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Category: Family & Parenting

“What if parents disagree about their child getting the COVID vaccine?” and other FAQs

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For many parents, COVID-19 has added to the stress of already difficult family circumstances.

Your usual co-parenting arrangements might be disrupted by new challenges such as school closures, travel bans, social distancing, mask mandates, and conflicting opinions around vaccinations.

These changes may be causing some uncertainty and anxiety for you and your child.

We hope this information helps if you have questions about COVID impacting your situation.

As always, your child’s safety and best interests should be your main priority.

 

What can I do if my co-parent doesn’t want our child to get the COVID vaccine?

As the COVID vaccine becomes available to children, disagreements between parents may arise.

If safe to do so, you should discuss your concerns with your co-parent in a calm and respectful manner. This is a difficult time for everyone, so try to approach these conversations with empathy and understanding.

Both parents should refer to the same credible information about the vaccine, and seek professional advice from a trusted GP or specialist immunisation service. 

If you’re struggling to communicate respectfully or reach an agreement, mediation services or Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) may be a helpful option.

Our practitioners explain what mediation involves and how it can be beneficial in this blog post: What is Mediation?

 

Can I take my co-parent to court over the COVID vaccine?

If you’re unable to reach an agreement with your co-parent following mediation or FDR, going to court may be a last resort. This option can be greatly emotionally and financially taxing, so it’s best avoided wherever possible.

Further information, advice or referral to telephone-based dispute resolution services can be found on Family Relationships Online or by calling the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321.

 

I have to isolate and can’t follow our Family Court Orders, but my co-parent is pressuring me to follow them. What should I do?

If COVID-19 health directives interfere with court orders, as a first step, and if it is safe to do so, you should discuss the situation with the other parent to see if you can agree on changes to your parenting arrangements.

If you’ve received written directives to isolate, it may also help to share these with the other parent.

Parents or carers must act reasonably at all times. If a Court Order isn’t followed, the Court will consider whether the person had a reasonable excuse for not complying with Court Orders. A reasonable excuse may include that it was necessary to protect the health and safety of a person.

Every family’s situation is unique, so you may like to obtain independent legal advice from a family lawyer to help you understand your legal responsibilities.

 

Our orders can’t be followed as one parent/guardian isn’t vaccinated. What should we do?

If you have concerns that you or the other parent can’t follow your parenting orders due to vaccination status, you should seek independent legal advice from a Family Lawyer.

 

Can the Police enforce our parenting orders if they’re not being followed?

No. State police aren’t able to enforce parenting orders and are unable to get involved unless there are serious safety concerns for the child.

Parenting orders can only be enforced in the Court where they were made. If you’re concerned that a party may have breached a parenting order, your first step should be to engage in mediation and/or seek legal advice.

If you believe your children are in immediate danger, please contact the police in your state on 000. 

 

Helpful Resources for Parents

We have more tips for co-parenting during COVID here: Co-Parenting During COVID-19

Tips for Parents Struggling During COVID

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COVID has caused stress and burnout for a lot of parents. Lockdowns and home-schooling had us scrambling to keep our kids safe and entertained while we tried to hold onto our own sanity.

And even as restrictions ease and vaccine rates rise, the domino effects of COVID are still taking a toll on parents.

Raising kids is tough enough without the added challenges of the pandemic. You might be weighed down by uncertainty about the future. Maybe you have a newfound anxiety around your children’s health and hygiene. Or perhaps, like many, you’re simply exhausted by the increased time spent together in close quarters.

We hope this advice helps if you’re struggling with parental burnout during COVID.

 

Signs you might be struggling

While parenting is innately tough a lot of the time, these signs may indicate your mental health is suffering and you need some extra TLC.

  • Feeling tired and overwhelmed most of the time
  • Feeling more irritable and impatient than usual
  • Emotionally distancing yourself from your children
  • Feeling like you’re failing at parenting
  • Changes in your usual sleeping and/or eating patterns
  • Losing interest in hobbies and interests you normally enjoy
  • Wanting to isolate from the people around you
  • Having a strong lack of motivation and/or energy
  • Feeling hopeless and/or depressed
  • Using alcohol/drugs more than usual
  • Neglecting your own hygiene and appearance.

