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Category: Family & Parenting

Child Inclusive Mediation: What is it and when is it a good idea?

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Written by Karen Marshall – Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor

After separating, some parents may disagree about how they will parent their children. They may debate about how much time the children will spend with each parent, forms of discipline, or schooling and care arrangements.

Mediation services can help parents resolve these disputes and agree on child arrangements, while keeping the best interests of children in mind.

In this article, Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor Karen Marshall explains what ‘Child Inclusive Mediation’ is and when it might be useful.

 

What is Child Inclusive Mediation?

Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) encourages the safe and indirect involvement of children in the mediation process, facilitated by a trained child specialist.

The purpose is to support both parents/carers to resolve their disputes, while keeping their child’s needs and interests as their key priority.

Parents who are undertaking face-to-face mediation can agree to have a Child Consultant spend time with their child ahead of that mediation. The Child Consultant will then join the parents’ mediation process to represent the concerns and priorities of the child in that process.

The Child Consultant is a specially trained practitioner and uses specific tools to gain a genuine understanding of the child or young person and their needs.

In their sessions, they explore a range of topics, such as:

  • How the young person feels when they see/hear their parents arguing or saying unkind things about each other
  • How they feel about being ‘messengers’ between parents
  • How they feel about siblings, school, or friendships
  • Things they are worried about, excited about, or hoping for
  • The strengths in their family
  • Areas in their family they wish were different.

On the day of the Child Session, it is made clear to the child that they are “the boss” of the session. They can share as much or as little as they wish, and the Child Consultant will confirm with them what information they can share with the child’s parents.

The child is told that their parents have been asked not to ask the child questions after the session – but that they can tell their parent anything they would like to share about their time with the Child Consultant.

If there are any risks for the child identified in any of these processes, they will be carefully managed by the practitioners involved.

 

Child Inclusive Mediation in high-conflict cases

In the past, Child Inclusive Mediation was not offered to families in high-conflict situations, but this is no longer the case. No matter the circumstances, preparation for the process is crucial. Before a Child Inclusive Mediation is offered, much work will have been done with the parents/carers in preparation for the process.

This might involve multiple sessions with the parents including intakes, education sessions, Parent Sessions with the Child Consultant, Family Law Counselling, attendance at the Parenting Orders Program, or an individual session with a practitioner. Parents/carers may even attend a mediation session to determine whether it is the best option for their child/ren.

Ultimately, a question we would ask ourselves is: Can these two people put their own conflict aside for the sake of their children and really listen to their children’s voices?

If parents are willing to put conflict aside and do the necessary preparation, Child Inclusive Mediation can be transformative for everyone.

 

When is Child Inclusive Mediation suitable?

Child Inclusive Mediation is not for everyone. At Relationships Australia Queensland, we undertake a careful assessment to determine whether Child Inclusive Mediation is a safe and appropriate option for the child/ren involved.

You can learn more about our Child Consultancy Service here, or call 1300 364 277 for more information. Our practitioners explain the benefits of mediation and what to expect in a session in this blog post.

 

Karen Marshall is a Psychologist and Clinical Supervisor. She has had extensive experience working in a number of Programs including working with children and families who are under orders with Child Safety, and families experiencing family breakdown and the complexities of separation. Outside of RAQ Karen works in private practice as a Psychologist, Child Consultant, Relationship Counsellor and Supervisor. She also provides Supervision for Psychology Registrants. Karen has written Curriculum on Supervision for the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement.

Karen has worked for Relationships Australia since April 2008, first as a Child Consultant and FDRP and later she combined these roles with Supervision. Since 2015 Karen has worked solely as a Clinical Supervisor in the Organisation across multiple Programs and Venues.

Karen’s passion for Supervision is matched by her passion for giving voice to vulnerable people – particularly the youngest and oldest in our Community. This has led to her involvement as both a Committee member and Speaker at four of the last national Child Inclusive Practice Forums which are held bi-annually. This passion for giving voice has been at the heart of Karen’s work for RAQ.

What is Mum Guilt?

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Am I doing enough? Am I doing it right? Am I a good mum?

A recent study of 900 mums found 78% felt guilty, with 68% feeling this way at least once a day. So where does mum guilt or parental guilt come from, and how can we deal with it?

