaking responsibilities.

Siblings may have different opinions on matters such as the level of care and support needed for your parent, where the parent should live, and everyone’s roles and level of involvement.

In this blog post, we offer some tips to resolve the family dispute concerning your ageing parent.

 

Prioritise your elderly parent’s wellbeing

When a discussion turns into an argument, it’s easy to lose focus of the priority: your ageing parent. Though it feels difficult, you may have to set aside any differences to reach an agreement that is best for your parent.

Don’t forget to consider the input of your parent. Your parent is getting older, but they still have goals. Have an open discussion with them about these goals, which may include:

  • Downsizing to a smaller home.
  • Relocating to be closer to family.
  • Prioritising their health and fitness.
  • Being independent for as long as possible.
  • Socialising or getting involved in the community.

Consider both the wants and needs of your parent in your discussions with your siblings.

 

Try to understand each other’s perspectives

Sometimes, sibling roles and responsibilities involving your parent may not feel balanced. Putting yourself in the shoes of your sibling may help you to understand their perspective.

Different circumstances may contribute to your differentiating opinions in the matter, including:

  • Their own mental health.
  • How near or far they live.
  • Their career and career goals.
  • Their relationship with the parent.
  • Their own children and family priorities.
  • time that can be devoted to looking after your parent.

If you or your sibling are not able to devote time and resources into looking after your elderly parent, for example, then you may have to consider other options.

 

Review all of your options and get an expert assessment

Your siblings should narrow the discussion down to what your options realistically are. Agree on attainable options after reviewing the following areas:

  • finances.
  • personal preferences.
  • level of care and support needed.

Whether you are arguing about finances, making important decisions, or caretaking responsibilities, we recommend consulting professionals. Depending on what the dispute concerns, a general practitioner or a financial counsellor would be most fit to guide your decision.

 

Look out for signs of elder abuse

In the instance of family disputes concerning an ageing parent, your parent may become more vulnerable to elder abuse – whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Adult children are the most common perpetrators of elder abuse. While there’s no excuse for abuse, the perpetrator may not intend to cause harm or even realise they are doing so.

As you and your siblings argue over what is best for your elderly parent, look out for signs of elder abuse including:

  • lack of health essentials such as medication or hearing aids.
  • apprehension or anxiety about a specific person.
  • lack of control over their own finances.
  • withdrawal and changes in confidence.
  • symptoms of depression or anxiety.
  • missing money, assets, or mail.

Read more about elder abuse, its signs, and what you can do to get help here.

 

Consider a mediator

Family disputes can become emotional and may involve complicated relationships, generational trauma, and other complex intricacies. Such arguments can damage relationships and may harm the older person concerned rather than help them.

Getting a mediator involved can help your family explore your options in a safe way. Discussions will be professionally guided. Mediation can help resolve conflict and make a roadmap for moving forward.

Learn more about how to access senior relationships mediation in Queensland and what to expect here.

 

If you need help resolving a conflict concerning an older person, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment that priotises the older person’s wellbeing.

You can learn more about our Senior Relationship Mediation Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

 

Want to receive updates on our Senior Relationship Services blog posts?

 

What to Consider Before Moving In With Adult Children

Posted on by admin

You’ve accomplished so much in your life already! It’s perfectly okay that you find yourself thinking about moving in with your children.

Seniors choose to move in with their child for many reasons such as the rising cost of living, changing health and care needs, or to be closer together.

Moving into your child’s home may strengthen your relationship and can be mutually beneficial. It’s important to prepare for potential problems and to maintain a healthy, happy dynamic between you and your child when making the decision about moving in with them.

 

The level of care that you need

You’ve likely spent a lot of your time looking after yourself and for those around you. As you age, your health and abilities naturally change. There is no shame in seeking help where you need it and letting someone help care for you.

If you are considering moving in with your child because you need some extra help in looking after yourself, first make sure that your child will be willing and able to assist.

Sometimes we may downplay our needs because we feel we need to be convenient, but it’s better to be honest and direct when communicating to your needs to your child.

If you are not confident you will receive the care that you need, other options such as an in-home support worker may be better for your health and for your relationship with your child.

 

The impact on your mental and physical health

Your mental health is greatly persuaded by your surrounding environment. Living in close quarters with your child can challenge your relationship, especially if grandchildren are living in the home, too.

Steps to mitigate your mental health when moving in with your adult child can include:

  • disclosing expectations of caretaking roles, both for yourself and for any childcare.
  • discussing expectations regarding visitors, noise, cleaning, privacy, and downtime.
  • informing them about any triggers.
  • attending counselling
  • setting boundaries.

Consider what potential health and safety hazards may be around your child’s home, such as:

  • if the home is disability friendly or not.
  • the local weather and climate.
  • if there is enough space.
  • young children.
  • pets.

You and your child can plan out ways that you can make the home a place where everyone can feel safe and comfortable.

 

Peers and community

Socialising with peers your own age can significantly help the adjustment of moving in with your child.

You can find local socialisation opportunities through:

  • local groups and events for seniors,
  • a local religious affiliation,
  • and more.

The Senior Social Connection Program helps older people in the Sunshine Coast connect with others through free events, courses, and catchups. The Australian Government offers a huge list of social opportunities for older people across Queensland.