 

Looking after yourself

Here are some ways to manage stress and avoid burnout when you’re feeling overwhelmed as a parent.

Lean on your support networks

It’s not always easy to stick your hand up and say you need help – especially when it comes to parenting. But asking for and accepting help from loved ones can lighten the load and make a huge difference for you and your whole family.

Maybe you need a hand with practical day-to-day tasks, or maybe you just need another parent to vent with. Whatever they can do to make things a little easier, don’t be afraid to reach out and keep your support network close.

Prioritise downtime

We get it: parenting is a 24-hour gig. But self-care doesn’t have to take up hours of your time.

Even just a 30-minute read before bed or 10-minute meditation and/or cup of tea in silence can make all the difference to help you feel grounded and calm your nervous system.

Making the time for self-care is half the battle – feeling guilty about it is a whole other ballgame. Try to remind yourself that you’ll be a better parent for it, and you’ll be modelling the importance of self-care to your children.

Seek professional help

If you’re struggling to cope on your own, speaking to a counsellor can be a positive first step to addressing your mental health.

Talking to a counsellor in person, over the phone, or over Zoom can help you make sense of your feelings and identify potential solutions. You can learn more about our confidential counselling services here or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

You can find more tips to manage your mental health during COVID in this blog post written by one of our mental health professionals.

Child Inclusive Mediation: What is it and when is it a good idea?

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Written by Karen Marshall – Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor

After separating, some parents may disagree about how they will parent their children. They may debate about how much time the children will spend with each parent, forms of discipline, or schooling and care arrangements.

Mediation services can help parents resolve these disputes and agree on child arrangements, while keeping the best interests of children in mind.

In this article, Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor Karen Marshall explains what ‘Child Inclusive Mediation’ is and when it might be useful.

 

What is Child Inclusive Mediation?

Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) encourages the safe and indirect involvement of children in the mediation process, facilitated by a trained child specialist.

The purpose is to support both parents/carers to resolve their disputes, while keeping their child’s needs and interests as their key priority.

Parents who are undertaking face-to-face mediation can agree to have a Child Consultant spend time with their child ahead of that mediation. The Child Consultant will then join the parents’ mediation process to represent the concerns and priorities of the child in that process.

The Child Consultant is a specially trained practitioner and uses specific tools to gain a genuine understanding of the child or young person and their needs.

In their sessions, they explore a range of topics, such as:

  • How the young person feels when they see/hear their parents arguing or saying unkind things about each other
  • How they feel about being ‘messengers’ between parents
  • How they feel about siblings, school, or friendships
  • Things they are worried about, excited about, or hoping for
  • The strengths in their family
  • Areas in their family they wish were different.

On the day of the Child Session, it is made clear to the child that they are “the boss” of the session. They can share as much or as little as they wish, and the Child Consultant will confirm with them what information they can share with the child’s parents.

The child is told that their parents have been asked not to ask the child questions after the session – but that they can tell their parent anything they would like to share about their time with the Child Consultant.

If there are any risks for the child identified in any of these processes, they will be carefully managed by the practitioners involved.

 

Child Inclusive Mediation in high-conflict cases

In the past, Child Inclusive Mediation was not offered to families in high-conflict situations, but this is no longer the case. No matter the circumstances, preparation for the process is crucial. Before a Child Inclusive Mediation is offered, much work will have been done with the parents/carers in preparation for the process.

This might involve multiple sessions with the parents including intakes, education sessions, Parent Sessions with the Child Consultant, Family Law Counselling, attendance at the Parenting Orders Program, or an individual session with a practitioner. Parents/carers may even attend a mediation session to determine whether it is the best option for their child/ren.

Ultimately, a question we would ask ourselves is: Can these two people put their own conflict aside for the sake of their children and really listen to their children’s voices?

If parents are willing to put conflict aside and do the necessary preparation, Child Inclusive Mediation can be transformative for everyone.

 

When is Child Inclusive Mediation suitable?