We explore the phenomenon of mum guilt and some strategies to cope with it here.

 

What causes mum guilt?

Parenting raises endless decisions. Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? Continue in your career or stay at home? Make your own baby food or buy off the shelves?

All these choices can become overwhelming, and no matter what decision you make, it seems you can always find a way to doubt yourself. Let’s face it, when it comes to ‘getting it right’, the stakes have never seemed higher.

Mum guilt/parental guilt stems from these doubts and the natural and overwhelming desire to do the very best for your child.

Add to this the external pressures: information overload, and the (often unwelcome) judgements and opinions of everyone around us, and it’s no wonder we’re questioning our every move.

And then there’s the stuff no one talks about: When you’re struggling so badly and feel so alone that you want to quit parenthood altogether and hide away from everyone and everything. Parenting is hard, and when the sleep deprivation and general overwhelm of raising a tiny human becomes too much, you feel guilty about that, too.

I wanted this. I should be grateful. I’m a bad parent for not loving every second.

Mum guilt can show up in many ways and may lead to mental health issues like anxiety and postnatal depression.

We explore some of the signs of postnatal depression and where to get support in this blog post.

 

How to deal with mum or parental guilt

If you’re struggling under the weight of guilt around being a good parent, just remember you’re not alone. For many people, motherhood and guilt go hand in hand. But there are a few strategies that may help.

Practice self-compassion

We can be our own toughest critic – especially when it comes to parenting. Make a conscious effort to be kinder to yourself and interrupt that negative monologue. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

Acknowledge little wins

Parenting is hard. Don’t forget all the small stuff you’re accomplishing every single day. Got the kids fed and dressed and out the door? Win. Did a load of washing during naptime? Win. Maintained your sanity for another day? Win!

All these everyday victories should be celebrated, because it’s the little wins that make you an amazing parent.

Stop comparing

Social media makes it easier than ever to weigh ourselves up against our peers and strangers with ‘perfect’ lives. Whether it’s online or in real life, try not to compare yourself to other parents. What works for some may not work for others. Just remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.

Look after yourself

Kids don’t want a perfect mum – they want a happy mum.

When you have kids, being a parent can become your main identity. But it’s important to nurture who you are outside of that and prioritise your personal needs.

Ask for help when you need it, and continue the hobbies, interests, and relationships you enjoyed before bub. You can’t fill from an empty cup, and maintaining your mental health and happiness will benefit you and your family.

 

If you need some extra help coping with life right now, talking to a counsellor might help.  Learn about our confidential counselling service and how to book an appointment here, or call 1300 364 277.

For more advice, check out our tips to silence your inner critic.

How to Tell a Child about the Death of a Grandparent

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Death is a part of life we all learn about at some point. The passing of a loved one can be a scary and uncertain time for everyone – especially children.

Whether it’s sudden or expected, it’s never easy to talk about death, and it can be hard to know where to start when breaking the news to kids.

We hope this advice helps you have this tough conversation with your child.

 

Use simple language

Use age-appropriate and clear language when talking about death. Using complicated metaphors or vague phrases like “no longer with us” and “in a better place” can be confusing for kids.

Keep it simple and clear, and don’t dance around the word “death” or “died”. Telling the truth as early as possible is best to help your child make sense of what’s happened.

 

Talk about your feelings

Being open and honest about how you feel can help your child accept their own emotions as ‘normal’. Don’t be afraid to let your child see you cry and tell them you feel sad, angry or confused. You might even like to print out a feelings chart to help them name and understand their emotions.

Letting your child see how you cope with big feelings can help them deal with their own.

 

Listen and offer comfort

Encourage your child to ask any questions, and check in regularly to see how they’re going. Accept and normalise your child’s emotional responses, and let them know you’re always there if they need to talk.

It can also help to let other adults in their life know what’s happened, such as their teacher or friends’ parents. This way, they can keep an eye out for any behaviour that may be concerning.

We list some common signs of anxiety in children in this blog post.

 

Tell them what to expect

Unpredictability can be a serious stressor for children. It can help to give them a heads up of what’s to come following the death of a loved one.

For example, you might explain what happens at a funeral and mention general grieving processes such as people saying sorry and hugging a lot. Tell them that it’s normal to miss that person and for sad feelings to come and go for a long time.

