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Compassion and empathy are important for connecting and building relationships. 

While these are admirable qualities, expressing them too often or too much can take a toll on your own wellbeing. 

Compassion fatigue – also known as empathy burnout – describes the negative physical, emotional, and psychological impact that can come from continually helping others in need. 

This type of emotional exhaustion is common in roles that involve frequently being exposed to stress and/or trauma, such as victim and mental health services, law enforcement, and emergency services.  

Compassion fatigue can also show up in empathetic people with a caring and generous nature, such as those with a strong sense of social justice, or those whose family and friends consistently rely on them for support and advice. 

Whether you experience vicarious trauma through your job or you often play the role of ‘therapist’ for your loved ones, empathy burnout can have serious impacts on your mental health and your relationships. 

We explore the signs of compassion fatigue and offer some advice to manage and prevent it. 

 

Compassion Fatigue Symptoms 

Compassion fatigue or empathy burnout can look different for everyone. These are just some of the common signs and impacts: 

• Apathy – A decline in feelings of sympathy, empathy, care, and compassion 
• Detachment – Becoming emotionally detached and/or feeling a sense of numbness 
• Social withdrawal – Withdrawal and isolation from social connections and interactions 
• Mood swings – Sudden drastic shifts in emotions, including becoming irritable and quick to anger 
• Cynicism and despair – Frequently witnessing other people’s suffering can create negative attitudes and scepticism toward people, society, and the state of the world 
• Hopelessness and helplessness – Feeling like your actions have no impact on others and things will never get better 
• Diminished sense of fulfilment in helping others – Someone who normally enjoys helping other people may no longer get this sense of fulfilment and may even grow resentful 
• Mental health conditions – Compassion fatigue can lead to or exacerbate stress-related conditions such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 

• Self-medicating – Compassion fatigue can make you vulnerable to addictive behaviours and substance abuse used to relieve personal pain 
• Physical symptoms – This might include physical exhaustion and fatigue, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, digestive issues, and headaches. 

 

How to Deal with Compassion Fatigue 

Much like any form of stress or burnout, compassion fatigue is best managed with early intervention. 

This can be particularly true for compassion fatigue caused by secondary trauma and distressing events through work. If left ignored, this can lead to more serious mental health issues like PTSD. 

These strategies and self-care measures may help you manage symptoms and prevent further burnout. 

Set boundaries 

You can still be a generous and caring person and have limits on how much you’re able to support others. 

If you’re feeling drained from the emotional energy you give to your clients/patients, loved ones, or the causes you care about, it might be time to clarify your personal boundaries. 

If your occupation is causing your compassion fatigue, boundaries might include: 

• Taking a break from work, ideally for a relaxing holiday 
• Setting a time limit on how long you discuss work issues with your partner or loved ones 
• Separating your work and personal lives by turning off your emails and work phone out of hours 
• Talking to your manager about changing your assignment or client/patient where appropriate (even if temporarily) 
• Talking to your manager about accessing and/or increasing employee support options such as supervision and debriefing. 

If emotionally supporting your loved ones is causing your compassion fatigue, boundaries might include: 

• Communicating your emotional capacity before catching up, e.g. “I’ve got a bit on my plate at the moment, so I’d love if we can keep this catchup light and fun.” 
• Setting clear time limits on how long you can discuss their issues, e.g. “I’ve had a big workday, but I’ll have half an hour to chat about your breakup if you’d like to talk at 7pm?” 
• Expressing that you’re limited in your abilities to support them and encouraging them to seek support from other resources, such as a professional counsellor, e.g. “I’m always here for you, but I don’t have the skills or ability to support you through this. Have you considered seeing a counsellor?” 

And if advocating for social change is causing your compassion fatigue, boundaries might include: 

• Limiting your exposure to distressing news and content 
• Avoiding distressing or upsetting content before bedtime 
• Spending more time with friends outside your advocacy networks 
• Taking a break from activism, including posting online or attending rallies/events in person. 