Child Inclusive Mediation is not for everyone. At Relationships Australia Queensland, we undertake a careful assessment to determine whether Child Inclusive Mediation is a safe and appropriate option for the child/ren involved.

You can learn more about our Child Consultancy Service here, or call 1300 364 277 for more information. Our practitioners explain the benefits of mediation and what to expect in a session in this blog post.

 

Karen Marshall is a Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor. She has had extensive experience working in a number of Programs including working with children and families who are under orders with Child Safety, and families experiencing family breakdown and the complexities of separation. Outside of RAQ Karen works in private practice as a Psychologist, Child Consultant, Relationship Counsellor and Supervisor. She also provides Supervision for Psychology Registrants. Karen has written Curriculum on Supervision for the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement.

Karen has worked for Relationships Australia since April 2008, first as a Child Consultant and FDRP and later she combined these roles with Supervision. Since 2015 Karen has worked solely as a Clinical Supervisor in the Organisation across multiple Programs and Venues.

Karen’s passion for Supervision is matched by her passion for giving voice to vulnerable people – particularly the youngest and oldest in our Community. This has led to her involvement as both a Committee member and Speaker at four of the last national Child Inclusive Practice Forums which are held bi-annually. This passion for giving voice has been at the heart of Karen’s work for RAQ.

What is Mum Guilt?

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Am I doing enough? Am I doing it right? Am I a good mum?

A recent study of 900 mums found 78% felt guilty, with 68% feeling this way at least once a day. So where does mum guilt or parental guilt come from, and how can we deal with it?

We explore the phenomenon of mum guilt and some strategies to cope with it here.

 

What causes mum guilt?

Parenting raises endless decisions. Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? Continue in your career or stay at home? Make your own baby food or buy off the shelves?

All these choices can become overwhelming, and no matter what decision you make, it seems you can always find a way to doubt yourself. Let’s face it, when it comes to ‘getting it right’, the stakes have never seemed higher.

Mum guilt/parental guilt stems from these doubts and the natural and overwhelming desire to do the very best for your child.

Add to this the external pressures: information overload, and the (often unwelcome) judgements and opinions of everyone around us, and it’s no wonder we’re questioning our every move.

And then there’s the stuff no one talks about: When you’re struggling so badly and feel so alone that you want to quit parenthood altogether and hide away from everyone and everything. Parenting is hard, and when the sleep deprivation and general overwhelm of raising a tiny human becomes too much, you feel guilty about that, too.

I wanted this. I should be grateful. I’m a bad parent for not loving every second.

Mum guilt can show up in many ways and may lead to mental health issues like anxiety and postnatal depression.

We explore some of the signs of postnatal depression and where to get support in this blog post.

 

How to deal with mum or parental guilt

If you’re struggling under the weight of guilt around being a good parent, just remember you’re not alone. For many people, motherhood and guilt go hand in hand. But there are a few strategies that may help.

Practice self-compassion

We can be our own toughest critic – especially when it comes to parenting. Make a conscious effort to be kinder to yourself and interrupt that negative monologue. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

Acknowledge little wins

Parenting is hard. Don’t forget all the small stuff you’re accomplishing every single day. Got the kids fed and dressed and out the door? Win. Did a load of washing during naptime? Win. Maintained your sanity for another day? Win!

All these everyday victories should be celebrated, because it’s the little wins that make you an amazing parent.

Stop comparing

Social media makes it easier than ever to weigh ourselves up against our peers and strangers with ‘perfect’ lives. Whether it’s online or in real life, try not to compare yourself to other parents. What works for some may not work for others. Just remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.

Look after yourself

Kids don’t want a perfect mum – they want a happy mum.

When you have kids, being a parent can become your main identity. But it’s important to nurture who you are outside of that and prioritise your personal needs.

Ask for help when you need it, and continue the hobbies, interests, and relationships you enjoyed before bub. You can’t fill from an empty cup, and maintaining your mental health and happiness will benefit you and your family.

 

If you need some extra help coping with life right now, talking to a counsellor might help.  Learn about our confidential counselling service and how to book an appointment here, or call 1300 364 277.

For more advice, check out our tips to silence your inner critic.