If you or your child need some extra support coping after the death of a loved one, talking to a counsellor can help. You can learn about our counselling services here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video.

Advice for Single Parents

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According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1 in 7 families (14.2%) in Australia are one-parent families.

Raising a child is one of the most difficult and rewarding things a person can do – and raising a child as a single parent can bring its own unique challenges. Without the support of a partner, single parents generally have a lot more to take on.

“There are many challenges parents face – and single parents do it all alone,” explains RAQ Regional Manager, Val Holden. “There’s often no one there to back them up on a difficult decision or what may be needed to discipline their child. A single parent can feel overwhelmed and very alone.”

Val offers some tips for single parents to help make the journey a little easier.

 

Respect your Co-Parent

If you have a co-parent or ex who is still in your child’s life, remember to keep any negative personal feelings aside. Keep your child’s best interests top of mind in every interaction.

“Always try to be respectful to your co-parent,” says Val. “Don’t put each other down, and support what the other parent says and needs. Honour the fact that your child needs a good relationship with both parents, and allow this to happen.”

Things may not have worked out between the two of you, but maintaining a civil co-parenting relationship is essential for your child’s wellbeing and stability.

We have more tips to co-parent in our article How to Make Joint Custody Work.

 

Look after Yourself

As a single parent, it can be easy to feel like your entire world and identity revolves around your child – but this can quickly lead to burnout.

Val reminds single parents to prioritise their self-care.

“Have down time, have your own friends, and do something good for yourself when you can,” she says.

“It’s like when you go on a plane and the air hostess says to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you attend to your child or anyone else. The same rule applies here; you need to look after yourself so you can look after your children.”

If you’re having a hard time, talking to a professional counsellor can help. You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment.

 

Ask for Help

“Always seek help when you need it,” Val urges. “You’re the most important person in your child’s life, and you need to be in a safe and good space, too – so seek help for yourself when you need to.”

Don’t be afraid to accept help when offered, and actively seek help from friends, family, parenting groups, and counselling.

You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

How to Have “The Talk” with Your Teenager

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‘The birds and the bees’ is something we all learn about eventually, and it’s generally best that it comes from a parent or guardian. Learning about sex from the media and peers alone can leave kids and teens at risk of developing inaccurate and problematic beliefs and behaviours.

Teaching your kids about sex can help keep them informed, healthy, and safe. But how do you have the ‘sex talk’ with your teenager in a way that’s constructive and comfortable for everyone?

We hope this advice helps make that tricky conversation a little easier.

 

Find the right time

Give your teen a heads up that you’d like to have a chat about sex. This can give them time to prepare themselves and think of any questions they might have.

Sit them down in a private and comfortable environment, such as their bedroom or your living room. Ideally, find a time when they’re not distracted by looming exams or other stressful events.

If you’d prefer a more ‘organic’ way to discuss the subject, you might like to casually raise it with your teenager following a relevant event such as a family pregnancy, movie, song, or ad. These everyday moments can be the perfect springboard for the discussion.

 

Share the basic facts

You don’t have to be an expert, but you should know and share the basic facts about sex that can help keep your teen safe.

Some of these include:

  • What sex is and what behaviours can lead to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
  • Contraception such as condoms and birth control
  • Consent and boundaries, including how to give and respectfully receive a ‘no’
  • The social and legal risks of sexting and sending explicit images
  • Healthy vs. unhealthy romantic relationships
  • Questioning their sexuality.

Remember not to assume your teenager is heterosexual, and explain that STDs can be transmitted in same-sex encounters, too.

Read our article How to Support a Child Who is Questioning Their Gender or Sexuality for tips to support your child while they’re figuring out who they are.

 

Discuss your expectations

Be clear about your expectations. You can limit the time your teen spends with their peers without an adult around, ask them where they’re going and where they’ve been, give them a curfew, and have an ‘open bedroom door’ policy in your home. If they’re dating, get to know their partner’s parents and discuss your expectations with them, too.

Keep communication open with your teen and develop trust so they’ll be more likely to open up to you in future.

 

Encourage questions

Ask your teen if they have any questions or need further clarification around anything. Let them know you’re there for them if they ever want to talk about sex and relationships.

If they ask you something you don’t know the answer to, be honest. Tell them you’re not sure and do some research before getting back to them with accurate information.