Prioritise self-care 

People who suffer from compassion fatigue or empathy burnout often put others before themselves. But just as we’re taught to fit our own oxygen mask first on a plane, we can’t support the people around us if our needs aren’t met first. 

Self-care looks different for everyone, but some simple habits to introduce might include: 

• Getting enough sleep 
• Eating balanced meals 
• Avoiding alcohol and substances 
• Talking to people you trust about how you’re feeling 
• Dedicating time to relaxation (e.g. reading, meditating, going for a walk, listening to music, or simply sitting in silence with a tea or coffee) 
• Engaging in a hobby or group that evokes feelings of positivity and gratitude (e.g. gardening, book club, painting class, or learning an instrument). 

Seek professional support 

If you’re experiencing symptoms of compassion fatigue or simply don’t feel like yourself lately, we recommend reaching out to your GP and/or mental health professional as soon as possible. 

Speaking to a professional counsellor can be a great way to unpack your thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment. Our counsellors can help you explore your concerns and find healthy coping strategies to protect your mental health and wellbeing. 

You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277_to make an appointment. 

 

Some of our RAQ practitioners offer advice to look after yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed or burnt out in this blog post.

1 in 6 Australians is currently experiencing depression, anxiety, or both. Almost half of Australians (45%) will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime. But as common as mental illness is, it can still be a tough topic to raise in the workplace.

There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to telling people at work about your mental health condition/s.

Whether you choose to share or not can depend on how much your mental illness impacts your role, the amount of support you have outside the workplace, and your relationships with your boss and/or colleagues.

We explore your rights around mental health in the workplace and offer advice for disclosing mental illness to your employer here.

 

Do I have to tell my work about my mental illness?

Just like with any other health condition, legally, you don’t have to tell your employer about your mental health condition unless it impacts your ability to do your job, or it poses a risk to your safety or the safety of your workmates.

Similarly, you have no legal obligation to disclose mental health problems when applying for jobs unless they affect how you’d perform in the role.

Disclosing mental illness to your employer is a very personal decision. For some people, mental health is a very private part of who they are. It may have no impact on how you do your job, or you may already have enough support outside the workplace and feel there’s not much to gain by disclosing your condition.

If you do choose to tell your employer, they have a legal responsibility to maintain your privacy, protect you from discrimination, and make changes to the workplace to support you and help you keep working.

 

How to talk to your boss about your mental health

These steps might help if you’ve decided to disclose your mental health conditions in the workplace:

• Consider who to tell – Depending on your situation and work relationships, it can be a good idea to approach HR first. Or if you have a work friend, it can help to talk to them and let them know you’re thinking of telling your boss. This support can make it less daunting.
• Think about what you need – Before you raise the topic, make sure you have a clear idea of what you’re hoping to gain from telling your employer. Do you need extra support in your role? Flexible deadlines? Shorter work hours? Or do you simply want your boss to have an idea of what you’re going through?
• Find the right time and place – Try to approach your boss on a day when it’s quiet, and when you’re in a headspace to talk in a calm and collected way. Find a private space in your workplace or suggest going for a walk or to a café nearby.

 

If you’re having a hard time with your mental health, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn more about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or over videoconferencing.

For strategies to manage and reduce your workplace stress, check out this blog post.

Is someone you know experiencing domestic violence or abuse?

Worrying about a loved one’s safety at home can leave us feeling helpless. It can be hard to know how to support someone in this difficult and dangerous situation, and you may be hesitant to get involved in their private life.

You may be thinking the problem will “work itself out”, but domestic and family violence normally doesn’t end until action is taken to stop it.

It can take a lot of time, planning, support, and courage for someone to escape an abusive relationship. But even if they have no intentions of leaving, simply being there for your friend or family member can make all the difference.

We hope this advice helps if you’re not sure how to help someone experiencing domestic violence.

If someone is in immediate danger, please call 000.