How to Tell a Child about the Death of a Grandparent

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Death is a part of life we all learn about at some point. The passing of a loved one can be a scary and uncertain time for everyone – especially children.

Whether it’s sudden or expected, it’s never easy to talk about death, and it can be hard to know where to start when breaking the news to kids.

We hope this advice helps you have this tough conversation with your child.

 

Use simple language

Use age-appropriate and clear language when talking about death. Using complicated metaphors or vague phrases like “no longer with us” and “in a better place” can be confusing for kids.

Keep it simple and clear, and don’t dance around the word “death” or “died”. Telling the truth as early as possible is best to help your child make sense of what’s happened.

 

Talk about your feelings

Being open and honest about how you feel can help your child accept their own emotions as ‘normal’. Don’t be afraid to let your child see you cry and tell them you feel sad, angry or confused. You might even like to print out a feelings chart to help them name and understand their emotions.

Letting your child see how you cope with big feelings can help them deal with their own.

 

Listen and offer comfort

Encourage your child to ask any questions, and check in regularly to see how they’re going. Accept and normalise your child’s emotional responses, and let them know you’re always there if they need to talk.

It can also help to let other adults in their life know what’s happened, such as their teacher or friends’ parents. This way, they can keep an eye out for any behaviour that may be concerning.

We list some common signs of anxiety in children in this blog post.

 

Tell them what to expect

Unpredictability can be a serious stressor for children. It can help to give them a heads up of what’s to come following the death of a loved one.

For example, you might explain what happens at a funeral and mention general grieving processes such as people saying sorry and hugging a lot. Tell them that it’s normal to miss that person and for sad feelings to come and go for a long time.

If you or your child need some extra support coping after the death of a loved one, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video.

Advice for Single Parents

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According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1 in 7 families (14.2%) in Australia are one-parent families.

Raising a child is one of the most difficult and rewarding things a person can do – and raising a child as a single parent can bring its own unique challenges. Without the support of a partner, single parents generally have a lot more to take on.

“There are many challenges parents face – and single parents do it all alone,” explains RAQ Regional Manager, Val Holden. “There’s often no one there to back them up on a difficult decision or what may be needed to discipline their child. A single parent can feel overwhelmed and very alone.”

Val offers some tips for single parents to help make the journey a little easier.

 

Respect your Co-Parent

If you have a co-parent or ex who is still in your child’s life, remember to keep any negative personal feelings aside. Keep your child’s best interests top of mind in every interaction.

“Always try to be respectful to your co-parent,” says Val. “Don’t put each other down, and support what the other parent says and needs. Honour the fact that your child needs a good relationship with both parents, and allow this to happen.”

Things may not have worked out between the two of you, but maintaining a civil co-parenting relationship is essential for your child’s wellbeing and stability.

We have more tips to co-parent in our article How to Make Joint Custody Work.

 

Look after Yourself

As a single parent, it can be easy to feel like your entire world and identity revolves around your child – but this can quickly lead to burnout.

Val reminds single parents to prioritise their self-care.

“Have down time, have your own friends, and do something good for yourself when you can,” she says.

“It’s like when you go on a plane and the air hostess says to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you attend to your child or anyone else. The same rule applies here; you need to look after yourself so you can look after your children.”

If you’re having a hard time, talking to a professional counsellor can help. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

 

Ask for Help

“Always seek help when you need it,” Val urges. “You’re the most important person in your child’s life, and you need to be in a safe and good space, too – so seek help for yourself when you need to.”

Don’t be afraid to accept help when offered, and actively seek help from friends, family, parenting groups, and counselling.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

How to Have “The Talk” with Your Teenager

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‘The birds and the bees’ is something we all learn about eventually, and it’s generally best that it comes from a parent or guardian. Learning about sex from the media and peers alone can leave kids and teens at risk of developing inaccurate and problematic beliefs and behaviours.

Teaching your kids about sex can help keep them informed, healthy, and safe. But how do you have the ‘sex talk’ with your teenager in a way that’s constructive and comfortable for everyone?

We hope this advice helps make that tricky conversation a little easier.