 

Share some resources

Your teen might have some questions they’d rather explore on their own. Luckily, the internet is filled with great educational resources and answers at the touch of a button. But it can help to direct them to some credible resources where they can find trustworthy information when they need it.

Some helpful websites include:

For more helpful tips for parenting teens, check out this blog post.

How to Survive Self-Isolation with Your Family

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Does self-isolation have your family climbing the walls?

Being holed up at home with your loved ones can put a strain on relationships, especially when concern about the recent health situation already has emotions running high.

Whether you’re herding toddlers or teenagers, or looking after your elderly parents, there are several strategies that can help keep your family hopeful and happy while under one roof.

We hope these tips help you maintain positive family relationships throughout these trying times.

 

Set Expectations Early On

No one’s sure how long this whole self-isolation thing will last, so it’s important everyone is on the same page with how it will work.

Sit the kids down to talk about how their days will look and what’s expected of them. For example, they may be required to help with chores, do their homework at a certain time, and avoid entering your workspace when the door is closed.

Ask your children for input in creating family rules – this way, they’ll be more likely to follow them.

 

Establish a Routine

Life as we know it has been turned upside-down. Having a daily routine can help children feel safer because they know what to expect. Maintain as much ‘normal’ as you can by establishing daily routines for things like sleeping, eating, work, chores, and activities.

Wake up at a reasonable time, eat breakfast as a family, get out of your pyjamas, and start your day. Whatever your daily routine looks like, the certainty and consistency of this structure can bring comfort to you and your kids during these uncertain times.

 

Create Designated Areas

Being in each other’s pockets at all times is bound to exacerbate any tension you might be feeling. Designate different areas of your house to different family members and/or uses (e.g. work, play, homework) to ensure you all have the space (and privacy) to complete tasks without interruption.

When you’re stuck in close proximity with each other, it’s important to find time to be by yourself. We recommend creating a space for ‘time out’, where family members can take a break to read a book, watch a TV show, or journal alone.

 

Limit Exposure to the Media

While it’s important to stay informed, overexposure to negative news and media coverage of the coronavirus can cause unnecessary anxiety and panic for you and your family.

Try to limit check-ins and avoid unreliable sources fuelling fear, and keep talk about the topic to a minimum around the house. If your kids have questions, answer them honestly, factually and age-appropriately – but try not to focus all your family conversations on the coronavirus.

 

Embrace Family Time

Being so accessible to each other every day can make it easy to forget to find quality family time and focus on emotional connections.

See self-isolation with your family as an opportunity to nurture your relationships and enjoy each other’s company with fun activities and games such as:

  • Movie nights
  • Board games
  • Puzzles
  • Reading together
  • Arts and crafts.

 

Get Outside Every Day

Being cooped up with your kids and family can quickly lead to cabin fever. Pencil in an outdoors adventure every day to enjoy the physical and mental health benefits of nature.

Whether you’re gardening, going for a walk, playing with the dog, or doing an at-home workout, take at least 30 minutes to ditch the four walls and take in the fresh air, open skies, and sunshine.

If you’re deemed to be in the ‘high-risk’ category or simply not comfortable venturing outdoors at the moment, try simply opening up your windows for some natural light and a welcome breeze instead.

 

Reach Out to Others

Craving contact with the outside world? Reach out to friends and relatives every day via text, phone call, or video chat to give and receive support.

Chances are your kids are missing their friends, too. If you have small children without devices, set up virtual playdates using FaceTime or Zoom so they can stay in contact and play with other kids.

 

Have Patience and Understanding

With the current disruption to normal routines and physical health threat, some behaviour issues are to be expected.

Remember that we’re all in this together, and family members cope in different ways. You’ll likely to see moments of each other where you’re not at your best, and that’s OK. Approach disagreements with patience and empathy, and try not to hold grudges.

 

Prioritise Your Mental Wellbeing

It’s understandable to be feeling anxious and distressed during the coronavirus outbreak – and being stuck at home with the family can make daily life even more overwhelming.

If you’re struggling to cope on your own, help is available.

Relationships Australia Queensland provides free and confidential telephone counselling for all family members.

You can call 1300 364 277 between 8am-8pm to get professional help managing your stress and anxiety.