 

Know what signs to look for

These are some common behaviours that might indicate someone is experiencing domestic and family violence or abuse:

• They often cancel plans at the last minute
• They’re less social than they used to be
• They’re less active on social media than they used to be
• They’re less responsive to texts/calls than they used to be
• They’re noticeably less confident and happy
• They never have money to go out for coffee/a meal/drinks
• They seem distracted or preoccupied
• They avoid talking about their partner and/or relationship
• They often look tired or like they’ve just been crying
• Their partner is constantly checking in on them via text or calls when they’re apart
• They’ve started dressing and/or grooming themselves differently
• They seem nervous or act different around their partner, or seem anxious to please them
• Their behaviour and/or body language changes around their partner
• Their partner puts them down in front of you, even “as a joke”
• They have unexplained bruises, cuts, or injuries
• They wear long clothes in warm weather (potentially hiding bruises/cuts/injuries).

 

Let them know you’re there for them

If you suspect someone you know is living with abuse but they haven’t opened up to you about it, find an appropriate time to raise the topic. This should be done in a private setting where it’s just the two of you.

Approach them respectfully and let them know you’re worried about them. If you can, use examples of things that have made you worry. For example, you might say:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been spending more time at home lately, and you seem nervous around your partner. Is everything OK?”

Pay attention to how they respond, and don’t pressure them to discuss the situation if they’re not ready. Let them know you care about them and you’re there for them if they ever need to talk.

 

Don’t pressure them to leave

As difficult as it is to see someone in an abusive relationship, it’s not helpful to pressure them to leave. You can offer to help them (see below), but pressuring them to leave the relationship can make them feel judged and ashamed, and could make them avoid opening up to you in the future.

Abusive relationships can be complicated, especially if children are involved. There are many reasons why someone might stay in an abusive relationship, such as:

• They may depend on their partner financially
• They may be afraid of coping by themselves
• They may blame themselves for the abuse
• They may have emotional ties to the abuser and hope the abuse will end
• They may be worried about where they and their kids will live
• They may be receiving pressure from their family or community to stay in the relationship
• They may not know about the available support and resources that can help
• They may be afraid their abuser will become violent if they try to leave.

Remember that it’s not always safe for someone to leave their abuser. Show understanding and let them know you’re there for them whatever they choose to do, and don’t expect they will leave.

 

Offer to help

There are many ways you can provide support to someone living with abuse.

You can:

• Help them create a safety plan of steps they can take if their partner becomes abusive again
• Help them create an escape bag of essentials for if they need to leave in a hurry
• Offer a safe place for them, their children and their pets to stay
• Share helpful contacts and services, like our counselling service
• Check in regularly to see how they’re going
• Remind them that abuse is never OK and it’s not their fault.

You can also ask them what kind of support they need right now. They might simply need someone to talk to, or maybe they need assistance contacting the police about their situation. Let them know you’re there to help in whatever way they need.

Learn more about how to create a domestic violence safety plan and escape bag in this blog post.

 

Helpful Contacts

If you or someone you know is living with or at risk of any type of domestic and family violence or abuse, help is available.

You can call us on 1300 364 277 for guidance finding the right support for you, or learn about our Domestic and Family Violence Prevention service here.

 

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Dating multiple people at once is a normal part of being single and a great way to increase your pool of potential partners.

Thanks to dating websites and apps, it’s never been easier to meet new people in your area that you might never have crossed paths with by chance. But as fun as it can be, playing the field requires some etiquette to ensure no one gets hurt.

Here are our top tips for dating more than one person at a time.

 

Be open and honest

There’s no limit to how many people you can date as long as everyone involved is OK with it. It’s important to be honest about your situation and your intentions from the get-go to avoid any confusion or disappointment.

If your end goal is to find an exclusive relationship, let them know it’s a possibility down the track. If you’re simply having fun and not looking for anything serious, be upfront about it. Chances are your dates will be understanding – especially in the early stages where you’re just getting to know each other.

 

Accept that your dates might be doing the same

It’s common for singles to keep their options open, so don’t be surprised if your dates are also dating multiple people. Communication is key to ensure you’re on the same page about what you expect and what you’re looking for.