 

Find the right time

Give your teen a heads up that you’d like to have a chat about sex. This can give them time to prepare themselves and think of any questions they might have.

Sit them down in a private and comfortable environment, such as their bedroom or your living room. Ideally, find a time when they’re not distracted by looming exams or other stressful events.

If you’d prefer a more ‘organic’ way to discuss the subject, you might like to casually raise it with your teenager following a relevant event such as a family pregnancy, movie, song, or ad. These everyday moments can be the perfect springboard for the discussion.

 

Share the basic facts

You don’t have to be an expert, but you should know and share the basic facts about sex that can help keep your teen safe.

Some of these include:

  • What sex is and what behaviours can lead to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
  • Contraception such as condoms and birth control
  • Consent and boundaries, including how to give and respectfully receive a ‘no’
  • The social and legal risks of sexting and sending explicit images
  • Healthy vs. unhealthy romantic relationships
  • Questioning their sexuality.

Remember not to assume your teenager is heterosexual, and explain that STDs can be transmitted in same-sex encounters, too.

Read our article How to Support a Child Who is Questioning Their Gender or Sexuality for tips to support your child while they’re figuring out who they are.

 

Discuss your expectations

Be clear about your expectations. You can limit the time your teen spends with their peers without an adult around, ask them where they’re going and where they’ve been, give them a curfew, and have an ‘open bedroom door’ policy in your home. If they’re dating, get to know their partner’s parents and discuss your expectations with them, too.

Keep communication open with your teen and develop trust so they’ll be more likely to open up to you in future.

 

Encourage questions

Ask your teen if they have any questions or need further clarification around anything. Let them know you’re there for them if they ever want to talk about sex and relationships.

If they ask you something you don’t know the answer to, be honest. Tell them you’re not sure and do some research before getting back to them with accurate information.

 

Share some resources

Your teen might have some questions they’d rather explore on their own. Luckily, the internet is filled with great educational resources and answers at the touch of a button. But it can help to direct them to some credible resources where they can find trustworthy information when they need it.

Some helpful websites include:

For more helpful tips for parenting teens, check out this blog post.

How to Survive Self-Isolation with Your Family

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Does self-isolation have your family climbing the walls?

Being holed up at home with your loved ones can put a strain on relationships, especially when concern about the recent health situation already has emotions running high.

Whether you’re herding toddlers or teenagers, or looking after your elderly parents, there are several strategies that can help keep your family hopeful and happy while under one roof.

We hope these tips help you maintain positive family relationships throughout these trying times.

 

Set Expectations Early On

No one’s sure how long this whole self-isolation thing will last, so it’s important everyone is on the same page with how it will work.

Sit the kids down to talk about how their days will look and what’s expected of them. For example, they may be required to help with chores, do their homework at a certain time, and avoid entering your workspace when the door is closed.

Ask your children for input in creating family rules – this way, they’ll be more likely to follow them.

 

Establish a Routine

Life as we know it has been turned upside-down. Having a daily routine can help children feel safer because they know what to expect. Maintain as much ‘normal’ as you can by establishing daily routines for things like sleeping, eating, work, chores, and activities.

Wake up at a reasonable time, eat breakfast as a family, get out of your pyjamas, and start your day. Whatever your daily routine looks like, the certainty and consistency of this structure can bring comfort to you and your kids during these uncertain times.

 

Create Designated Areas

Being in each other’s pockets at all times is bound to exacerbate any tension you might be feeling. Designate different areas of your house to different family members and/or uses (e.g. work, play, homework) to ensure you all have the space (and privacy) to complete tasks without interruption.

When you’re stuck in close proximity with each other, it’s important to find time to be by yourself. We recommend creating a space for ‘time out’, where family members can take a break to read a book, watch a TV show, or journal alone.

 

Limit Exposure to the Media

While it’s important to stay informed, overexposure to negative news and media coverage of the coronavirus can cause unnecessary anxiety and panic for you and your family.

Try to limit check-ins and avoid unreliable sources fuelling fear, and keep talk about the topic to a minimum around the house. If your kids have questions, answer them honestly, factually and age-appropriately – but try not to focus all your family conversations on the coronavirus.