 

Check out our article How to Protect Your Emotional Wellbeing in the Coronavirus Outbreak for more practical tips.

 

Infographic - How to Survive Self-Isolation with Your Family

How to Talk to Your Parents About Their Will

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They say there are two things guaranteed in life: death and taxes. Ironically enough, death and money are two of the most taboo topics in many cultures. This may be why some people are reluctant to ask their ageing parents about their will and estate plans.

Maybe you’re worried you’ll seem greedy or nosy, or perhaps you simply don’t want to think about your parents passing.

But as uncomfortable as it might be, it’s an important conversation to have to ensure their final wishes are respected – and no one is left confused and scrambling when the time comes.

We hope these tips help make it a little easier to talk to your parents about their will.

 

Find an appropriate time

Give some thought to when and where you’d like to broach this sensitive subject. For example, somewhere private and relaxed could be appropriate. Your parents might feel most comfortable in their own home.

Try to ease into the topic by sharing an anecdote about someone you know, or your own experiences with estate planning. If you don’t like the idea of springing it on them, you might prefer to give them some notice by scheduling a meeting to discuss the topic together.

 

Don’t wait until there’s a crisis

Don’t save the conversation for when someone experiences a sudden health scare or seems to be in their final years. It can be delicate enough without adding urgency to the mix.

Plan ahead and have the discussion with plenty of time for both you and your parents to prepare. Raise the topic while your parents are healthy and of sound mind to ensure you’re on the same page, and to provide them with peace of mind that their wishes are known.

 

Don’t lecture them

The last thing you want is for your parents to feel like they’re being interrogated or spoken down to.

Let them lead the conversation, listen without judgement, and focus on their wants and concerns. Get an idea of what they’ve done and what still needs taking care of, and offer to help if needed.

 

Don’t make it all about money

This conversation shouldn’t be focused solely on finances and assets. Make it clear you’re not interested in dollar amounts – you simply care about their wishes and want an idea of how they’ve planned for after they’ve passed.

Some important things to cover might include:

  • Where they keep important documents
  • Who they’ve named executor of their will
  • Who they’ve named power of attorney
  • Their preferences for potential long-term care
  • Their wishes for their funeral.

 

Seek legal help

While you can write a will yourself, it’s recommended that you consult a lawyer to ensure your will conforms to legal requirements. It’s the best way to guarantee your parents don’t miss anything and their final wishes will be respected.

RAQ offers support to older people in Queensland to plan for the future and make important decisions. Learn about our range of free services aimed at providing education, advice, and referrals here.

Tips for Parenting Teens

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Watching your child grow into a teenager can be a proud and exciting journey – but it can also bring some new challenges.

Adolescence can be a tough time for the whole family, with intense emotional and physical changes often causing teens to be moody and withdraw from their parents.

Parents play a huge part in helping teenagers grow into well-adjusted adults. Your relationship with your child during this period can directly impact their behaviour, happiness, and their future relationships.

We hope these tips for parenting teenagers help you develop a positive relationship and give them the building blocks for a healthy adulthood.

 

Get to know their friends

Teenagers are strongly influenced by the behaviour of their peers. Their social groups can shape their decisions on everything from what they wear to how hard they try in school. Many teens seek acceptance from their peers and may do things they don’t want to in order to achieve it.

Research shows teens are more likely to engage in risky behaviours like smoking if their friends engage in those behaviours. Meanwhile, having high-achieving friends can influence teenagers’ own academic achievement and enjoyment of school.

It’s important to know who your child is spending their time with and keep an eye out if they’re getting into the ‘wrong crowd’. Make an effort to get to know your child’s friends, and be sure to meet their parents before agreeing to sleepovers.

 

Support their involvement in activities

Adolescence is a time of self-discovery and experimentation. Encourage your teen to try new things and learn new skills by joining a sport or activity.

Extracurricular activities can give them skills for later in life, like teamwork, leadership and discipline. They can also help build their confidence and provide an opportunity to meet likeminded people outside of school.

 

Maintain open communication

Are your questions met with a one-word answer or a grunt? Wondering what happened to your little chatterbox?

It’s normal for teens to withdraw from their parents and want to spend more time alone. But whether they’d like to admit it or not, your teenager needs you. Respect their privacy and new boundaries, but let them know you’re there for them.