If you will be leaving behind nearby friends and neighbours, plan to keep in touch. Chances are that your child will be able to help you learn to use your smartphone to stay connected.

 

Pets

Pets are our best friends; they’re a source of love and comfort.

Only 18% of aged care facilities in Australia allow pets, while just 9% of in-home care providers claim to offer a pet-friendly service. Moving into your child’s home may be the better option to keep your four-legged friend with you.

Ensure that your child’s home will be a suitable environment for your pet. If you are not entirely able to look after the pet yourself, discuss any care-taking responsibilities with your child.

 

Money and assets

Finances are a leading reason why older adults downsize or move out of their homes, especially with the recent cost of living increase. Though finances may be a touchy subject, an amicable conversation in the beginning can prevent a relationship breakdown in the end. We offer some tips for having difficult conversations here.

To guide this conversation, consider:

  • Will you pay rent, and if so, how much?
  • How will utility and grocery bills be split?

Financial agreements should always be made in writing; we advise using a general tenancy agreement.

Make sure you’re taking advantage of senior benefits, such as age pension.

Living together may make you more vulnerable to financial abuse. Learn more about financial elder abuse and how you can protect yourself here.

 

Safety

Your home should always be a safe place for you.

While many older Australians consider their child to be their most important person, older Australians are most likely to feel unsafe disagreeing with said person. Older people are vulnerable to elder abuse; adult children are the most common perpetrators.

There is no excuse for abuse, but before moving in with your child, consider factors that may make your child an unintentional perpetrator, such as:

  • any negative history in your relationship.
  • the financial situation.
  • their mental health.

It’s okay to ask for help. Learn more about elder abuse and how to reach out for help here.

 

If you are an older person who is having trouble navigating a relationship with a family member, our experienced counsellors are here to help. We can help you explore your concerns and possible solutions in a safe and supportive environment.

If your parent is moving in with you, our blog post 10 Tips for Moving Your Elderly Parents In offers more advice.

You can learn more about our Elder Mediation Support Service here, or call 1300 063 232.

Benefits of Befriending Your Neighbour in Your Older Age

Posted on by admin

As you age, there are so many benefits to having friends you can socialise with.

Have you ever thought that there can be a potential friend right next door? 28% of seniors say that community groups, such as those within their neighbourhood, play an important role in their life.

In this blog post, we’ll explore some great benefits of befriending your neighbour.

 

1.      Socialisation

In older age, socialisation contributes greatly to both physical and mental health.

Being social benefits the likes of your self-esteem, your sleep, and your memory. You’ll also be at decreased risk for illness, heart problems, high blood pressure, dementia, depression, and anxiety.

Intergenerational friendships can be mutually beneficial. Socialising with your neighbour will stimulate your brain and give you someone to pass down life lessons, wisdom, and stories to.

Meanwhile, your friendship can help your younger neighbour learn to embrace ageing and to break down their stereotypes about older people.

 

2.      Learning from the younger generation

While wisdom comes with age, the younger generation still has a lot to teach us.

For example, your younger neighbour may give you some insight into smartphones and technology, which enables you to stay connected with your own family and friends.

 

3.      Help with small jobs

As we age, our abilities naturally change. It’s handy to have someone next door who would be happy to do small jobs, such as changing out a lightbulb or putting away groceries.

Though your friendly neighbour will probably not expect anything of you in return for these tasks, good deeds like this are often in exchange for your friendship and kindness.

 

4.      Carpooling and shopping

While of course your neighbour is not your chauffeur or your personal shopper, your neighbour may be happy to pick up something for you on their trip to the grocery shop.

You could also carpool with them to events like weekly religious services or a local community meeting. Carpooling together is an opportunity to have conversations or to introduce each other to your favourite music.

Your younger neighbour is likely to feel good about helping, while for you, learning to ask for help is an important skill.

 

5.      In case of emergencies

In case of a fall or any other emergency, it would be extremely handy to have someone just next door to help.

Offer your name and number in exchange for your neighbour’s, so that both of you can contact the other in the event of an emergency.

 

6.      Exchanging meals and recipes

Whether it’s a cultural dish or a secret family recipe, cooking for someone else is sure to warm the heart. Bringing over a meal is a lovely way to introduce yourself to your neighbour and spark up a friendship.

Exchanging meals and recipes with a neighbour is a perfect bonding activity that will teach you new dishes and give you a chance to chat over mealtime.

 

7.      Gets you outside more

Even if it’s just sitting on your front porch, being outside creates opportunities for social interaction – especially with your neighbours.

Being friends with those living around you can get you outdoors more for your daily chats or to attend events that your neighbours may start inviting you to.

Spending time outdoors has been shown to increase confidence in seniors, and one of the reasons is the greater exposure to social interactions.

Australia’s annual Neighbour Day occurs at the end of every March. It’s the perfect excuse to introduce yourself to your neighbours and to form new friendships.

 

We offer some ideas on ways to meet your neighbours in our blog post, 5 Ways to Build Community in Your Neighbourhood.

Relationships Australia Queensland’s Senior Social Connection Program helps older Queenslanders in Sunshine Coast and Gympie to stay connected.

If you or an older person you know is feeling lonely or socially isolated, our Senior Relationships Services are here to help. You can learn more about our Senior Social Connection Program here, or call 1300 063 232 to make an appointment.