 

Embrace Family Time

Being so accessible to each other every day can make it easy to forget to find quality family time and focus on emotional connections.

See self-isolation with your family as an opportunity to nurture your relationships and enjoy each other’s company with fun activities and games such as:

  • Movie nights
  • Board games
  • Puzzles
  • Reading together
  • Arts and crafts.

 

Get Outside Every Day

Being cooped up with your kids and family can quickly lead to cabin fever. Pencil in an outdoors adventure every day to enjoy the physical and mental health benefits of nature.

Whether you’re gardening, going for a walk, playing with the dog, or doing an at-home workout, take at least 30 minutes to ditch the four walls and take in the fresh air, open skies, and sunshine.

If you’re deemed to be in the ‘high-risk’ category or simply not comfortable venturing outdoors at the moment, try simply opening up your windows for some natural light and a welcome breeze instead.

 

Reach Out to Others

Craving contact with the outside world? Reach out to friends and relatives every day via text, phone call, or video chat to give and receive support.

Chances are your kids are missing their friends, too. If you have small children without devices, set up virtual playdates using FaceTime or Zoom so they can stay in contact and play with other kids.

 

Have Patience and Understanding

With the current disruption to normal routines and physical health threat, some behaviour issues are to be expected.

Remember that we’re all in this together, and family members cope in different ways. You’ll likely to see moments of each other where you’re not at your best, and that’s OK. Approach disagreements with patience and empathy, and try not to hold grudges.

 

Prioritise Your Mental Wellbeing

It’s understandable to be feeling anxious and distressed during the coronavirus outbreak – and being stuck at home with the family can make daily life even more overwhelming.

If you’re struggling to cope on your own, help is available.

Relationships Australia Queensland provides free and confidential telephone counselling for all family members.

You can call 1300 364 277 between 8am-8pm to get professional help managing your stress and anxiety.

 

Check out our article How to Protect Your Emotional Wellbeing in the Coronavirus Outbreak for more practical tips.

 

Infographic - How to Survive Self-Isolation with Your Family

How to Talk to Your Parents About Their Will

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They say there are two things guaranteed in life: death and taxes. Ironically enough, death and money are two of the most taboo topics in many cultures. This may be why some people are reluctant to ask their ageing parents about their will and estate plans.

Maybe you’re worried you’ll seem greedy or nosy, or perhaps you simply don’t want to think about your parents passing.

But as uncomfortable as it might be, it’s an important conversation to have to ensure their final wishes are respected – and no one is left confused and scrambling when the time comes.

We hope these tips help make it a little easier to talk to your parents about their will.

 

Find an appropriate time

Give some thought to when and where you’d like to broach this sensitive subject. For example, somewhere private and relaxed could be appropriate. Your parents might feel most comfortable in their own home.

Try to ease into the topic by sharing an anecdote about someone you know, or your own experiences with estate planning. If you don’t like the idea of springing it on them, you might prefer to give them some notice by scheduling a meeting to discuss the topic together.

 

Don’t wait until there’s a crisis

Don’t save the conversation for when someone experiences a sudden health scare or seems to be in their final years. It can be delicate enough without adding urgency to the mix.

Plan ahead and have the discussion with plenty of time for both you and your parents to prepare. Raise the topic while your parents are healthy and of sound mind to ensure you’re on the same page, and to provide them with peace of mind that their wishes are known.

 

Don’t lecture them

The last thing you want is for your parents to feel like they’re being interrogated or spoken down to.

Let them lead the conversation, listen without judgement, and focus on their wants and concerns. Get an idea of what they’ve done and what still needs taking care of, and offer to help if needed.

 

Don’t make it all about money

This conversation shouldn’t be focused solely on finances and assets. Make it clear you’re not interested in dollar amounts – you simply care about their wishes and want an idea of how they’ve planned for after they’ve passed.

Some important things to cover might include:

  • Where they keep important documents
  • Who they’ve named executor of their will
  • Who they’ve named power of attorney
  • Their preferences for potential long-term care
  • Their wishes for their funeral.