When they do open up, listen with empathy and validate their feelings. Offer advice when warranted, but skip the preachy lectures. Remember that their hormones might be amplifying every negative situation and emotion for them right now, so allow their feelings to happen and don’t minimise them. They may start keeping things from you if they feel judged or like they can’t trust you.

 

Encourage independence

It’s healthy for teenagers to pull away from their parents and start to do things for themselves a little more. This is crucial for their development into an independent adult. You should encourage your teen to be more self-sufficient and not expect to be treated like a child (where appropriate).

This might include:

  • Taking responsibility for their own actions
  • Contributing to the housework
  • Learning basic tasks like cooking and laundry
  • Shopping for their own clothing
  • Paying their own phone bill.

Remember to let your teenager know they can still come to you if they need help or advice. Their independence should still be supervised until they’re adults.

 

Monitor their mental health

Studies show 1 in 7 young people aged 4 to 17 years experience a mental health condition in any given year. Almost 1 in 5 of all young people aged 11 to 17 years experience high or very high levels of psychological distress.

Some signs your teen might be struggling include:

  • Feeling sad, moody and irritable
  • Having trouble concentrating and staying focused
  • Changes in sleep (e.g. sleeping more or less)
  • Changes in appetite or weight (e.g. eating more or less)
  • Unexplained physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches
  • Withdrawing and spending a lot of time in their room alone
  • Not being interested in the activities they normally enjoy
  • Not wanting to go to school or socialise.

Be sure to pay extra attention to your teen’s behaviour and moods during this time, and check in regularly to see how they’re going.

If you worry your teen might be having a tough time, counselling could be a good option. Seeing a counsellor can help your teen talk about their problems in a safe and supportive environment and find ways to cope. RAQ offers counselling for individuals as well as family counselling – perfect if you need some help communicating or resolving conflict with your teenager.

You can call 1300 364 277 to learn more about our services and book a counselling appointment in person, over the phone or via Zoom video chat.

10 Questions to Ask Before Having a Baby

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Having a baby is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. Kids can change everything, from your sleep schedule to your social calendar.

It can be the most rewarding and fulfilling thing you do – but it can also be the most challenging. That’s why it’s important to give it some thought and planning before taking the plunge into parenthood.

To help you get started, we’ve listed 10 important things you may want to discuss before having a baby.

 

1. Why do you want to have kids?

Chances are you’ve discussed when you want to have kids and maybe even how many you’d like to have, but it’s important to consider the why, too.

This simple question can start a deep and meaningful conversation that’ll likely have you learning a lot more about each other. It can also help you determine whether right now is the right time or not.

 

2. What if we can’t get pregnant right away?

How long are you willing to try for a baby before considering other options? Are you both open to fertility treatments or adoption? How many rounds of IVF would you be willing to try, if any?

It’s important to have these difficult conversations and ensure you’re on the same page.

 

3. What are your biggest fears about having a baby?

It’s normal to have some worries and fears around raising a human. Worrying about your child and whether you’re doing a good job comes with the territory of being a parent.

Talking about your fears before baby comes along can help you address them proactively – or at least share the load with someone you trust.

 

4. How are we going to share parenting duties?

From nappy changes to late-night feeds, babies come with a long list of daily to-dos for their parents. Failing to discuss how you’ll divide parenting duties fairly may lead to some resentment down the track.

It’s always best to talk it out before you’re arguing over whose turn it is to get up with bub in the middle of the night.

 

5. How do we want to discipline?

It’s a parent’s job to teach their child right from wrong. No matter how well behaved your child is, you’ll likely have to discipline them in some way one day.

It’s important to present a united front with your partner to ensure boundaries are clear and consistent, so you’ll need to agree on appropriate consequences/punishments for misbehaving.

 

6. How involved do we want our families to be?

How do you feel about your in-laws popping around unannounced every day? Are you happy for relatives to spend hours passing your baby around the living room every weekend? It’s normal for families to get excited over a new baby, but an endless loop of visitors can be draining.

Discuss how involved you’d like your families and friends to be, and set boundaries early on. For example, you might tell your loved ones to text or call to ask if it suits instead of just dropping in whenever they see fit.