Remember: You can’t expect exclusivity from someone if you’re seeing other people yourself. If you have a problem with it, you might like to ask yourself why you feel that way and whether that points to a deeper issue.

 

Don’t kiss and tell

No one likes hearing the details about their date’s other love interests. When you’re on a date, be completely present with that person and make them feel like they’re the only one on your mind.

While it’s important for your dates to know you’re seeing other people, you shouldn’t spill any further details – especially their identity.

 

Don’t overbook yourself

As fun as it is, dating can be tiring – especially if you’re seeing several people at once! You feel pressured to present the best version of yourself, and you’re working hard to remember their interests and keep the conversation flowing. This can be mentally and physically draining.

It’s important to keep your wellbeing in mind and balance your dates to ensure you have some downtime in between. And whatever you do, don’t double-book!

Wondering when it’s time to call it quits? Discover advice in our blog post Should We Break Up?.

What do you picture when you think of domestic violence?

Maybe you imagine some swearing that leads to yelling that leads to shoving and ends in hitting?

There are many forms of domestic abuse, and all types (such as emotional, verbal, sexual, financial and physical abuse) can be just as damaging to survivors.

This article will explore some warning signs of escalation of domestic violence.

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

 

What is domestic violence?

While physical violence is domestic violence, abuse can occur in many ways. 

Some types of abuse might include a partner who:

• Is extremely jealous or possessive
• Wants to know where you are and who you’re with at all times
• Tells you who you can and can’t speak to or spend time with
• Tells you what to wear or how you should look
• Controls all the finances in the home
• Belittles you in front of others or when you’re alone
• Blames you for all the problems in the relationship
• Believes in rigid gender roles (e.g. man who expects woman to cook and clean)
• Yells and/or uses disrespectful language when speaking to you
• Puts you down and criticises you
• Pressures you into sex or sexual acts
• Throws things or punches walls when angry
• Threatens violence to you, your children or your pets
• Makes you feel unsafe.

All of these behaviours are a form of domestic violence. If you experience one or more of these, you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship, which can have serious damaging effects. 

Patterns of abuse can change over time, and these behaviours may change to include acts of physical violence.  Physical abuse can also come out of nowhere. 

You can learn more about emotional abuse and where to get help in this blog post.

 

What escalates domestic violence?

It’s important to remember that domestic abuse is a choice and the responsibility lies entirely on the abuser – regardless of external circumstances. There is no excuse for abuse.

With this in mind, there are some circumstances where domestic violence can escalate, including:

• Jealousy e.g. suspected infidelity
• Sudden job loss
• Financial stress
• Alcohol or drug use
• Untreated mental health issues.

Again, abuse is a choice that only the abuser is responsible for, and external factors like these are not an excuse to hurt others.

Someone with a drug or alcohol addiction who abuses their partner might become sober and still choose to abuse their partner.

 

Where to get help

RAQ offers a range of counselling and support services for people affected by domestic and family violence and those who use power and control within their families.

Learn more about these services and how to access them here, or call us on 1300 364 277 Monday-Friday between 8am-8pm and Saturday between 10am-4pm.

We discuss the types of domestic and family violence, how to create a safety plan, and where to find help here.

 

Support contacts

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

We’re looking for people who gamble at least twice per week to participate in an online survey.

As part of a Flinders University PhD student research project, they’re developing a healthcare app for gamblers and want to hear from you. This survey will ask a series of multiple-choice questions about your feelings toward apps, then ask for your opinions on their app.

The survey will take 15 minutes, and participants will receive a $20 voucher for their time. Please click here or use the URL address below to begin the survey.

https://qualtrics.flinders.edu.au/jfe/form/SV_9oc8FBpZpqrIoMS

If you have any questions, please contact the lead researcher at luke.brownlow@flinders.edu.au. You will remain fully anonymous throughout the survey.

Soon, some of our services will be available to access in person again.

As the Queensland Government eases COVID-19 restrictions, RAQ is transitioning some of our programs back to face-to-face delivery throughout Queensland.