 

Seek legal help

While you can write a will yourself, it’s recommended that you consult a lawyer to ensure your will conforms to legal requirements. It’s the best way to guarantee your parents don’t miss anything and their final wishes will be respected.

RAQ offers support to older people in Queensland to plan for the future and make important decisions. Learn about our range of free services aimed at providing education, advice, and referrals here.

Tips for Parenting Teens

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Watching your child grow into a teenager can be a proud and exciting journey – but it can also bring some new challenges.

Adolescence can be a tough time for the whole family, with intense emotional and physical changes often causing teens to be moody and withdraw from their parents.

Parents play a huge part in helping teenagers grow into well-adjusted adults. Your relationship with your child during this period can directly impact their behaviour, happiness, and their future relationships.

We hope these tips for parenting teenagers help you develop a positive relationship and give them the building blocks for a healthy adulthood.

 

Get to know their friends

Teenagers are strongly influenced by the behaviour of their peers. Their social groups can shape their decisions on everything from what they wear to how hard they try in school. Many teens seek acceptance from their peers and may do things they don’t want to in order to achieve it.

Research shows teens are more likely to engage in risky behaviours like smoking if their friends engage in those behaviours. Meanwhile, having high-achieving friends can influence teenagers’ own academic achievement and enjoyment of school.

It’s important to know who your child is spending their time with and keep an eye out if they’re getting into the ‘wrong crowd’. Make an effort to get to know your child’s friends, and be sure to meet their parents before agreeing to sleepovers.

 

Support their involvement in activities

Adolescence is a time of self-discovery and experimentation. Encourage your teen to try new things and learn new skills by joining a sport or activity.

Extracurricular activities can give them skills for later in life, like teamwork, leadership and discipline. They can also help build their confidence and provide an opportunity to meet likeminded people outside of school.

 

Maintain open communication

Are your questions met with a one-word answer or a grunt? Wondering what happened to your little chatterbox?

It’s normal for teens to withdraw from their parents and want to spend more time alone. But whether they’d like to admit it or not, your teenager needs you. Respect their privacy and new boundaries, but let them know you’re there for them.

When they do open up, listen with empathy and validate their feelings. Offer advice when warranted, but skip the preachy lectures. Remember that their hormones might be amplifying every negative situation and emotion for them right now, so allow their feelings to happen and don’t minimise them. They may start keeping things from you if they feel judged or like they can’t trust you.

 

Encourage independence

It’s healthy for teenagers to pull away from their parents and start to do things for themselves a little more. This is crucial for their development into an independent adult. You should encourage your teen to be more self-sufficient and not expect to be treated like a child (where appropriate).

This might include:

  • Taking responsibility for their own actions
  • Contributing to the housework
  • Learning basic tasks like cooking and laundry
  • Shopping for their own clothing
  • Paying their own phone bill.

Remember to let your teenager know they can still come to you if they need help or advice. Their independence should still be supervised until they’re adults.

 

Monitor their mental health

Studies show 1 in 7 young people aged 4 to 17 years experience a mental health condition in any given year. Almost 1 in 5 of all young people aged 11 to 17 years experience high or very high levels of psychological distress.

Some signs your teen might be struggling include:

  • Feeling sad, moody and irritable
  • Having trouble concentrating and staying focused
  • Changes in sleep (e.g. sleeping more or less)
  • Changes in appetite or weight (e.g. eating more or less)
  • Unexplained physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches
  • Withdrawing and spending a lot of time in their room alone
  • Not being interested in the activities they normally enjoy
  • Not wanting to go to school or socialise.

Be sure to pay extra attention to your teen’s behaviour and moods during this time, and check in regularly to see how they’re going.

If you worry your teen might be having a tough time, counselling could be a good option. Seeing a counsellor can help your teen talk about their problems in a safe and supportive environment and find ways to cope. RAQ offers counselling for individuals as well as family counselling – perfect if you need some help communicating or resolving conflict with your teenager.

You can call 1300 364 277 to learn more about our services and book a counselling appointment in person, over the phone or via Zoom video chat.