 

7. How will we keep our relationship strong?

It’s no secret that having a baby can cause some new issues in a relationship. Accepting that the road might be rocky for a while is one thing, but making a commitment to nurture your relationship during the tough times is another.

This could be in the form of a monthly date night, an annual romantic weekend getaway, or an hour dedicated to child-free chat after baby’s bedtime.

We’ve listed some of the common relationship problems that come with having a baby and how to overcome them in this blog post.

 

8. What will we do for childcare?

One of the more practical things to consider before having a baby is who will look after it – not just now, but in the years before school starts.

What kind of maternity/paternity leave entitlements do you have? Will one person leave the workforce and stay at home? Will you put your child in day care or hire a nanny? These nitty-gritty details need to be nutted out in advance to ensure you’re not scrambling for solutions.

 

9. What beliefs and values do we want to pass on?

Beyond teaching your child how to be kind and respectful, there might be other beliefs and values you’d like to impart. Do you want to raise them within a particular religion? Are you passionate about teaching them about gender equality? Is it important to you that they’re exposed to people from all walks of life?

Kids are like sponges, and what they see and hear in the home can have a huge impact on their beliefs and values. Consider the things you want to intentionally include in their upbringing.

 

10. Who will care for our child if anything happens to us?

It may not be a pleasant topic, but it’s something every parent/caregiver needs to consider. And more than that – you should make it official with a written will. The peace of mind of securing your child’s future will be worth the temporary discomfort.

 

Many individuals and couples find counselling helpful when they’re thinking about making a big life decision like having a baby. Our qualified counsellors can help you explore your feelings and concerns in a safe and supportive environment.

You can call 1300 364 277 to book a counselling session in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.

What to do When Your Parents Don’t Share Your Beliefs

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They say our differences bring us closer together, but this isn’t always the case when it comes to politics, religion, and other topics that can be sensitive.

It’s normal for us to disagree on things from time to time. We all hold our own values and beliefs, even if we share DNA. But it can range from a little uncomfortable to infuriating when we’re constantly clashing with our parents.

We hope these tips help you keep your cool and get along with your parents, even if you butt heads over the big stuff. Unless they have some truly toxic beliefs, your aim should be to get your point across while maintaining your relationship.

 

Stay calm

While it may be tempting to raise your voice or roll your eyes, this can quickly turn an uncomfortable conversation into a heated argument. Even if your parent is getting snarky, don’t match their attitude in response.

Avoid insulting or belittling them, and whatever you do, don’t tell them they’re wrong. This can feel judgemental and trigger defensiveness. If you think your parents are wrong, say “I disagree” instead, and explain why.

If you’re feeling really hurt or angry, take a deep breath and let them know you need to take a break and walk away.

 

Listen

Everyone is entitled to their opinion – no matter how different it might be from your own. Respect that your parents have their own beliefs based on their experiences, and listen to their point of view. Don’t interrupt. Don’t argue. Allow them to finish before you respond.

Of course, this doesn’t apply if you’re being spoken to in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. If your parents are yelling or using abusive language, tell them you’re going to walk away until you can have a calm and respectful conversation.

 

Don’t try to change their mind

If you find an opportunity to educate your parents – great! But remember there’s a difference between sharing information that supports your opinion, and forcing your beliefs onto other people.

Constantly trying to convince your parents to take your side can be exhausting. Remind yourself that it’s not your job to change their mind.

 

Know what topics to avoid

You don’t have to engage in conversations that make you feel upset or offended. If certain topics are causing too much tension or conflict in your relationship, it might be time to set some boundaries. Find an appropriate time to suggest you agree to disagree and keep that topic on lockdown for now.

If your parent continues to broach the subject to get a rise out of you, calmly tell them you’re not engaging, and walk away if you need to.

 

Separate your relationship from your disagreements

When someone disagrees with us on something we feel strongly about, it can be easy to let that difference of opinion impact our opinion of that person. But if you want to maintain your relationship, it’s important to try to separate your parent from their beliefs.

If they support you and treat you with respect outside of that disagreement, it might help to look at the bigger picture and keep this and all their other positive qualities in mind for next time.

 

If you need some extra support navigating tricky relationships, talking to a counsellor can help. Call 1300 364 277 to make an appointment with one of our counsellors in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video chat.