The safety of our clients and staff remains our number one priority as we make this transition, and our actions are based on the latest advice from the World Health Organisation, Australian Federal Government, Queensland State Government, and the Chief Medical Officer.

To meet social distancing requirements, there will be a reduced number of services offered in person. In the meantime, we will continue to offer all other services via phone and online delivery to provide support to everyone who needs it.

For information about what services you can access in person, please contact us on 1300 364 277.

For more information on Novel Coronavirus, call the National Coronavirus Health Information Line 24 hours a day, seven days a week, on 1800 020 080.

We’re incredibly proud to share our 2018-2019 Annual Report, relflecting on what has been a significant year in RAQ’s history. 

DOWNLOAD HERE

In 2017-18 more than 10,900 calls were made to elder abuse hotlines across Australia according to new statistics released by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. 

A large percentage of elder abuse cases go unreported, due to the abused individual being isolated from support networks or unable to access support if they are suffering from a disability such as dementia. However, the World Health Organization estimates that one in six elderly individuals have been the victims of some form of abuse in the last year.

The term, ‘elder abuse’ is used to describe a collection of behaviors that cause distress or harm to an elderly individual, committed by a person in a position or trust or power.

Elder abuse can include a range of varied behaviors and unique personal circumstances, and due to its subjective nature, can be difficult to predict and identify.

Some common examples of abusive behavior towards an elderly person include: the isolation of the elderly person from social connections and support services, withholding mail and phone calls, misusing the older person’s finances, causing physical harm or injury or threatening the elderly person with violence, treating them like a child, or any conduct that causes the elderly person to feel afraid, powerless or humiliated.

In many cases the perpetrator is a family member, such as an adult child, and they may also be the individual who is responsible for the care of the older person. Elder abuse can arise in situations where the older person is vulnerable due to ageing, but can also be a form of intergenerational family violence.

This Saturday 15 June is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, providing an opportunity for communities globally to advocate for those affected by elder abuse, raise awareness of the signs that someone is suffering from an abusive relationship and promote avenues for securing help.

At a local level, World Elder Abuse Awareness Day is a reminder for us to check in with our vulnerable family members, friends or neighbors to ensure their care adequately addresses their unique situation and needs, in a manner that enhances their quality of life.

Relationships Australia has been working with families who need help negotiating the complex issues related to ageing and reduce the incidence of elder abuse since 2016, through an elder relationship services pilot.

We have since developed a robust counselling and mediation service model that we have rolled out across the nation.

In March 2019, the Australian Government announced a National Plan to Respond to the Abuse of Older Australians.  This plan provides an overview of the issues that governments, both state and federal, need to act on as a priority, as well as early agreed actions to address them. It sets out a framework for ongoing cooperation, action and monitoring against key priority areas.

Relationships Australia was successful in securing grants under this National Plan to conduct four Elder Abuse case management and mediation service trials across Australia.

These trial services will be conducted by Relationships Australia Queensland, Relationships Australia Northern Territory, Relationships Australia Canberra and Region, and Relationships Australia Western Australia.

Relationships Australia also offers limited counselling and dispute resolution services to families with ageing-related family issues across more than 30 sites in South Australia, Tasmania, Western Australia, Canberra and Region, New South Wales, Queensland and Victoria
Matters of abuse can be overwhelming and difficult for the older person and their family to navigate without support and guidance; however, this doesn’t mean there is no hope for reaching a resolution, and improving the safety and wellbeing of the older person. With Relationships Australia’s new Senior Relationships Services, an elder can access counselling, conflict resolution services and assistance to have difficult conversations with their families relating to their future care. The older person can access services individually, with their family, or have members of their family engage individually.

If you are interested in more in depth discussion about elder abuse,  following the 5th National Elder Abuse Conference in 2018 (sponsored by Relationships Australia) the Seniors Rights Service engaged Ellen Fanning to conduct a series of interviews with experts who attended the conference to discuss aspects of elder abuse and other issues raised at the conference. You can find the videos and other resources here.

Paula Mance is National Policy Manager for Relationships Australia